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The Borderlands Movie: The Kotaku Review

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The Borderlands Movie: The Kotaku Review

An hour after leaving a screening of the new Borderlands movie, directed by Eli Roth (Hostel) and starring Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Ariana Greenblatt, I’m staring at a blinking cursor in a blank Google Doc, urging inspiration to strike.

Surely a live-action movie based on the wildly successful edgelord video game franchise from 2K and Gearbox would inspire a couple hundred words, right? Surely the star-studded cast, which includes several Oscar winners (and Jack Black), would prompt a spark of creativity. Surely the vibrant visuals, cacophonous explosions, and poop and pee jokes would destroy the writer’s block dam, sending forth a surge of witty words and succinct sentences. But I’m at a loss.

Borderlands is not just bad, it’s depressing.

On the border of a breakdown

I saw Borderlands at an early screening at Alamo Drafthouse, during which cosplay was encouraged. No one wore costumes, and the theater was solemnly silent, as if we were about to watch archival video of the deadliest WWII battle or found footage from 9/11. R-rated trailers aired before it, prompting me to question if this movie, directed by Roth (known for his gory, gross violence), was rated R (it’s not).

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Before I have a chance to double-check the rating, Cate Blanchett’s voice echoes through the theater. “Long ago, our galaxy was ruled by an alien race,” she intones, sounding bizarrely flat for an incredibly talented actor who endeavored to deliver a fun, frenetic performance in another superficial flick: 2017’s Thor: Ragnarok. I’m immediately assaulted by aggressive, slap-dash cuts and shimmery CGI images of guns, neon signs, and Psychos, as Blanchett (who plays Lilith, a character who inspired early-twenties me so much I got one of her quotes tattooed) gives us the plot overview with as much energy as a ‘50s housewife who regularly mixes mood stabilizers and martinis.

Lilith, Tiny Tina, Claptrap, Krieg, and Roland sit in a car.

Image: Lionsgate / 2K

Lilith tells us that the Eridians laid the foundation of this galaxy, then disappeared, leaving behind a secret vault hidden on the planet Pandora, inside of which are powerful relics of the long-lost civilization. “That sounds like some wacko B.S., huh?” Blanchett asks. I stifle a groan with a huge bite of my burger. Rather than giving moviegoers the free-wheeling wanderlust that the Borderlands games offer, the film is incredibly linear and straightforward: Lilith, a bounty hunter, is hired by the head of arms manufacturer Atlas Industries to track down his daughter Tiny Tina on the planet Pandora.

We’re introduced to almost all of the main cast rather quickly: Hart as Roland, Greenblatt as Tiny Tina, Florian Munteanu as a Psycho named Kreig. Roland breaks Tiny Tina out of some kind of facility by way of a fairly bland action sequence, during which he punches a guard and calls him a “fake Stormtrooper-ass bitch.” I guess that means Star Wars exists in the Borderlands universe? It doesn’t improve after this.

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If you told me Borderlands used AI for its dialogue, I’d believe you without question. Nearly every line that’s uttered with the kind of fake peppiness I’d reserve for my elementary school cheer competitions is either a limp-dicked “edgy” joke that wouldn’t warrant a single Reddit upvote or a cliche phrase like “I’m too old for this shit” and “This has been a really long day.” I could count on one hand the lines that were thoroughly genuine—or at least not dripping with so much snark they were almost sticky. There is no humanity here, just humorless humans.

When a needle-drop of Muse’s “Supermassive Black Hole” bleeds into a scene in which it’s playing over the speakers in a Pandoran bar, I nearly slam my head onto the table. What are we doing here?

Roland, Tannis, Krieg, Tina, and Lilith look off-camera.

Image: Lionsgate / 2K

We need to talk about Tina

Blissfully, Borderlands isn’t that long of a movie, and the breakneck speed at which the film is paced means we meet Jamie Lee Curtis’ Tannis just before I need a pee break (I chugged a beer). Curtis plays her with a socially awkward twitchiness that I didn’t expect from the actor, and while it’s at least an attempt at imbuing the character with a personality, it is incredibly grating. But again, she tried—Blanchett is phoning it in, Hart has no business playing the straight man, and Greenblatt is doing the best she can with material that’s based on a white character doing a blaccent (which the film, thankfully, avoids). But even she can’t save a line read that requires her to say “badonkadonk” in the year of our lord 2024.

