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Advice | Asking Eric: Self-published author struggles with jealousy

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Advice | Asking Eric: Self-published author struggles with jealousy


Welcome to “Asking Eric,” a new daily advice column by R. Eric Thomas, which replaces Amy Dickinson’s “Ask Amy.” You can read her last column here.

Dear Eric: I’m a self-published fiction author. I’m really struggling with jealousy and despair. Every time I see a published book or step into a bookstore, I feel this wave of sadness. I’m trying to get my books out there, get whatever reviews I can, and promote myself on social media but it feels impossible.

A friend just told me she won’t try out a new author unless they have thousands of good reviews on Amazon or Goodreads. My last book got about 20 good reviews after weeks of hustling. How do I keep going? How can I redirect my thoughts when the jealousy/despair hits?

Author: I worry you’re tracking your achievements using someone else’s yardstick. You’ve published a book. At some point in the past, that was the goal. So, you have already achieved one metric of success. Of course, we all harbor dreams of acclaim, but those dreams are so rarely right-sized. Do you want to be a famous author or do you want to be an author who is reaching readers who appreciate you?

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This is a career field where jealousy waits around every corner, but other people’s success doesn’t take anything away from us. You’re not in competition with other authors, you’re in competition with your own expectations. Ask yourself: If you got thousands of reviews, would that feel like enough? You are already enough so let’s reframe your goals to help you feel that more often.

Your friend is entitled to her own selection process but thousands of reviews is an unrealistic number. To get that, any author, even the Emily Henrys and John Grishams, needs the support of dozens, if not hundreds of people employed by the big publishing houses. Meanwhile, you worked your tail off and got those 20 reviews on your own. That’s huge!

If there’s an author whose career you want to emulate, reach out to them to find out the nuts and bolts of how they got to where they are, but make sure that comparison will help you. As writer Freddie DeBoer recently pointed out in an issue of his Substack newsletter titled “Publishing is Designed to Make Most Authors Feel Like Losers Even While the Industry Makes Money,” “writing is also an intensely personal endeavor, and so rejection by the various apparatchiks who decide who’s in and who’s out can feel especially cruel.” Have a good think about whose approval you want (hopefully your own) and what you’re trying to achieve. Remind yourself that the authors you see may have different goals than you and probably also feel that old jealousy.

Lastly, I can’t say enough about building relationships with independent booksellers and librarians. Get to know the ones in your area. Even if you’re exclusively publishing e-books, these pros can help you understand the decision-making that leads readers to books, and eventually to those online review sites.

Dear Eric: I am in my mid-60s. Sometimes when I meet people I haven’t seen for a long time, say from college, I hear “you haven’t changed a bit.” Back then I had shoulder length hair. Today, I’m bald and what hair I have left is cut very short. How do I respond to such nonsense while maintaining a good attitude toward them?

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— Hair Yesterday, Gone Today

Hair: I understand your sentiment as a fellow member of the shaved head club (it’s cheaper! It’s cooler! But oh the sunburns!). Still, you should take the compliment in the spirit it’s given. Of course you’ve changed physically, but maybe your energy is the same. Or maybe they just think it’s flattering. If the mood suits say, “Oh, I’ve changed — I got even better.”

Dear Eric: My partner (husband) and I have been together for 18 years. My sister-in-law created a “family tree” and gave copies to all family members as a gift. On closer inspection, my “husband” was left off the family tree indicating that I am single. My sister-in-law and her family do not believe in gay marriage. What should I do about this slight?

Marriage: It’s a good thing your relationship’s existence isn’t dependent upon what your sister-in-law doesn’t believe in. Long-term relationships aren’t Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, they’re mostly taking out the garbage and texting each other things to pick up from the grocery store. (They’re also emotional support, caretaking, and commitment, and all that good stuff.) I’m sure you’ve already had this banging-your-head-against-the-wall conversation with your in-law, but you should voice your displeasure about the tree as a way of setting an expectation about the respect you want. Once you’ve said your piece, throw the “gift” in the trash and order your own correct tree and give it to your family.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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A look at the roots (and routes) of immigration to Washington

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A look at the roots (and routes) of immigration to Washington


The Newsfeed

This week, the team brings you stories about how communities including Filipino immigrants, Sephardic Jews and Somalis arrived in the Pacific Northwest

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Each week on The Newsfeed, host Paris Jackson and a team of veteran journalists dive deep into one topic and provide impactful reporting, interviews and community insights from sources you can trust. Each day this week, this post will be updated with a new story from the team.

Group hopes to boost recognition for Seattle’s Filipinotown 



By Venice Buhain

The group Filipinotown Seattle hopes to make sure that the legacy of Filipino Americans in Seattle’s Chinatown-International District isn’t forgotten. 

