Lifestyle
Paula Jai Parker Blasted For Questioning Cassie’s Diddy Abuse Claims
Paula Jai Parker is questioning Cassie‘s sexual abuse allegations against Diddy … and now she’s getting tons of backlash for doing so.
The actress shared her 2 cents on Cassie’s explosive lawsuit with a series of tweets … and at one point said, “I’m sorry but I don’t get it, I used to be 19 and I was in the industry and I was quite capable of saying no.”
As you know … Cassie is accusing Diddy of rape and human trafficking, among several other claims, in a federal suit … and a lot of folks are already taking her side.
But, Paula’s taking a more skeptical stance. She says she’s sexual abuse survivor and adds … “By 19 we’re all strong enough to make choices that affect the rest of our lives. If you can’t say no you’re not built for it. Take that midnight train now before you get yourself in trouble.”
She also says … “I’m trying so hard to see the victim here, but do sex slaves usually get to pick their sex partners in 5⭐ hotels?😩🤷🏽♂️.”
On social media, folks are ripping Paula for “victim blaming” … and people are throwing out alleged NDAs, threats and fear as potential reasons why it took Cassie so long to speak out.
TMZ.com
For her part, Paula is standing by her comments … she has yet to delete any of her tweets about Cassie and Diddy.
Lifestyle
‘School of Rock’ Cast Reunites for Caitlin Hale and Angelo Massagli’s Wedding
Angelo Massagli and Caitlin Hale met as co-workers. They were 10 years old.
The pair, former child actors, were both cast in the 2003 film “School of Rock” in which Jack Black plays a substitute teacher who creates a rock band out of his classroom of musically gifted elementary-aged prep schoolers. Ms. Hale’s character was a braided pigtail-wearing backup singer named Marta. Mr. Massagli played Frankie, who was part of the band’s peewee security detail.
Mr. Massagli recalled being spontaneously asked to sing at his audition for the film in New York City. He was nervous to perform after Ms. Hale, who had just impressed the production team with her voice, including a rendition of “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” in which she changed the lyrics to be about the film’s director.
“I was like, ‘wow, that girl’s really, really, really something else,’” Mr. Massagli said. He performed the only song he knew the words to at the time: “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne.
A year later, the pair and the other children cast in the film spent several months shooting the movie in New York. The group bonded quickly, Ms. Hale said, attending real school on set and having meals at Benihana. Mr. Black, the film’s adult star, would eat lunch with the group and play games between scenes. Their moms, often present on set, also became close during this time.
Back then, there was not even a hint of a youthful crush between them, the couple said. After the film’s release, the cast stayed in touch through a long-running group chat.
Eventually, Mr. Massagli and Ms. Hale both left show business to pursue other careers.
Ms. Hale, now 33, has a bachelor’s degree in journalism and public relations from Arizona State University. Mr. Massagli, 32, graduated from Northeastern University, majoring in English. After completing their undergraduate studies, both Mr. Massagli and Ms. Hale pursued further degrees, coincidentally both finding their way to schools in Florida, where they reconnected in 2018.
At the time, Mr. Massagli was a law student at the University of Miami. Ms. Hale was completing a bachelor’s of science and a master’s degree in health leadership at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale. (Both eventually graduated from their respective programs. Mr. Massagli is now a lawyer for TikTok where he works as music product counsel. Ms. Hale is an Ob/Gyn sonographer.)
After realizing their proximity, the pair got lunch and caught up. They even sent a selfie to their moms.
“We thought that was kind of it,” Mr. Massagli said. “But we just kept grabbing dinners and going out for the weekends. We were like, ‘something’s brewing here.’”
On an early date, Ms. Hale recalled going to the bathroom and returning to the restaurant table to find Mr. Massagli had ordered coconut cake for dessert, a flavor she’d previously mentioned was one of her favorites. She appreciated his close listening, she said.
Their relationship moved quickly, the years spent as childhood friends offering a strong foundation.
“Even though it wasn’t romantic, that familiarity we had and our families had when we were younger, really cut through some of those early relationship hurdles,” Mr. Massagli said.
“I knew very early,” Ms. Hale said. “I actually said to one of my close friends, I remember being in an Uber on the way down to Miami one weekend and we were going out and I was like, ‘I think I’m gonna marry this guy.’”
The first time Mr. Massagli told Ms. Hale he loved her his exact words were, “I think I love you.”
“You think?!” Ms. Hale exclaimed in pseudo-exasperation.
Later that year, Mr. Massagli offered up his home as a short-term stay to help Ms. Hale cut down on the commutes between her home in Fort Lauderdale and a residency program in Miami. He was going out of town for a week and gave her a key and permission “to crash.” By the time he returned, she had moved in.
