Lifestyle
Don't get stuck in an age silo: 6 L.A. friend groups on making intergenerational bonds
On a bench near the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market in July, Peggy Cheng recalled the time a television writer pitched her a wacky sitcom centered around the unlikely scenario of a young woman who had befriended her elderly neighbors.
Cheng, who was working in TV development at the time, wasn’t impressed.
“She thought it was so unique and I was like, ‘Hmm,’ ” said the 40-year-old Brentwood resident, laughing.
After all, the writer could have been describing Cheng’s life. Her best friend, Karen Lektzian, lives in the unit above hers and is 24 years her senior. They even had a meet-cute: A leaky toilet brought them together. But their difference in age has not stopped the two from being active participants in each other’s lives. Cheng spent months helping Lektzian plan her wedding. Lektzian picked Cheng up from the hospital after surgery. And they’re both always up for a last-minute trip to the local Ralph’s.
“I share everything with her,” Cheng said. “She’s one of the few friends who knows every facet of my life.”
Lektzian, a retired IT consultant, says the feeling is mutual. “Life is more fun when we’re together. I think that sums it up.”
As it turns out, age-gap friendships like Cheng and Lektzian’s may be more common than many of us think. A 2019 AARP survey found that nearly four in 10 adults have a close friend who is at least 15 years older or younger than they are. Even more are interested in cultivating these types of friendships. Nearly eight in 10 adults want to spend more time with people outside their age groups, according to a report from the Washington, D.C.-based organization Generations United.
Although research on the benefits of intergenerational friendships is nascent, several studies suggest that older adults who regularly interact with younger people experience less anxiety, depression and cognitive decline than their more age-siloed peers. For younger folks, having friends outside their generation may help reduce both internal and external ageism, and address feelings of isolation and loneliness.
“From both sides there are individual level benefits that have the potential to improve health and well-being,” said Lauren Dunning, director of future of aging at the Milken Institute.
But ask those who are in age-gap friendships what they like about it, and chances are they’ll simply tell you they are in it for the enjoyment and pleasure of spending time with someone who “gets” them.
“There’s this exchange of ideas and knowledge, and this recognition that having fun is just as much a part of later life as it is for younger life,” said Catherine Elliott O’Dare, a professor in social policy at Trinity College in Dublin who studies the benefits of intergenerational friendships.
We spoke to six intergenerational friend groups in L.A. about how they met, what they do together and the benefits of their age difference.
Friends Justin Beverly, 26, Jose Bautista, 73, and Nicholas Baraban, 33, hang out at Johnny Carson Park in Burbank.
(Christina House / Los Angeles Times)
Justin Beverly, 26, student. Jose Bautista, 73, retail worker. Nicholas Baraban, 33, retail worker
How did you meet?
Bautista: “We all used to work at the Hobby Lobby and these guys used to have beers after work. One day I invited myself along, but on one condition — we have to play [music].”
Favorite activities:
Playing music, going to the batting cage, open mic nights, barbecues.
What makes the friendship special?
Baraban: “I had a best friend who passed away — a bandmate. Jose helped me start playing with other people again. He was the first person I opened up to about playing out again.”
Bautista: “We’ve become best friends. I can rely on these guys for anything and I know they’ll come through. And me too. They can count on me for anything.”
Best part of being in an age-gap friendship?
Beverly: “Getting everyone’s perspective and point of view. People have more stories to tell from different times. It gives an interesting dynamic.”
Bautista: “I don’t feel an age difference with them. I don’t know how a 73-year-old is supposed to act.”
Baraban: “I don’t feel an age difference so much.”
Friends Jeannine Ball, 69, left, and Antoine Cason, 38, sit in the bleachers of Lakewood High School’s football stadium in Lakewood.
(Christina House / Los Angeles Times)
How did you meet?
Ball: “My son Josh was a waterboy for the football team at Los Alamitos High. Antoine walked past us before school one morning and says, ‘Hey J-Dub. How are you doing?’ I said, ‘Who was that?’ and he said, ‘That’s the nicest guy on the football team.”
