Health
Mom’s Gripes About Sister-in-Law Put Daughter in a Bind
My mother is hypercritical of my brother’s wife, to the point that she blames my sister-in-law for my brother’s “failings” (not getting a better job, not taking better care of his health, etc.). It has gotten worse now that there are grandchildren. My mother constantly criticizes how my sister-in-law is raising the kids, who are lovely and adore their grandparents.
Although my mother will occasionally raise criticisms with my sister-in-law and brother, I am mostly her audience.
I have a great relationship with my sister-in-law, and when my mother goes off on one of her rants, I defend her. I tell my mother how lucky she is to have such wonderful grandchildren, and point out that my brother is an adult who makes his own decisions. This just leads to an argument between my mother and me.
When I finally told my mother how much it hurts me to hear her say these things about my sister-in-law, she said that she needed to air her frustrations with someone. I want to be there for my mother, but I don’t like being put in this position. How do I navigate this?
From the Therapist: The short answer to your question is that you can navigate this by no longer engaging in these conversations. But I imagine you already know this. What you might be less aware of is that you aren’t being “put in this position” of supportive daughter, protective sister-in-law and unwilling confidante. You’ve chosen it, and it’s worth examining why you’ve signed up for a job you don’t want — and what makes it hard to resign.
Usually when we find ourselves repeatedly engaging in uncomfortable family patterns, it’s because they echo familiar roles from our childhood. It sounds as if you’re struggling with enmeshment, a relationship pattern in which boundaries between family members become blurred or are nonexistent.
Think of enmeshment as being like two trees that have grown so close together that their branches have become intertwined. While this might look like closeness, it actually prevents either tree from growing in a healthy way. In your case, your mother’s emotions and grievances have become so entangled with your own emotional life that it’s hard to distinguish where her feelings end and yours begin.
You mention wanting to “be there” for your mom even though these conversations hurt you. Many adult children who struggle to say no to their parents grew up serving as their parents’ emotional support system, or absorbing their parents’ feelings, even at the expense of their own. When you told your mother how much her venting hurt you, she responded not by acknowledging your feelings, but by asserting her need to “air her frustrations.” Her response reveals something important: She sees you as a vessel for her emotional overflow rather than as someone with valid feelings of your own. And yet, despite your hurt, you’re still more concerned about her feelings than yours.
You’re asking how to navigate this situation, but I think the deeper question is: How can you begin to value your own emotional needs?
You can start by reframing what it means to make a reasonable request, which is essentially what setting a boundary is. A boundary isn’t about pushing someone away. Instead, it’s about making a bid for connection. It’s saying: “I want to feel good being close to you, but when you do X, it makes me want to avoid you. Help me come closer.”
Establishing a boundary consists of three steps:
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State the issue and the desire to come closer (what will make this possible): “Mom, I love you and want to support you, but these conversations about my sister-in-law put me in an impossible position and make me want to avoid talking with you, which I know isn’t what either of us wants. I’m happy to talk about other things together, but in order to keep our relationship strong, I need this topic to be off limits.”
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Set the boundary (what you will do): “If you’re struggling with their choices, I’m happy to support you in finding a therapist who can help you work through these feelings. But if you bring up these frustrations with me, I’m going to end the conversation and we can talk another time about other things.”
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Hold the boundary (do what you say): A boundary isn’t about what the other person will or won’t do. A boundary is a contract with yourself. If you say you’ll end the conversation when your mom brings up your sister-in-law, you need to hold that boundary every single time. If you end the conversation only 90 percent of the time, then why would the other person honor your request when 10 percent of the time, you can’t honor it yourself? Honoring your request might sound like: “Mom, I’m going to end the conversation now because I’m not comfortable talking about my sister-in-law. I love you, and we’ll talk later.”
If you start to feel guilty, remember that just because someone sends you guilt doesn’t mean you have to accept delivery. Remind yourself that when you become your mother’s outlet for criticism of your sister-in-law, you’re participating in a cycle that strains loyalties and causes you personal distress. And keep in mind that being a good daughter means setting boundaries that encourage our parents to grow, rather than enabling patterns that harm our family relationships.
Want to Ask the Therapist? If you have a question, email askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By submitting a query, you agree to our reader submission terms. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
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A decades-long effort to develop a vaccine against one of the world’s leading causes of severe digestive illness has reached a milestone, according to new research.
