Dear Carolyn: For the last three years, my adult daughter has been in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. They live in another state, and I’ve met the couple only twice. I like the wife more than the husband. She’s similar to my daughter. Both women hold well-paying jobs with potential for advancement. The husband puts in his 40 hours at a mediocre job, then plays video games while his wife and my daughter take care of the house.
Washington
Advice | Carolyn Hax: Mom worries about daughter’s family plans with polyamorous couple
But here’s where things have gotten really difficult for me. The couple recently decided to have a baby. My daughter announced this by telling me out of the blue, “You could be a grandmother soon.” I hate to be shallow, but any baby this couple has will not feel like my grandchild.
After I processed the information for a few days, my daughter and I had a long talk. I expressed my feelings, that the baby would have two sets of doting biological grandparents and I would just be some woman they saw every once in a while. I also asked my daughter if she was ready for the many changes a baby would make to their lives.
My daughter said she understood. Well, suddenly, she tells me she will adopt the baby as a “third parent.” (The wife is not yet pregnant.) I asked her if she fully understood all that adoption entailed. If she and the couple ever broke up, she would still be the child’s legal parent. I asked her why she felt the need to adopt the child and advised her to see an attorney before making any decision.
I’m worried she’s planning to adopt because of my remark about not feeling a grandmotherly connection. Also, could they be using my daughter as a cash cow to finance their dream? I’m confused and losing sleep. Do I keep my mouth shut or give my honest opinion when asked? I love my daughter dearly and would hate to drive a wedge between us.
Struggling Mom: I have a bunch of opinions right now, and I doubt “wouldn’t feel like a real grandmother” would be foremost among them if I were in your position. Though none of us knows how we will feel until we get to a situation ourselves.
This I do know: Your daughter’s domestic arrangements are not for you (or me) to fix for her, and your feelings are not for your daughter to fix for you.
Some part of your daughter’s life will always confuse you — that’s in a kid’s job description. But you can go a long way toward easing your mind if you keep those basic lines clear. Her home life is hers, and your feelings are yours.
Your responses so far to her news have blurred these lines. (In a food-processor kind of way.) Unless she asked your opinion, your warnings and concerns were incursions into her business. Well-meaning, for sure, but incursions nonetheless. A would-be grandmother is no more entitled to weigh in on an adult’s family planning than anyone else.
Plus, um, the thing you carefully composed as, “Are you sure you’re ready for the big life changes?” always comes out as, “You shouldn’t have a baby!” Always. Ask anyone who has been on the receiving end.
Your daughter is still communicating with you after this, so that’s good. You two are strong, I’m guessing.
Meanwhile, it is not her job to make life choices that help her parent feel better. Adults get to have or not have children as they are able to and see fit to. If you want to feel like a grandmother, then make the best of the opportunities — the grandchildren — you’re given. What else can I say? What else can you do?
I don’t mean to sound unfeeling. As I said at the outset, I have plenty of thoughts of my own here; they’re simply not relevant to the math of the situation. Which is:
· Your daughter will do what your daughter will do.
· You do not have a meaningful say in what that is.
· Your choice is to embrace your daughter, as is, misgivings and all, and any baby if there ever is one, or to distance yourself.
· If this choice comes with feelings you feel unable to manage or contain, then don’t expect your daughter to help you with that. Seek help from outside your shared family circle.
· If she asks your advice on X, ask how she feels about X and proceed from there.
· And if you already feel more distant from your daughter than you would like, then now beats later as the time to try to remedy that.
You were right to make one point, even if she already knew it: lawyer. Laws and families are evolving. Plus, the wise leave neither their hearts nor their children’s custody to chance.
Last thing, for you: If you ever think there’s no place for you amid younger generations because they’ve changed too much, then the mistake is yours. Adapt, or don’t; not one digit of that math has changed.
Washington
The Church of Jesus Christ has announced its 384th temple
The state of Washington is getting a seventh temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
The Marysville Washington Temple was announced Sunday night during a devotional in the Marysville Washington Stake by Elder Hugo E. Martinez, a General Authority Seventy in the church’s United States West Area Presidency.
“We are pleased to announce the construction of a temple in Marysville, Washington,” the First Presidency said in a statement. “The specific location and timing of the construction will be announced later. This is a reason for all of us to rejoice and express gratitude for such a significant blessing — one that will allow more frequent access to the ordinances, covenants and power that can only be found in the house of the Lord.”
The other temples in Washington are the Columbia River, Moses Lake, Seattle, Spokane, Tacoma and Vancouver temples.
The church has 214 temples in operation. Plans for another 170 temples have been announced; many of those temples are in various stages of planning and construction.
