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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Stepmom wants ‘normal’ Italy retreat vs. always deferring to kid

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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Stepmom wants ‘normal’ Italy retreat vs. always deferring to kid


Dear Carolyn: My husband has custody of his 8-year-old daughter every other weekend. In our five years together, I have been utterly respectful of his duties as a father and his kid’s well-being.

But I have been invited to do a seven-week fellowship and retreat in Italy, and I would love to bring my husband. We have NEVER taken a nice trip together. We didn’t even really do a honeymoon because of work and his kid.

He said no to Italy because it would mean missing three or four visits from his daughter. For the first time, I felt mad and deprived. The other participants will have their partners there, exploring the city while we work. I want us to do this one normal thing.

It is not possible to bring the kid with us. If my husband came with me for a little while, then he couldn’t stay for longer than about 10 days minus travel time, so that’s not worth it either.

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Am I being totally selfish to want this? I feel that way, but I also feel entitled to want this normal thing. My one confidante about this, my mom, says it’s what I signed on for when I chose a man with a child.

Selfish?: Your mom’s right; this is exactly what you agreed to, eyes open.

But that doesn’t mean you always have to like it, must always exude daisies and sunbeams, and can’t ever feel “mad and deprived.”

Just go feel mad and deprived somewhere outside the range of your stepdaughter so you can let it dissipate naturally. If you plan to keep confiding in Mom, then tell her you know it’s what you “signed on for,” but you have unresolved feelings you’d like to talk through so they don’t keep gnawing at you.

If Mom can’t be that person for you, then choose someone who is able to agree with you that weeks overseas retreating together is “normal,” because, well. Let’s just say I’m amusing myself with the mental image of the reception you’ll get if you choose wrong.

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I kid, but a therapist is a good option here if feasible. Family blending is hard.

Which brings me to my second point. Having your moment to feel bad about missing out on something you want is more than mere self-indulgence. It’s about healthy emotional management.

If your response to your husband’s no-go on Italy were, “It’s A-okay, honey, because I’m so! lucky! to be your spouse! and a stepparent!!” then that would be forced and weird and, with repetition, distorting. Others wouldn’t know how you really felt, and eventually you might not, either.

So it’s important to trust that you can be 100 percent confident in your marriage and 100 percent pro-healthy-stepchild and still be bummed sometimes, out loud, about the restrictions on your husband’s time without feeling guilty about it.

So do that. Not harping, or dwelling, or undermining, of course; so-called venting (complaining with no productive purpose) only hands over more of your life to your problem and to others suffering in earshot. I’m saying only that you allow yourself to be honest about how you feel, and tell your husband that you understand (yes?) but are also really disappointed.

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And: If you’re not okay with “no” to everything as a never-yielding fact of your lives, then say that, too; you understand seven weeks overseas is excessive, but what about one or two somewhere, someday soon?

And: If you made your agreements with him in good faith, and if you’ve learned some new things about yourself since, then it’s better to be transparent with him about your evolution than to just muscle through any dissonance till you crack.

I’m adding these two discussion extenders because I see signs of distortion already in your letter. Have another look. “I have been utterly respectful of his duties as a father and his kid’s well-being.” “We have NEVER taken a nice trip together.” “We didn’t even really do a honeymoon.” “For the first time I felt mad and deprived.” [My emphasis.] And, “he couldn’t stay for longer than about 10 days minus travel time, so that’s not worth it either.”

Fine-fine-fine-fine-no-really-it’s-fiiiine-no-really-fine!-BOOM.

Doesn’t it to you, now, too?

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And the BOOM hits twice: The “normal” thing that deprivation has pushed you to want so badly seems like a way bigger ask than a “nice trip” or a honeymoon would ever have been — plus it has you completely dismissing as inadequate a perfectly lovely 10-days-minus-travel with your husband in Italy this summer. Is it truly “not worth it” because it’s a week and not seven?

So here’s what I’m thinking. Maybe you’re overdue just to be you. Where you recognize you aren’t a saint and can’t always smile off the cost of your choices — even as you know you made them willingly and would (presumably) make them again because he passes every character test. And where you ask your husband to bear with you as you freely, lovingly meet others’ needs while also learning to understand and make room for your own.



