Culture
Glennon Doyle and the ‘We Can Do Hard Things’ on the Inspiration Behind Their New Book
Susan Hagen, 48, was practically vibrating with excitement. She would soon be in the same room with three women who had helped her through some of the shakiest, most vulnerable moments in her life, even though they didn’t know it.
Hagen, a New Jersey resident, had braved the pouring rain and Times Square crowds to attend a sold-out talk by the best-selling memoirist Glennon Doyle; her soccer Hall of Famer wife, Abby Wambach; and Amanda Doyle, Glennon’s sister and co-founder of the women’s media company — hosts of the podcast “We Can Do Hard Things.”
“The podcast has gotten me through so many things,” Hagen said, noting that she had read Glennon’s 2020 memoir, “Untamed,” no less than four times. Much like the author, Hagen got divorced and came out as gay in her 40s. The books, the podcast, all of it helps her feel as if she is not alone, she said.
It’s a sentiment I heard again and again when speaking to fans (mostly women) who filled the Town Hall theater in Manhattan on Monday — the woman in her 70s who, like Glennon, has been in eating disorder recovery for years; the queer woman in her 40s who, like Wambach, is navigating the ups and downs of stepparenting; the lawyers who give “Untamed” to clients reeling from the messiness of divorce.
“We can do hard things” has long been gospel for Glennon stans — it’s the title of the trio’s new book, out this week. The project was born, the women say, out of concurrent personal crises that walloped them as hard as anything had so far in their lives. They started writing it as a survival guide for themselves as much as anyone else.
Over the course of a year, Wambach’s oldest brother, Peter, died unexpectedly; Glennon, who had struggled with disordered eating throughout her life, was diagnosed with anorexia; and Amanda was treated for breast cancer.
“For the first time,” Glennon wrote, “we were all drowning at the same time.”
At roughly 500 pages long, the new book is a compilation of snippets from conversations the women have had with 118 podcast guests they call “wayfinders” (in a metaphorical sense) — including Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson and their celebrity pals, like Elizabeth Gilbert and Brandi Carlile. The quotes are themed around what the authors believe to be the 20 life questions people tend to ruminate over. Among them: Why am I like this? How do I figure out what I want? Why can’t I be happy?
Though the “We Can Do Hard Things” crew are superstars in the self-help world, they are collectively confronting a kind of midlife existential ache and throwing up their hands as if to say: We don’t have any answers!
“I have these glimpses where life makes sense for, like, a millisecond at a time,” Amanda, 47, a lawyer who is known as “Sister” on the show, told me during an hourlong Zoom call with the threesome shortly before they were to head out on tour. But soon enough, she admitted, “I am back in a place where I am angry at everyone in my life, and I don’t know why I feel like crap, and suddenly that elusive peace is gone.”
Aiming for ‘51 Percent’
When I spoke to the women, the mood was friendly but subdued. They listened to one another attentively, occasionally chiming in with a “yes,” or “that’s good!” Glennon, who in “Untamed” exhorted women to tap into their inner, wild cheetahs, seemed especially reflective.
“It’s very funny because all of my work before this was like, ‘Look inside yourself, there are the answers,’” Glennon, 49, said. “Now at 50 I’m like, hmm. Sometimes I look inside myself, and myself is very confused.”
Though the women regularly field listener questions on the podcast — and quote themselves throughout the book — they bristled when I asked whether they were surprised that people would come to them for advice. Even the word feels “icky,” Amanda said. The women simply tell the truth about their life experiences, she insisted, without shame. And they are unafraid to ask hard, ugly questions.
“We backed into these questions, because over 400 conversations with the wisest people we know, it was obvious they were dealing with the same questions,” Amanda said. “If Brandi Carlile and Michelle Obama and Ina Garten and Roxane Gay are all struggling with these same things, it makes me feel like: ‘Oh, it’s just the human condition. It’s not that I’m failing to figure out life. It’s that this is the way life is.’”
