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Goodbye To Trump’s Easy-Access, President-Ingratiating, Emoluments-Busting Washington Hotel

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Goodbye To Trump’s Easy-Access, President-Ingratiating, Emoluments-Busting Washington Hotel


When the Trump Group offers up its lease to the Trump Worldwide Resort in D.C. on the finish of April, sycophants, political campaigns and overseas governments could have one much less venue the place they’ll attempt to curry favor with the previous president.


At the grand opening of the Trump Worldwide Resort Washington, D.C. at 1100 Pennsylvania Ave. in October 2016, then-candidate Donald Trump known as it essentially the most coveted piece of actual property within the metropolis — “with the notable exception of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.”

Inside weeks, Trump managed each addresses. Favor seekers caught on quick. Candidates, overseas governments, underlings, members of the administration and wannabes of all stripes flocked to the venue for his or her conferences, their events, their fundraisers and even their weddings.

By this time subsequent week, nonetheless, Trump’s Washington resort might be just like the White Home — a historic, government-owned constructing now occupied by a competitor (on this case Hilton’s Waldorf Astoria). Whereas the previous president’s possession of the constructing’s lease is ending, reporting on what occurred there and dialogue over what precedents it set will proceed. As with the Trump White Home, it’ll take a long time to unpack what came about on the resort. A lot of it’s going to stay unknown. Did a overseas authorities e-book rooms however by no means use them? What secret offers have been made within the backrooms? Who ordered the $100 martini with caviar and oysters? And with high authorities officers lingering, consuming and making small speak, how a lot did overseas spies love hanging out within the foyer?

However with the work of reporters and congressional investigators in addition to social-media posts and, in a number of cases, disclosures from the Trump Group itself, we do know lots concerning the resort already. Listed below are a number of the key statistics.

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33

Overseas governments whose representatives have been noticed on the resort

Trump was nonetheless president-elect when the Embassy of Kuwait torched longstanding plans to have fun its Nationwide Day on the 4 Seasons, opting as a substitute for the Trump Worldwide. Azerbaijan and Bahrain have been simply as fast to step up by holding occasions at Trump’s resort earlier than he’d even taken the oath of workplace. It wasn’t simply lower-level apparatchiks or backbenchers popping up within the ballrooms and foyer. Malaysia’s prime minister, Romania’s president and two completely different prime ministers and Nigeria’s vp all paid tribute. Trump’s critics mentioned any cash paid to him by overseas governments or their representatives whereas he was president was a violation of the emoluments clause of the U.S. Structure. However in 4 years, the courts by no means got here near issuing a definitive ruling on the matter.

Different nations with authorities officers noticed on the resort embody Afghanistan, Albania, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Cyprus, Ecuador, Egypt, Georgia, Greece, India, Italy, Kosovo, Netherlands, Pakistan, Philippines, Qatar, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Serbia, South Korea, Sweden, Turkey, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates and the UK.


$3.75 million

The quantity of the resort’s income that Home Democrats calculated got here from overseas governments throughout the first three years of Trump’s presidency

“Primarily based on the typical every day fee for a room on the Trump Resort, this represents the price of greater than 7,400 room-nights bought by overseas governments,” in accordance with Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.), chair of the Home Committee on Oversight and Reform, and Rep. Gerald E. Connolly (D-Va.).


$459,320

The income from overseas governments the Trump Group mentioned it comprised of all its lodges, resorts and golf equipment throughout Trump’s presidency

In an try and mollify its critics, the Trump Group annually lower a verify to the U.S. Treasury for what the corporate mentioned have been its income from overseas governments. These funds, nonetheless, weren’t independently audited. There have been loads of loopholes too that allowed the Trumps to revenue. And the coverage relied on overseas officers figuring out themselves as such to Trump staff.

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?

U.S. authorities spending on the resort

A full accounting of how a lot taxpayer cash made its approach to the previous president’s pockets by way of his Washington resort will most likely by no means be revealed. In September 2020, the Washington Submit reported a minimum of $2.5 million in authorities funds have been to made all Trump properties, citing paperwork it obtained. Hopefully, extra spending particulars — just like the $1,600 steak dinner Division of Homeland Safety officers loved with overseas friends — might be made public from authorities investigations and responses to Freedom of Info Act requests. Hopefully.