The couple moved to Brooklyn in 2019 and got engaged in June 2023 at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Mr. Massagli proposed in front of the Temple of Dendur, the light-filled gallery featured in the film “When Harry Met Sally…” Dinner at Nino’s, an Upper East Side Italian restaurant, and champagne at the Carlyle followed. Upon hearing the news via FaceTime, Mr. Massagli’s mother burst into tears.
For their wedding, the couple knew they wanted to “go all out,” Ms. Hale said. On Jan. 4, they celebrated their wedding at Park Château Estate & Gardens, a Versailles-like wedding venue in East Brunswick, N.J. (They had previously made things legal on Aug. 30 at Brooklyn Borough Hall. Waldo Ramirez, a staff member of the City Clerk’s Office, officiated.)
Ms. Hale started her day at 8:30 a.m. getting glammed up for the evening celebration. Ms. Massagli had a more leisurely morning, including a massage.
The couple, who now live in Long Branch, N.J., had read private vows to each other the night before the main event. Ms. Hale’s father, Gary Hale, officiated a brief ceremony before the party began.
Binge more Vows columns here and read all our wedding, relationship and divorce coverage here.
Guests were then whisked into cocktail hour where they sipped the couple’s signature drinks: a Bellini for her and a dirty martini with blue cheese olives for him. The venue was decorated with exclusively white flowers and, per Ms. Hale’s vision, many, many white candles.
For the reception, Ms. Hale changed into a pair of custom-made rhinestone-studded, thigh-high Berta boots that peeked out of the slit of her strapless gown.
“Once I saw those boots, I was like, I need to do whatever I can to make sure to have those,” she said. “The dress can follow.”
The couple entered the reception to “Through the Wire” by Kanye West, which transitioned into Chaka Khan’s “Through the Fire” for their first dance. They asked their D.J. to play songs that felt like “if Studio 54 never closed,” Mr. Massagli said. A live saxophone player roamed the party riffing over the piped-in music.
During “Edge of Seventeen” by Stevie Nicks, the duo danced with their castmates from “School of Rock,” a nod to a bar scene from the film. Nine cast members were there, as well as more than a dozen of the actors’ parents and siblings. (Jack Black politely declined, citing an ongoing film project, but “was so nice and generous with his words and definitely commemorated it privately,” Ms. Hale said.)
Not wanting to throw off the party vibe, at one point Ms. Hale and Mr. Massagli stepped away for a private cake cutting where they fed each other “delicate, small bites,” Ms. Hale said, laughing.
Ms. Hale recalled another moment on the dance floor with her fellow former “School of Rock” backup singers as a “time capsule moment.”
“We were just dancing together to some old-school disco and then there was some sort of ad lib in the song and we all just hit it,” she said. “We looked at each other and we’re like, ‘That just happened. We still got it.’”
On This Day
When Jan. 4, 2025
Where Park Château Estates and Gardens, East Brunswick, N.J.
The Family Stone Both the bride and groom wore sentimental rings. Mr. Massagli’s wedding band was passed down from his grandfather. “He’s big Ang, I’m little Ang,” Mr. Massagli said. Ms. Hale’s oval diamond engagement ring was a repurposed ring from her mother.
Late Night Snacks In addition to a three-tiered wedding cake — each tier was a different flavor — guests were served cannoli on the dance floor. When the night ended, guests walked out past a food truck handing out McDonald’s.
Lifestyle
Constantly anxious? Ease your mind by asking yourself this one question
Bestselling author Martha Beck has tried many things over her 62 years of life to quell the anxiety that’s been her constant companion since childhood.
The Harvard-trained sociologist experimented with therapy, medication, self-compassion practices and many, many hours of meditation.
Then, as collective worry spiked during the COVID-19 pandemic, Beck dug into scientific research on anxiety as she was teaching an online course on creativity, and it led to a thrilling discovery: anxiety and creativity have an inverse relationship. Turn one on and the other turns off.
“It was really one of those aha moments,” Beck, who is also Oprah Winfrey’s go-to life coach, said in an interview. “And I just walked around my room going, ‘I don’t have to be anxious anymore. I know how to shut it down.’”
Shelf Help is a wellness column where we interview researchers, thinkers and writers about their latest books — all with the aim of learning how to live a more complete life.
Even people who don’t consider themselves creative can tap into this inherent capacity of the human brain to step away from worry and live with more connection and joy, Beck says in her new book, “Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose” (Penguin Random House).
Beck spoke to The Times about how to identify anxiety’s lies, engage the creative side of our brain and why our worries are linked to the structure of our economy.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
How did you come to realize the relationship between creativity and anxiety?
I started using a technique that’s in the book that I call KIST (kind internal self-talk). It’s a form of Tibetan loving-kindness meditation for the self. I started to silently repeat to myself, “May you be happy. May you be well. May you feel safe. May you be protected.” And like a drought condition with a little trickle of water coming in, I focused on that trickle of water where there was no anxiety.