These days, Glennon lives by the axiom that life is 49 percent “brutal,” she said, “just nonsensical mess.” But it is also 51 percent beautiful, and that 51 percent is what keeps her going. (The authors dedicated the book to their children with the inscription: 51 percent.)
Her wife has embraced the Glennon-ism as well. “I’ve won gold medals,” Wambach, 44, said. “I’ve won world championships. Many people would say, ‘OK, you were living at 100 percent there!’ But my internal life didn’t experience that 100 percent.” Wambach struggled with depression and abused alcohol and prescription pain medications. She got sober after a very public D.U.I. arrest in 2016.
Now, on any given day, if she experiences 51 percent “enough-ness” and “contentedness,” Wambach said, “that was a banger of a day.”
The Pod Squad
Glennon admitted that sometimes when she shares ideas that she finds inspirational — like the 51 percent concept — with people in her life, they tell her, “That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard,” she laughed. But the “We Can Do Hard Things” audience, the highly engaged Pod Squad, doesn’t seem to mind. Every week, several million listeners tune into episodes on topics like friendship, sex, loss, parenting and politics.
The crowd on Monday was rapturous — murmuring appreciatively when Amanda confessed to feeling emotionally stuck after her cancer diagnosis and erupting into laughter as Glennon told a story about a recent foray into microdosing mushrooms. They cheered when the women, who are outspoken critics of President Trump, joked about the political might of menopausal women, and belted along earnestly as Tish Melton, Glennon’s 19-year-old daughter, closed out the show with her original song “We Can Do Hard Things.” (It is the podcast’s theme song.)
But the women inspire equally fervent dislike as well, with some observers accusing them of navel-gazing and narcissism. Glennon recently quit social media — a change she said was as good for her heart and nervous system as quitting drinking was — and began a paywalled newsletter on Substack to avoid trolls, she said. She abruptly left the platform amid accusations she was siphoning off readers from less-established writers. “I thought it might feel different than social media,” she wrote in an email after the New York show. “It didn’t.”
A side effect of being very public people — who talk about very personal stuff — is that the women seldom make it through the grocery store without someone confiding in them, or asking a difficult question.
Glennon, an avowed introvert, tries to see those interactions as a two-way street: If she has built a following based on being raw and vulnerable, she expects fans to roll with it if she is candid with them about catching her on a bad day.
“I actually don’t have to put on a fake smile, entertain, be a fake version of myself in that moment,” Glennon said, seemingly to herself as much as to me. “That’s what I tried to do for 10 years, to constantly make the other person comfortable, because I felt like I owed the moment something. And that made me very tired and confused and stressed out.”
But the Pod Squad seems to find comfort in the women’s commitment to honesty and in their aversion to the idea that anyone — least of all them — has the answers.
“There’s a difference between saying to people, ‘Here’s a map,’” Glennon told me, “and saying to people, ‘Here are some snapshots from the trip I took when I walked that road.’”
Culture
6 Poems You Should Know by Heart
Literature
‘Prayer’ (1985) by Galway Kinnell
Whatever happens. Whatever
what is is is what
I want. Only that. But that.
“I typically say Kinnell’s words at the start of my day, as I’m pedaling a traffic-laden path to my office,” says Major Jackson, 57, the author of six books of poetry, including “Razzle Dazzle” (2023). “The poem encourages a calm acceptance of the day’s events but also wants us to embrace the misapprehension and oblivion of life, to avoid probing too deeply for answers to inscrutable questions. I admire what Kinnell does with only 14 words; the repetition of ‘what,’ ‘that’ and ‘is’ would seem to limit the poem’s sentiment but, paradoxically, the poem opens widely to contain all manner of human experience. The three ‘is’es in the middle line give it a symmetry that makes its message feel part of a natural order, and even more convincing. Thanks to the skillful punctuation, pauses and staccato rhythm, a tonal quality of interior reflection emerges. Much like a haiku, it continues after its last words, lingering like the last note played on a piano that slowly fades.”
