Dear Amy: I am a retired Catholic priest. For the most part, I have enjoyed these late-life years, especially as the pace of life has eased up. However, one difficulty I’ve encountered stems from my years in active ministry.
Washington
Advice | Ask Amy: Retired priest struggles with Catholic critique
This couple decided to stop attending church services. I felt this was their decision to make and have never criticized or judged them for it. However, invariably during our evenings together they steer the conversation to their gripes about the Catholic Church. I’ve gone so far as to meet privately with them, letting them know how uncomfortable I am with their behavior during something I consider an informal gathering of friends. All to no avail. I usually end up leaving these dinners feeling angry and depressed.
These folks have been great friends for many years, but I’m at my wits end trying to figure out how best to deal with the situation. Should I just give up and decline future invitations?
Father Confused: I can only imagine the pressure you might feel to always respond to uncomfortable situations in a way that basically protects others. Because you have retired from the formal part of ministry, it might not be necessary for you to be so discreet about your concerns when something bothers you. My point is that although you will always be a priest, you absolutely have the human right to react publicly to topics, behavior or comments that bother or offend you.
If this happens again at a social occasion, you can say a version of, “Naturally, this is a very difficult topic for me, but I realize that my presence seems to trigger a discussion about the failings of the institution I’ve devoted my life to. I’ve mentioned this privately but I understand now that bringing it up is just too tempting to avoid, so I’ll take this as my cue to say good night.” This is also an issue you might raise with your own pastoral counselor.
Dear Amy: Last year, I witnessed a tragic hit-and-run incident involving a car and a pedestrian. The pedestrian did not survive, and the incident deeply affected me. After learning the victim’s name through local press coverage, I engaged in a brief email exchange with the organizer of an online fundraiser for the person’s survivors. I’ve never met the deceased, but I’ve been seeking a deeper sense of closure and feel that paying my respects at their resting place would be meaningful. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to locate this information.
Considering the sensitivity of the matter and my limited connection to the victim, I wonder if it would be appropriate for me, a stranger, to ask the friend of the deceased who organized the fundraiser about the burial location. I am committed to approaching this with utmost respect for the feelings and privacy of those close to the victim. What is your advice?
Mourning: I can imagine the deep sadness and lingering confusion you might feel after witnessing this crime. I also appreciate your concern and your stated desire to be sensitive toward the survivors. As someone who has experienced the sudden, violent and traumatic loss of a family member, I would vote “no” on any stranger seeking out the gravesite, even someone with your compassionate and respectful intent.
However, there is no universal response to loss, and this victim’s family might feel and respond differently. Reach out to the person who organized the fundraiser, and prepare yourself to accept whatever answer comes your way. I strongly urge you to see a counselor specializing in trauma in order to continue to process the longer-term effect of witnessing this terrible event.
Dear Amy: “Looking” was frustrated by dating apps. I found it interesting that you didn’t suggest seeking the help of a matchmaker. I am in the process of getting certified; professional human matchmakers can help people the apps leave behind. I’ve been happily married to my loving husband for almost 31 years. We met in a karaoke bar. Ha!
Love Love: This would make a great Broadway musical.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
Washington
Stars defeat Capitals to end losing streak at 6 | NHL.com
Hintz scored into an empty net at 19:41 for the 4-1 final.
“Everybody played hard, did the right things, got pucks in deep, especially in the third period when we’re trying to close out a lead,” DeSmith said. “So, I thought top to bottom, first, second and third, we were really good.”
NOTES: The Stars swept the two-game season series (including a 1-0 win Oct. 28 in Dallas) and are 8-1-0 in their past nine games against the Capitals. … Duchene had the secondary assist on Steel’s goal, giving him 900 points (374 goals, 526 assists) in 1,157 NHL games. … Hintz has 11 points (seven goals, four assists) in an eight-game point streak against Washington. He had a game-high 12 shots on goal. … Thompson has lost six of his past seven starts (1-5-1).