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And also, not to be ageist, but why the fuck is everyone so old? Lilith is 22 years old in the original Borderlands game and Tannis is in her thirties—aside from the star power afforded by casting Blanchett and Curtis, the only reason for aging up these characters is so they can play matronly figures to Greenblatt’s Tina.

And therein lies the main problem: centering Tina. The plot revolves around her believing she is the child of Eridia and the key to opening the vault, and the film hinges all of the emotional weight on a character who wears a bunny-ear headband and throws explosive teddy bears at people while spewing one-liners like a sugar-crazed 11-year-old in a Fortnite lobby. She does not inspire any sort of empathy, even with Greenblatt’s valiant efforts and Blanchett’s only real acting taking place in their scenes together. It’s like making a Gears of War movie with a Carmine brother at the center—it’s going to be annoying from the jump.

All of this takes place in a weird CGI world that occasionally looks decent but is more often an illegible green-screen mess of explosions or muddy, dark, murky nonsense. Lilith’s flame-orange hair and comic book costume set against a dusty, bland landscape and broken-down industrial buildings is visually and tonally jarring—it’s like the filmmakers got halfway to making a movie inspired by the cel-shaded world of Borderlands and then dumped it all onto the sets used for the Halo series. Speaking of costumes, I’d love to know what the budget was for push-up bras. Tannis, Mad Moxxi, and Lilith all have their breasts pushed up so high they’re nearly in their throats—it is so desperately 2006, so reminiscent of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, that I couldn’t help but giggle. Boobs, am I right?

By the time the film ends and Jack Black’s Claptrap pops up on screen during the credits to lament the loss of his Easter egg, I am ready to go home and cleanse my palate. I need some proper aughts trashiness, some expensive needle drops, and some questionable costumes. I get home, plop down on the couch, and turn on Gossip Girl. At least this has personality.


The Borderlands movie isn’t so good it’s surprising, and it’s not so bad it’s worth a hate-watch. It is simply sad. It feels like the result of a bunch of suits who sat around a glossy mahogany table (like in that one Key and Peele sketch) and reminisced about the early aughts, a time before the financial crisis, a time when the term “cancel” was reserved only for television shows, a time when Muse was one of the biggest rock bands on the planet.

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It is devoid of humanity and personality, despite trying very, very hard to establish that it is quirky. It is the woman with frozen peas on her head in the grocery store aisle—she’s so crazzzzzyy, love her! It should not exist.

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Movie review: “Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning' still thrills after slow start – UPI.com

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Movie review: “Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning' still thrills after slow start – UPI.com

1 of 5 | Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) hangs on in “Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning,” in theaters May 23. Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures

LOS ANGELES, May 14 (UPI) — Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning, in theaters May 23, delivers on the level of the franchise’s most recent films once it gets going. It does, however, have the slowest start of all eight Mission: Impossible movies.

In 2023’s Dead Reckoning, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) took on the villainous Gabriel (Esai Morales) to retrieve the key that unlocks the source code of the rogue artificial intelligence known as The Entity. Final Reckoning opens two months later, with Ethan unsure what to do with such power.

As The Entity holds hostage all of cyberspace and the world’s electronics, including military weapons, there is a deadline before the AI will control the world. That is, if Ethan doesn’t stop it first.

The plan to destroy The Entity requires Ethan’s teammates, hackers Luther (Ving Rhames) and Benji (Simon Pegg), pickpocket Grace (Hayley Atwell) and Gabriel’s turncoat assassin Paris (Pom Klementieff). The mission is complicated by U.S. President Sloane (Angela Bassett) sending agents to recover The Entity’s controls for U.S. purposes, which Ethan knows will backfire.

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The missions live up to the movie’s title by devising ways to keep making the task harder for Ethan. For example, he’s already diving to crushing depths to activate computers in a sunken submarine when the sub rolls towards an abyss.

Not only does this add another ticking clock to his task, but the water level rotates around Ethan and causes missiles to fall and shift, blocking his path and exit route.

The climax, which has already been shared during the film’s publicity, features Ethan hanging from a propeller plane. The scene is more than just a spectacle — writer/director Christopher McQuarrie and co-writer Erik Jendresen craft a sequence that justifies the stunt and continues to build as the pilot attempts many different ways to shake Ethan.

