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In defense of helicopter parents

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In defense of helicopter parents

This column is the latest in a series on parenting children in the final years of high school, “Emptying the Nest.” Read the previous installment, about relearning how to be alone at home, here.

I recently saw a headline in the New York Times that I thought was the answer to my prayers: “Anxious Parents are the Ones Who Need Help.”

Yes, please, I thought, hoping to find acknowledgment of all the very real forces that can turn any parent into an anxious mess.

Things like school shootings, worsening teen mental health, the ongoing debate over the danger of smartphones, the rising cost of a college education, the growing restrictions on female reproductive rights, the housing crisis, the opioid crisis, the fentanyl crisis, and, of course, the climate crisis.

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As I prepare to launch my third child out of the nest, my personal and parental anxiety is at a fever pitch; I’ll take any offer of help I can get.

Alas, it was not to be. The piece, written by a senior staff psychiatrist at Boston University Health Services, focused exclusively on parental anxieties that can arise during a child’s college experience, particularly freshman year.

In a tone as kind and generous as possible, the author advised parents to just try to detach and chill.

It’s something parents hear all the time, when they are not being inundated with every type of story that can fit under the headline “The Kids Are Not Alright”: Modern American parents need to stop trying to control every moment of their children’s lives and relax.

Wouldn’t that be nice? To just, you know, let it all go and relax?

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To be fair, I absolutely plan to relax, at least a little, once I have deposited my third and youngest child at the college of her choice.

(This may be wishful thinking. Her current top picks include three UCs, each with an average admission GPA of 4.0, and an out-of-state school that costs — as the young woman leading the orientation informed us with a completely straight face — $90,000 a year.)

After we sent our older kids to college, my husband and I left them to their own devices, which worked out just fine — though I can see why some parents feel justified in demanding that their child have a VIP college experience when the sticker price, as it is for Boston University, is $82,000.

But honestly, it’s the time before college that can turn even the most stoic, no-nonsense parent into an insomniac mess.

Because no one gets more dire warnings, eye-rolling criticism or conflicting information thrown at them than parents.

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The kids, we are told repeatedly, are not doing well. They are depressed, they are anxious, they hate their bodies. They are addicted to their phones, don’t know how to make friends, can’t read or do math well enough and are easy prey for sexual predators and brainwashing extremists. They don’t want to work, they can’t find work, and the work they do find doesn’t offer benefits and they can’t afford to live close to it.

Try to prevent or mitigate any of the above and you risk being labeled neurotic, a “helicopter parent.” Take a more hands-off approach and you’re accused of being uninvolved or neglectful.

Occasionally it is acknowledged that larger forces — gun violence; overcrowded schools stripped of arts and vocational programs; racism, sexism, homophobia; the unregulated force of social media — could be contributing factors in our children’s perceived problems.

More usually, however, the parents somehow shoulder the blame.

Either we’re not giving our children enough free time or we’re not monitoring what they do. We’re too fixated on conventional definitions of success or we’re pressuring them to be unconventional. We’re not allowing them to make their own mistakes and face the consequences or we’re not seeing signs of trouble early and getting them the help they clearly need.

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All on our own, by the way. As research shows, the historic safety nets of extended family and involved community are increasingly frayed by mobility and the economic necessity of a two-income family, and nothing has been offered to replace them.

If you can afford help, you are faced with inevitable criticism for putting your kids in day care or “handing them over” to a nanny, a relationship that often raises issues of economic disparity, immigration status and racism.

And it doesn’t end when the little geezers turn 18 or graduate from college. Parents of young adults are increasingly expected to force them to be independent while also either underwriting their rent/down payments or allowing them to return home.

But sure, parents are anxious because they are paranoid control freaks.

I love being a parent, and most of the time I simply ignore the endless criticism that has been spewed my way. You don’t think I should breastfeed in public / put my kids in day care / let them have sleepovers / give them smartphones /track those phones’ locations / enroll them in club sports / encourage them to have birth control, Narcan and fentanyl testing strips on hand? I don’t remember asking you.

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And if you are not willing to come to my house and cook a meal or empty this damn dishwasher, I really don’t want to hear it.

But in recent years, I have felt myself wilt, felt myself waver, felt myself surrender to all the studies and opinion pieces and become a big hot mess.

Perhaps it was the pandemic, which traumatized so many of us in so many ways. Perhaps it’s just because my youngest is, and always will be, the baby of the family. But I find myself beset by second-guessing.

She seems happy. Is that happiness real? She’s doing well in school. Is she too worried about grades? She has a job, participates in extracurriculars. Is her schedule too full? She has an active social life. Is wherever she’s going safe? She seems a little down. Is she clinically depressed?

