Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: Texting destroyed our relationship. Don’t let it come for yours

I’m usually a really even-keeled man, and I can trip the ups and downs of life with aplomb. I wish to say I’m emotionally secure … besides in relation to texting-based courtship.
Some buddies from highschool and I obtained collectively a couple of months in the past for a weekend journey to Las Vegas. We’d all emerged, double-vaxxed, from our respective COVID bubbles, and the vitality was excessive as we wandered the strip on our final evening there. That’s the place I met her. She was 27, a kindergarten instructor within the Pacific Northwest who was additionally in Vegas for a weekend with pals. All of us hit it off, and the 2 teams grew to become one for the remainder of the evening. Sadly, the following day meant a flight again to Burbank aAirport for me and a drive house to Thousand Oaks.
Once I obtained house later that subsequent day (and waited a bit to not appear overzealous), I texted her. I puzzled: Was final evening simply the results of Vegas-induced revelry, or did she additionally suppose we would have comparable energies?
Nervous and distraught, I couldn’t wait by my telephone for a reply. Everybody is aware of that the primary textual content response is the toughest hurdle to beat. So I sought out distractions: I unpacked my suitcase and went for a stroll. I did a couple of issues to prepare for my workweek forward as a software program engineering supervisor.
I additionally ready myself for no response.
Lastly, after what appeared like an entire day however was in all probability solely about three hours, I took the fateful plunge and grabbed my telephone. Behold, she had texted again, and with a selfie! It was a reasonably flirtatious one too of her poolside.
So she was searching for some sport. See if I might flirt again and match her type. It was a playful problem. She was . And she or he was going to make me work for it. That’s what flirting is, proper?
Within the ensuing days, we continued to textual content backwards and forwards, making an attempt to nudge every spherical of dialog a bit deeper. What are your favourite journeys you’ve taken? What do you want about your job? Inform me about your siblings…
I assumed the dialog was going nicely. However that’s the issue with texting. You by no means actually know, do you? If you’re speaking to somebody head to head, you might have verbal cues to steer you on. The chance to ask follow-up questions. All of it flows naturally. With texting, it’s choreographed. You query all the pieces. The timing of their reply. The timing of when you ought to reply. The punctuation (or lack of it). The tone. You spend all of your time studying into all the pieces.
I used to be in all places emotionally, swinging wildly between the ecstasy of seeing her texts and the agonizing thriller of ready. Each time I despatched a textual content I frightened that I’d be ghosted, that this might be the textual content that may finish all of it. My nervousness would go away after I acquired a response, solely to return once more after I replied.
It slowly made me an increasing number of frightened; I wasn’t enjoying this sport to win, I used to be enjoying to not lose.
We have been now days into this texting sport, and this could certainly be seen as a constructive improvement; if she wasn’t , we might have already fizzled out. Regardless of that, I grew extra mercurial, afraid that I used to be going to screw up one thing probably good. The extra the dialog carried on, the extra distraught I grew to become.
But what else was I to do? She lived in a special state. And I’d be shifting to the East Coast quickly for grad faculty. I’d had a couple of relationships in my life that had ended prematurely for a wide range of causes, largely as a result of typical shifting that happens after school for far-flung job alternatives. Would this be only one extra relationship that may finish earlier than it might even start?
Every textual content got here to really feel like a false summit, the place you suppose you’ve climbed to the highest of the mountain solely to find there may be extra to go. I wanted a sequence of constructive responses from her to maneuver our dialog ahead, whereas it solely took one detrimental response for it to finish. And therein lies the rub with texting. All of it comes all the way down to a sequence of sentences exchanged separately, every with their very own capacity to be deadly. Texting makes all the pieces extra ultimate than it must be.
I advised myself that if there was an opportunity to maneuver the connection past texting and switch it into one thing extra tangible, it might be well worth the potential agony, so I made my transfer.
I steered (by way of textual content) that one in all us make a visit to see the opposite, after which waited nervously for a response.
This felt like a make-or-break second.
A couple of hours glided by. Nothing. No reply. I went about doing errands, nonetheless searching for that distraction. On my manner house, my telephone lit up with a message simply as I pulled the automotive into my driveway. Her reply: “I’d be down for that :)”
Sure! I used to be again to feeling triumphant and ecstatic. I’d thought it was going nicely, however I didn’t really know till she agreed to satisfy. We started texting some choices backwards and forwards, making an attempt to sync up our schedules. We finally settled on an upcoming journey she was making with a gaggle of pals to say goodbye to a different good friend who was shifting out of city. She stated I might take part and that there could be loads of downtime for us to hang around collectively.
I booked my flights and began planning. After which she texted again once more, apologizing: That is shifting too quick, she stated, this feels a little bit overwhelming.
I’m glad I booked refundable flights.
As disenchanted as I used to be, I couldn’t fault her. In some methods, I sensed this was coming. The irony was that this was essentially the most actual we’d been with one another. How might I fault her for sharing her emotions after I was searching for extra than simply small discuss despatched over the wire?
Honestly, I had additionally felt overwhelmed in my very own manner from the start.
We continued texting and stated we’d “see the place issues go.” However we each knew that this was the start of the tip. Quickly, our texting pale out completely.
It labored out nicely for me in the long run, although. I moved to Boston, and I’ve met somebody, a fellow pupil. And now I’ve an absolute appreciation for attending to know somebody in individual, head to head.
The writer attends Harvard Enterprise College. He’s on Twitter @_neerajchandra.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the seek for romantic love in all its superb expressions within the L.A. space, and we wish to hear your true story. We pay $300 for a broadcast essay. E-mail LAAffairs@latimes.com. You could find submission tips right here. You could find previous columns right here.