1

Postponed plans for brand new FBI headquarters

The FBI’s present headquarters are a two-minute stroll throughout Pennsylvania Avenue from Trump’s resort. Transferring the bureau out of the decrepit J. Edgar Hoover Constructing had been within the works for years. However doing so would unencumber its present location for redevelopment, probably as a luxurious resort that will compete with the previous president’s enterprise. (The Trump Worldwide typically promoted itself as downtown Washington’s only five-star hotel.) The Trump administration reversed these longstanding plans to relocate FBI HQ. In 2018, Democrats on the Home Oversight committee alleged the president himself intervened within the decision-making course of. (FBI and Basic Providers Administration officers denied it.)

The entire train seems to have been a waste of time and taxpayers’ cash. Fifteen months after Trump left workplace, lawmakers reversed his reversal and the plans to relocate the FBI have been again on.

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0

Trump’s visits, as president, to Washington eating places aside from the steakhouse in his personal resort

In November 2017, Trump promised to begin consuming at Washington eating places aside from the one in his resort. He teased the idea again two years later. There’s no report of him ever having performed so.


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Members of Trump’s cupboard noticed on the resort (out of a complete of 38)

If there have been any questions on how Trump’s cupboard would reply to his innkeeper side-hustle, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin and Small Enterprise Administration head Linda McMahon answered them shortly by transferring into the resort, individually, whereas searching for everlasting digs. Trump’s high lieutenants additionally introduced the resort clients and publicity by headlining occasions. Secretary of Vitality Rick Perry addressed the Nationwide Mining Affiliation. Training Secretary Betsy DeVos popped in as an honored visitor to the Museum of the Bible’s $2,500-a-person opening gala. Or they simply ate dinner there, typically, as was the customized of Secretary of Homeland Safety Kirstjen Nielsen.

Different high members of the Trump administration noticed on the resort included Vice President Mike Pence, Secretaries of State Rex Tillerson and Mike Pompeo, Attorneys Basic Jeff Classes and William Barr, Secretaries of the Inside Ryan Zinke and David Bernhardt, Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue, Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross, Secretary of Labor Alex Acosta, Secretaries of Well being and Human Providers Tom Worth and Alex Azar, Secretary of Housing and City Improvement Ben Carson, Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao, Secretary of Vitality Dan Brouillette, Secretaries of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin and Robert Wilkie, Secretary of Homeland Safety John Kelly, Workplace of Administration and Funds Director Mick Mulvaney, Environmental Safety Company Directors Scott Pruitt and Andrew Wheeler, Chiefs of Employees Reince Priebus and Mark Meadows and Director of Nationwide Intelligence John Ratcliffe.

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U.S. Senators noticed on the resort or whose campaigns spent cash there (all Republicans besides Joe Manchin)

Thirty-five of the 65 Republicans who served within the Senate whereas Donald Trump was president helped him revenue from his resort. One Democrat did likewise (why sure, it was West Virginia’s Joe Manchin).

Members of the world’s biggest deliberative physique dined with the president, addressed tons of of active-duty troopers and posed by the Christmas tree. Different instances, their go to was extra of a personal affair, like when Sens. Tom Barasso (Wy.), Joni Ernst (Iowa) and John Hoeven (N.D.) huddled in a again room with Pence as a lobbyist for Quicken Loans looked on.

Different senators noticed on the resort: Marsha Blackburn (R–Tenn.), Roy Blunt (R–Mo.), John Boozman (R–Ark.), Invoice Cassidy (R–La.), John Cornyn (R–Texas), Tom Cotton (R–Ark.), Mike Crapo (R–Idaho), Ted Cruz (R–Texas), Cory Gardner (R–Col.), Lindsey Graham (R–S.C.), Chuck Grassley (R–Iowa), Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), Josh Hawley (R–Mo.), Cindy Hyde-Smith (R–Miss.), James Inhofe (R–Okla.), Ron Johnson (R–Wis.), John Kennedy (R–La.), Kelly Loeffler (R–Ga.), Joe Manchin (D-W.V.), Mitch McConnell (R–Ky.), Lisa Murkowski (R–Alaska), Rand Paul (R–Ky.), David Perdue (R–Ga.), Pat Roberts (R–Kan.), Mike Rounds (R–S.D.), Marco Rubio (R–Fla.), Ben Sasse (R–Neb.), Rick Scott (R–Fla.), Tim Scott (R–S.C.), Jeff Classes (R-Ala.), Dan Sullivan (R–Alaska), John Thune (R–S.D.) and Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.)