Cason: “Then I took your photography class senior year and after I went to college I’d come back and see everyone and it just grew from there.”
Favorite activities:
Football activities, going to dinner, and spending time with mutual friends and each other’s families.
What makes the friendship special?
Ball: “He inspires me every time I see him. He lifts up people around him, his personality obviously, but also he cares about people. He gives back.”
Cason: “Every time I’m around her I feel the genuine love and care. She really cares. Sometimes you don’t feel that way around people. And my family loves her too.”
Best part of being in an age-gap friendship?
Ball: “I want to stay relevant for every day of my life. He helps me do that. And it’s not just the age difference. He is a different color than I am, a different culture. I love understanding that better. I can’t say I understand it totally but hopefully it makes me communicate better with everyone as a result of that.”
Cason: “For me — especially where I’ve been, what I’ve done — I feel safe with her. I like to stay as private as I can because everything I’ve done has been in the public. And I just feel safe. That’s very important.”
For the record:
9:49 a.m. Aug. 21, 2024An earlier version of this article misidentified an interview subject as Jeannine Bell, and Antoine Cason as a former NFL quarterback. Her name is Jeannine Ball and Cason is a former NFL cornerback.
Flora Grewe, 4 1/2, hands her friend Mary Ota, 105, a handful of flowers in Carpinteria.
(Christina House / Los Angeles Times)
Flora Grewe, 4 ½, student. Mary Ota, 105, retired medical office worker
How did you meet?
Ota: “Flora and her family lived at the end of the street where I used to go for a walk. I would sit on my walker and rest before turning around and she would come and bring me flowers. Then she started coming over and we just became friends. Now we get together a lot.”
Favorite activities:
Doing puzzles, getting matching manicures, giving presents.
What makes the friendship special?
Ota: “She is a sweet little girl, always smiling and just adorable. At first she was quite shy, but what was adorable is she would write notes and bring them to me. She would always smile when she brought me things, and even if they were just weeds, I would put them in water.”
Grewe: “I don’t even know! I just like her!”
Best part of being in an age-gap friendship?
Ota: “A friend like Flora keeps things lively. Young people are so full of life. And connecting with young people makes you recall when you were young and your children were young.”
Grewe: “She let me have two cupcakes at her birthday party. She’s nice.”
Patricia Smith, 74, and Adam Fowler, 43, sit outside Patricia’s apartment.
(Zoe Cranfill / Los Angeles Times)
patricia smith 73, retired faculty support at UCLA, yoga teacher. Adam Fowler, 43, consultant
How did you meet?
Fowler: “I took a position in Global Economics and Management at UCLA while I was applying to PhD programs. The first day the person I was replacing warned me about the woman down the hall. I hadn’t been in Los Angeles terribly long and I was like, ‘Oh, God, I hope this isn’t a nightmare.’ But we just hit it off.”
smith: “He endeared me to him with the ‘Yes, ma’am.’ It reminded me of the way I was brought up. And his Southern accent was the cutest thing in the world.”
Favorite activities:
Picnics at the Hollywood Bowl, movie nights at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, talking on the phone, fixing up smith’s apartment.
What makes the friendship special?
Fowler: “She made it comfortable to grow as a human. I was from the boonies of Arkansas, trying to figure out who I was in terms of coming out as gay, pursuing a PhD from a family where I was already the first generation of college students, and this was a person who was so secure in who she was and kind and generous.”
smith: “He was always so freaking smart, but he was smart without being arrogant. That was one of the more endearing qualities I recognized in him right away.”
Best part of being in an age- gap friendship?
smith: “He helps me to stay young. He turns me onto stuff. When I don’t know what’s going on, I just call him and he sets me straight. He helps me to pay attention — not to mention that he does [stuff] for me. That’s priceless.”
Fowler: “It’s such a source of context and wisdom. Whenever you get spun up on something small in your own life, patricia can either help you laugh about it or put it in some broader context. And just everything she’s done, moving here from Chicago, things she’s been through, all of that is so very interesting. I’d say it’s the resilience for me.”