Final Reckoning does play the same trick one too many times, where Ethan’s team goes to meet someone and finds someone else waiting for them. The second and third iterations lack surprise, but the interlopers at least complicate Ethan’s plan, necessitating some fun improvisation.

Leading up to such sequences, this Mission: Impossible unfortunately becomes tedious and repetitive. The problem could easily be solved by cutting 40 minutes out of the film — which would still leave it at over two hours long.

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Final Reckoning recapping Dead Reckoning is the least of these worries, as it gets handled before the title sequence, which admittedly comes some 20 minutes in. What does become redundant are long sequences of Ethan walking through a war room looking at models as the DEFCON clock ticks down to The Entity’s takeover.

Ethan explains to Gabriel, then to the President, then to Admiral Neely (Hannah Waddingham), how dangerous The Entity is. There’s buildup and then there’s just wallowing, and this leans towards the latter.

He keeps warning that The Entity expects them to act a certain way and advising they should instead surprise the AI. He says it enough times that the audience has surely caught on, if not The Entity itself.

Furthermore, The Final Reckoning becomes the most convoluted of all the Mission: Impossibles, which is no small feat, by connecting the plot to all seven previous films. It is an odd choice in a series predicated on standalone entries, and a mistake also recently criticized in the James Bond films starring Daniel Craig.

Bringing back some characters from previous entries is fun and gives them satisfying character arcs to imagine in the time between films, while others concoct unimportant connections. Just let some people be new characters.

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For example, tying in The Entity with the Rabbit’s Foot from Mission: Impossible III is wholly unnecessary. The Rabbit’s Foot was one of that director J.J. Abrams’ trademark unanswered mysteries, so saying now that it was a component of The Entity adds little to the current film.

The pieces of The Entity could be any Maguffin. Making Ethan feel responsible for it just forces more spurious connections. Ethan was going to stop The Entity anyway, whether he indirectly helped build it or not.

This is not to criticize the scenes explaining the missions, which effectively establish the impossible tasks at hand. Those scenes are not included in the superfluous 40 minutes of exposition.

Potentially interesting threads are also abandoned, such as a doomsday cult that worships The Entity but never becomes a factor in the mission.

When the screen expands to fill the entire IMAX frame, rest assured the show is about to start — and it is worth it. The unfortunate issue is that it happens about 80 minutes into the film, not including a few earlier IMAX shots of The Entity’s core. The submarine is the first proper IMAX action scene.

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During the intense scenes, the film has a sense of humor about its own tropes of deadlines and cutting wires. It’s only when it’s taking itself seriously that it drags.

Gabriel becomes more of a mustache twirling, cackling villain in this film. It’s motivated by his loss in Dead Reckoning but still a drastic shift, though the film has a sense of humor about his behavior too.

The second half of Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning makes up for earlier mission failures, and this level of craftsmanship is still worth experiencing. Otherwise, the script problems would be unacceptable.

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'Holy Night: Demon Hunters' Review — A Punchier Version Of 'Constantine'

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'Holy Night: Demon Hunters' Review — A Punchier Version Of 'Constantine'

Ma Dong-Seok as Ba Woo in ‘Holy Night: Demon Hunters’ (2025), Capelight Pictures

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Written and directed by first-time filmmaker Lim Dae-hee, Holy Night: Demon Hunters follows three underground demon hunters, operating like private investigators who are too unorthodox to be cops and too accepting of the occult to be associated with the church.

The demon-hunting trinity is led by Ba Woo (Ma Dong-seok), a beast of a man capable of solving most of his problems with his bulking fists. Whatever slips through Ba Woo’s fingers is typically dealt with by Sharon (Seohyun), a woman who can sense and exorcise demons. Then there’s Kim Goon (Lee David), a demon hunter in training who is the team’s tech support.

(L-R) Seohyun, Ma Dong-seok, and Lee David as Sharon, Ba Woo, and Kim Goon in Holy Night: Demon Hunters (2025), Capelight Pictures

RELATED: The Dismal Ending Of Blumhouse’s ‘The Woman In The Yard’ Isn’t Pleasing Some Horror Fans

A neuropsychiatrist named Jung-won (Kyung Soo-jin) is trying to help her sister Eun-seo (Jung Ji-so) who is in desperate need of an exorcism. With the church unable to assist with their stance on exorcisms, it’s up to Ba Woo and his team to save Eun-seo.