It’s exhausting and slightly ridiculous: “Don’t choke on the one-yard line,” I tell myself. In a few months, she’ll be 18; in a year, she’ll be out the door. But then what?

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I’m not a helicopter parent, a term I have come to loathe. But I am currently an anxious one. And you know what? That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to be.

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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Tarot

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Movie Review – Tarot

Read Time:1 Minute, 16 Second

Tarot, the name of this movie, can be credited as the best thing about it. While the movie had a healthy pace and an interesting storyline, the acting was forced at best, and it was exceptionally predictable. I’m all over these types of movies, and I couldn’t leave fast enough.

If you are looking for an edge of your seat, nail biting horror movie you are going to be sorely disappointed. If you’re cleaning your house and need some background noise, then you’ve found your match. Unless you have to pay for it, then I would skip it.

——Content continues below——


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I hate dogging movies like this, however it’s warranted here. Tarot is simply not worth your time, there’s other options out there.

Grade: D+

About The Peetimes: I recommend the 2nd Peetime. It’s pretty long and most of the Peetime was shown in the trailers. The 1st one works just as well but it is a little bit shorter.

There are no extra scenes during, or after, the end credits of Tarot.

Rated: (PG-13) Horror Violence | Drug Content | Bloody Images | Some Strong Language | Terror
Genres: Horror
Starring: Avantika, Olwen Fouéré, Jacob Batalon
Director: Spenser Cohen, Anna Halberg
Writer(s): Nicholas Adams, Spenser Cohen, Anna Halberg
Language: English
Country: United States

Plot
When a group of friends recklessly violates the sacred rule of Tarot readings, they unknowingly unleash an unspeakable evil trapped within the cursed cards. One by one, they come face to face with fate and end up in a race against…

 

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Don’t miss your favorite movie moments because you have to pee or need a snack. Use the RunPee app (Androidor iPhone) when you go to the movies. We have Peetimes for all wide release films every week, including Fall Guy, The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, Civil War and coming soon Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, IF, Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga and many others. We have literally thousands of Peetimes—from classic movies through today’s blockbusters. You can also keep up with movie news and reviews on our blog, or by following us on Twitter @RunPee.
If there’s a new film out there, we’ve got your bladder covered.

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Britney Spears twisted her ankle but is safe at home after Chateau Marmont 911 call

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Britney Spears twisted her ankle but is safe at home after Chateau Marmont 911 call

Britney Spears had a fight with her boyfriend at Chateau Marmont this week, resulting in paramedics being called to the vaunted Hollywood establishment and the pop star leaving the hotel with her own security team, The Times has confirmed.

The “… Baby One More Time” singer injured her foot and was not treated by medical personnel but is fine and safe at home, The Times confirmed Friday.

Spears, 42, appeared to address the incident Thursday, declaring on Instagram that “the news is fake” after a wide-reaching TMZ report about her and boyfriend, Paul Soliz, cited sources who feared that she had a “mental breakdown” at the hotel. The Grammy Award winner confirmed that she twisted her ankle and alleged that paramedics “showed up at my door illegally.”

“They never came in my room but I felt completly [sic] harassed. I’m moving to Boston !!! Peace,” wrote Spears, whose past erratic behavior resulted in her infamous 13-year conservatorship that was terminated in 2021.

Late Thursday, Spears posted a video showing her swollen ankle and saying that she injured it while she was trying to do a leap in the living room of her hotel suite. She said she “fell and embarrassed herself” and that the paramedics’ arrival “caused this huge scene, which was so unnecessary” when all she needed was ice.

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“It is actually pretty bad, but s— happens,” the “Toxic” and “Hold Me Closer” singer said in the video.

Spears’ personal attorney Mathew S. Rosengart declined to comment Friday when reached by The Times. A Chateau Marmont spokesperson did not immediately respond to a message requesting comment.

It’s unclear who called authorities.

Brian Humphrey, a spokesman for the Los Angeles Fire Department, confirmed Friday that the agency had received a 911 call to the Chateau Marmont at 12:42 a.m. Thursday but, citing medical privacy rules, could not identify the person the call was made for.

Humphrey confirmed that paramedics were dispatched to the hotel after a caller requested aid for an adult female who had been injured. He said the caller did not offer specifics about the injury.

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“At this time it is not clear if the crew encountered the injured person or offered any medical assistance,” he said, adding that the ambulance left Chateau Marmont at 1:17 a.m. without transporting the person and that there was no law-enforcement response.

Humphrey had no comment on the allegations Spears made on social media.

