After being sent home by Penn in the second round of last year’s NCAA tournament, No. 3-seed Maryland women’s lacrosse knew it needed to bring in a firestarter on offense. That spark came in the form of the Quakers’ best attacker.
Maryland
From tadpoles to rainbows, advice to Kermit on taking the stage | Opinion
As a proud graduate of the University of Maryland, I often wear a baseball cap with a big M emblazoned on a smiling image of their mascot, a terrapin — their “fighting turtle.”
Little did I know when I attended the school decades ago that Jim Henson created the Muppets while an undergraduate at the university in the mid-1950s. As we know, one of the Muppet characters is Kermit the Frog. The university has invited Kermit to give an address at this year’s commencement on May 21.
This column offers Kermit five suggestions for his speech.
First, be yourself, and encourage your graduating audience, if they are humans, to always show their humanity and especially respect.
I liked your address at Southhampton College’s 1996 graduation. Your opening lines in that speech are memorable and bear reimagining for this graduation. However, when thinking of “bears,” remember to keep Jim Henson’s ideology in mind when you recall the famous now-outdated childhood road-direction advice: “Bear right, frog left.” Perhaps in the near future, more up-dated advice would be to say, “Damn it, AI, I told you to go to the Board and Brew, 8150 Baltimore Ave, College Park, Maryland.” To which the AI would reply, “I thought the Milk and Honey at 10280 Baltimore Ave. would be better for you today.”
Remember Kermit, you opened in 1996 with: “When I was a tadpole growing up back in the swamps, I never imagined that I would one day address such an outstanding group of scholars. And I am sure that when you were children growing up back in your own particular swamps or suburbs, you never imagined you would sit here on one of the most important days of your life listening to a short, green talking frog deliver your commencement address.”
Second, take along your banjo. Bring along the one you strummed while singing your famous song, “Rainbow Connection” to open The Muppet Movie. I suggest you sing a few lines from that song, and then stop and reflect on them, before continuing through the verses you want to emphasize.
“Why are there so many / Songs about rainbows / And what’s on the other side?”
You might then rhetorically ask: What do you think is on the other side?
“Rainbows are visions / But only illusions / And rainbows have nothing to hide.”
Here you might ask: What would you like for a rainbow to hide?
Third, remember that while you were created about 1955, and you were most famous around 1975, most of your student audience were born around 2005, and their parents around — perhaps — around 1985.
So, you have the wonderful opportunity to introduce many in your audience to your Muppet team for the first time (or at least for the first time not on You Tube). To others you have the opportunity to reintroduce them to your team.
My favorites are Miss Piggy, Oscar the Grouch, and of course yourself, Kermit the Frog. You have a great chance to talk about how you worked as a team of friends, supportive of one another. You should mention that Oscar lives in a trash can and Miss Piggy practices karate. I know that you and Miss Piggy broke up in 1990, but you can talk about how to break up the right way — as you two did. At one point in 2005 you said that you might be open to a marriage to a pig — an interspecies marriage.
Fourth, you are certainly a liberated frog, no longer stuck in the mud. You can hop from one position on a subject to another and still stay camouflaged. Use brief silence in your speech, as you do in the swamp. Remember that you don’t need to stick with human language. Use “Ribbit-ribbit” for more than emphasis.
Jokes are always a good idea — if they work. Here are a couple of political ones — use carefully. These are courtesy of Reader’s Digest on September 20, 2024:
“Have you heard about McDonald’s new presidential value meal? You order whatever you want, and the person after you has to pay for it.” Or, “Stop repeat criminals — don’t re-elect them!”
Fifth, don’t hesitate to inject a bit of tough love by addressing the difficult issues facing this year’s graduates. This is again where you may need to weave in some politics. As you remember, Jim Henson was an advocate for environmental conservation. As his frog-child, don’t hesitate to croak a lot about whatever you believe your fellow frogs are facing — say plastic pollution.
Continuing with jokes that are timely, say about artificial intelligence:
“Why did the AI go to the psychiatrist?” “It had neural issues.”
“Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030. Perhaps sooner if the bar keeps dropping.”
I suggest you conclude with a variation of a couple of your concluding lines from your 1996 speech: “…you are no longer tadpoles. The time has come for you to drop your tails and leave this swamp.”
Contact Larry Little at larrylittle46@gmail.com.
A D.C. man won $5 million from a scratch-off lottery ticket in Maryland last week, and the matching number that netted him the prize happened to be his age.
Talk about a birthday surprise! A D.C. man won $5 million from a scratch-off lottery ticket in Maryland last week, and the matching number that netted him the prize happened to be his age.
Maurice Williams, a school bus driver in D.C., claimed the first top prize on a $5,000,000 LUXE scratch-off. He had used his $50 winnings from a previous LUXE scratch-off ticket to buy a new one the next day.
