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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Stepmom wants ‘normal’ Italy retreat vs. always deferring to kid

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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Stepmom wants ‘normal’ Italy retreat vs. always deferring to kid


Dear Carolyn: My husband has custody of his 8-year-old daughter every other weekend. In our five years together, I have been utterly respectful of his duties as a father and his kid’s well-being.

But I have been invited to do a seven-week fellowship and retreat in Italy, and I would love to bring my husband. We have NEVER taken a nice trip together. We didn’t even really do a honeymoon because of work and his kid.

He said no to Italy because it would mean missing three or four visits from his daughter. For the first time, I felt mad and deprived. The other participants will have their partners there, exploring the city while we work. I want us to do this one normal thing.

It is not possible to bring the kid with us. If my husband came with me for a little while, then he couldn’t stay for longer than about 10 days minus travel time, so that’s not worth it either.

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Am I being totally selfish to want this? I feel that way, but I also feel entitled to want this normal thing. My one confidante about this, my mom, says it’s what I signed on for when I chose a man with a child.

Selfish?: Your mom’s right; this is exactly what you agreed to, eyes open.

But that doesn’t mean you always have to like it, must always exude daisies and sunbeams, and can’t ever feel “mad and deprived.”

Just go feel mad and deprived somewhere outside the range of your stepdaughter so you can let it dissipate naturally. If you plan to keep confiding in Mom, then tell her you know it’s what you “signed on for,” but you have unresolved feelings you’d like to talk through so they don’t keep gnawing at you.

If Mom can’t be that person for you, then choose someone who is able to agree with you that weeks overseas retreating together is “normal,” because, well. Let’s just say I’m amusing myself with the mental image of the reception you’ll get if you choose wrong.

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I kid, but a therapist is a good option here if feasible. Family blending is hard.

Which brings me to my second point. Having your moment to feel bad about missing out on something you want is more than mere self-indulgence. It’s about healthy emotional management.

If your response to your husband’s no-go on Italy were, “It’s A-okay, honey, because I’m so! lucky! to be your spouse! and a stepparent!!” then that would be forced and weird and, with repetition, distorting. Others wouldn’t know how you really felt, and eventually you might not, either.

So it’s important to trust that you can be 100 percent confident in your marriage and 100 percent pro-healthy-stepchild and still be bummed sometimes, out loud, about the restrictions on your husband’s time without feeling guilty about it.

So do that. Not harping, or dwelling, or undermining, of course; so-called venting (complaining with no productive purpose) only hands over more of your life to your problem and to others suffering in earshot. I’m saying only that you allow yourself to be honest about how you feel, and tell your husband that you understand (yes?) but are also really disappointed.

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And: If you’re not okay with “no” to everything as a never-yielding fact of your lives, then say that, too; you understand seven weeks overseas is excessive, but what about one or two somewhere, someday soon?

And: If you made your agreements with him in good faith, and if you’ve learned some new things about yourself since, then it’s better to be transparent with him about your evolution than to just muscle through any dissonance till you crack.

I’m adding these two discussion extenders because I see signs of distortion already in your letter. Have another look. “I have been utterly respectful of his duties as a father and his kid’s well-being.” “We have NEVER taken a nice trip together.” “We didn’t even really do a honeymoon.” “For the first time I felt mad and deprived.” [My emphasis.] And, “he couldn’t stay for longer than about 10 days minus travel time, so that’s not worth it either.”

Fine-fine-fine-fine-no-really-it’s-fiiiine-no-really-fine!-BOOM.

Doesn’t it to you, now, too?

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And the BOOM hits twice: The “normal” thing that deprivation has pushed you to want so badly seems like a way bigger ask than a “nice trip” or a honeymoon would ever have been — plus it has you completely dismissing as inadequate a perfectly lovely 10-days-minus-travel with your husband in Italy this summer. Is it truly “not worth it” because it’s a week and not seven?

