Denver, CO
Asking Eric: Destination wedding leaves old friends adrift
Dear Eric: My husband and I recently attended a destination wedding 1,500 miles away for the daughter of friends we have known for more than 50 years. We gave a very generous cash gift, despite the fact that we are retired and on a fixed income. We received a perfunctory thank you note a month or so later.
We paid all of our other expenses for lodging, food, etc. The only meal we were invited to attend was the wedding reception, not even the rehearsal dinner, which other non-members of the wedding party attended.
Over five days we spent little to no time with our friends due to how busy they were with the wedding and the number of friends from their local world, who were unfamiliar to us.
Needless to say, it was a giant waste of time and lots of money. At this point, I wish we had just sent a card with a congratulatory note and our regrets. I’m resentful. Please, help me re-frame this to get over it.
— Destination Dread
Dear Destination: Whenever I’m deciding whether to attend a destination wedding or just send a gift, I always ask myself, “Am I interested in going on a pricey vacation to this place and entertaining myself for the entire time in exchange for one free meal?”
Because, while some couples do program all their guests from sun-up to sundown, it’s usually more financially and logistically feasible to only promise everyone the main event. So, I prepare to spend a lot of time on sightseeing tours or reading poolside – or I stay home.
Think of this wedding as a vacation that you probably wouldn’t have chosen for yourself but which you went on nonetheless. Were there enjoyable meals or moments from your time there? Focus on those.
I know you were hoping to have more time with your friends, but you should grant them some grace here. You felt left out of some of the special moments of the wedding, passed over in favor of other friends. I understand the expectation but try reframing your thinking.
See it less as a rejection than as an oversight that came from them juggling friends from multiple stages of life, far from home, on a logistically complex weekend. Any time they spent with other people was not time they were purposefully spending away from you.
Your feelings are valid. Five days is a long time and it’s OK to have gone in with an expectation that you’d be a bigger part of the event, and you should have received a nicer thank you. All that being said, take the good memories from your vacation and leave the rest. It’s not worth throwing away 50 years of friendship over.
Dear Eric: My two adult children sometimes privately criticize or demean the other in my presence. I don’t want to get involved in a defensive conversation about my children, even if I may understand the reasons for the comments. I try to respond with something constructive and change the subject, but sometimes the comments are so bitter it really upsets me.
We tried a few sessions of family counseling that were really unhelpful. How can a parent respond in a way that is loving without validating the animosity between two adults? Maybe my expectation that my children relate to each other as friends is unrealistic.
— Mom Not Mediator
Dear Mom: Animosity between siblings is one of the oldest stories in the book. What book? Honestly, choose just about any and you will find sibling animosity littered throughout history and myth. It’s amazing that people who share DNA and memories so often can’t seem to share the same space.
I understand how sad this makes you. A lot of parents feel guilt when their children don’t get along as adults. The underlying causes can be unpacked in family therapy, when it works for you, but at the end of the day sometimes people just don’t like each other. Not even a mother can make them see eye to eye. It’s hard to accept and it makes for difficult holiday dinners but there is a way forward.
You have to set a clear boundary with your children about what they can and can’t talk about with you. They’re taking advantage of you as a receptive audience and each is trying to win you to their side. Mom’s agreement is the gold medal in the sibling rivalry Olympics. Take yourself out of the game.
Tell them, “I know that you don’t get along and I respect your feelings. It hurts me that you hurt. I wish I could fix it but I can’t. It also hurts me to be brought into this. I love you and I support you, please love me enough to talk about something else with me.”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
Denver, CO
Things To Do In And Around Denver This Weekend – 12/17-12/21 – 303 Magazine
Where: Fight Club – 1959 16th St Mall Denver
Cost: Price varies
The Lowdown:
Guests have the option of $39 bottomless flatbreads, which includes the price of their oche reservation for Social Darts®. The bottomless flatbread menu features Smoked Salmon Flatbread, Four Cheese Flatbread, Breakfast Flatbread, or Garden Vegetable Flatbread. Guests can also order off the á la carte menu, which includes a fresh-cut fruit plate, breakfast sliders,, avocado toast, and Flight Club’s famous churros.
Denver, CO
Denver airport delays, crashes, broken windows, downed power lines: What to know about Colorado’s windy Wednesday
Hurricane-force winds in Colorado on Wednesday had a major impact across the Denver metro area, Front Range, and foothills. It’s a First Alert Weather Day because of the dangerous conditions.