One of the group’s current projects is pushing for a Filipinotown placemarking sign in the CID. 

“Filipino Americans have had a presence here for over 100 years in Seattle,” said Filipinotown Seattle Executive Director Devin Israel Cabanilla.  

He said that the signage is important to remind people that “the International District is not just Chinatown. Japantown. Filipinotown is here as well.” 

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The group held a poll on what signage might look like and where it might be located. It would be similar to the Chinatown sign on South Jackson Street and Fifth Avenue South, or the Wing Luke Museum  

In the early 20th century, the area now known as the CID was a hub full of businesses, entertainment, social groups and housing that served Seattle’s growing immigrant population from Asia and elsewhere. The communities all intermingled throughout the CID. 

“This area was a central place for Asian Pacific immigrants simply because of segregation,” Cabanilla said. 

Because the Philippines was a U.S. territory from 1898 to 1946, Filipino immigrants were unaffected by laws in the 1920s that restricted immigration from Japan or China. Many Filipinos came to study at the University of Washington or to work in burgeoning industries, like lumber, farming, canneries and factories.  

While the physical Filipino presence in terms of buildings and storefronts in the CID dwindled in the later 20th century with redevelopment, Seattle Filipinos and Filipino Americans continued to make impacts locally, regionally and nationally.  

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“It may not have been in terms of storefronts, but our presence has always existed in terms of politics, culture as well,” Cabanilla said. 

The Seattle Department of Transportation said it is aware that the group is working on its signage request, but the Department of Neighborhoods has not yet received a formal request. They are also working to develop a clearer process for this and other similar neighborhood signage proposals. 

Filipinotown Seattle said it hopes that the sign helps remind Seattle of the CID’s unique designation as a neighborhood shaped by many immigrants and migrants to Seattle. 

“Is it Chinatown? Is it Japantown? Is it Little Saigon? It’s all those things. And I think re cultivating that this is a multicultural district, Filipinotown is helping establish: Yes, it’s more than one thing,” Cabanilla said. 

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Venice Buhain

Venice Buhain is a multimedia journalist at Cascade PBS. She previously was the Cascade PBS’s associate news editor and education reporter. Venice has also worked for KING 5, The Seattle Globalist and TVW News.



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The Church of Jesus Christ has announced its 384th temple

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The Church of Jesus Christ has announced its 384th temple


The state of Washington is getting a seventh temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The Marysville Washington Temple was announced Sunday night during a devotional in the Marysville Washington Stake by Elder Hugo E. Martinez, a General Authority Seventy in the church’s United States West Area Presidency.

“We are pleased to announce the construction of a temple in Marysville, Washington,” the First Presidency said in a statement. “The specific location and timing of the construction will be announced later. This is a reason for all of us to rejoice and express gratitude for such a significant blessing — one that will allow more frequent access to the ordinances, covenants and power that can only be found in the house of the Lord.”

The other temples in Washington are the Columbia River, Moses Lake, Seattle, Spokane, Tacoma and Vancouver temples.

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The church has 214 temples in operation. Plans for another 170 temples have been announced; many of those temples are in various stages of planning and construction.

Sunday’s temple announcement follows the new practice of the church’s First Presidency, which determines where temples will be built — and when and how they will be announced.

The First Presidency directed a General Authority Seventy to announce the first temple in Maine at a fireside there in December.

In January, church President Dallin H. Oaks said the Maine announcement set the pattern for future temple announcements.

“The best place to announce a temple is in that temple district,” he told the Deseret News.

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The First Presidency will continue to decide where future temples will be built. It then will “assign someone else to make the announcement in the place where the temple will be built,” he said.

This pattern came to him as a strong impression after he assumed leadership of the church in October, following the death of his friend, President Russell M. Nelson.

This came as a strong impression to him shortly after he assumed the leadership of the church, President Oaks said.

The church remains in the midst of an aggressive temple-building era. President Nelson announced 200 new temples from 2018 to 2025. All but one were announced at general conference.

Five dozen temples are now under construction.

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President Oaks now has overseen the announcement of two temples, neither at a general conference.

At the October conference he said that “with the large number of temples now in the very earliest phases of planning and construction, it is appropriate that we slow down the announcement of new temples.”

Ten new temples are scheduled to be dedicated in the next six months.

  • May 3: Davao Philippines Temple.
  • May 3: Lindon Utah Temple.
  • May 31: Bacolod Philippines Temple.
  • June 7: Yorba Linda California Temple.
  • June 7: Willamette Valley Oregon Temple.
  • Aug. 16: Belo Horizonte Brazil Temple.
  • Aug. 16: Cleveland Ohio Temple.
  • Aug. 30: Phnom Penh Cambodia Temple.
  • Oct. 11: Miraflores Guatemala City Guatemala Temple.
  • Oct. 18: Managua Nicaragua Temple.