Washington
Bridge collapse on Washington Avenue leaves emergency crews racing to rescue victims
WHEELING, W.Va. — Emergency crews are responding to a major incident at the Washington Avenue Bridge, which has collapsed into Wheeling Creek.
Multiple police and firefighter units are on the scene, working swiftly to rescue those injured in the collapse.
Three injured workers have been taken to the hospital. Officials say one is a serious injury and two are non-life threatening.
Access to the area has been closed to facilitate rescue operations.
The bridge was closed in early December for a replacement that was expected to take nearly a year.
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Washington
Dynamite, Floods and Feuds: Washington’s forgotten river wars
A look back at Washington’s historic flooding
It’s been a few weeks since the historic flooding hit the streets of western Washington, and if you scroll through social media, the shock still seems fresh. While some insist it was a once-in-a-generation disaster, state history tells a different story.
TUKWILA, Wash. – After floodwaters inundated western Washington in December, social media is still filled with disbelief, with many people saying they had never seen flooding like it before.
But local history shows the region has experienced catastrophic flooding, just not within most people’s lifetimes.
A valley under water
What may look like submerged farmland in Skagit or Snohomish counties is actually an aerial view of Tukwila from more than a century ago. Before Boeing, business parks and suburban development, the Kent Valley was a wide floodplain.
In November 1906, much of the valley was underwater, according to city records. In some places, floodwaters reached up to 10 feet, inundating homesteads and entire communities.
“Roads were destroyed, river paths were readjusted,” said Chris Staudinger of Pretty Gritty Tours. “So much of what had been built in these areas got washed away.”
Staudinger has been sharing historical images and records online, drawing comparisons between the December flooding and events from the late 1800s and early 1900s.
“It reminded me so much of what’s happening right now,” he said, adding that the loss then, as now, was largely a loss of property and control rather than life.
When farmers used dynamite
Records show flooding was not the only force reshaping the region’s rivers. In the late 1800s, farmers repeatedly used dynamite in attempts to redirect waterways.
“The White River in particular has always been contentious,” explained Staudinger. “For farmers in that area, multiple different times starting in the 1890s, groups of farmers would get together and blow-up parts of the river to divert its course either up to King County or down to Pierce County.”
Staudinger says at times they used too much dynamite and accidentally sent logs lobbing through the air like missiles.
In one instance, King County farmers destroyed a bluff, permanently diverting the White River into Pierce County. The river no longer flowed toward Elliott Bay, instead emptying into Commencement Bay.
Outraged by this, Pierce County farmers took their grievances to the Washington State Supreme Court. The court ruled the change could not be undone.
When flooding returned, state officials intervened to stop further explosions.
“To prevent anyone from going out and blowing up the naturally occurred log jam, the armed guards were dispatched by the state guard,” said Staudinger. “Everything was already underwater.”
Rivers reengineered — and erased
Over the next century, rivers across the region were dredged, dammed and diverted. Entire waterways changed or disappeared.
“So right where the Renton Airport is now used to be this raging waterway called the Black River,” explained Staudinger. “Connected into the Duwamish. It was a major salmon run. It was a navigable waterway.”
Today, that river has been reduced to what Staudinger described as “the little dry trickle.”
Between 1906 and 1916, the most dramatic changes occurred that played a role in its shrinking. When the Ballard Locks were completed, Lake Washington dropped by nine feet, permanently cutting off its southern flow.
A lesson from December
Despite modern levees and flood-control engineering, December’s storms showed how vulnerable the region remains.
“For me, that’s the takeaway,” remarked Staudinger. “You could do all of this to try and remain in control, but the river’s going to do whatever it wants.”
He warned that history suggests the risk is ongoing.
“You’re always one big storm from it rediscovering its old path,” said Staudinger.
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The Source: Information in this story came from the Tukwila Historical Society, MOHAI, Pretty Gritty Tours, and FOX 13 Seattle reporting and interviews.
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