Scientists recently developed a technology targeting enterotoxigenic Escherichia coli (ETEC), a bacterium responsible for millions of diarrheal illnesses each year.
The technology has now been licensed to French vaccine manufacturer Valneva for further development.
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The findings come after decades of research led by scientists at the University of Bergen and the Norwegian Research Center (NORCE).
One of the most common bacterial causes of severe diarrhea worldwide, ETEC is known to disproportionately affect children in low- and middle-income countries. Despite years of research, there is currently no broadly effective vaccine to prevent the infection, according to the study.
Researchers have made a major breakthrough in the decades-long effort to develop a vaccine against ETEC, a leading cause of diarrheal disease worldwide. (iStock)
The researchers focused on a toxin produced by ETEC that has long been considered one of the biggest obstacles to vaccine development.
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James Fleckenstein, MD, a professor of medicine and molecular microbiology at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, said the findings represent a promising step.
“We still have a lot of work to do to translate these findings to an actual vaccine,” Fleckenstein, who was not involved in the research, told Fox News Digital. “But the approach does look promising in the sense that the proteins elicit strong antibody responses that appear to offer protection against diarrheal illness after the first infection in children in developing countries.”
ETEC is a leading bacterial cause of severe diarrhea worldwide, especially among children in low- and middle-income countries. (iStock)
If the vaccine eventually reaches patients, researchers hope it could help protect children against some of the most severe forms of diarrheal disease caused by ETEC.
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In the meantime, Fleckenstein said travelers can take steps to reduce their risk of diarrheal illnesses. He recommends avoiding high-risk foods — including meals from street vendors in areas where sanitation may be poor — drinking bottled water in higher-risk regions, and practicing good hand hygiene.
While a vaccine is still years away, experts recommend avoiding high-risk foods, drinking bottled water and washing your hands to reduce the risk of ETEC. (iStock)
Fleckenstein also noted that vaccines are available to protect against typhoid fever, and said travelers should consult their physician before traveling internationally.
The research did have some limitations, the researchers noted.
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The technology is still in development and has not yet been tested as an approved vaccine among the public.
While the licensing agreement allows Valneva to continue advancing the research, additional laboratory studies, clinical trials and regulatory review will be required before the vaccine becomes available.
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Bryan Johnson, a biohacker and longevity guru who has claimed “we may be the first generation who won’t die,” revealed he has an autoimmune condition causing his stomach to “eat itself.”
The Los Angeles-based tech entrepreneur, 48, has previously shared publicly that he is hoping to live until the year 2140, when he would in theory be 160 years old.
Now, Johnson says he has been diagnosed with autoimmune gastritis (AIG), a chronic autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks the stomach’s acid-producing parietal cells, reducing stomach acid and impairing vitamin B12 absorption, according to Nature Reviews Disease Primers.
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“My stomach is eating itself,” he wrote in an Instagram post. Johnson also shared that anywhere from 2% to 5% of people likely have this disease.
“I’m going to try to solve it,” Johnson went on. “Will share all.”
Bryan Johnson, a biohacker and longevity guru who has claimed “we may be the first generation who won’t die,” revealed he has an autoimmune condition causing his stomach to “eat itself.” (Getty Images)
The biohacker shared that as a child, he ate sugary cereal, drank sugary soda and “gobbled down fast food.”
“I became a young father of three and began building a business,” Johnson went on. “Juggling that stress and grind, I let my health slip and gained 40 lbs. Within a few years I’d fallen into a deep, chronic depression.”
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“Somewhere in that timeline, my body began developing an autoimmune process affecting my thyroid and then my stomach lining,” he added.
Fox News Digital reached out to Johnson for comment.
AIG can remain hidden and can be challenging to diagnose, Johnson noted, often surfacing years after damage has already occurred to the stomach. It can cause iron deficiency, B12 deficiency and anemia, and can also increase the risk of stomach cancer, the expert warned.
“Low iron stores get normalized and rarely investigated at all when anemia hasn’t shown up yet,” Johnson wrote. “That blind spot is what hid mine for a decade.”
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He also shared that for 11 years, he has had low levels of ferritin, a protein that stores iron inside the body’s cells. Ferritin releases iron when the body needs it, supports muscle function and carries out other essential processes.