“Just as I was entering young adulthood, probably slow to claim romantic feelings, a girlfriend copied out a poem by Pablo Neruda and slipped it into an envelope with red lipstick kisses all over it. In turn, I recited this poem. It took me the remainder of that winter to memorize its lines,” says Jackson. “The poem captures the pitch of longing that defines love at its most intense. The speaker in Shakespeare’s most famous sonnet believes the poem creates the beloved, ‘So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, / So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.’ (Sonnet 18). In Rilke’s expressive declarations of yearning, the beloved remains elusive. Wherever the speaker looks or travels, she marks his world by her absence. I find this deeply moving.”
“Clifton faced many obstacles, including cancer, a kidney transplant and the loss of her husband and two of her children. Through it all, she crafted a long career as a pre-eminent American poet,” says Jackson. “Her poem ‘won’t you celebrate with me’ is a war cry, an invitation to share in her victories against life’s persistent challenges. The poem is meaningful to all who have had to stare down death in a hospital or had to bereave the passing of close relations. But, even for those who have yet to mourn life’s vicissitudes, the poem is instructive in cultivating resilience and a persevering attitude. I keep coming back to the image of the speaker’s hands and the spirit of steadying oneself in the face of unspeakable storms. She asks in a perfectly attuned gorgeously metrical line, ‘what did i see to be except myself?’”
‘Sonnet 94’ (1609) by William Shakespeare
They that have power to hurt and will do none,
That do not do the thing they most do show,
Who, moving others, are themselves as stone,
Unmovèd, cold, and to temptation slow,
They rightly do inherit heaven’s graces
And husband nature’s riches from expense;
They are the lords and owners of their faces,
Others but stewards of their excellence.
The summer’s flower is to the summer sweet,
Though to itself it only live and die;
But if that flower with base infection meet,
The basest weed outbraves his dignity.
For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;
Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
“It’s one of the moments of Western consciousness,” says Frederick Seidel, 90, the author of more than a dozen collections of poetry, including “So What” (2024). “Shakespeare knows and says what he knows.”
“It trombones magnificent, unbearable sorrow,” says Seidel.
“It’s smartass and bitter and bright,” says Seidel.
These interviews have been edited and condensed.
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Culture
Classic and Contemporary Literature From France, Japan, India, the U.K. and Brazil
Literature
FRANCE
According to the writer Leïla Slimani, 44, the author of ‘The Country of Others’ (2020).
Classic
‘Essais de Montaigne’ (‘Essays of Montaigne,’ 1580)
“France is a country of nuance with a love of conversation and freedom and an aversion to fanaticism. It’s also a country built on reflexive subjectivity. Montaigne reveals all that, writing, ‘I am myself the matter of my book.’”
Contemporary
‘La Carte et le Territoire’ (‘The Map and the Territory,’ 2010) by Michel Houellebecq
“Houellebecq describes France as a museum, where landscape turns into décor and where rural areas are emptying out. He shows the gap between the Parisian elite and the rest of the population, which he paints as aging and disoriented by modernity. It’s a melancholic and yet ironic novel about a disenchanted nation.”
JAPAN
According to the writer Yoko Ogawa, 64, the author of ‘The Memory Police’ (1994).
Classic
‘Man’yoshu’ (late eighth century)
“‘Man’yoshu,’ the oldest extant collection of Japanese poetry, reflects a diversity of voices — from emperors to commoners. They bow their heads to the majesty of nature, weep at the loss of loved ones and find pathos in death. The pages pulse with the vitality of successive generations.”