Marlo Wamsganz, left, 54, and Norma Hench, right, 83, have been friends for years. The pair like to swap books, plant clippings, hike and visit botanic gardens.
(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)
Marlo Wamsganz, 54, designer. Norma Hench, 83, retired teacher
How did you meet?
Wamsganz: “We were both living in Vermont and I was dating her partner Glenn’s son. The first time we met we were already walking around her gardens. Then I moved on from that relationship and Glenn passed away. We lost touch, not because we didn’t love each other, but because life goes on. “
Hench: “It took me a full year to get my act together after Glenn died and move to L.A. where my son lives. I flew from Vermont to JFK and, lo and behold, there’s Marlo!”
Wamsganz: “We were both relocating to L.A. and when we got on the plane I believe we were in the same row. I thought, ‘This is wild.’ ”
Favorite activities:
Visiting botanic gardens, trying new foods, hiking in Malibu, visiting museums and swapping books.
What makes the friendship special?
Wamsganz: “Norma loves to learn new things, she’s up for anything, she’ll taste anything, and she also likes to dig deep into things. I love how positive she is and she speaks her mind. She’s very fair and believes in rights for all people. And she’s a great conversationalist.”
Hench: “I want to tell a story: We were crossing Ventura Boulevard — this big multi lane street, and right in the middle of the crosswalk there was a praying mantis. And without missing a beat, didn’t Marlo reach down and pick up this praying mantis and carry it with her across to the other side of the street and put it on the lawn? Now, doesn’t that speak volumes?”
Best part of being in an age-gap friendship?
Hench: “I never think about an age difference. I’m not even aware of that. Maybe I’m in denial.”
Wamsganz: “I don’t either. Although I do ask her some things. Like, how long do hot flashes go on?”
Friends Peggy Cheng, 40, left, and Karen Lektzian, 64, shop at the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market.
(Christina House / Los Angeles Times)
Peggy Cheng, 40, entrepreneur. Karen Lektzian, 64, retired IT consultant
How did you meet?
Cheng: “Her master toilet flooded my unit, and it was easier to go through my unit to fix it. I was working really long hours at that time, so I was just like, ‘Yup! OK! Bye!’ She was like, ‘Can I get you any gift cards or a dinner?’ and I was just like, ‘No! I don’t really expect to interact with you.’ ”
Lektzian: “The remediation took three weeks, and over the course of those three weeks we had quite a few interactions, so we got to know each other a little bit. I invited her to dinner and with the proximity we started to run into each other more often and it was so easy to just say, ‘Want to pop up for a drink? Or, do you want to cook dinner tonight?’ ”
Favorite activities?
Traveling, cooking, eating out, running errands.
What makes the friendship special?
Lektzian: “We just have so much fun together. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. And we have so many common interests. It’s just so natural. Life is more fun with her.”
Cheng: “I like that I can share everything with her. She’s one of the few friends who knows every facet of my life. I can go to her for advice and if it’s serious she will just switch into that mode and then immediately we will have the giggles.”
What is the best part of being in an age-gap friendship?
Lektzian: “I don’t really notice when I’m with my friends my own age versus Peggy.”
Cheng: “I don’t feel it either. She’s equally energetic and way more fit than I am!”
You want to see some real fashion ingenuity? Watch the N.F.L. draft.
I’m not saying it’s all good, but where else are you going to see someone in a double-breasted suit made by a company better known for making yoga pants? Or an Abercrombie & Fitch suit jacket so short that it exposes the belt loops on the pants beneath?
On the whole, the style on display at the N.F.L. draft last night was very overeager senior formal: a lot of suits in colors beyond basic blue. The quarterback Ty Simpson wore a custom suit by the athleisure label Alo, which, I have to say, looked better than I would have envisioned had you said the words “Alo Yoga suit” to me.
I thought it might have been from Suitsupply, but the conspicuous “Alo” pin on his right lapel put that idea to rest. Simpson, smartly, unfastened that beacon before appearing onstage as the 13th pick to the Los Angeles Rams. He had, perhaps, satisfied his contractual obligations by that point.