It feels like Holy Night: Demon Hunters is the second installment of a franchise that nobody knew about. A prequel webtoon called Holy Night: The Zero is available on Naver Webtoon and is currently 13 episodes long. The webtoon could add more depth to the film since Holy Night: Demon Hunters seems to struggle to keep your interest for its measly 92-minute duration. Like Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales though, viewers shouldn’t have to read or watch something else to fully appreciate a director’s vision.

Jung Ji-so as Eun-soo in Holy Night: Demon Hunters (2025), Capelight Pictures

The action horror film teases a real-world takeover by not only demons but Lucifer himself. The credits introduce the audience to every demon that could come into play. Holy Night: Demon Hunters barely scratches the surface of the ideas it introduces, so it’s a bit confusing why so many aspects are shown and not utilized. The film then decides to vaguely describe semi-intriguing backgrounds for characters barely seen through to completion.

Ba Woo is using all the money he’s making as a demon hunter to build an orphanage. He grew up as an orphan. And the people from the orphanage he grew up in were slaughtered by his best friend, whom he viewed as a brother. The two of them gained a demonic power, and Ba Woo used his power for good while his brother became a demon.

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RELATED: ‘Badland Hunters’ Review – Ma Dong-seok Delivers Frenetic Guillotine Action

The majority of the rest of the film is devoted to Eun-Seo, her exorcism, and which demon has possessed her. The exorcism Sharon uses on her is broken down into six stages (and a piece of bamboo since it thwarts off demonic energy for whatever reason). The six stages of exorcism are presence, deception, break point, voice, clash, and expulsion.

Most of the characters in the film are underdeveloped. Ba Woo is a big, buffed dude struggling with both literal and inner demons inside of him. Sharon is in the same boat, and her power could easily sway her to the dark side. Apart from asking for a raise and being the most sympathetic of the bunch, Kim Goon doesn’t do much.

(L-R) Seohyun, Ma Dong-seok, and Lee David as Sharon, Ba Woo, and Kim Goon in Holy Night: Demon Hunters (2025), Capelight Pictures

Jung-won is so annoyingly written. The character is meant to be a burden by being in the room during the exorcism for no reason other than being an obstacle, making stupid decisions at every turn, and being an inconsolable crier at every turn.

The VFX in the film is a mixed bag. Sometimes they look almost great, like when Ba Woo punches demon-possessed people, as smoke seeps from their bodies or the weird shadow demon that haunts him throughout the film. But the CGI highs come with a lot of visual lows, and Holy Night: Demon Hunters struggles with decent-to-janky CGI the majority of the time.

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(L-R) Ma Dong-seok, Seohyun, and Lee David as Ba Woo, Sharon, and Kim Goon in Holy Night: Demon Hunters (2025), Capelight Pictures

Holy Night: Demon Hunters is a punchier version of Constantine. There are some fun sequences, but the film is a bummer overall. Ma Dong-seok typically chooses great projects to be a part of, and it’s unfortunate that Holy Night: Demon Hunters feels so rushed and incomplete. A big dude storming around the city punching demons into submission sounds so awesome, but somehow Lim Dae-hee turned it into this thin, dull, and lifeless attempt at purification.

NEXT: Capcom Censors Oyu’s Extra Costume In ‘Onimusha 2: Samurai’s Destiny’ Remaster

Holy Night: Demon Hunters (2025), Capelight Pictures

PROS

  • Ma Dong-seok
  • Some of the action and VFX are fantastic

CONS

  • Mutilates a fun concept
  • Makes 90 minutes feel long
  • Thin story
  • Little to no character development
  • Opening credit terminology seems longwinded for no reason
Chris Sawin is a Tomatometer-approved film critic who has been writing about film for over a decade. Chris has … More about Chris Sawin

Mentioned In This Article: action Capelight Pictures Don Lee Holy Night: Demon Hunters Horror Ma Dong-seok Movie Review Movies

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Film Review: ‘Caught by the Tides’ is Another Daring Work of Art from Jia Zhangke – Awards Radar

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Film Review: ‘Caught by the Tides’ is Another Daring Work of Art from Jia Zhangke – Awards Radar

Less a narrative feature than an impressionistic work of art, Jia Zhangke distills the past twenty years of his life through the perspective of Qiaoqiao (Zhao Tao) in his latest film, Caught by the Tides. The only “newly” shot portion for the movie occurs during its final half, set in 2022 during the COVID-19 pandemic, as Qiaoqiao reunites with her former lover, Bin (Li Zhubin), for the first time since their separation. What precedes this section is a non-linear assemblage of footage shot by Jia, either for his past films, such as Still Life, Ash is Purest White, and Unknown Pleasures, or footage he kept for himself until today. 