Lifestyle
How did Condé Nast go from dominance to decline? A new book explains

In Empire of the Elite, Michael Grynbaum tracks Condé Nast’s decades of cultural dominance up through its decline today. Above, Vogue magazines at a newsstand during VOGUE World: New York in 2022.
Sean Zanni/Getty Images for Vogue
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Sean Zanni/Getty Images for Vogue
In June, Anna Wintour announced she was stepping away from her editor-in-chief role at Vogue — a position she’d held for nearly 40 years. The decision came as a surprise — and indicated a major moment of transition and succession in the magazine world.
“People no longer read print magazines the way they used to,” says New York Times correspondent Michael Grynbaum. “And Vogue, it still is a global brand — it still has recognition around the world. But now there are thousands of influencers and social media channels where people get ideas about dressing and glamor and clothing and taste.”

In a new book, Grynbaum explores how Condé Nast publications were the arbiters of taste for decades in the U.S. “They were the tastemakers, they were the gatekeepers,” Grynbaum says. He says Condé Nast today is a husk of its former self — thanks in part to shifting tastes, and social media, which has provided a platform for celebrities and influencers.
Grynbaum’s new book is called Empire of the Elite: Inside Condé Nast, the Media Dynasty That Reshaped America. He says he was curious about how “one of the great cultural institutions of 20th century America … such a powerful group of cultural tastemakers could so miss the changes in our culture and end up in this attenuated state that they’re in today.”
Interview highlights

On Condé Nast as the tastemaker
Condé Nast was … a group of self-appointed experts who worked in an office building in Manhattan, and they were the arbiters. … Here’s the movie you should be watching this month; Here’s a book you should be thinking about; Here’s a new celebrity that you should be tracking. This was a one-way street. Condé Nast was kind of built on this idea of authority. …
That was the presiding philosophy of the company going back to its founding in 1909. … Vogue magazine was created by a New York society set to essentially say: Here are the rules for being an elite person in New York City, an elite in America at the turn of the 20th century. And that really infused these magazines right up until, I would argue, the last 10, 15 years.
On the company’s longtime focus on luxury and consumption
The company’s history kind of goes back to the Gilded Age, which is when there first was an American leisure class, when there was a new group of Americans who were socially mobile, upwardly mobile, who had disposable income for the first time and were looking to find ways to express themselves through clothing, through interior decorating. So the company has a long history of appealing to this kind of upper middle brow audience. In the 1980s, this was the Gordon Gekko Wall Street era … a time when people were celebrating materialism, were celebrating consumption.