So here’s what I’m thinking. Maybe you’re overdue just to be you. Where you recognize you aren’t a saint and can’t always smile off the cost of your choices — even as you know you made them willingly and would (presumably) make them again because he passes every character test. And where you ask your husband to bear with you as you freely, lovingly meet others’ needs while also learning to understand and make room for your own.



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Washington football displays depth, talent at first spring scrimmage

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Washington football displays depth, talent at first spring scrimmage


On a perfect day in Seattle for football, Washington took the field inside Husky Stadium for its first scrimmage of spring practice, and ahead of his third season at the helm, Jedd Fisch seemed pleased with the results.

“Guys played and competed their ass off,” he said after the Huskies ran 120 plays. “That’s the type of day we want to have…We have a lot to work on, but we’re excited that today gave us this opportunity.”

The 120 plays had a little bit of everything, but the biggest thing the Huskies showed during the day was that, despite the inexperience that Fisch’s coaching staff is looking to lean on at several positions, there’s plenty of talent littering the roster. The best example of that is sophomore safety Paul Mencke Jr., who had his best practice in a Husky uniform after Fisch announced on Saturday that senior CJ Christian is out for the year after suffering a torn Achilles tendon during Tuesday’s practice at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center.

“Paul’s done a great job of competing and being physical and playing fast, and you could see over these three years, he’s really grown into understanding now the system, and what’s asked of him as a safety,” Fisch said. “I think there’s a lot of in him that he wants to be like (safeties coach Taylor) Mays. He sees himself as a tall, linear, big hitter. So when you have your coach that is known for that type of play, I think Paul has done a great job.”

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Mencke was all over the field. Not only did he lay some big hits, just like his safeties coach did during his time at USC, but the former four-star recruit also tallied a pair of pass breakups, an interception in a 7-on-7 period, and multiple strong tackles to hold ball carriers to limited yards.

While the defense did a good job getting pressure throughout the day and making the quarterbacks hold the ball with different looks on the back end, with safety Alex McLaughlin, linebacker Donovan Robinson, and edge rusher Logan George all among the players credited for a sack, quarterback Demond Williams Jr. got an opportunity to show off how he’s improved ahead of his junior year.

Early on, he showed off his well-known speed and athleticism, making the correct decision on a read option, pulling the ball and scampering for a 25-yard gain before displaying his touch. Throughout the day, his favorite target was junior receiver Rashid Williams, whom he found on several layered throws of 15-plus yards in the various scrimmage periods of practice.

On a day when every able-bodied member of the team was able to get several reps of live action, here are some of the other noteworthy plays from the day.

Spring practice notebook

  • Freshman cornerback Jeron Jones was unable to participate in the scrimmage and was spotted working off to the side with the rest of the players rehabbing their injuries.
  • The running backs delivered a pair of big blows on the day. First, cornerback Emmanuel Karnley was on the receiving end of a big hit from redshirt freshman Quaid Carr before the former three-star recruit ripped off a 13-yard touchdown run on the next play. Later on, every player on offense had a lot of fun cheering on freshman Ansu Sanoe after he leveled Zaydrius Rainey-Sale, letting the sophomore linebacker hear all about it when the play was whistled dead.
  • Sophomore wide receiver Justice Williams put together a strong day with several contested catches, showing off his strong hands and 6-foot-4 frame, including a 25-yard catch and run off a drag route from backup quarterback Elijah Brown.
  • Of all the tackles for a loss the Huskies were able to rack up throughout the day, two stood out. First, junior defensive tackle Elinneus Davis burst through the middle of the line to wrap up freshman running back Brian Bonner. Later on, freshman outside linebacker Ramzak Fruean wasn’t even touched as he shot through a gap in the offensive line to track down a play from behind, letting the entire offensive sideline know about the play on his way back to his own bench.
  • The Huskies experimented with several defensive line combinations on Saturday, and for the first time this spring, it felt like freshman Derek Colman-Brusa took the majority of his reps alongside someone other than Davis, who he said has taken on an older brother role to help mentor the top-ranked in-state prospect in the 2026 class.