Then I found out that just by using kind self-talk, I could get a client to feel calm in five minutes if they learn to focus their minds on wishing themselves well. Then I added the creativity piece. You start with kindness. Be kind to yourself, as kind as you know how to be to anyone. Come back to kindness and your anxiety will come down to calm. But then, because we live in a world that is basically an externalized structure of the anxiety inside our brains, the moment we’re in touch with the world we get spun into anxiety again, unless we have a really hard anchor into something else. The something else is creativity.
So, kindness gets us to peace, and then instead of saying, “What can I do now?” ask yourself, “What can I make now?” That shift takes you into curiosity and into the part of the brain that connects things together and solves mystery — you’re in creativity. And that opens you up, where anxiety closes you down and crunches you.
“Instead of saying, ‘What can I do now?’ ask yourself, ‘What can I make now?’ That shift takes you into curiosity and into the part of the brain that connects things together and solves mystery — you’re in creativity.”
— Martha Beck, author of “Beyond Anxiety.”
You say that “anxiety always lies.” How can we know it’s anxiety lying?
Fear is a natural response to something threatening in the environment. If you see something scary — someone pulls a gun on you or there’s a bear — you’ll have a jolt of very, very clear, high energy that will say, “Do this.” It’s a very dramatic thing, and we don’t need it very often.
But we’re anxious all the time, because anxiety is not about what’s here. It’s about what we think could be somewhere, someday, maybe. So there’s no limit to it. There’s no rest from it, because it’s not real. Anything that we’re afraid of that isn’t happening now is a self-deception. It’s an innocent lie, but it’s still saying, “You should be afraid.” And if there’s nothing to be afraid of and you’re telling yourself, “I should be afraid,” it’s not the truth of your circumstance. It’s not real. That’s why anxiety always lies.
Your insights in this book were informed by the work of neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor, who says the brain’s right hemisphere is home to creativity, compassion and peace, while the analytical, linear left hemisphere is where anxiety lives. The right hemisphere sounds way better, so why wouldn’t we be there all the time?
One of the problems is that the right hemisphere doesn’t track time. We live in a world that requires scheduling and the measurement of time, where people are anxious, where everything is monetary eventually. We’re all engaged in this monetary pursuit, which is the core of our society, and that’s fundamentally anxiety-driven.
Is this why you say we need a new economic system to support more right-brained living? What might that look like?
We’re looking at an economy where familiar structures are collapsing. Our model is a rigid pyramid of wealth and power, with the very rich at the top, all the way down to the poor at the bottom. That is culture. Culture is very left brain. An alternative to that is nature. Everything in nature exists in ecosystems. All living things require space; energy, like sunlight; and water, which is the basis of all life on this planet; and ecosystems will emerge. If you doubt it, don’t clean your fridge for a month and then look inside there and see what’s evolved.
People can create economic ecosystems around themselves. The energy is actually desire: you have a natural desire to fulfill your destiny. The water is your creativity: this is what is needed to give shape to your destiny, to take the next step forward, so you start to make things. And then the space is our time. The idea is to give enough time to identify your real desires and to create whatever happens, and I believe it’s like not cleaning your fridge for a few weeks: a system of value begins to emerge in your life and then it starts to spread.
There’s never been a more important time than now to stop anchoring yourself in structures that are collapsing and start investigating your inherent curiosity. If you can give yourself that space and the kindness to be quiet and start to think, “What can I make?” it gets very interesting.
TAKEAWAYS
from “Beyond Anxiety”
What about people who insist they’re not creative?
When NASA tested adults to see how many creative geniuses they could find to hire, they found that 2% of adults rate as creative geniuses. Someone then thought to test 4- and 5-year-olds and found that 98% of them were creative geniuses. So somewhere along the way, our creative genius gets throttled. If you can be creative the way a 4- or 5-year-old is, it’s pure fun. There’s no judgment.
So you have to bring the kindness factor in over and over. I have a friend who puts together jigsaw puzzles and it calms her and soothes her. That’s her way of doing art. If you cook, by taste especially, you’re doing art. If you plant a garden, you’re doing art. If you throw a dinner party, you’re creating something. You make a sandwich, you’re creating. Every one of us human beings is unbelievably constantly creative.
A lot of people don’t feel creative because they’re physically and emotionally exhausted. The recipe for your life should be this: rest until you feel like playing, then play until you feel like resting, and then repeat.
In the book, you write, “choose to focus on what makes life enjoyable and meaningful.” Sounds like a no-brainer, but why is this so hard to do?