On the glamorous lifestyle of editors in Condé Nast’s heyday
I call them influencers before influencers. The idea was that the editor-in-chief, their entire life should be a top-to-bottom marketing campaign for their magazine and for Condé Nast, the company. … If you were editor-in-chief of a Condé Nast magazine, you had a full-time black town car on demand, usually with a driver that would take you out to any event you needed to go, wait for you on the sidewalk, pick you up, bring you home. You would fly first class to Europe or anywhere you need to go for travel. A lot of people had wardrobe allowances. If you were at the fashion magazines, I talked to editors who would come in with a $40,000 annual clothing allowance, and that was considered modest by Condé Nast standards back then. … To wear out at events, to meet with advertisers, to be out at fashion shows, to essentially wear the flag of Condé Nast, to project this idea that we were the best of the best, and you better listen to what we have to say.
On Condé Nast’s razor thin margins
All of the spending to outsiders seemed irrational and made no sense. … There was an internal logic to it, which is that Condé Nast was kind of predicated on a myth. And the entire organization for many years, it was built around propagating this idea that they were untouchable, that there was a mystique to everyone in this charmed company. And that’s what made readers want to subscribe to own a piece of that fantasy land. And it made the advertisers from luxury brands want to buy pages in these magazines, because they felt that they could make their products part of the fantasy. …Their profits were so razor thin. I mean, they were just barely in the black. And this is back when magazines were a hugely lucrative and profitable business. Condé Nast, they just spent. They spent on photo shoots. They felt that waste was an important part of creativity. That was one of the guiding maxims within the company.
On Anna Wintour putting celebrities on the cover of Vogue
Back in the ’80s, fashion was a very small, insular world. It really wasn’t part of our popular culture. Anna Wintour, when she took over Vogue, she started putting celebrities on the cover of the magazine. And I mean, that’s so common now. I didn’t even realize there was a time when that wasn’t true. …

Anna Wintour put Madonna on an early cover of her magazine, which a lot of the traditionalists actually were furious about. Because at the time, Madonna was seen as this controversial and sort of vulgar character. And Anna said that she’s one of the biggest celebrities of the world, and we’re going to dress her in a way that we felt was appropriate to Vogue magazine. And it was a huge, huge seller.
And that starts a period where celebrities start to really fill the pages of Vogue. And at the same time, fashion itself becomes celebrated. Fashion itself becomes, it gets up there with music and film, and it’s one of the, I guess, the popular arts that we follow. So that rise of fashion paralleled Anna’s own rise in prominence. It was kind of a mutually beneficial phenomenon.
On the way GQ, under editor Art Cooper, changed men’s style in the ’80s and ’90s
I talked to a lot of editors who worked back then — they were almost tricking straight men into reading a magazine about clothing and about grooming. So they would have bikini models and sex columns and sorts of things you might find in Playboy or another magazine like that. And in between, there’d be these literary articles about a double-breasted versus a single-breasted suit and what the best kind of socks you could wear to a party or a wedding. And it was like a system of sneaking in menswear into a straight man’s magazine. And it really took off, it was a phenomenon. It had a huge readership. That was a pretty major sea change in the way that men thought about clothes. … It was the start of “metrosexuality.” … Nowadays, think about the menswear influencers that we see on TikTok and Instagram. Think about athletes, the basketball stars who show off their brand new Thom Browne suits when they’re walking to the locker room. So I really trace a lot of that change to what happened at GQ under Condé Nast.
On what Tina Brown, former editor of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker, called “the mix”
The high-low blend is so absorbed into our media today that it’s almost hard to believe it didn’t exist back then. … Back in the early ’80s when there were only so many magazines and newspapers that we consumed, most of them were very specifically focused. And so you might get Time magazine to find out what happened in the news that week. You might read the Atlantic Monthly for something more literary. …

Tina Brown … created this blend where you would have a smart political profile about Gary Hart, who was trying to be the vice presidential candidate in 1984, and then a beautiful Annie Leibovitz photograph spread of, say, Daryl Hannah, and then a short story by Norman Mailer or Gore Vidal. And this was really unlike anything that was in the market back then. Readers hadn’t really experienced something like this. The fact that she blended high and low, popular culture, high culture, politics, celebrity, true crime. … It was all there in this beautifully packaged pulp and ink product that arrived through your mail slot once a month — and that was the zeitgeist.
On The New Yorker succeeding with the paywall model

It’s kind of an amazing turnaround because The New Yorker was starting to lose money when Condé Nast bought it. … The Newhouse family, which still controls Condé Nast, I really think they see The New Yorker as an heirloom. And I think they take very seriously their role as the stewards of it. [Editor] David Remnick encouraged the family to invest in an online website, and they introduced a paywall, a subscription service fairly early on compared to other magazines. … It really is a success story that is now one of the Condé magazines that, at least as of a few years ago, was turning a profit. I like to think of this as a nice sign about the enduring power of the written word, that great writing, great editing still has an audience, a devoted audience that’s willing to pay for it.
Sam Briger and Anna Bauman produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.
Lifestyle
What was the greatest Disneyland era? We look back on 70 years at the happiest place on Earth

