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My Son Wants to Pay for His Sister to Freeze Her Eggs. Too Weird?

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My Son Wants to Pay for His Sister to Freeze Her Eggs. Too Weird?

We have two grown children: a son, 39, and a daughter, 36. They are both doing well, but our son has a great deal more money than our daughter. He recently married and has a baby on the way — thanks, in part, to his wife’s having frozen some of her eggs when she was younger. (Our daughter is currently single.) Our son would like to offer the gift of egg freezing to his sister, which is expensive. The issues: Is this gift too weird for a brother to give his sister? If not, who should make the offer: our son — who is not super close to his sister, who can be prickly — or me? Finally, is there a whiff of pity in this gift?

MOM

Let me start with an important issue that has nothing to do with freezing eggs. In my family, my mother often provided shuttle diplomacy when there was an awkward issue between my brothers and me. I am sure she thought she was helping us by inserting herself in our disagreements. (I did!) But the upshot is that now, after she is gone, she has three adult sons who can barely communicate with one another. Do not do this to your children.

Your son is capable of making his kind offer to your daughter himself. It’s possible she will dismiss it out of hand. (You have not reported that she is even interested in having children. Not all women are!) But since he and his new wife are actual poster children for the benefits of egg freezing, it’s hard to see how even a prickly sibling could construe the offer as pitying. And if your daughter’s objection were to the size of the gift or to her brother’s involvement with her reproductive choices, she can refuse it — though even that takes nothing from his thoughtfulness.

Tell your son that he and his wife should make the offer to her privately, in person and soon. (A letter, for instance, without her brother’s caring voice may be misinterpreted. And the medical literature notes a drop-off in the efficacy of the procedure as women age.) As for your question about the weirdness of this gift, let me answer with the modified lyrics of an R&B classic: If a loving gesture to a sister is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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Last year, I had a falling-out with an old friend. A mutual acquaintance, with whom I was having a conflict, pressed my friend to take sides. Despite telling me privately that he thought I was right, my friend decided to remain neutral. (He was not willing to damage his professional relationship with our acquaintance.) I found this behavior to be snakelike, and I have not spoken to him since. The rub: Before all this, I had lent my friend a library of books that I couldn’t store in my apartment with the understanding that I would take them back when I had room for them. That time has come, but I have no interest in rekindling our friendship or initiating a détente to beg for my books. What should I do?

FRIEND

I would start by examining your reaction here. It’s entirely natural to want our friends to support us. But here, there was no reason for your friend to take sides in a squabble that did not concern him. And unless there was some muddiness in your agreement with him to reclaim your books once you had room for them, collecting them does not require any “détente” if you are truly committed to this feud. Simply thank your friend for keeping your books — because, like it or not, he did you a favor — and ask him when it would be convenient for you to pick them up.

Last year, my partner’s parents bought a home four blocks from ours. They are kind people, but I’ve had to draw some boundaries: They must knock, for instance, if they drop by without telling me in advance. My partner wants to see them every day, and he expects me to want the same. I am comfortable seeing them once a week for dinner. But when I express this to my partner, he becomes upset and accuses me of rejecting his family. How do I navigate this?

PARTNER

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The central problem here seems to be with your partner, not your in-laws. His characterization of your openness to weekly visits — a perfectly reasonable concession — as a rejection of his family is unfair and overdramatic. In my experience, when partners are at very different starting points in hashing out conflicts, it may be a good time to engage a couples therapist to help guide your negotiation.

I am a freelance writer. When I tell friends what I’m working on — building my Instagram following, for instance, or applying for an artist’s residency — they ask, “Does that pay?” I find this insulting! I don’t ask about their compensation. Thoughts?

FREELANCER

I get your annoyance. But I think your friends are trying to understand your work life — not calculate your income. People with 9-to-5 jobs may not understand the importance of social media or institutional affiliations to editors. And while it is certainly not your job to explain the business model of freelancing, isn’t it nice that they’re showing an interest in your work? (If it isn’t, stop talking about it.)


For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on X.

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Lifestyle

The iconic South African theater that took on apartheid

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The iconic South African theater that took on apartheid

Performers Percy Mtwa, left, and Mbongeni Ngema in a scene from “Woza Albert” at the Market Theatre in Johannesburg, South Africa, in 1981.

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JOHANNESBURG, South Africa—When it first started in the 1970s, South Africa’s Market Theatre staged plays considered to be so subversive that it became a regular target of the apartheid government’s zealous censors.

Even the fact that its audiences were made up of Black and white South Africans mingling together was unheard of in a city where the law separated areas and people by race.

The theater, established in an old fruit and vegetable market in central Johannesburg, was born at a pivotal time in “the Struggle” — the fight against the apartheid government. It opened its doors just days after the 1976 Soweto uprising changed the country forever.

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Youth took to the streets to protest schools teaching in the Afrikaans language and the ensuing government crackdown saw hundreds killed.