Contemporary
‘Tenohira no Shosetsu’ (‘Palm-of-the-Hand Stories,’ 1923-72) by Yasunari Kawabata
“The essence of Japanese literature might lie in brevity: waka [a classical 31-syllable poetry form], haiku and short stories. There’s a tradition of cherishing words that seem to well up from the depths of the heart, imbued with warmth. Kawabata, too, exudes more charm in his short stories — especially these very short ‘palm-of-the-hand’ stories — than in his full-length novels. Good and evil, beauty and ugliness, love and hate — everything is contained in these modest worlds.”
INDIA
According to Aatish Taseer, 45, a T contributing writer and the author of ‘Stranger to History: A Son’s Journey Through Islamic Lands’ (2009).
Classic
‘The Kumarasambhava’ (‘The Birth of Kumara,’ circa fifth century) by Kalidasa
“This is an epic poem by the greatest of the classical Sanskrit poets and dramatists. The gods are in a pickle. They’re being tormented by a monster, but Shiva, their natural protector, is deep in meditation and cannot be disturbed. Kama, the god of love, armed with his flower bow, is sent down from the heavens to waken Shiva. Never a wise idea! The great god, in his fury, opens his third eye and incinerates Kama. But then, paradoxically, the death of the god of love engenders one of the greatest love stories ever told. In the final canto, Shiva and his wife, the goddess Parvati, have the most electrifying sex for days on end — and, 15 centuries on, in our now censorious time, it still leaves one agog at the sensual wonder that was India.”
Contemporary
‘The Complex’ (2026) by Karan Mahajan
“This state-of-the-nation novel, which was published just last month, captures the squalor and malice of Indian family life. Delhi is both my and Mahajan’s hometown and, in this sprawling homage to India’s capital, we see it on the eve of the economic liberalization of the 1990s, as the old socialist city gives way to a megalopolis of ambition, greed and political cynicism.”
THE UNITED KINGDOM
According to the writer Tessa Hadley, 70, the author of ‘The London Train’ (2011).
Classic
‘Jane Eyre’ (1847) by Charlotte Brontë
“Written almost 200 years ago, it remains an insight into our collective soul — or at least its female part. Somewhere at the heart of us there’s a small girl in a wintry room, curled up in the window seat with a book, watching the lashing rain on the window glass: ‘There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. …’ Jane’s solemnity, her outraged sense of justice, her trials to come, the wild weather outside, her longing for something better, for love in her future: All this speaks, perhaps problematically, to something buried in the foundations of our idea of ourselves.”
Contemporary
‘All That Man Is’ (2016) by David Szalay
“Though he isn’t quite completely British (he’s part Canadian, part Hungarian), Szalay is brilliant at catching certain aspects of British men — aspects that haven’t been written about for a while, now updated for a new era. Funny, exquisitely observed and terrifying, this novel reminds us, too, how absolutely our fate and our identity as a nation belong with the rest of Europe.”
BRAZIL
According to the writer and critic Noemi Jaffe, 64, the author of ‘What Are the Blind Men Dreaming?’ (2016).
Classic
‘Memórias Póstumas de Brás Cubas’ (‘The Posthumous Memoirs of Brás Cubas,’ 1881) by Machado de Assis
“Not only is it experimental in style — very short chapters mixed with long ones; different points of view; narrated by a corpse; metalinguistic — but it also introduces an extremely ironic view of the rising bourgeoisie in Rio de Janeiro at the time, revealing the hypocrisy of slave owners, the falsehood of love affairs and the only true reason for all social relationships: convenience and personal interest. After almost 150 years, it’s still modern, both formally and, unfortunately, also in content.”
Contemporary
‘Onde Pastam os Minotauros’ (‘Where Minotaurs Graze,’ 2023) by Joca Reiners Terron
“The two main characters — Cão and Crente — along with some of their colleagues, plan to escape and set fire to the slaughterhouse where they work under exploitative conditions. The men develop sympathy for the animals they kill, and one of them becomes a sort of philosopher, revealing the sheer nonsense of existence and the injustices of society in the deepest parts of Brazil.”
