A bill filed by Sen. Dusty Deevers, R-Elgin, would modify grounds for divorce, making it more difficult to end a marriage in Oklahoma. Senate Bill 1958 would remove incompatibility as a permissible ground for divorce, effectively abolishing no-fault divorce.

Last week, we asked readers their thoughts on the prospect of SB 1958 passing in Oklahoma. From email submissions to survey form responses, here are the comments we’ve gathered on this topic:

From our inbox ✉

● Oklahoma legislators should stop their bills to control other people’s lives. It is bad enough that abortion is now banned setting Oklahoma back to the 1920s! Now they want to stop people who are incompatible for various reasons from seeking a divorce! I assume that wife battering just OK with them along with a rape victim forced to carry her rapist’s baby to term. These personal decisions should be made by the people affected and certainly not the state Legislature! So sad!

― Kitty Casey, Norman

● My daughter was married to a narcissist who emotionally abused her for 20 years. It took friends giving her information about her abuse and learning that her husband is a narcissist and what narcissism is and a few more years to have the emotional strength to file for a divorce. All after a STEMI and kidney cancer caused by her stressful abusive marriage. Without physical abusive and when no fault divorces are not an option, her marriage would end in her premature death. These women would have no option but to remain in their abusive relationships.

— Joaane Dolin, Caney

● Enough with governmental overreach. They can file for divorce somewhere else. This Senate Bill 1958 will be costly for all involved.

― Glenn McCraw

● In Oklahoma’s current system — it takes two to get married — but only one to get a divorce.

But, is legislation making divorce more difficult the best answer?

Marriage counselors ask the question — which one is involved with a third party?

In many cases, a third party is involved or at least in the mind of one of the spouses.

And yes — a married individual who has been wronged by a spouse would like all the dirty details of the indiscretion to be brought out in court!

However, lawyers are the only ones who actually benefit from divorce — certainly not the plantiff or the defendant.

It might be a better solution to make marriage more difficult — than to make divorce more difficult.

Perhaps, a six-month waiting period after the initial request for an Oklahoma marriage license might be considered.

Making a husband and wife live with each other when a third party is involved will not end well!

— Ron Sharp, Shawnee

● This bill is just useless. Why spend time on a bill when there are more important things going on in the USA. Let’s work on the homeless, our veterans and maybe the Mexico border. Give the money to the poor that you’re giving to the Immigrants.

— Debbie Yowell, Yukon

● I think women should be able to get out when abused and not told to stay by someone who doesn’t live that life. Men, too, if they’re getting beat. Oklahoma has victim shamed for years. The government needs to get off marriage period. Should be automatically 50/50 custody. Should put in there no other woman or man in the house after the divorce, also not even dates. It’s ruining these kids’ lives because parents cheat and do whatever to hurt each other.

— Rachael Slawson

● I do not believe it’s the state business “why” anyone gets divorced or stays married!!! How will this help anyone ― except more “fees” for Oklahoma?

— Dena Loyd

● Yes, today and in the past, it was, and still is today, the easy way out. And commitment was made when there was love and couldn’t wait to marry and live happily ever after and then here comes, I want a divorce. In my opinion, easy to say, “I do,” and now divorce. I think all parties should stick to their agreement. Whomever decides to leave, should pay a penalty and jail time and community service and that should hold for 2 years or even more. If there’s children, they are the ones to suffer for their parents indiscretion and anything to part from the family unit.

PASS THE BILL.

— Irene Adams, Comanche

● Doing away with no fault divorce will bring back the worst parts of the old divorce litigations: parents using testimonies by their children against their spouses.

Making divorce easy isn’t something to be proud of, but when one member of a marriage wants out it’s best to do it without all the finger pointing.

— Paul Mullon, Ripley

● This proposed bill authored by Mr. Deevers is just another effort to subjugate women in the state of Oklahoma. He has no idea what life in a marriage can descend to. Give a woman a chance to get out of a bad situation without requiring things that might put a woman in further jeopardy. This bill should go down in flames!!

― Suzanne Rogers, Edmond

● This legislation makes no sense. If a couple agrees to dissolve their marriage, it is not the state’s business and should not be blocked! Slows down the court’s business as well. The Republican Party is supposed to be about less government, right? Looks like this state is moving in the wrong direction.