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US Air Force helicopter makes precautionary landing in Washington

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US Air Force helicopter makes precautionary landing in Washington


Diyar Guldogan

14 July 2026Update: 14 July 2026

A US Air Force helicopter made a precautionary landing in northwest Washington, DC late Monday, local media reported.

The incident occurred at approximately 9.25 p.m. (0125GMT Tuesday) when a UH-1N Huey helicopter assigned to the 1st Helicopter Squadron at Joint Base Andrews, Maryland landed along Foxhall Road near Whitehaven Parkway NW, close to the Georgetown Reservoir.

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All four crew members who were on board are safe, according to media reports.

Maintenance personnel and law enforcement officials remained at the scene into the early hours of Tuesday as authorities assessed the aircraft and investigated the circumstances surrounding the landing.



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What is the Farmer’s Almanac fall forecast for the Washington DC area?

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What is the Farmer’s Almanac fall forecast for the Washington DC area?


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It may be the middle of July, but the Old Farmer’s Almanac is already looking ahead to the fall with cooler temperatures ahead.

The Almanac, which has been one of the most trusted weather prediction sources for more than two centuries, recently released its fall forecast, showing a wide range of weather throughout the United States.

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But what about in the Washington DC region? Here’s what the Almanac says.

What is the fall weather forecast in the Washington DC area?

DC sits along the Almanac’s Atlantic Corridor, and that region should expect a “cool, dry” fall, according to the forecast.

“Expect cooler and wetter conditions than usual this fall,” the Old Farmer’s Almanac says. “Below average temperatures are forecast, along with an uptick in precipitation over traditional averages.”

Last year, DC received 6.53 inches of rain during September, October and November — significantly lower than the city’s 30-year average of 10.50 inches, according to the National Weather Service.

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September’s average temperature was 72.2 degrees, with October at 60.3 and November at 49.9 degrees. The season had an average temperature of 60.8 degrees, slightly below the 30-year average of 61.0 degrees.

What does the Farmer’s Almanac say about winter in Washington DC?

In its long-range forecast, the Almanac forecasts above average temperatures this winter in DC with snowfall below normal.

“The coldest periods will occur in mid- to late-December and early and late January,” it says. “The snowiest periods will be in late December, early January, and late February.”

The Old Farmer’s Almanac says it is 80% accurate, but a 2017 University of Illinois study found it to be just 52% accurate.

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Washington Syrah Is the State’s Best-Kept Secret

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Washington Syrah Is the State’s Best-Kept Secret


This story is from an installment of The Oeno Files, our weekly insider newsletter to the world of fine wine. Sign up here.

While Washington State has become well known for its Cabernet Sauvignon and Bordeaux-style blends in recent years, it is also home to many producers making outstanding Syrah. With just a 40-year history of cultivation in the state, Syrah is now the second most-produced red wine there as well as its best-kept secret. First planted in Washington in 1986, some early releases were treated like Cabernet Sauvignon with a lot of new oak and one-size-fits-all production method, but over time a broad spectrum of expressions has arisen among the state’s Syrahs.

Elsewhere in the U.S.A. it might seem like wineries are holding back the most exciting bottles for their neighbors, but Washington Syrah is more widely available than one might think, especially on restaurant tables. Landry’s Inc.—which operates more than 500 restaurants across the country including steakhouses such as Morton’s, Del Frisco’s, and the Palm—serves more than a dozen Washington Syrahs and a wide range of Syrah blends from the state. Scott Tarwater, corporate director of wine and special events, describes Washington Syrah as “a rugged, mountain man, unshaven, but worldly, down to earth, and plain spoken.” While he enjoys it for its savory character, he also likes that it is full of jammy notes such as boysenberry, black raspberry, and pomegranate alongside hints of ripened olives and pipe tobacco.

One of the drivers of quality in the last 20 years is the adoption of Old World techniques like stem inclusion and the use of concrete vessels, large‑format oak casks, and neutral oak barrels to let the fruit do the talking. Improved vineyard techniques have allowed for site expression to become clearer as well, with the Rocks District and Royal Slope showing savory and mineral characteristics, Red Mountain and Horse Heaven Hills bringing out more power and ripeness, and Yakima Valley showcasing a mix of the two styles.