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$3.21 million

Marketing campaign spending on the resort since Trump’s election

Some highlights:

  • Republican Nationwide Committee: $845,000
  • America First Motion, Inc. (a pro-Trump tremendous PAC): $566,000
  • Trump Victory (the joint fundraising committee for the Trump marketing campaign and RNC): $254,000
  • Nice American Committee (a brilliant PAC affiliated with Pence): $237,000
  • Shield the Home (a joint fundraising committee for Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) and the Nationwide Republican Congressional Committee): $221,000
  • Senate Management Fund (a PAC affiliated with Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.)): $94,000

8

Trump political appointees who celebrated their weddings on the boss’ resort

Sorry, Omarosa, however the most-notable Trump underling to have fun nuptials on the boss’ resort was particular assistant to the president Stephen Miller, who celebrated his wedding ceremony to Pence’s press secretary Katie Rose Waldman there in February 2020. Simply weeks after the Trump administration declared the coronavirus a public-health emergency, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Kellyanne Conway and Mark Meadows joined a minimum of three members of Trump’s cupboard to fête the newlyweds. The president himself gave a toast, marking the third completely different Trump property he visited in a 27-hour span.

Different Trump administration officers to have fun their weddings at their patron’s resort embody Conway staffer Sarah Trevor and journey director within the govt workplace of the president William Russell, White Home coverage advisor (and a later a outstanding legal professional in makes an attempt to overturn the 2020 election) Emily Newman, and particular assistant to the vp Zach Bauer and senior coverage advisor on the Federal Housing Finance Company Meghan Patenaude.


61

Occasions hosted on the resort by particular pursuits, in accordance with a authorities watchdog

“That is pushed partially by ‘fly-in’ visits by particular pursuits on lobbying journeys to Washington,” in accordance with Residents for Duty of Ethics in Washington, which saved this tally. The Texas Trucking Affiliation, State Chamber of Oklahoma and Seasonal Employment Alliance have been among the many enterprise teams that kicked up some cash to the president whereas on the town.

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1

What number of days it took T-Cell’s CEO to indicate up within the resort’s foyer after his firm introduced a merger with Dash that would want authorities approval

$195,000

Approximate quantity T-Cell admitted to spending on the resort whereas the merger was pending

1

Variety of mergers between T-Cell and Dash the Trump administration accepted


$137 million

Income from his Washington resort that Trump reported as president

All through a lot of Trump’s presidency, one of many few snapshots the general public had into his resort’s funds have been the annual disclosures the president is required to file. Whereas that kind asks for earnings, Trump reported income as a substitute. (After all, most considerations across the resort concentrate on how a lot it was taking in and from whom, somewhat than the Trumps’ capacity to run a worthwhile enterprise.)

Trump reported income figures that have been related for every of the primary three years of his time period — between $40.4 million and $40.8 million. After that, enterprise appeared to say no, even earlier than Covid-19 restrictions kneecapped a number of of the resort’s income streams. In 12 months 4, Trump’s income was down to simply $15.1 million.


$73 million

How a lot cash the resort misplaced between 2016 and 2020, in accordance with an evaluation by the Home Oversight Committee

$173 million

Forbes’ October 2021 estimate of the worth of the resort

$370 million

What the resort reportedly offered for

$100 Million

How a lot it’s believed the Trumps will revenue from promoting the resort lease

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Crypto Giants Want to Buy Washington. They're Bankrolling Trump to Make It Happen

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Crypto Giants Want to Buy Washington. They're Bankrolling Trump to Make It Happen


Just before the three-day Bitcoin 2024 conference got underway in Nashville this week, Tyler Winklevoss, the bitcoin billionaire who founded the cryptocurrency exchange Gemini with his twin brother Cameron, had harsh words for presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris. He was incensed that after years of tension between the Biden administration and the crypto industry — many in the space have complained of a regulatory crackdown — the vice president had declined an invitation to the annual bitcoin extravaganza.

“She can’t even take the first step and show up to start mending fences,” Winklevoss tweeted on Wednesday. He added, ominously: “Our industry won’t forget this. We will show no mercy in November.” Earlier that day, Bitcoin Magazine CEO David Bailey, the organizer of the event, claimed in a tweet that a Democratic donor had told him Harris privately says that “Bitcoin is money for criminals.” (While the sum of money collected annually through crypto-based crime is in the billions, this represents a relatively small percentage of transactions.) Meanwhile, feverish rumors that an increasingly crypto-friendly Donald Trump might use his keynote speech at the conference to announce plans for adopting Bitcoin as a U.S. strategic reserve asset caused the price to surge. It had also soared after he survived an assassination attempt earlier this month, temporarily boosting confidence in his election bid.