Two-thirds of the 170 temples still to be built are outside the United States.

Temples are distinct from the meetinghouses where Latter-day Saints worship Jesus Christ each Sunday. Temples are closed on Sundays, but they open during the week as sanctuaries where church members go to find peace, make covenants with God and perform proxy ordinances for deceased relatives.



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Washington football displays depth, talent at first spring scrimmage

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Washington football displays depth, talent at first spring scrimmage


On a perfect day in Seattle for football, Washington took the field inside Husky Stadium for its first scrimmage of spring practice, and ahead of his third season at the helm, Jedd Fisch seemed pleased with the results.

“Guys played and competed their ass off,” he said after the Huskies ran 120 plays. “That’s the type of day we want to have…We have a lot to work on, but we’re excited that today gave us this opportunity.”

The 120 plays had a little bit of everything, but the biggest thing the Huskies showed during the day was that, despite the inexperience that Fisch’s coaching staff is looking to lean on at several positions, there’s plenty of talent littering the roster. The best example of that is sophomore safety Paul Mencke Jr., who had his best practice in a Husky uniform after Fisch announced on Saturday that senior CJ Christian is out for the year after suffering a torn Achilles tendon during Tuesday’s practice at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center.

“Paul’s done a great job of competing and being physical and playing fast, and you could see over these three years, he’s really grown into understanding now the system, and what’s asked of him as a safety,” Fisch said. “I think there’s a lot of in him that he wants to be like (safeties coach Taylor) Mays. He sees himself as a tall, linear, big hitter. So when you have your coach that is known for that type of play, I think Paul has done a great job.”

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Mencke was all over the field. Not only did he lay some big hits, just like his safeties coach did during his time at USC, but the former four-star recruit also tallied a pair of pass breakups, an interception in a 7-on-7 period, and multiple strong tackles to hold ball carriers to limited yards.

While the defense did a good job getting pressure throughout the day and making the quarterbacks hold the ball with different looks on the back end, with safety Alex McLaughlin, linebacker Donovan Robinson, and edge rusher Logan George all among the players credited for a sack, quarterback Demond Williams Jr. got an opportunity to show off how he’s improved ahead of his junior year.

Early on, he showed off his well-known speed and athleticism, making the correct decision on a read option, pulling the ball and scampering for a 25-yard gain before displaying his touch. Throughout the day, his favorite target was junior receiver Rashid Williams, whom he found on several layered throws of 15-plus yards in the various scrimmage periods of practice.

On a day when every able-bodied member of the team was able to get several reps of live action, here are some of the other noteworthy plays from the day.

Spring practice notebook

  • Freshman cornerback Jeron Jones was unable to participate in the scrimmage and was spotted working off to the side with the rest of the players rehabbing their injuries.
  • The running backs delivered a pair of big blows on the day. First, cornerback Emmanuel Karnley was on the receiving end of a big hit from redshirt freshman Quaid Carr before the former three-star recruit ripped off a 13-yard touchdown run on the next play. Later on, every player on offense had a lot of fun cheering on freshman Ansu Sanoe after he leveled Zaydrius Rainey-Sale, letting the sophomore linebacker hear all about it when the play was whistled dead.
  • Sophomore wide receiver Justice Williams put together a strong day with several contested catches, showing off his strong hands and 6-foot-4 frame, including a 25-yard catch and run off a drag route from backup quarterback Elijah Brown.
  • Of all the tackles for a loss the Huskies were able to rack up throughout the day, two stood out. First, junior defensive tackle Elinneus Davis burst through the middle of the line to wrap up freshman running back Brian Bonner. Later on, freshman outside linebacker Ramzak Fruean wasn’t even touched as he shot through a gap in the offensive line to track down a play from behind, letting the entire offensive sideline know about the play on his way back to his own bench.
  • The Huskies experimented with several defensive line combinations on Saturday, and for the first time this spring, it felt like freshman Derek Colman-Brusa took the majority of his reps alongside someone other than Davis, who he said has taken on an older brother role to help mentor the top-ranked in-state prospect in the 2026 class.

“Elinneus is a phenomenal guy. Great work ethic. He’s kind of taken on that older brother mentor for me. He’s been a great help just to learn plays and learn the scheme. Can’t say enough good things about the guy.”

  • Ball State transfer Darin Conley took a handful of reps with the first team, while rotating with Colman-Brusa, who got a lot of work in alongside Sacramento State transfer DeSean Watts.



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