These interviews have been edited and condensed.
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Culture
6 Myths That Endure
Literature
The Myth of Meeting Oneself
“This is evident in Virgil’s ‘Aeneid’ (circa 30-19 B.C.) when Aeneas witnesses his own heroic actions depicted in murals of the Trojan War in Juno’s temple, and again in Miguel de Cervantes’s ‘Don Quixote’ (1605-15) when Quixote enters a printer’s shop and finds a book that has been published with fake details about his quest even as he’s living it,” says Ben Okri, 67, the author of “The Famished Road” (1991) and “Madame Sosostris and the Festival for the Brokenhearted” (2025). “In both stories, individuals throw themselves into the world and think they encounter objects, personae, obstacles and antagonists, but what they actually encounter is themselves. In our time, where our actions meet us in the echo chamber of social media, the process is magnified and swifter. Now a deed doesn’t even have to take place for it to enter the realm of reality.”
The Myth of Utopia
“I’ve always had trouble with the idea of utopia, feeling it derives its energy more from what it wishes to dismantle than what it wishes to enact,” says the T writer at large Aatish Taseer, 45, the author of “Stranger to History: A Son’s Journey Through Islamic Lands” (2009). “Ram Rajya, or the mythical rule of the hero Ram in the Hindu epic ‘Ramayana’ (seventh century B.C.-third century A.D.), like all visions of perfection, contains a built-in violence.”
The Myth of Invisibility
“Invisibility bears power and powerlessness at the same time,” says Okri. “In ancient cultures, it was a gift of the gods. Jesus, for example, walks unrecognized among his disciples, and in Greek myths, Scandinavian legends and ancient African tales, heroes are gifted invisibility in the form of cloaks, sandals or spells. Modern works like the two ‘Invisible Man’ novels, by H.G. Wells (1897) and Ralph Ellison (1952), and the ‘Harry Potter’ novels (1997-2007) by J.K. Rowling reach back to those ideas. But today, people talk about visibility as the highest form of social agency, while invisibility can render a whole class, race, caste or gender unseen.”
The Myth of Steadiness vs. Speed
“‘The Tortoise and the Hare,’ one of Aesop’s fables (sixth century B.C.), doesn’t necessarily strike a younger person as promising — possibly it has a whiff of morality in it,” says Yiyun Li, 53, the author of “A Thousand Years of Good Prayers” (2005) and “Dear Friend, From My Life I Write to You in Your Life” (2017). “But the longer I live and work, the more I understand that it’s the tortoiseness in a person that carries one along, not the swiftness of the mind and body of the hare.”
The Myth of Magic
“Ancient magical tales like Homer’s ‘Odyssey’ (late eighth to early seventh century B.C.) were allegories of transformation, of secret teachings,” says Okri, “whereas modern forms of magic are narrative devices and tropes of storytelling that continue the child’s wonder of life. I think of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘The Great Gatsby’ (1925), Gabriel García Márquez’s ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’ (1967) and, again, the ‘Harry Potter’ books. The intuition of magic persists even in these atheistic and science-infested times, where nothing is to be believed if it can’t be subjected to analysis. This is perhaps because the ultimate magic confronts us every day in the mystery of consciousness. That we can see anything is magical; that we experience love is magical; and perhaps the most magical thing of all is the imagination’s unending power to alter the contents and coordinates of reality. It hides tenaciously in the act of reading, which is the most generative act of magic.”
The Myth of the Immortal Soul
“ ‘The soul is birthless and eternal, imperishable and timeless and is not destroyed when the body is destroyed,’ says Krishna in the ‘Bhagavad Gita’ (second century-first century B.C.). This belief in the immortality of the soul — what used to be called Pythagoreanism in ancient Greece — is still the most pervasive myth in India,” says Taseer, “and has more influence over behavior and how one lives one’s life than any other.”
These interviews have been edited and condensed.
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