Because the anxious brain says you’ll be safer if you’re always afraid. There’s nothing wrong now, but there will be, so you better stay scared. If you stay scared, you’ll be more productive. But every test they do on creative problem-solving shows that when you’re scared, you can’t do it. It’s just the lie of anxiety speaking through the whole society, and we all agree, “Yes, we should be very worried.” In a society where everything has to be monetized and attention is at a premium, scaring someone will get their attention.
So many people are anxious because their lives are full of demands: work, relationships, family. How do we foster a right-brained approach in that atmosphere?
When you’re in a lot of anxiety, it becomes unbearable. That’s how I found my way through all that meditation to the epiphany. And in situations of turmoil and distress and chaos, there’s more motivation to seek that.
The thing I love about kind internal self-talk is that as you start to bring a little kindness into the equation, you then start to become like one of my favorite Persian poets, Hafiz. Part of this poem he wrote goes: “Troubled? Then stay with me for I am not.” Immediately, the kindness that you give yourself begins to go out to other people. And that makes every interpersonal interaction calmer, more mutually affirming. It takes you into the creativity spiral. It doesn’t just make it calm. It makes it creative. It makes it generative. And if there’s a practical problem to be solved, you don’t want to be in a panic. Any practical problem, any interpersonal problem, any personal problem is made better when we abandon our anxiety, find our kindness and move into what we can make. And then we get so involved with living that way that we transcend anxiety altogether, and we don’t have to go back.
Shelf Help is a wellness column where we interview researchers, thinkers and writers about their latest books — all with the aim of learning how to live a more complete life. Want to pitch us? Email alyssa.bereznak@latimes.com.
Lifestyle
How to quickly find something you lost: 10 clever and practical techniques
When I published my episode on how to find lost objects in November, people messaged me with all kinds of useful techniques to hunt down missing items.
So many of you told me to pray to St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost objects — a tip that my grandma has sworn by since I was a kid. Others had some very practical advice: Look in coat pockets, lay a flashlight on the floor (if you’ve lost a tiny object, the beam may cast a large shadow) and — here’s a good one — make sure you know what it looks like!
Here’s a roundup of advice from our audience on how to look for stuff — plus a few bonus tips from our experts. We hope this helps you quickly find whatever you’re searching for. These responses have been edited for length and clarity.
For science-backed and expert-recommended techniques to find missing objects, listen to the podcast episode above, or read the original story here.
What to do if you’ve lost a wallet
Look up your last credit card transaction, and then go to the place where you last spent the money and look around there. —Darryl Ellis, a private investigator and the head of A-1 Detective Agency in Illinois
Watch things fall as you drop them
I have trained myself to watch things fall when I drop them. If you watch a small screw fall and see where it lands and bounces, you will have no trouble finding it. If you just look at the place where the screw was supposed to go and growl and curse, expect to have trouble finding it. —Gregory Vogt
Don’t ever put it in a “special place”
The worst possible thing to do is to place something of value in a “special place” that is “easy to remember” for “safekeeping.” Ha! Definitely not recommended. —Shan Crockett
Use a flashlight
I find a flashlight to be a useful search aid, day or night. The beam forces me to focus on a limited area. It helps me see, instead of just looking. Held near the floor, it makes things shine.
A girlfriend once lost her contact outdoors, in a driveway, with snow on the ground. I waited until after dark and then quickly found the contact in a snow pile at the edge of the street. —Art Clack
Start cleaning
My mother taught me this tip: When you cannot find something, clean up and you will find it. I often find the item when I’m picking up something to put it back in its proper place. —Anne Chevalier
Check favorite hangout spots
Go to the places you hang out most and look there first. Do you have a favorite place you sit on the sofa? Look through the cushions and under and behind the sofa. Do you hang out on the patio? Look in between seats and chairs or on tables outdoors.
My youngest son is autistic and nonverbal. He wears glasses and sometimes comes up to me without them on his face. To look for them, I always go to his favorite places around my home. They might be in his bed, his sensory swing or the closet. I always end up finding them. —Naeemah Ford Goldson, executive director and founder, National Association of Black Professional Organizers
Make a mental note of something you’re likely to lose
I make a mental note when I put something down — like my keys, glasses or phone — in a place I do not usually put it. It is akin to underlining or highlighting something in writing to help make it easier to remember. —Marc R. Inver
Come back to it
Take a break from looking for your missing object and relax or do something else. Without worrying and fussing, your brain will quietly surprise you with a stored memory that will suddenly pop into your consciousness and lead you to the missing object. —Gregory Vogt
Look carefully in the most obvious place
Look in the most likely place it should be. Most of the time, it’s there. You just overlooked it. —Kelly Connolly
Make sure you know what it looks like
Numerous times, my wife has sent me to get something in the basement, and I can’t find it at first because she told me the wrong color, container or location. Make sure you know the correct characteristics, or you may easily overlook what you are looking for. —John Heinen
The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit.
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