Gusts of over 100 mph — equivalent to a category 2 hurricane — were reported in some parts of the Front Range, and over 100,000 people were without power as of 7 p.m. On Berthoud Pass, between Empire and Winter Park, wind gusts reached at least 102 mph. They reached 97 mph at Rocky Flats National Wildlife Refuge in Boulder County, 96 mph in Marshall, and 93 mph in West Arvada.
Several highways were closed, Denver International Airport saw dozens of delays, power lines and other property damage were reported, schools were closed, Denver’s holiday events were canceled, and thousands of homes and businesses were without power after Xcel’s Public Safety Power Shutoff and unplanned outages.
Power shutoff
Xcel Energy was implementing what it calls a Public Safety Shutoff, for only the second time ever in Colorado. An estimated 50,000 people across the Front Range were impacted, mostly in Boulder, Clear Creek, Jefferson, Larimer, and Weld counties.
Restoration for some areas was expected to start around 6 p.m. Wednesday, but many customers told CBS News Colorado that Xcel told them it could be up to three days before their power is restored.
As a result, the Colorado Division of Emergency Management opened charging centers, shelters, and resource centers in the impacted areas.
Xcel said it shut off the power in these areas because of the combination of wind speeds and dry conditions that increase the chance of wildfires.
Once conditions improve, Xcel Energy Colorado President Robert Kenney said crews will begin inspecting lines to determine when power can be restored.
“Once the wind event stops, that does not mean your power will be immediately restored,” he said. “We have several hundred crew members that are already being pre-positioned, that are on standby, so that when the wind event does end, they will be able to immediately begin inspecting the lines. They have to visually inspect the lines for damage before restoring the power.”
Delayed flights
The Federal Aviation Administration called for a ground delay at Denver International Airport from 5 through 8 p.m., although that’s subject to change, based on evolving weather conditions.
As of about 6:30 p.m., 66 flights were delayed, and one was canceled.
Wind gusts were recorded at around 40 mph at the airport around 5 p.m.
School closures
Several school districts — including Jefferson County, Colorado’s second-largest — closed schools, and many also canceled after-school activities.
The University of Colorado cancelled classes, but the Buffs’ basketball game against Portland State is continuing, although fans are not allowed to attend.
Highway closures
Several highways in the foothills near Boulder, as well as in Northern Colorado up to the Wyoming state line, were closed. At least one crash also closed the westbound lanes of Interstate 70 on the Eastern Plains.
Those planned closures included:
- Highway 93 between Boulder and Arvada
- Highway 36 between Boulder and Lyons
- Highway 128 from Superior to Highway 93
- Highway 287 between Ted’s Place and the Wyoming border closed this afternoon, but has since reopened
Damage and other closures
Power lines were reported as having fallen across the Denver metro area, adding to the number of customers without power.
A number of local businesses were also forced to close — some out of caution, others due to a lack of power.
Car and structure windows were also broken by flying debris, like this car in Boulder, whose windows were shattered by small, flying rocks.
Despite losing power around 10 a.m., Ace Hardware in Golden remained open and kept busy, selling generators, flashlights, batteries, and tools and materials to prevent or fix damage.
Some business owners raised concerns about what a days-long outage could mean for their companies, products, and customers.
“We could lose everything,” DeAnn Wieber, owner of the Windy Saddle Cafe in Golden, said. “We could lose all our food, the time that it took to prepare everything, and we just don’t know. And there’s are a lot of businesses going through the same thing.”
Denver, CO
Canceled due to high winds: Wednesday’s drone show, holiday tree, Christkindlmarket
Downtown’s Mile High Drone Show, the Denver Christkindlmarket and access to the Mile High Tree have been canceled for Wednesday, Dec. 17, due to high winds, said producers at Visit Denver.
The city’s tourism arm on Wednesday morning decided to cancel the shows and outdoor holiday market for this evening “due to weather conditions,” as well as cut off access to the 110-foot LED icon known as the Mile High Tree, through which visitors can typically walk and snap selfies.
Denver is forecasted to endure wind gusts of up to 50 mph on Dec. 17, with gusts of up to 75 to 80mph possible in higher elevations. High winds, low humidity and the possibility of wildfire led Xcel Energy to cut power to more than 100,000 Front Range residents by Wednesday morning. Xcel Energy also sponsors the Mile High Tree.
Denver Christkindlmarket is scheduled to run through Dec. 23 at the Auraria Campus.
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