“Elinneus is a phenomenal guy. Great work ethic. He’s kind of taken on that older brother mentor for me. He’s been a great help just to learn plays and learn the scheme. Can’t say enough good things about the guy.”

  • Ball State transfer Darin Conley took a handful of reps with the first team, while rotating with Colman-Brusa, who got a lot of work in alongside Sacramento State transfer DeSean Watts.



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Sioux Falls art teachers show ‘incredible’ work at Washington Pavilion

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Sioux Falls art teachers show ‘incredible’ work at Washington Pavilion


Twenty Sioux Falls School District art teachers have their own original pieces on display at the Washington Pavilion’s University Gallery now through May 31.

The “Teachers as Artists” exhibit showcases their work not just as educators, but as artists inside and outside of the classroom, and highlights how art education builds critical thinking, creative problem-solving and self-expression skills.

Edison Middle School art teacher Meagan Turbak-Fogarty said she dreamt of such a showcase since her first year teaching.

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She and Kathy Dang, an art teacher at Marcella LeBeau Elementary School who also serves on the city’s Visual Arts Committee, partnered with the city and Washington Pavilion to bring the showcase to life.

Turbak-Fogarty has taught at Edison for five years and said her passion for art is “instantly felt” on her classroom walls, but that students have asked where they could see her art in the classroom, or what kind of art she creates in her own time.

“I always felt the feeling that I stand in front of all these kids every single day and preach about how much I love art, and how art has changed my life,” Turbak-Fogarty said. “That got me thinking, ‘I want to show them.’”

Some of her works on display at the Pavilion include art she created in her first year teaching, including a large Cheetos bag she created as an example for her eighth grade classroom when they were working on a large chip bag project. Turbak-Fogarty said she loves painting, working with acrylics and unconventional materials.

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“I wanted to show my students that art can be anything,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be hanging up in a museum to be considered art.”

Continuing to do her own art while teaching the subject helps keep her inspired, Turbak-Fogarty explained, adding that it helps her push her own creativity when it comes to projects she works on with students.

Samantha Levisay, an art teacher at John Harris Elementary School, showed three pieces in the show — “Moments in Time,” “Midnight Butterfly Garden” and “Whimsy” — with the same mixed media, watercolor and printmaking skills that she teaches in different units at every elementary grade.

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Levisay educates her students that “art is everywhere.” She said her favorite memories as an art teacher are “moments when I show students a lesson, and they take it even further.”

“Kids are so creative; I marvel at them all the time,” she said. “They inspire me every day with their endless creativity and imagination.”

Roosevelt High School art teacher Ruth Hillman showed two pieces in the show: “The Potato on the Wall,” a mixed media work, and a collection of her handmade clay charms in a shadow box.

She also wore some of her art — miniature potato earrings made of clay.

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Hillman is in her third year at RHS. When she’s not teaching art, she’s also making art, and sells her charms at shows like the Art Collective.

Washington High School art teacher Mollie Potter displayed a three-part painting series at the show that she said were inspired by her English language learner students’ stories, and how teachers help students “take flight,” as represented by balloons, parachutes and kites in her work.

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Porter said she is often inspired by her students’ art in the classroom; for example, one former student was obsessed with swans, and Porter said she later created a painting inspired by one of the student’s stories about swans.

At an April 17 reception, Mayor Paul TenHaken emphasized the arts as an “important economic driver in the community,” and said the show honored educators “who are artists in and of themselves,” but who might not have had a chance to display their art outside the classroom before.

“This is a way for us to honor them and show their incredible work,” TenHaken said.

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How will Trump get out of his fight with Pope Leo?

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How will Trump get out of his fight with Pope Leo?


Full Episode:
Washington Week with The Atlantic full episode, 4/17/26

Donald Trump has achieved what he’s achieved to date by being more rhetorically reckless, blunter and more insulting than any president in memory. But are there any limits? Join moderator Jeffrey Goldberg, Leigh Ann Caldwell of Puck, Stephen Hayes of The Dispatch, and Jonathan Lemire and Michael Scherer of The Atlantic to discuss this and more.



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