Earlier in the evening, as the wide receiver Carnell Tate threw up his arms in exaltation after being picked fourth by the Tennessee Titans, his cropped Abercrombie & Fitch jacket revealed a swatch of rib cage. He looked like a mâitre d’ who had just hit the Mega Millions.
During the N.B.A.’s extended fashion awakening, its draft has become a sandbox for luxury brands to cozy up to would-be endorsers. The Frenchman Victor Wembanyama broke a kind of cashmere ceiling when he wore Louis Vuitton to go first overall in the 2023 N.B.A. draft.
The N.F.L. draft has none of that. The brands you see are often not brands at all, but custom tailors that reach the league’s neophytes through a whisper network among players. The draft is also a platform to raise the curtain on longer-term brand deals that better suit these rookies. We may, for instance, never see Simpson in a suit again. Nearly every photo from his time at Alabama shows him in a T-shirt or hoodie. It makes sense for him to sign with Alo.
Football is the most mainstream of American cultural entities. And it’s one that still hasn’t, in spite of the league’s best efforts, taken off overseas. Few players, save some quarterbacks and a tight end who happens to be engaged to a pop star, feel bigger than the game itself. If you’re a new-to-the-league linebacker, you’ll most likely never harness the star power to grab the attention of Armani, but you might have just the right pull for Abercrombie.
The N.F.L. draft is therefore one of the few red carpets where the brands worn by the athletes may also be worn by those watching at home. How many people watching the Oscars will ever own clothes from Louis Vuitton or Chanel? People may comment online about Lady Gaga wearing Matières Fécales to the Grammys, but how many of those fans and viewers could afford to buy clothes from it?
The Japanese designers changing fashion
Yesterday, I published a deep dive into how a newish crop of Japanese designers are soaking up all the attention in men’s fashion right now. This was a piece I was writing in my head long before I sat down and finally started typing. I remember sitting at a fashion show in Paris over a year ago — I believe it was Dior — and being asked by my seatmate if I’d made it over to a showroom in the Marais to check out A.Presse. That Tokyo-based brand is now part of a vanguard of Japanese labels that, on many days, seems to be all anyone in fashion wants to talk about. I spent months talking with designers, store owners and big-time shoppers to make sense of why these brands have kicked up so much buzz and, more than that, what makes their clothes so great. You can read the story here.
Other things worth knowing about:
Thirty years ago, comedian and actor Tig Notaro didn’t have a clear direction in life, so she followed some childhood friends who wanted to get into entertainment to Los Angeles. Secretly wanting to do stand-up, Notaro decided to try her luck at various outlets in town, which became the start of her successful career.
“I stayed on my friends’ couch near the Hollywood Improv on Melrose, and a couple months later, got my own studio apartment in the Miracle Mile area,” Notaro says. “I love all the options for everything in L.A. — the entertainment, the restaurants. I like to stay active. So many people love the hiking options in Los Angeles, and I’m one of them.”
In Sunday Funday, L.A. people give us a play-by-play of their ideal Sunday around town. Find ideas and inspiration on where to go, what to eat and how to enjoy life on the weekends.
Notaro appears in Season 3 of Apple TV’s “The Morning Show” and is a series regular on Paramount+’s “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy,” as she was on “Star Trek: Discovery.” She’s also a touring stand-up comic and hosts “Handsome,” a comedy podcast, with Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin. The trio will be taping a live show May 4 at the Wiltern with the cast of Netflix’s “The Hunting Wives.” The live shows include interviews, but also “incorporate some ridiculous things,” she says. For example, upon hearing that some of the hosts always wanted to learn to tap dance, Notaro “hired a tap instructor to come to our live show in Austin and teach us how to tap dance in front of the audience.”
Notaro lives near Hollywood with her wife, actor Stephanie Allynne, their 9-year-old fraternal twin boys, Max and Finn, and three cats, Fluff, Linus and Skip. When she’s not touring, her ideal Sundays include sampling vegan restaurants, wandering through bookstores or museums, and doing something physically active with the family.
This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for length and clarity.