But Harris had every reason to feel unwelcome at a bitcoin convention. Chief among them is that tech oligarchs and the crypto crowd have already thrown their lot in with Trump as they seek a freer hand in the economy of digital assets. Trump, meanwhile, has aggressively courted the movers and shakers of crypto finance, trying to sell himself as “the crypto president” who can reverse Joe Biden’s attempts to rein in the sector — this despite commenting himself in 2021 that bitcoin “seems like a scam.” In Saturday’s speech, Trump said that if he wins, “the United States will be the crypto capital of the planet and the bitcoin superpower of the world,” adding: “If crypto is going to define the future, I want to be mined, minted, and made in the USA. It’s not going to be made anywhere else. And if bitcoin is going to the moon, as we say … I want America to be the nation that leads the way, and that’s what’s going to happen. So you’re going to be very happy with me.”

Trump outlined several steps he would take to aid the crypto industry. “The day I take the oath of office, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ anti-crypto crusade will be over,” he said. Trump pledged, to great applause, that he would immediately fire Securities and Exchange Commission chair Gary Gensler, and replace him with an industry-friendly regulator. He said he would create a presidential crypto advisory council to create a new regulatory framework that would “benefit” the industry. And he warned the audience that if Democrats win in November, “every one of you will be gone. They will be vicious. They will be ruthless. They will do things that you wouldn’t believe.”

The remarks should fuel even more donations from crypto bulls already betting on Trump. Bitcoin Magazine‘s Bailey, for his part, committed to a goal of raising $15 million for Trump’s campaign during the Nashville event. Last month, the Winklevoss brothers — whose Gemini this year settled a lawsuit from the state of New York over a frozen crypto lending program, returning $2.2 billion to customers and paying a $37 million fine — pledged $1 million in bitcoin each to Trump’s campaign. The amounts exceeded the $844,600 maximum that the Trump 47 Committee, the joint fundraising group to which they donated, can legally accept from an individual, and the Winklevosses had the difference refunded. (Among other spending on GOP campaigns, the committee funnels money toward covering Trump’s legal bills.) They also each chipped in $250,000 for America PAC, the super PAC through which Elon Musk and allies are backing Trump.

Other America PAC donors include Shaun Maguire of VC firm Sequoia Capital, who has expressed interest in “legitimizing” crypto and announced a $300,000 Trump donation with a statement that argued “Democrats have been trying to regulate technology — especially open source AI and crypto in ways that incentivize the best builders to build outside of America.” He has poured half a million dollars into the super PAC. Ken Howery, a co-founder along with Peter Thiel of VC firm Founders Fund, which is heavily invested in crypto and blockchain technologies, has given $1 million. Another million came from Antonio Gracias, the former director of Tesla thought to have helped engineer the automaker’s purchase of $1.5 billion in bitcoin in 2021. His firm, Valor Equity Partners, invests millions in crypto businesses. Joe Lonsdale, co-founder of the software company Palantir and managing partner of the firm 8VC, gave $1 million to America PAC as well. Earlier this year, he mused on how artificial intelligence and crypto technologies could benefit one another.

And while he hasn’t donated to the PAC, Silicon Valley venture capitalist and close Musk associate David Sacks has given thousands directly to the Trump campaign. Two months ago, Sacks said he preferred Trump’s sudden crypto cheerleading to the Biden administration’s scrutiny. “It might have been pandering,” Sacks said at a business summit in May. “But at least he’s saying the right thing and Biden is not saying the right thing. At least if he’s pandering, there’s a higher chance that maybe he’ll do the right thing.” (Last year, on the tech and investment podcast All-In, Sacks floated the unsubstantiated claim that SEC chair Gensler, along with Sen. Elizabeth Warren, had forged an “alliance,” with Warren promising “she will make him Treasury Secretary if he basically destroys crypto in the U.S.”)