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Matt Reynvaan, founder and winemaker of R|A Family Wines, makes his JDA Project Syrah from a vineyard in the Rocks District that is defined by ancient riverbed soils layered with dense cobblestone. “These stones retain and radiate heat, lending intensity, structure, and unmistakable minerality to the fruit,” he explains. Replanted in 2020, the vineyard was designed with clonal diversity and precision farming practices tailored block by block. “Syrah is interplanted with small amounts of Viognier, and each section contributes a unique dimension, from power and structure to elegance and purity, resulting in a wine that is both complex and site driven,” Reynvaan says.

DeLille’s vineyards

DeLille

At Two Vintners, winemaker and partner Morgan Lee produces four different Syrahs including a Columbia Valley cuvée, a Rocks District bottling and single-vineyard expressions from Horse Heaven Hills and Yakima Valley, working with 13 distinct vineyards across six AVAs. “Each patch of dirt puts a stamp of individuality on the wine,” he says. “The beauty of Syrah is that it absorbs its surroundings like nothing else. It is a chameleon. It is so exciting to taste these individual parcels side by side and see how thrillingly different they are from one another.” Leaning heavily into a Northern Rhône style in his vineyard sourcing, Lee also employs Rhône techniques like native-yeast fermentation and whole-cluster pressing.

Washington’s first Syrah was planted in the Red Willow Vineyard in the foothills of the Cascades in the far northwest portion of the Yakima Valley by Mike Sauer in 1986, and winemaker Nick Bernstein utilizes fruit from that original block for DeLille Red Willow Syrah. “The Syrah here thrives on steep slopes of poor volcanic soils and creates powerful wine with deep concentration,” Bernstein says. In addition to that and DeLille’s Grand Ciel estate vineyard on Red Mountain, Bernstein also buys fruit from Boushey Vineyard, whose proprietor Dick Boushey has been a prominent grower for 45 years. This cooler site allows for more hang time, flavor development, and acid retention, leading to an earthier Syrah with dark fruit notes.

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The wide diversity of Syrah can be seen in Liminal’s two offerings, High Canyon Syrah and Block 16 Syrah, which come from blocks in the WeatherEye Vineyard in the Red Mountain AVA that are about 500 yards apart but differ in aspect, elevation, and clonal selection. Liminal winemaker and partner Chris Peterson says the High Canyon block has elements of black fruits, minerals, and cured olive that remind him of Côte-Rôtie. “This is why we co-ferment with about 4 percent Viognier and choose the specific barrels to age it in and accentuate these aspects,” he explains. Meanwhile, the Block 16 exhibits the “wild herb, cured meats, and firm structure” characteristics that recall Cornas, so he ages it in 500-liter puncheons, with a style of new barrel “that shows off this more feral side.”

One of the newest additions to the Evergreen State scene is Dossier Wine Collective, whose head winemaker Billo Naravane crafts its flagship Syrah with an eye on the Northern Rhône, especially Côte-Rôtie and Cornas. Sourced from three vineyards, it offers the aromatic elegance and finesse of Côte-Rôtie alongside the structure, focus, and depth of Cornas. “Our use of concrete during fermentation is intentional. Concrete preserves purity and freshness while lending the wine a tighter, more focused profile, a hallmark we admire in many traditional Northern Rhône Syrahs,” Naravane says.

On the east coast, diners at JF Restaurant’s eateries can enjoy Syrah from Walla Walla and Columbia Valley. Beverage director and partner Amy Racine tells clients unfamiliar with the style that “Washington Syrah is a crossover between the States and Rhône Valley. It has a savory, peppery backbone similar to the northern Rhône and a ripe and juicy fruit you can find in the States.” Calling it “a category that rewards curiosity,” she tells Robb Report, “Most guests come in with a fixed idea of what Syrah is supposed to taste like, usually a Rhône reference point, and Washington Syrah surprises them by being a little familiar yet entirely its own thing.”


Do you want access to rare and outstanding reds from Napa Valley? Join the Robb Report 672 Wine Club today.





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