Sunday’s temple announcement follows the new practice of the church’s First Presidency, which determines where temples will be built — and when and how they will be announced.
The First Presidency directed a General Authority Seventy to announce the first temple in Maine at a fireside there in December.
In January, church President Dallin H. Oaks said the Maine announcement set the pattern for future temple announcements.
“The best place to announce a temple is in that temple district,” he told the Deseret News.
The First Presidency will continue to decide where future temples will be built. It then will “assign someone else to make the announcement in the place where the temple will be built,” he said.
This pattern came to him as a strong impression after he assumed leadership of the church in October, following the death of his friend, President Russell M. Nelson.
This came as a strong impression to him shortly after he assumed the leadership of the church, President Oaks said.
The church remains in the midst of an aggressive temple-building era. President Nelson announced 200 new temples from 2018 to 2025. All but one were announced at general conference.
Five dozen temples are now under construction.
President Oaks now has overseen the announcement of two temples, neither at a general conference.
At the October conference he said that “with the large number of temples now in the very earliest phases of planning and construction, it is appropriate that we slow down the announcement of new temples.”
Ten new temples are scheduled to be dedicated in the next six months.
- May 3: Davao Philippines Temple.
- May 3: Lindon Utah Temple.
- May 31: Bacolod Philippines Temple.
- June 7: Yorba Linda California Temple.
- June 7: Willamette Valley Oregon Temple.
- Aug. 16: Belo Horizonte Brazil Temple.
- Aug. 16: Cleveland Ohio Temple.
- Aug. 30: Phnom Penh Cambodia Temple.
- Oct. 11: Miraflores Guatemala City Guatemala Temple.
- Oct. 18: Managua Nicaragua Temple.
Two-thirds of the 170 temples still to be built are outside the United States.
Temples are distinct from the meetinghouses where Latter-day Saints worship Jesus Christ each Sunday. Temples are closed on Sundays, but they open during the week as sanctuaries where church members go to find peace, make covenants with God and perform proxy ordinances for deceased relatives.
Washington
Washington football displays depth, talent at first spring scrimmage
On a perfect day in Seattle for football, Washington took the field inside Husky Stadium for its first scrimmage of spring practice, and ahead of his third season at the helm, Jedd Fisch seemed pleased with the results.
“Guys played and competed their ass off,” he said after the Huskies ran 120 plays. “That’s the type of day we want to have…We have a lot to work on, but we’re excited that today gave us this opportunity.”
The 120 plays had a little bit of everything, but the biggest thing the Huskies showed during the day was that, despite the inexperience that Fisch’s coaching staff is looking to lean on at several positions, there’s plenty of talent littering the roster. The best example of that is sophomore safety Paul Mencke Jr., who had his best practice in a Husky uniform after Fisch announced on Saturday that senior CJ Christian is out for the year after suffering a torn Achilles tendon during Tuesday’s practice at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center.
“Paul’s done a great job of competing and being physical and playing fast, and you could see over these three years, he’s really grown into understanding now the system, and what’s asked of him as a safety,” Fisch said. “I think there’s a lot of in him that he wants to be like (safeties coach Taylor) Mays. He sees himself as a tall, linear, big hitter. So when you have your coach that is known for that type of play, I think Paul has done a great job.”
Mencke was all over the field. Not only did he lay some big hits, just like his safeties coach did during his time at USC, but the former four-star recruit also tallied a pair of pass breakups, an interception in a 7-on-7 period, and multiple strong tackles to hold ball carriers to limited yards.
While the defense did a good job getting pressure throughout the day and making the quarterbacks hold the ball with different looks on the back end, with safety Alex McLaughlin, linebacker Donovan Robinson, and edge rusher Logan George all among the players credited for a sack, quarterback Demond Williams Jr. got an opportunity to show off how he’s improved ahead of his junior year.
Early on, he showed off his well-known speed and athleticism, making the correct decision on a read option, pulling the ball and scampering for a 25-yard gain before displaying his touch. Throughout the day, his favorite target was junior receiver Rashid Williams, whom he found on several layered throws of 15-plus yards in the various scrimmage periods of practice.
On a day when every able-bodied member of the team was able to get several reps of live action, here are some of the other noteworthy plays from the day.
Spring practice notebook
- Freshman cornerback Jeron Jones was unable to participate in the scrimmage and was spotted working off to the side with the rest of the players rehabbing their injuries.