Watching such a movie feels truly daring, as Jia moves away from his linear works into associative territory, linking one piece of shot-on-video footage with another, completely different, celluloid image. The most impressive moment occurs near its end, as the movie cuts from a top-down shot of a ballroom, where a group of people dance during the pandemic, to a fish-eyed digital zoom of a supermarket CCTV camera, first honing in on a pack of oranges, then clumsily careening around the space, desperately looking for an image to focus on. The camera follows Bin inside the market as he reunites with Qiaoqiao. From there, pure cinema occurs. 

Bin reunites with Qiaoqiao and, despite the face masks they are wearing, the two immediately recognize each other’s eyes. Jia lingers on their masked faces for a bit before Bin removes it, to the shock of Qiaoqiao, still unable to process that he’s in front of him, after so many years apart. It’s one of the most potent images in post-COVID filmmaking, where the director is able to find purpose in the sanitary limitations of the era, showing us that connections were still possible, despite the tragic situation the characters were living in.  

Many filmmakers have tried to express the COVID-19 era in film, but have failed to draw anything meaningful out of it. The only artist who got something out of the anxieties such an event drew was Steven Soderbergh when he made his paranoia thriller KIMI in 2022. Radu Jude also tried to say something out of such an event with his unofficial duology Bad Luck Banging or Loony Porn and Do Not Expect Too Much from the End of the World (both are masterpieces, by the way), but no filmmaker expressed dramatic power the way Jia does in this particular section with Caught by the Tides, let alone letting the silences of his (masked) actors speak in ways that words cannot. 

Zhao Tao’s performance is entirely silent, barring a section taken from Unknown Pleasures where the protagonist sings. But there isn’t a spoken word uttered by Qiaoqiao throughout the entire movie, and Jia lets us sit with her in silence, contemplating her future and the choices she has made that ultimately lead her to where she is during the pandemic. Even her exchange with Bin, preceding their breakup, is told through intertitles, with only their looks as the point of reference to make us feel their emotions. To some, that may be an alienating way to watch a movie, especially when Jia flows from one scene to the next without tangible linearity, a massive departure from what he is usually known for. 

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However, there’s something so emotionally stirring in Zhao Tao’s portrayal of Qiaoqiao, whether in the repurposed footage from Jia’s past films or what was shot for this movie, that makes the experience so worthwhile. The best parts of acting are conveying everything you want to say without having the need to say anything. Few actors can accomplish this feat well and express a litany of emotions like this, yet Zhao Tao does it so effortlessly. Her forced smile hides feelings she doesn’t want to put forward, even though we can clearly read them. Qiaoqiao isn’t happy, and her current trajectory ensures she won’t find the peace she wants. 

It’s only during an interaction with a robot, in one of the year’s most moving exchanges, that we get to see the real Qiaoqiao, who warms up and happily smiles, for the first time, after the machine tells her, “Mother Teresa once said, if you love until it hurts…there can be no more hurt, only more love.” It’s the first occasion where we see her feel something, and the rest of the film, where Qiaoqiao ties up all of her past loose ends, gives her the courage to do what she needs to do to move on. It’s simultaneously heartbreaking and profoundly affecting, even if Jia’s associations sometimes lose their meaning, particularly in the movie’s midsection. 

That said, even if Caught by the Tides sags and loses its intent in a few places, Jia Zhangke knows he has to anchor his decades-spanning emotional journey through the eyes of his wife and creative partner, Zhao Tao. It’s through those sullen, devastating looks that pierce the artifice of cinema and touch us so profoundly that we’re ultimately moved by this daring proposition from one of China’s greatest formalists, caught in the tides of the past and present, and offering us no solutions for a future that doesn’t look as promising as it might have been envisioned, by Qiaoqiao, or society itself…

SCORE: ★★★1/2

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