By MELISSA KOENIG FOR DAILYMAIL.COM

Published: 01:41 BST, 11 May 2025 | Updated: 01:46 BST, 11 May 2025

Legal and financial experts have revealed how couples who meet and remarry later in life can avoid nasty inheritance battles. 

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Americans 65 and older are increasingly getting remarried following the death of their spouse or a divorce, according to research from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University. 

But those finding love in their golden age may need to work out how they would split their assets – including real estate and retirement accounts.

They may also have disagreements over whose adult children inherits what.

To avoid these issues, Lee Meadowcroft, of Skinner Law in Portland, Oregon, told the New York Times he advises couples to simply keep their bank accounts separate – though he noted that it is difficult to maintain separate accounts.

‘Keeping everything separate seems to work the best, but it’s a rare couple who can actually do that for a long time,’ Meadowcroft admitted.

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‘Although there are ways of protecting finances and keeping things very clear, practically, those things fall apart.’

In those cases, Meadowcroft suggested it may be better for older couples to simply stay together but not remarry.

Lee Meadowcroft, of Skinner Law in Portland, Oregon suggested older couples keep their assets separate

Americans 65 and older are increasingly getting remarried following the death of their spouse or a divorce

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‘It can get so messy and it can cause so many problems,’ he said.

Michael Fiffik, a managing partner at Fiffik Law Group in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania agreed – noting that marriage triggers inheritance rules for certain retirement assets.

If one spouse has a retirement account, for example, they may be required to name the other as a beneficiary.

But if the spouse with the account wanted to bequeath the asset to someone else – say a child – he or she would have to get their new spouse to legally cede their right to it.

For some widows and widowers, remarriage may also mean forfeiting pension or Social Security benefits.

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To avoid these issues, Meadowcroft recommended what one of his client couples, who were both in their 80s did and have a ceremonial marriage – but never actually obtain a marriage license.

‘They said, in the eyes of God, they’re married,’ Meadowcroft recounted. 

‘The state’s purpose for marriage doesn’t have anything to do with that. It’s simply who gets your stuff when you die.’ 

Sometimes it may make more sense for an older couple to not remarry

But for those who do decide to remarry, experts recommend taking a number of precautions – including getting a prenuptial agreement, life insurance and putting assets in a trust.

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‘Having a prenup is important because it forces a conversation of what happens if this marriage ends because of death,’ Ginger Skinner, a colleague of Meadowcroft’s who works as a founder of an estate law practice in Portland, explained.

She noted that the discussion in itself can bring to light assumptions or differences between spouses, even if it is uncomfortable.

Life insurance, meanwhile, allows people to allocate assets intended to be inherited by spouses or children from previous relationships.

And for those who have significant assets, trusts can protect their financial legacy. 

00:00 Speaker A

Picking a partner is one of the most consequential decisions you can make in your financial future. But nearly a third of Americans are uncomfortable discussing money in their relationship, according to a recent survey from Talker Research. Joining me now to talk all things finances and relationships, we’ve got Patty Assay, a finance expert with more than 1 million followers on TikTok. She’s also the author of a new book, “Never Date a Broke Dude: The Financial Freedom Playbook.” Patty, great to have you here in studio.

00:28 Patty Assay

Thank you for having me.

00:30 Speaker A

Okay. So, as we think about this, I got to ask you, how do you define a broke dude? We should just get that out of the way.

00:36 Patty Assay

Yeah. I’m so glad you asked that, because being a broke dude has very little to do with your bank account. It’s someone who regardless of gender can’t match your ambition, drive, commitment, or work ethic, right? You want someone that matches your energy. You can’t be hustling, and the person sitting on the sofa, eating Cheetos. And I always say you don’t have to match me dollar for dollar, but you do have to match me hustle for hustle. So, that’s what’s important.

01:01 Speaker A

And so when it comes to relationship red flags, what should people be on the lookout for?

01:06 Patty Assay

All right. I’m going to give you three. The first one is if they ask to borrow money. That tells you that they’re not good with money because they’re asking to borrow money, and that they’ve run through all their friends, all their families, and haven’t paid them back, and now that they’re asking you to borrow money. That’s a huge red flag. The next one is the person that’s always in between jobs, can’t get a job, can’t find a job, don’t have a job. They don’t want a job, all right? And that person is not going to change. And lastly, if a person doesn’t want you to earn your own income, or insists on merging accounts, that means that they’re trying to control you with your finances, and that’s a huge red flag.

02:00 Speaker A

There are plenty of, of stereotypes and expectations around dating, namely that a man should pay for everything. That’s one of the most popular. You say that that’s outdated. Explain more on that.

02:16 Patty Assay

That is so outdated, because what women don’t understand is that notion came from the patriarchy. The patriarchy created that, because women couldn’t work. We couldn’t have their own bank accounts. So we were dependent on men for our finances, and that was a means of control. So today, if a woman expects a man to pay for everything, she has to understand that in exchange for that money, she’s giving up her power and control over her own life. So each people, they should be financially independent, and they should contribute to the finances of the relationship.

02:51 Speaker A

And so as you’re starting that contribution together, what are some of the early steps for the conversations about merging finances, about making sure that for all the goals that you’ve collectively set together that you’re hitting those in stride?

03:04 Patty Assay

Sure. There’s I, I put seven in the book, but I’ll just give you a few. So the first one is, you want to make sure that your financial goals align. Maybe you want to buy a house and build investments, and the other person wants to live in an apartment, and they’re happy that way. Your financial goals have to align. You have to know, are you a saver? Are you a spender? What are your money habits like? You also have to know what their credit score is, because you can’t even rent an apartment without a good credit score, right? I mean, it’s crazy. What their debt to income ratio is, how much money they make, whether you have to support other people later on in life, like maybe you want to support your parents, and the other person’s like, “No. Why? I don’t want that.” So those are all the conversations that you need to have before you say, “I do,” because by that time, it’s too late.

04:04 Speaker A

And so as you’re thinking about people who’ve successfully picked right partnerships, and, and had those conversations, and made sure that they are charting that path forward together, where have you seen them continuously have check-ins over time as well, and how important are those check-ins?

04:22 Patty Assay

Those check-ins are huge. And you really need to have a check-in every six months. You need to sit down, put it on the calendar, because if you don’t, you’re not going to remember. Every six months, you’re going to sit down and you’re talk- going to talk about your financial goals. “Are we there yet? What can we do to get there? Are you frustrated about something? Am I frustrated about something?” Get those out on the table, because that’s going to help you in the long run.

04:52 Speaker A

Just lastly, while we have you here, how do you understand perhaps the changes that need to be made when your financial priorities change as well over time? Say, you’re starting a family. Or say you’re looking to own a home in the future.

05:05 Patty Assay

Right. So you need to sit down and figure out how much money you need in the future, and what budgeting you need to do now, because if you just have a child, it’s so expensive, and if you’re not ready for it financially, it’s a huge strain on the relationship. So anytime there’s things that are upcoming, sit down, talk about it, and make sure that you’re on the same page.