- The running backs delivered a pair of big blows on the day. First, cornerback Emmanuel Karnley was on the receiving end of a big hit from redshirt freshman Quaid Carr before the former three-star recruit ripped off a 13-yard touchdown run on the next play. Later on, every player on offense had a lot of fun cheering on freshman Ansu Sanoe after he leveled Zaydrius Rainey-Sale, letting the sophomore linebacker hear all about it when the play was whistled dead.
- Sophomore wide receiver Justice Williams put together a strong day with several contested catches, showing off his strong hands and 6-foot-4 frame, including a 25-yard catch and run off a drag route from backup quarterback Elijah Brown.
- Of all the tackles for a loss the Huskies were able to rack up throughout the day, two stood out. First, junior defensive tackle Elinneus Davis burst through the middle of the line to wrap up freshman running back Brian Bonner. Later on, freshman outside linebacker Ramzak Fruean wasn’t even touched as he shot through a gap in the offensive line to track down a play from behind, letting the entire offensive sideline know about the play on his way back to his own bench.
- The Huskies experimented with several defensive line combinations on Saturday, and for the first time this spring, it felt like freshman Derek Colman-Brusa took the majority of his reps alongside someone other than Davis, who he said has taken on an older brother role to help mentor the top-ranked in-state prospect in the 2026 class.
“Elinneus is a phenomenal guy. Great work ethic. He’s kind of taken on that older brother mentor for me. He’s been a great help just to learn plays and learn the scheme. Can’t say enough good things about the guy.”
- Ball State transfer Darin Conley took a handful of reps with the first team, while rotating with Colman-Brusa, who got a lot of work in alongside Sacramento State transfer DeSean Watts.
Washington
Sioux Falls art teachers show ‘incredible’ work at Washington Pavilion
Twenty Sioux Falls School District art teachers have their own original pieces on display at the Washington Pavilion’s University Gallery now through May 31.
The “Teachers as Artists” exhibit showcases their work not just as educators, but as artists inside and outside of the classroom, and highlights how art education builds critical thinking, creative problem-solving and self-expression skills.
Edison Middle School art teacher Meagan Turbak-Fogarty said she dreamt of such a showcase since her first year teaching.
She and Kathy Dang, an art teacher at Marcella LeBeau Elementary School who also serves on the city’s Visual Arts Committee, partnered with the city and Washington Pavilion to bring the showcase to life.
Turbak-Fogarty has taught at Edison for five years and said her passion for art is “instantly felt” on her classroom walls, but that students have asked where they could see her art in the classroom, or what kind of art she creates in her own time.
“I always felt the feeling that I stand in front of all these kids every single day and preach about how much I love art, and how art has changed my life,” Turbak-Fogarty said. “That got me thinking, ‘I want to show them.’”
Some of her works on display at the Pavilion include art she created in her first year teaching, including a large Cheetos bag she created as an example for her eighth grade classroom when they were working on a large chip bag project. Turbak-Fogarty said she loves painting, working with acrylics and unconventional materials.
“I wanted to show my students that art can be anything,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be hanging up in a museum to be considered art.”
Continuing to do her own art while teaching the subject helps keep her inspired, Turbak-Fogarty explained, adding that it helps her push her own creativity when it comes to projects she works on with students.
Samantha Levisay, an art teacher at John Harris Elementary School, showed three pieces in the show — “Moments in Time,” “Midnight Butterfly Garden” and “Whimsy” — with the same mixed media, watercolor and printmaking skills that she teaches in different units at every elementary grade.
Levisay educates her students that “art is everywhere.” She said her favorite memories as an art teacher are “moments when I show students a lesson, and they take it even further.”
“Kids are so creative; I marvel at them all the time,” she said. “They inspire me every day with their endless creativity and imagination.”
Roosevelt High School art teacher Ruth Hillman showed two pieces in the show: “The Potato on the Wall,” a mixed media work, and a collection of her handmade clay charms in a shadow box.
She also wore some of her art — miniature potato earrings made of clay.
Hillman is in her third year at RHS. When she’s not teaching art, she’s also making art, and sells her charms at shows like the Art Collective.
Washington High School art teacher Mollie Potter displayed a three-part painting series at the show that she said were inspired by her English language learner students’ stories, and how teachers help students “take flight,” as represented by balloons, parachutes and kites in her work.
Porter said she is often inspired by her students’ art in the classroom; for example, one former student was obsessed with swans, and Porter said she later created a painting inspired by one of the student’s stories about swans.
At an April 17 reception, Mayor Paul TenHaken emphasized the arts as an “important economic driver in the community,” and said the show honored educators “who are artists in and of themselves,” but who might not have had a chance to display their art outside the classroom before.
“This is a way for us to honor them and show their incredible work,” TenHaken said.
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