00:00 Speaker A

Picking a partner is one of the most consequential decisions you can make in your financial future. But nearly a third of Americans are uncomfortable discussing money in their relationship, according to a recent survey from Talker Research. Joining me now to talk all things finances and relationships, we’ve got Patty Assay, a finance expert with more than 1 million followers on TikTok. She’s also the author of a new book, “Never Date a Broke Dude: The Financial Freedom Playbook.” Patty, great to have you here in studio.

00:28 Patty Assay

Thank you for having me.

00:30 Speaker A

Okay. So, as we think about this, I got to ask you, how do you define a broke dude? We should just get that out of the way.

00:36 Patty Assay

Yeah. I’m so glad you asked that, because being a broke dude has very little to do with your bank account. It’s someone who regardless of gender can’t match your ambition, drive, commitment, or work ethic, right? You want someone that matches your energy. You can’t be hustling, and the person sitting on the sofa, eating Cheetos. And I always say you don’t have to match me dollar for dollar, but you do have to match me hustle for hustle. So, that’s what’s important.

01:01 Speaker A

And so when it comes to relationship red flags, what should people be on the lookout for?

01:06 Patty Assay

All right. I’m going to give you three. The first one is if they ask to borrow money. That tells you that they’re not good with money because they’re asking to borrow money, and that they’ve run through all their friends, all their families, and haven’t paid them back, and now that they’re asking you to borrow money. That’s a huge red flag. The next one is the person that’s always in between jobs, can’t get a job, can’t find a job, don’t have a job. They don’t want a job, all right? And that person is not going to change. And lastly, if a person doesn’t want you to earn your own income, or insists on merging accounts, that means that they’re trying to control you with your finances, and that’s a huge red flag.

02:00 Speaker A

There are plenty of, of stereotypes and expectations around dating, namely that a man should pay for everything. That’s one of the most popular. You say that that’s outdated. Explain more on that.

02:16 Patty Assay

That is so outdated, because what women don’t understand is that notion came from the patriarchy. The patriarchy created that, because women couldn’t work. We couldn’t have their own bank accounts. So we were dependent on men for our finances, and that was a means of control. So today, if a woman expects a man to pay for everything, she has to understand that in exchange for that money, she’s giving up her power and control over her own life. So each people, they should be financially independent, and they should contribute to the finances of the relationship.

02:51 Speaker A

And so as you’re starting that contribution together, what are some of the early steps for the conversations about merging finances, about making sure that for all the goals that you’ve collectively set together that you’re hitting those in stride?

03:04 Patty Assay

Sure. There’s I, I put seven in the book, but I’ll just give you a few. So the first one is, you want to make sure that your financial goals align. Maybe you want to buy a house and build investments, and the other person wants to live in an apartment, and they’re happy that way. Your financial goals have to align. You have to know, are you a saver? Are you a spender? What are your money habits like? You also have to know what their credit score is, because you can’t even rent an apartment without a good credit score, right? I mean, it’s crazy. What their debt to income ratio is, how much money they make, whether you have to support other people later on in life, like maybe you want to support your parents, and the other person’s like, “No. Why? I don’t want that.” So those are all the conversations that you need to have before you say, “I do,” because by that time, it’s too late.

04:04 Speaker A

And so as you’re thinking about people who’ve successfully picked right partnerships, and, and had those conversations, and made sure that they are charting that path forward together, where have you seen them continuously have check-ins over time as well, and how important are those check-ins?

04:22 Patty Assay

Those check-ins are huge. And you really need to have a check-in every six months. You need to sit down, put it on the calendar, because if you don’t, you’re not going to remember. Every six months, you’re going to sit down and you’re talk- going to talk about your financial goals. “Are we there yet? What can we do to get there? Are you frustrated about something? Am I frustrated about something?” Get those out on the table, because that’s going to help you in the long run.

04:52 Speaker A

Just lastly, while we have you here, how do you understand perhaps the changes that need to be made when your financial priorities change as well over time? Say, you’re starting a family. Or say you’re looking to own a home in the future.

05:05 Patty Assay

Right. So you need to sit down and figure out how much money you need in the future, and what budgeting you need to do now, because if you just have a child, it’s so expensive, and if you’re not ready for it financially, it’s a huge strain on the relationship. So anytime there’s things that are upcoming, sit down, talk about it, and make sure that you’re on the same page.