It’s not just about Trump, either. The super PAC Fairshake, bankrolled by crypto firms including Coinbase, Jump Crypto and Ripple, has become a major force in the financing of congressional races, backing candidates deemed allies of the industry and helping to unseat opponents including progressive Reps. Jamaal Bowman and Katie Porter with critical ads. It has received tens of millions from the Winklevosses and venture capitalists Marc Andreessen and Ben Horowitz of the firm Andreessen Horowitz, which invests in crypto companies. (Andreessen and Horowitz recently pledged to donate to Trump; Horowitz says the Biden administration “basically subverted the rule of law to attack the crypto industry.”) As of the end of June, Fairshake had close to $120 million in cash on hand, while two other crypto super PACs, Protect Progress and Defend American Jobs, have more than $5 million and nearly $2 million, respectively. The former has spent on media attacking Democrats pushing for consumer protections in crypto; the latter has doled out more than $15 million on endorsements for Republicans in the 2024 election cycle.

But while Trump had planned to ride this wave of cash by going after Biden for his record on cryptocurrency, it may be hard to use the same line against Harris, seen by some as potentially amenable to these businesses due to her background in tech-saturated San Francisco politics. And if a few major investors were stung to be snubbed by Harris this weekend, it’s still unclear what position she’ll take on the issue. On Friday, the Financial Times reported that Harris advisers have reached out to people close to crypto firms to try to “reset” relations with the industry.

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Even before Biden exited the race, the administration had made efforts to alleviate the bad blood between the White House and crypto evangelists, and the House passed a pro-crypto bill in May with support from 71 Democrats. Although Biden was not in favor of it, he did not say he would veto the legislation.

All the same, it would be ridiculous for crypto’s elite to try to disentangle their fortunes from Trump’s at this point, regardless of the direction Harris takes. They’ve made their pick and infused his campaign with considerable wealth, hoping for a president who takes a hands-off approach to their tokens and trading platforms. Now they just have to hope it’s enough to send Trump’s stock to the moon.





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Years after his dad drowned, this Commanders starter is teaching kids to swim

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Years after his dad drowned, this Commanders starter is teaching kids to swim


Cornelius Lucas III remembers everything about the day his father drowned on a family camping trip outside their home in New Orleans.

“We had a little campfire going. … I was running around. I was in and out the water, but I didn’t really go deep. My dad had went in the water deep a couple times, and I feel like this was his second or third time, maybe third or fourth time going back in the water.

“He literally asked me, ‘You want to come with me?’ I was like, ‘Nah, I’m just gonna stick back here and throw the football around.’ And I just remember seeing him walk out — as a kid, everything seemed bigger — but maybe like 40, 50 yards deep into the water. And then he — I saw his hands waving at me, and he just dipped underwater.”

People rushed out to help, but when they got there, they couldn’t find his father. He had been dragged under by a rip tide.

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“Forty-five minutes later, he floated back,” Lucas said.

“At the age of seven, I was out of having a dad, out of having my best bud, my best friend, my greatest — my best teacher, you know what I’m saying? Like, the guy that was put in this world to give me all the game that I’ve been searching for since then.”

Twenty-six years later, Lucas is a man, 6-foot-8, 327 pounds, a professional hitter with a goofball grin and the self-confidence he lacked growing up without his dad. Lucas believes his unlikely journey has led him to this moment with the Washington Commanders, where, entering the 11th season of his improbable NFL career, the longtime backup is competing for the huge role of starting left tackle and blindside protector for new franchise quarterback Jayden Daniels.

Lucas, 33, feels he’s doing well early in the competition with rookie Brandon Coleman, and unlike his first shot at being a full-time starter (his second season, with Detroit), he feels ready.

Many players who go undrafted out of college, as Lucas did out of Kansas State in 2014, get chewed up by the NFL. Their moment is darkened by the ever-present possibility of getting fired, and they’re often forced out of the league against their will, broken or brokenhearted. In his fifth year, Lucas was overwhelmed by repeated rejection and tried to quit by ignoring calls from his agent.

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It was in those difficult moments Lucas felt his father’s absence most.

“Outside of my coaches and my teammates to push me and tell me I could do this, I haven’t had someone I could call on and just tell them how I’m feeling, what’s going on,” he said.

“It’s really been a me situation. Like, me figuring it out. Me going home and sitting in silence for two hours because I got beat in practice, and I’m thinking about why I got beat and how I can’t get beat no more because I’m on the edge of getting cut, and you know — I’m saying it’s been stressful. ”

As he honed his skills, Lucas has grown mentally tough, observing people around him, looking for “life tidbits” and refining who he wants to be.

In 2018, everything came together. Lucas caught a break, played well in one game for his hometown New Orleans Saints and parlayed it into a job with Chicago, where he shined. In 2020, he signed a two-year deal with the Commanders, and in 2022, he signed another. Last summer, he felt like he finally “filled myself up enough to pour into others.”