6 a.m.: Up with the kids
Because we have active children, we still wake up at 6 a.m. or 6:30 a.m. on Sunday, but there’s not as much of a rush to get going. Stephanie and I will often have coffee and chat in the living room together. I love that part of the day. Stephanie may cook breakfast, but Max and Finn are pretty self-sufficient and can make certain little meals for themselves. Max is really starting to take an interest in cooking, so he’d make breakfast for himself. Our family is vegan, but he eats eggs, so he makes himself an egg sandwich with avocado a lot of times.
9 a.m.: Daily morning walk
After breakfast, we usually have a morning walk around our neighborhood. That’s a daily thing I like to do, regardless of what’s going on. Now that I’m not touring as much, tennis is back on the schedule. So I’d go to Plummer Park in West Hollywood and play for a while, then join the family for lunch.
11:30 a.m.: Hike with a side of chickpea sandwich
I love Trails, a cafe in Griffith Park, where you can eat outdoors. It serves simple food, and has good vegan options. I usually get their chickpea salad sandwich. The food there is great. Afterward, we’d visit Griffith Observatory, where there’s lots to see. There are lots of great trails in the park, so we’d go for an hour hike before leaving.
3 p.m.: Browse the shelves for rock biographies
Bookstores are fun, so we’d head downtown for the Last Bookstore, which is in a historic building with lots of vintage books. I really love all things plant-based, and I’m a very big music fanatic. So I love to look for vegan books, nutrition books, rock biographies and autobiographies. It’s just fun to browse around the stacks.
If we didn’t go to the bookstore, we’d probably go to LACMA. Our sons are huge fans of art and want to go for each new exhibit. They love Hockney, Basquiat and Picasso, to name a few.
4 p.m.: Cuddle with cuties at a cat cafe
We’d then make a quick stop at [Crumbs & Whiskers], a kitten and cat cafe on Melrose for coffee, snacks and to pet the cats. It’s best to make reservations in advance. There’s cats all around the place that need to be adopted. You can visit and pet them, or find a new roommate. I’d love to take some home, but we already have three.
5:30 p.m. Italian or sushi, but make it vegan
We’re an early dinner family. One restaurant we like is Pura Vita in West Hollywood. It’s the greatest vegan Italian food, and for non-vegans, nobody ever knows the difference. It’s the first 100% plant-based Italian restaurant in the United States. They make an incredible kale salad and I love the San Gennaro pizza. It’s got cashew mozzarella, tomato sauce, Italian sausage crumble and more.
Then there’s Planta in Marina del Rey. It’s right on the harbor and you can sit outside and look at the boats coming in and out. They have sushi, salads and other plant-based entrees. They’ve got a really great spicy tuna roll that’s made out of watermelon. They are magicians.
Or there’s Crossroads Kitchen in West Hollywood. They play the best classic rock, and the atmosphere is upscale, fine dining. The appetizers that we always get are called Moroccan Cigars, which are vegan meat substitutes fried in a rolled batter. I really like the grilled lion’s mane steak, their mushroom steak with truffle potatoes, or the scallopini Milanese, that has a chicken or tofu option. I get the chicken with arugula on top. I always love to have a decaf espresso with dessert, which is either a brownie sundae or banana pudding.
7:30 p.m.: Comfort watch or word games
After dinner, the kids often like to watch an episode of “Friends,” a show that all ages enjoy, sports or “The Simpsons.” Or we’d play a game where each of us will add a word to a sentence and create a weird or funny long sentence until one of our sons says period. Then they’ll try and remember the whole sentence and repeat it back.
9:30 p.m.: Bubble bath then bed
The boys usually go to bed at 8:30 p.m. and bedtime for us is 9:30 p.m. Stephanie and I would read or chat. I like to take a bubble bath, if people must know. The best Sundays for me mean finding a good balance of relaxing and being active. I feel very lucky that my family and I can do those things together.
When Marian Sherry Lurio and Jonathan Buffington Nguyen met at a mutual friend’s wedding at Higgins Lake, Mich., in July 2022, both felt an immediate chemistry. As the evening progressed, they sat on the shore of the lake in Adirondack chairs under the stars, where they had their first kiss before joining others for a midnight plunge.