It’s all about a California (and high-growth) state of mind.
A park photographer, Kristin Wagner, photographs visitors as they enter Disney’s California Adventure, just below a recreation of the Golden Gate Bridge.
(Don Kelsen/Los Angeles Times)
In a period of grand expansion, Disneyland would start to become a proper resort — a metamorphosis that, while it didn’t work immediately, would be course-corrected and set up Disneyland for a new generation of growth. This era added Disney California Adventure, turning the destination into one that the Walt Disney Co. hoped would command multiday stays.
What was new
A former parking lot across from Disneyland was remade into Disney California Adventure, which would open in February 2001. The long in-development project was designed to honor California culture, but was pitched initially as a West Coast answer to Walt Disney World’s Epcot. The Times was kind in its opening coverage, praising the park’s change of pace from Disneyland and admiring how its architecture blurred fiction and reality.
The hang-gliding simulation Soarin’ Over California was an instant hit, and “Eureka! A California Parade” was Disney theatricality at its weirdest, with floats that depicted Old Town San Diego, Watts and more. But California Adventure’s prevalence of amusement park-like rides failed to command the crowds of its next door neighbor. Disney’s own documentary “The Imagineering Story” took a tough-love approach to the park’s early days, comparing some of its initial designs to those of a local mall. In time, however — with multiple makeovers and additions — California Adventure would become a beloved, world-class theme park, though it would stray from its initial California-centric conceit.
During this era, Disneyland also added the Grand Californian Hotel and its Downtown Disney District. A luxurious take on California’s Arts and Crafts movement, the Grand Californian remains the resort’s signature hotel and home to its finest dining establishment, Napa Rose, under renovations at the time of writing. Disney would also add a second haunted attraction with the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror in 2004. Over at Disneyland, Tomorrowland in 1998 would receive a transformation, one it has yet to fully recover from. The beloved People Mover would be no more, a Jules Verne-inspired art style would come and gradually go, and Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters would arrive in 2005.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh would in 2003 evict the Country Bears from their music hall.
Did you know?
This era is home to two of Disneyland’s shortest-lived major attractions. Superstar Limo at California Adventure was conceived as a ride in which paparazzi would chase celebs, a concept deemed in poor taste in the wake of the death of Princess Diana. It was refashioned as a sort of tour of Hollywood with heavily caricatured figurines of the likes of Whoopi Goldberg, Regis Philbin, Drew Carey, Cher and more, but would close within a year. At Disneyland, People Mover‘s replacement Rocket Rods could never consistently operate, and the ride would last just about two years. The tracks remain.

Lifestyle
A longtime 'American Idol' music supervisor and her husband are found dead at home

FILE – The stage at the “American Idol” farewell season finale at the Dolby Theatre on Thursday, April 7, 2016, in Los Angeles. (Photo by Matt Sayles/Invision/AP, File)
Matt Sayles/Invision/AP
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Matt Sayles/Invision/AP
An “American Idol” music supervisor and her husband were both found dead in their Los Angeles home Monday afternoon.
Officers were conducting a welfare check at a home in the Encino neighborhood when they found the bodies of a man and woman with gunshot wounds.
An “American Idol” spokesperson confirmed the deaths of Robin Kaye and her husband, Thomas Deluca, both 70. The couple owned their home, according to public records.

“Robin has been a cornerstone of the Idol family since 2009 and was truly loved and respected by all who came in contact with her,” an “American Idol” spokesperson said in a statement. “Robin will remain in our hearts forever and we share our deepest sympathy with her family and friends during this difficult time.”
Los Angeles police said Tuesday afternoon they arrested 22-year-old Raymond Boodarian in connection with the couple’s deaths.
Boodarian was allegedly burglarizing their home while the couple was away July 10. He is accused of shooting and killing Kaye and her husband when they returned and then fleeing on foot. Boodarian has not yet been assigned a public defender and could not be reached for comment.
Police responded that same afternoon to reports of a burglary at the Encino home, but said in a press release there were “no signs of forced entry or trouble.”
Kaye, an industry veteran, has also worked in the music departments of several other productions such as “The Singing Bee,” “Hollywood Game Night,” “Lip Sync Battle,” and several Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants.
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