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And he had an idea how: Swim camp. Every summer, NFL players host youth football camps across the country, and while he saw the value in them, he wanted to do something more personal. He attended pool parties growing up, even after his father’s death, but he still had never gone in a pool deeper than his height.

So he partnered with Son of a Saint, a nonprofit organization for fatherless boys in New Orleans, and figured he could show boys like him how to be a man and teach them a potentially lifesaving skill.

“I live in New Orleans, Louisiana,” Lucas said. “We are currently seven feet under sea level. In New Orleans, we get flooding. Hurricane Katrina, it was flooding for 45 days.”

This year, at his second camp, the only boy scared of the water was too big for anyone but Lucas to hold while learning to doggy paddle. Lucas encouraged him to go into the pool, urging him to fight their fear together.

“Trust me,” Lucas said. “I won’t let you drown.”

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Weeks later, Lucas left New Orleans for training camp extra motivated. His girlfriend — with whom he bonded, in part, over missing a parent — is pregnant with their first child, a son, due in early November. Sometimes, when Lucas notices her belly growing, it makes him want to go outside in the sun and practice.

“When he gets here, I just want him to see his daddy doing the right thing.”

Lucas wants to teach his son all the lessons he had to gather from others, such as how to mow the lawn or drive on the highway. He’s picking up even more from Instagram and TikTok. He hopes to one day teach his son to play tackle.

And he wants to throw his son in the water. He wants him to flail on his own at first, to fight to float, because he believes struggling will help his son get comfortable. Even if he doesn’t like to swim, Lucas’s top priority is for his son to never feel how he sometimes felt around water.

“He’s not gonna have a fear of it,” he said.

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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Fiancé secretly tracks ‘gold digger’s’ contribution to shared home

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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Fiancé secretly tracks ‘gold digger’s’ contribution to shared home


Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: My fiancé and I bought a house late last year, with help from his parents. Though we both make good salaries, he comes from a rich family, and I was raised by a single mom. His parents insisted on giving us the money for our down payment and closing costs, and my mom gave us a dishwasher, which was very generous of all of them and also appreciated.

We have been working like mad on fixing the house up to get it ready for our wedding. Neither of us is very experienced with DIY, so it’s been a difficult, stressful process and caused some tension between us. We were discussing what kind of flooring to get for the front hall, and I wanted the more expensive but easier-to-work-with stuff. We got into a fight that escalated to the point of him accusing me of being a gold digger who was after his money. I was in shock and asked him why he would think that, and he said, “Because you told me about how you grew up poor,” and he’s had the thought in the back of his head since we bought the house. He told me he has a spreadsheet where he keeps track of how much he’s spent on me versus how much I’ve spent on him and he has spent thousands more on me, not even counting the money his parents gave us.

I told him that didn’t sound right since we split all costs 50/50, and he admitted it included my engagement ring. It is a family heirloom his great-aunt gave him, but he was counting the value of it.

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Later he apologized, but I’m still hurt and angry. I feel paranoid that maybe his family said something. I’m really sad that all this time I’ve been loving him and thinking he was wonderful, and he’s been thinking this way about me and even documenting it so he could throw it in my face.

He’s said the spreadsheet is just an “anxiety thing” and he loves me and wants us to work on fixing things. I think I do, too, but then I think of what he said and I get overwhelmed. How can I get over this?

“Gold Digger”: Whoo. I don’t know. I don’t know that I could.

He not only has kept the thought in the back of his mind for months? years? that you have poor values and ulterior motives and can’t be trusted, but kept records in the event he needs to prove it.

I wish I had a more hopeful answer for you. But he either lashed out impulsively and didn’t mean it, or accidentally told the truth — those are the only two choices — and the first is a stretch when there’s a spreadsheet as evidence of the second.

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Plus, the first is so vicious in its own right.

He says he loves you, okay. But trusts? Respects? Believes in?

Does he feel lucky every day to be the person you chose?

Best case, “just an ‘anxiety thing,’” still casts you as a threat to be controlled. So the “work on fixing things” doesn’t sound like DIY, but instead couples counseling at the least.

The family paranoia, by the way, is wasted stress — each of you stands on your own authority in choosing your partner, 100 percent, or you’re not ready to be anyone’s partner. If he’s that susceptible to their influence, then the problem is still between the two of you, so that’s where your attention belongs.

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