“So, we opened our doors three days after that event,” says the theater’s current artistic director Greg Homann. “The Market Theatre has been forged in those days of June 16 and now has really carried the weight of telling the national story of South Africa all the way through the dark years of apartheid.”

This year, the theater, where legendary South Africans like actor John Kani and playwright Athol Fugard made their names, is celebrating its 50th anniversary.

John Kani arrives at the premiere of "Murder Mystery 2" on Tuesday, March 28, 2023, at the Regency Village Theatre in Los Angeles.

John Kani arrives at the premiere of “Murder Mystery 2” on Tuesday, March 28, 2023, at the Regency Village Theatre in Los Angeles.

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In that half century it produced plays of international renown, including “Woza Albert,” “Sophiatown,” and “Sizwe Banzi is Dead,” and the hit musical “Sarafina” — about the Soweto uprising.

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“Sarafina,” written by jazz musician Hugh Masekela, went on to Broadway and became a Hollywood movie starring Whoopie Goldberg.

But many initially doubted it would survive. Tony-award-winning actor John Kani said he was stunned when the theatre’s founders Barney Simon and Mannie Manim first told him their vision.

“I thought these two whities were nuts, it’s not going to work, and they said to me and Athol Fugard that it’s going to be open to all. I said what are you talking about, it’s ’75, ’76” Kani recalled in a 2014 interview.

But despite his initial reservations, Kani said, “my entire career fell in place on this stage.”

Still, there were times when it was touch and go.

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The theater “was often raided. Actors were sometimes in some kind of danger,” Homann says.

And often, apartheid government censors turned up.

“They would then go onto stage and they would start doing their censorship in front of the audience,” he continues. “And it almost became like a second act of the production where the censorship was actively part of the work.”

‘No Black, no white’

Then there was the fact it was a place where all races could mix, with the theater’s directors cleverly finding loopholes to circumvent the law.

“At one point our bar was sold for one rand, so, you know, the equivalent of 50 American cents, so that it was privately owned,” says Homann.

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Being privately owned meant that audience members of color “could stand in that space legally,” he explains. “But if they stepped one meter into the foyer they were illegal by apartheid laws.”

United States First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, left, and Vice President Al Gore applaud during a variety musical performance of "Sophiatown" by members of the Market Theatre Company on Monday, May 9, 1994 in Johannesburg. Rev. Jesse Jackson is seated behind Gore.

United States First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, left, and Vice President Al Gore applaud during a variety musical performance of “Sophiatown” by members of the Market Theatre Company on Monday, May 9, 1994 in Johannesburg. Rev. Jesse Jackson is seated behind Gore.

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While the theater’s work helped spread the message of the anti-apartheid movement at home and abroad, some white audience members were triggered. 

“Quite a number of times I’ve seen them whites. You know, they get up,” recalls director Arthur Molepo, a theater veteran who has been involved with the Market since its inception.

“You see a man grabbing a woman and just walking out during the play, meaning they were angry, of course, or they’re not agreeing or believing what we’re saying,” said Molepo.

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Still, he remembers the early years of the market as a heady time.

“There was no black, there was no white. We were just a whole group, a whole bunch. So we were making things, making theater,” he says.

An image from the February 2026 production of "Marabi" at the Market Theatre.

An image from the February 2026 production of “Marabi” at the Market Theatre.

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This year Molepo directed a new production of an apartheid-era play — “Marabi.”

From the applause and standing ovation it was clear the subject matter still resonated, even with what appeared to be a mainly Gen Z and millenial audience who never knew life under apartheid.

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The story follows a Black family’s struggles in the first half of the twentieth century and ultimately ends with their forced removal from their home under the white government’s racial segregation laws.

Gabisile Tshabalala, 35, played the lead role in Marabi, but she grew up in a free South Africa and doesn’t remember apartheid.

However, the actress says: “Theater is extremely important for young South Africans….especially as Black people…we get to tell our stories.”

And the theater isn’t content to rest on it’s historic laurels.

It “tells the South African story,” says Homann. “whatever that might be of its day.”

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“So during the ’80s, that was the story of the fight against apartheid. More recently, it’s the challenges of a young democracy.”

Issues like access to education, corruption, and gender-based violence are all being tackled on stage as the Market turns 50, with South Africans hoping for many more years of thought-provoking theater.

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L.A. Times Concierge: I live in O.C. My kids live in Santa Clarita. Looking for nice spots to meet halfway.

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L.A. Times Concierge: I live in O.C. My kids live in Santa Clarita. Looking for nice spots to meet halfway.