“We continually tried to raise my iron levels with food and supplementation, but nothing would work,” he said.
The Los Angeles-based tech entrepreneur, 48, has previously shared publicly that he is hoping to live until the year 2140. (Getty Images)
Johnson acknowledged that some common biohacking techniques — including hard training, sauna and hyperbaric oxygen — all raise the body’s demand for iron.
“But none of them explained the core failure: Despite me taking iron orally, trailing every formulation and using every timing trick, none of the iron would stick.”
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Johnson underwent a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy, which examined his entire intestinal tract. Five biopsies were also taken from his stomach, which found “clear signs of early autoimmune gastritis: early atrophy confined to the acid-producing lining.”
In January 2026, the biohacker stated in a post on his website that “by 2039, my goal is immortality.”
“In the age of AI, multiomics, and custom-built DNA, proteins and cells, no condition should be presumed incurable simply because no one has yet tried to cure it with today’s stack,” Johnson said in his post. (Getty Images)
He detailed his strategy for defying aging, which includes embracing a strict regimen to slow or stop biological aging, using AI to accelerate longevity research, testing new treatments in lab-grown cells and organs, and reaching “longevity escape velocity” — in which medical advances would eventually extend lifespan faster than he ages.
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“I may fail at this task, but my team and I will try our best,” he wrote at the time.
There is currently no cure for AIG, which Johnson said he wants to change.
Johnson acknowledged that some common biohacking techniques — including hard training, sauna and hyperbaric oxygen — all raise the body’s demand for iron. (iStock)
“In the age of AI, multiomics, and custom-built DNA, proteins and cells, no condition should be presumed incurable simply because no one has yet tried to cure it with today’s stack.”
Johnson ended his post by urging others to prioritize their health.
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“Care for yourself, care for others, care for the planet and care for our animal friends. Care for life, as it’s the most precious gift there is.”
The longevity guru also shared an image showing the detailed findings of his five stomach biopsies.
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At 93, sprightly referee Frank Foster is still brandishing red and yellow cards and running the field three times a week for his local soccer association.
Having taken charge of around 5,500 matches over a 46-year officiating career, the great-grandfather credits his longevity and match-day stamina to a lifetime of healthy habits and a foundational diet, news agency SWNS reported.
Foster puts his remarkable fitness down to the strict wartime rations he was fed as a teenager, noting that it ensured he grew up eating “healthy food” rather than “sweets and cakes.”
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Decades later, his game-day preparation is still fueled by wholesome nutrition, always starting with a morning bowl of oatmeal, cereal or marmalade on toast to give him the energy to last the full 90 minutes.
The meal keeps him active enough to referee men’s, women’s and children’s games, a hobby he jokes he will never blow the final whistle on.
Frank Foster started refereeing in 1980. Today, he still officiates men’s, women’s and children’s games around three times a week. (SWNS)
His sharp mind and authoritative presence on the field are just as strong as his physical endurance.
A military veteran who aced his referee exam in 1980 with a 98% score, Foster relies on old-school discipline to keep matches under control, SWNS reported.
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He believes modern elite officials are too “soft” and allow player antics to ruin the sport. To maintain order and keep players from acting out, he lays down strict ground rules before kickoff. He has no patience for intimidation or theatrical diving. “Those who go down like they have been shot, well, I would just book them,” he said.
He is equally uncompromising when squads try to crowd him on the field.
Frank Foster is pictured before he became a referee. (Frank Foster/SWNS)
“I wouldn’t let them surround me at all,” Foster told SWNS.
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“I would say to the players, ‘Stay where you are,’ and ‘If you move one more inch, I will give you a yellow card.’ You need to stamp your authority and let them know who is in control.”
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He also avoids the modern stress of video-reviewing plays, which he believes creates unnecessary “aggression and disappointment” over microscopic offside calls, adding, “I think it spoils the game.”
Foster credits his longevity to wartime rations, adding that he avoided sweets. (SWNS)
“Sometimes it is only the player’s toe that is offside — it is ridiculous.”
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Foster says he “never thought” he’d still be doing this at age 93, but he makes the most of that gift.
He keeps his kit freshly washed, making sure it is “neat and tidy” for when he gets on that field.
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Foster, of South Yorkshire, England, also scrubs his black Adidas boots after every game, making sure they are “nice and clean” for his next match.
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