In a release from the Maryland Lottery, Williams said he didn’t know he had won until he scanned the ticket: “It’s crazy because the matching number was 59 and I just turned 59 the other day.”
Williams said he sat in shock for a while before calling his mother.
He said he plans to buy his mother a house with the winnings and then save up.
Two more top prizes from the scratch-off have yet to be claimed, the Maryland Lottery said, as well as nine $200,000 prizes, 10 $50,000 prizes and thousands of prizes ranging from $50 to $10,000.
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Taxpayers are being told to expect delays getting their money back, with the Comptroller of Maryland warning paper returns could take up to 30 days due to budget constraints and staff reductions — a slowdown economists say could strain cash…
Maryland
No. 3-seed Maryland women’s lacrosse fends off Rutgers, 11-8, in NCAA Tournament second round
Penn transfer Keeley Block’s two late goals closed the door on Rutgers Sunday, capping her four-goal performance and driving the Terps into the very quarterfinal round she denied them from in 2025.
“I just really don’t think when I shoot,” Block said. “So maybe I just didn’t think a lot.”
In a Big Ten rematch, the Terps never relinquished their lead, advancing with an 11-8 win over the Scarlet Knights.
The first quarter mirrored Maryland’s regular-season contest against Rutgers as the Terps scored four goals in the first eight minutes of the contest. Lauren LaPointe notched the latter two goals within 28 seconds of each other, settling into her spot on the left elbow with ease.
Rutgers found a footing and netted its opening goal with six minutes to go in the opening frame, but the Terps’ response came just 37 seconds later. LaPointe spotted a cutting Block deep in the fan and shuttled a high pass for Block to immediately jam into the back of the net.
LaPointe capped her dominant opening frame by finding another cutter in Maisy Clevinger with seconds remaining. Clevinger buried her ninth goal of the season to give the Terps a five-goal advantage.
“As we move forward in this tournament, the good thing about having a balanced offense is you really need everybody to step up for us to be successful,” head coach Cathy Reese said. “Everybody needs to do their part.”
A massive component of Maryland’s early dominance was the performance of Kayla Gilmore. The sophomore helped the Terps take the first eight draw controls of the contest, avenging her 19-12 defeat in the circle the last time these teams played.
After the Terps eventually lost a draw — over 20 minutes into the contest — the scoring began to even out. Rutgers’ Hilary Elsner and Caroline Ling sandwiched a Kori Edmondson free position goal, and Alex Popham hit a low-angle snipe with four minutes left in the half to cut the Maryland lead to three.
After a brief lull, Clevinger scored again with just 73 seconds left in the first half. Jordyn Lipkin’s assist on the score marked her second of the contest, as Maryland notched seven first half set-ups. Three different Terps had multiple assists Sunday.
But the Scarlet Knights grabbed assists of their own, scoring off indirect free positions from the left elbow three times in the second frame. The last of those scores came from Kate Theofield, who stunned JJ Suriano with just seven seconds before the halftime horn sounded. The Terps’ netminder was far more active in the second quarter, facing eight more shots than she did in the first and conceding on four of them.
While Maryland’s offense perfectly replicated its first half from its last meeting against Rutgers, its defense suffered from occasional mental lapses. Six first-half fouls from the Terps gave the Scarlet Knights easy opportunities, and Suriano looked particularly vulnerable against shots from the wing.
Maryland’s defense continued to struggle after the break despite four Suriano saves in the first eight minutes of the second half. The Terps let up another easy goal to Ling before Edmondson and Popham traded scores.
At the close of the period, Maryland finally pieced together another run through the stick of Block. She blasted off the line on an 8-meter chance, finding nylon for her eighth hat trick of the year. Then, after committing a yellow card infraction early in the fourth quarter, Block stormed back onto the field and scored almost immediately.
That goal proved to be the dagger, securing the Terps’ return to the quarterfinals. Despite scoring just three goals in the final 30 minutes — none of which were assisted — Maryland’s defense found the stops it needed to keep the season alive.
1. Suriano’s presence. After a dominant performance in Maryland’s narrow Big Ten championship loss, the junior maintained her form Sunday. Suriano’s 10 saves and 55.6% save percentage demonstrated a reliable presence for the Terps between the posts,, what Reese described as “JJ doing JJ things.”
“I think high pressure situations are more fun,” Suriano said “And I find the joy in being out there with my teammates, doing what I love.”
2. The ground ball battle. It has been a rare sight in 2026 to see Maryland outdo its opponent in ground balls. But against Rutgers, the Terps dominated, corralling 15 of the 25 total ground balls, with Suriano and Kristen Shanahan combining for seven.
3. Painting the frame. With a respectable 24 total shots, Maryland needed to be highly accurate to maintain its advantage. The Terps succeeded, shooting 87.5% of their shots on goal and completely overwhelming Scarlet Knight goalkeeper Stella Quilty.
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