My husband and I live in Mission Viejo. Our older son, his wife and two children (ages 5 and nearly 4) live in Newhall. We love spending time together, but it’s quite a trek on the 5 Freeway. Last year, we went to the aquarium in Long Beach, which was great fun. Another day, we enjoyed a day of hiking and a picnic at Placerita Canyon Nature Center near my son’s home. We would love some suggestions about other places to visit which would maybe be a little more centrally located and fun for the whole family. Thanks
— Cathy McCoy

Looking for things to do in L.A.? Ask us your questions and our expert guides will share highly specific recommendations.

Here’s what we suggest:

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Cathy, I understand your pain. Driving 80 miles can feel like an odyssey, especially in SoCal. Thankfully, there are loads of fun places where your family can meet in the middle (or close to it). I’ve rounded up some solid options. By the way, the driving times mentioned here are a rough estimate for a weekend day without traffic, but as you probably know, your actual time may vary.

Since you all enjoyed the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach, how about switching it up and spending the day with a different set of animals at the Montebello Barnyard Zoo for your next outing? That would be about a 40- to 50-minute drive for both of you. Open since 1968, the zoo is home to horses, goats, sheep and donkeys that you can pet (and feed for an extra $3). If you’re feeling adventurous, you can ride a pony or take a leisurely trip on a John Deere tractor train. “It’s a great place for young ones to learn that animals outside the home need and deserve the same kind of care that we show our pets,” Etan Rosenbloom writes in a Times guide to things to do with kids around L.A. General admission is $11, and you can sometimes find deals on Groupon as well. Afterward, head to Blvd Mrkt, a food hall in downtown Montebello that sells a variety of food so everyone can get what they want.

Another great option is the South Coast Botanic Garden on the Palos Verdes Peninsula, which might be about an hour drive for both of you. I learned about this spot from my dear late colleague Jeanette Marantos, who was a gardening expert in her own right. The garden, which has more than 2,500 species of plants and five miles of trails, also includes a kids area, which features “a nursery rhyme theme with a large dollhouse, a charming bridge and plants matched to the stories,” Marantos wrote. My editor Michelle Woo also loves this garden. “You can take a leisurely walk along the accessible loop trail or get really into the nooks and crannies of the place, discovering trees with giant roots that kids love to climb on and koi fish swimming in a shaded pond,” she says, adding that she’s excited for Thomas Dambo’s trolls exhibit that opens Sunday. If you get hungry, you can stop by Dottie’s at the Koi Pond, which sells food, beer, wine and specialty cocktails on Saturdays and Sundays. Carry-in food is permitted if pre-prepared.

If you’re interested in space travel, you should visit the Columbia Memorial Space Center, which is the ultimate cosmic playground. Located in Downey (known as “home of the Apollo”) — about a 40-minute drive for you and a 50-minute drive for your son’s family — the recently renovated museum features a play area, robotics lab and interactive exhibits on space exploration, including a shuttle landing simulator. Admission is $5 for adults and kids, $3 for seniors ages 65 and up and free for children ages 3 and under.

Speaking of aviation, another spot worth checking out is the Proud Bird in El Segundo, about a 45- to 50-minute drive for both of you. Here, you can enjoy delicious bites as you watch planes land at Los Angeles International Airport, which is just a couple of miles away. Woo calls it “the perfect spot for a multigeneration gathering.” “Our extended family once celebrated Christmas there when everyone was too tired to cook,” she adds. “You can order solid barbecue from Bludso’s, have a drink by a bonfire pit and let the kids play on the playground as planes fly by.” She also suggests the Point in El Segundo. It’s an open-air shopping and dining center that has a large lawn where the kids can play and the grownups can grab a drink from Lil’ Simmzy’s.

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I hope these recommendations are useful as you plan your next family outing (and that they also save you some gas money). Whatever you end up doing together, I’m sure that your family, especially the little ones, will just be grateful to spend quality time with you. Have fun!

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Sunday Puzzle: Vowel Renewals

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Sunday Puzzle: Vowel Renewals

Sunday Puzzle

NPR


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Sunday Puzzle

On air challenge

I’m going to give you some seven-letter words. For each one, change one consonant to a vowel to spell a new word.
Ex. CONCEPT  –>  CONCEIT

1. REVENGE

2. TRACTOR

3. PLASTIC

4. CAPTION

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5. SCUFFLE

6. POMPOMS

7. MOBSTER

8. LINKAGE

9. TEMPERS

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Last week’s challenge

Last week’s challenge came from Joseph Young, of St. Cloud, Minn. Name an animal. The first five letters of its name spell a place where you may find it. The last four letters of this animal will name another animal — but one that would ordinarily not be found in this place. What animals are these?

Challenge answer

Stallion —> Stall, Lion

This week’s challenge

This week’s challenge comes from Peter Gordon, of Great Neck, N.Y. Name some tools used by shoemakers. After this word place part of a shoe. The result will be the subject of a famous painting. What is it?

If you know the answer to the challenge, submit it below by Thursday, April 2 at 3 p.m. ET. Listeners whose answers are selected win a chance to play the on-air puzzle.

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