In the caption of Spears’ Thursday video post, she alleged that her mother, Lynne Spears, was probably involved in the incident, which was documented in part by paparazzi. She also complimented Rosengart, who spearheaded the effort that released her from the conservatorship of her personal and financial affairs that was installed in 2008 after a spate of high-profile incidents.

“I know my mom was involved !!! I haven’t talked to her in 6 months and she called right after it happened before the news being out !!! I was set up just like she did way back when !!!” Spears alleged in the post. “I wish I had grandparents !!! I can’t stand her !!! I honestly don’t care I will say it 👍🏻🤷🏼‍♀️ !!!”

Then, posting a photo of Rosengart, Spears added: “Psss this man is wonderful !!! He’s like a father to me and he got me through last night !!! I adore you and admire you mister Mathew !!!”

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Last week, Rosengart helped wrap up the singer’s years-long dispute with her father and former conservator, Jamie Spears, over payment of his legal fees and how he managed his daughter’s finances during the controversial legal arrangement.

“The Woman in Me” author also reached a divorce settlement agreement with estranged third husband Sam Asghari that was filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court earlier this week.

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Movie Reviews

Prasanna Vadanam Movie Review – Gulte

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Prasanna Vadanam Movie Review – Gulte

2.75/5


2 Hr 26 Mins   |   Thriller   |   03-05-2024


Cast – Suhas, Payal Radhakrishna, Rashi Singh, Viva Harsha, Nitin Prasanna and others

Director – Arjun Y K

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Producer – Manikanta J S, Prasad Reddy T R

Banner – Arha Media, Little Thoughts Cinemas

Music – Vijai Bulganin

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Suhas has become one of the bankable actors in Tollywood. He is now out with his latest film, Prasanna Vadanam, based on a man with face blindness. Directed by Arjun YK, let’s review the film here.

Plot

Surya(Suhas), a Radio RJ meets with a terrible accident and ends up with a rare disease named Prosopagnosia. Due to this, he gets face blindness and cannot identify the faces of people around him. One fine day, he witnesses the brutal murder of a young girl. He informs the cops but instead gets embroiled in the case. Left with no choice; he approaches top cop Vaidehi(Rashi Singh) for assistance. But things turn on its head and multiple cases are now filed on Surya. The rest of the story is about how Surya proves his innocence with the help of his girlfriend Adhya(Payal Radhakrishna).

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Performances

Suhas is known for his versatile characters gets a tailor-made role in Prasanna Vadanam. As he has a unique disease, the scope for him to perform uniquely is high in the film, and Suhas lives up to all the expectations. His performance in the second half is highly impressive and arrests you till the end. Nithin Prasanna, who was last seen in Ambajipeta Marriage Band, delivers yet another bankable performance. The various shades he showcased in his performance were impressive. Rashi Singh, who played the top cop, was decent, but she should have worked more on the expressions in the latter part of the film. Viva Harsha was okay, and so was Payal Radhakrishna.

Technicalities

Vijay Bulganin composed the music for the film, and his songs are quite ordinary. None of the songs register with the audience, but the background score is quite impressive. The sound design neatly elevates the proceedings and is composed in a stylish manner. The camera work is so-so and one cannot complain keeping the budget in mind. The production values are also okay, and there is nothing much to rave about. The editing is perfect as the narrative is crisp and to the point.

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Suhas
Interval twist

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Lag in the second half
Songs
Flashback

Analysis

Making thrillers is one of the biggest tasks for any writer-director. But newcomer Arjun YK has chosen a story with face blindness which is something new for Telugu cinema. So, this itself makes things interesting for Prasanna Vadanam. Prasanna Vadanam starts on a very interesting note, and the best part is that director Arjun does not waste any time entering the conflict point in the film.

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Once the heroine is introduced, the love track gets a bit boring, but that too passes, and things become interesting for the audience. Once the crime is committed, the concentration shifts towards the cops and how they will deal with the case. But the way director Arjun brings in the half-time twist is superb and unexpected. As the director reveals the man behind the murder, things become a bit difficult for the director to handle the proceedings.

This is when the proceedings become slow and a bit dull. Also, the reason behind the motive of the murderer is not showcased convincingly. Also, the way Suhas behaves in the second half looks a bit odd. As he has face blindness, the director could have added more drama and played with the effects, but that does not happen, and things move slowly until the pre-climax.

Director Arjun has potential and narrates the film well for the most part. However, way too many cinematic liberties and a lack of hold on emotions are some of the drawbacks. Prasanna Vadanam has decent moments that hold your attention. However, one needs to prepare for the pace and lack of depth in the proceedings as well.

Bottom Line – Passable Thriller

Rating: 2.75/5

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