The two learned that the following weekend Ms. Lurio planned to attend a wedding in Philadelphia, where Mr. Nguyen lives, and before they had even exchanged numbers, they already had a first date on the books.
“I have a vivid memory of after we first met,” Mr. Nguyen said, “just feeling like I really better not screw this up.”
Before long, they were commuting between Philadelphia and New York City, where Ms. Lurio lives, spending weekends and the odd remote work days in one another’s apartments in Philadelphia and Manhattan. Within the first six months of dating, Mr. Nguyen joined Ms. Lurio’s family for Thanksgiving in Villanova, Pa., and, the following month, she met his family in Beavercreek, Ohio, at a surprise birthday party for Mr. Nguyen’s mother.
Ms. Lurio, 32, who grew up in Merion Station outside Philadelphia, works in investor relations administration at Flexpoint Ford, a private equity firm. She graduated from Dartmouth College with a bachelor’s degree in history and psychology.
Mr. Nguyen, also 32, was born in Knoxville, Tenn., and raised in Beavercreek, Ohio, from the age of 7. He graduated from Haverford College with a bachelor’s degree in political science and is now a director at Doyle Real Estate Advisors in Philadelphia.
Their long-distance relationship continued for the next few years. There were dates in Manhattan, vacations and beach trips to the Jersey Shore. They attended sporting events and discovered their shared appreciation of the 2003 film, “Love Actually.”
One evening, Mr. Nguyen recalled looking around Ms. Lurio’s small New York studio — strewed with clothes and the takeout meal they had ordered — and feeling “so comfortable and safe.” “I knew that this was something different than just sort of a fling,” he said.
It was an open question when they would move in together. In 2024, Ms. Lurio began the process of moving into Mr. Nguyen’s home in Philadelphia — even bringing her cat, Scott — but her plans changed midway when an opportunity arose to expand her role with her current employer.
Mr. Nguyen was on board with her decision. “It almost feels like stolen valor to call it ‘long distance,’ because it’s so easy from Philadelphia to New York,” Mr. Nguyen said. “The joke is, it’s easier to get to Philly from New York than to get to some parts of Brooklyn from Manhattan, right?”
In January 2025, Mr. Nguyen visited Ms. Lurio in New York with more up his sleeve than spending the weekend. Together they had discussed marriage and bespoke rings, but when Mr. Nguyen left Ms. Lurio and an unfinished cheese plate at the bar of the Chelsea Hotel that Friday evening, she had no idea what was coming next.
“I remember texting Jonathan,” Ms. Lurio said, bewildered: “‘You didn’t go toward the bathroom!’” When a Lobby Bar server came and asked her to come outside, Ms. Lurio still didn’t realize what was happening until she was standing in the hallway, where Mr. Nguyen stood recreating a key moment from the film “Love Actually,” in which one character silently professes his love for another in writing by flashing a series of cue cards. There, in the storied Chelsea Hotel hallway still festooned with Christmas decorations, Mr. Nguyen shared his last card that said, “Will you marry me?”
They wed on April 11 in front of 200 guests at the Pump House, a covered space on the banks of Philadelphia’s Schuylkill River. Mr. Nguyen’s sister, the Rev. Elizabeth Nguyen, who is ordained through the Unitarian Universalist Association, officiated.
Although formal attire was suggested, Ms. Lurio said that the ceremony was “pretty casual.” She and Jonathan got ready together, and their families served as their wedding parties.
“I said I wanted a five-minute wedding,” Ms. Lurio recalled, though the ceremony ended up lasting a little longer than that. During the ceremony, Ms. Nguyen read a homily and jokingly added that guests should not ask the bride and groom about their living arrangements, which will remain separate for the foreseeable future.
While watching Ms. Lurio walk down the aisle, flanked by her parents, Mr. Nguyen said he remembered feeling at once grounded in the moment and also a sense of dazed joy: “Like, is this real? I felt very lucky in that moment — and also just excited for the party to start!”
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