— Patti Ellis

● I personally feel like the law is too loose as it is. Couples make a vow, a promise to each other when they enter into this contract of marriage to love and honor each other until death. But … with the laws as they are, it’s always in the back of their mind that if it doesn’t work out and we can’t get along then we’ll just get a divorce. There needs to be more commitment. More trying to work through the hard times instead of breaking and running.

Yes, I am all for stronger laws on divorce. I know how hard it is to stay committed and work through the hard times, but if you know for sure you love someone when you enter marriage you can make it happen. 46 1/2 years of marriage experience and counting and I married at the age of 16 because of love.

― Dee Patterson, Duncan

● This is going backwards. If people want a divorce, they should have the right to do so. State government needs to stay out of abortion, divorce and religion. It’s none of their business. This state is the worst state in the union. 

— Mary Toney

● If no-fault divorce is eliminated, the result will once again become the “blame game” and nastiness which benefits no one especially children of a marriage. A really bad idea.

— Mary-Lou Jenkins, Edmond

● Well, if this bill is passed to make it harder to get a divorce, I think there will be more domestic abuse.

If two people argue all the time and tempers flare, then I think the argument will turn physical.

If the lawmakers want real prison reform, then they should not pass this bill.

In my opinion the Oklahoma lawmakers should keep their nose out of people’s business.

― Arlus Morrison Sr.

From our survey form 📋

● Absolutely insane. Why make every person in every divorce case have to make it a bitter and contentious battle, exchanging real or imagined conflict, when all that most of them want is to simply put an end to it and start over on their own once again? When married life is already seen as a mistake, why force them to create hostilities when all they usually want is to start over with two clean slates?

— John Michalski, Oklahoma City

● No-Fault divorce has sadly too often resulted in undermining the incentive to not quit on your marriage. The fallout in single parent families (80% women), fatherless children, poverty, etc. to some extent results from this. Til death do us part has too often given way to a whole lot less to detriment of marriages, children, and society. Hopefully, the tide can be turned. Any such step needs to address the needs couples have for readiness in getting married and help in working through its hardships.

— Douglas Burr, Edmond

● Not a good idea! People will just have to lie as to why they want a divorce, and most reasons will be hurtful and painful to a lot of children.

— Willa Ross, Piedmont

● Does Senator Deevers wish to return to the time when the only way to end a marriage was fault-based? Children exposed to categories such as infidelity, domestic violence or substance abuse so that a marriage could be ended?

— Kathryn Williams, Edmond

● It is so wrong. It will cause irreparable damage to families. The courts will be clogged. Families will have to reveal difficult times to a wider audience that has no business knowing the troubles they’ve been through. This is another political play to suppress women and marital abuse which goes unchecked in this society.

Couples will have to create some sort of fault-based scenarios and it will be a he-said, she-said contest. With most judges being male, it will likely be the male spouse who wins this contest. The only winners in this bill would be lawyers. Sen. Deevers only cares about his way of thinking. He probably has never experienced domestic abuse where the one abused is not believed or listened to. I should have the right to say without having to prove anything, I am not going to take it anymore and I am walking away. He is seeing life through one lens. Even Governor Ronald Reagan, himself divorced, could understand the need for an easy way to get out of a great mistake.

— Dana Morrow, Oklahoma City

● How dare the govt tell me to stay/live with someone I don’t want to? Would that be like telling my high school graduate child he can live at home for free because the law says I can’t kick him out of the house & tell him to get a job??? Senators need to stay out of my house!!!!

— Judy Bush, Yukon

● I think what free Americans do is NONE of his or the state of Oklahoma’s business. My goodness, how about focusing on some real issues that will benefit all Oklahomans instead of more culture wars.

— C. Thompson, Shawnee

● Requiring proof in court of some of the reasons for divorce presents too much difficulty and personal anguish for many people. It would also greatly increase the cost of divorce and potentially put it out of reach for many. Imagine a abused woman with no money of her own attempting to escape a situation which could potentially lead to death. Look at the statistics of women in Oklahoma killed by a spouse.

— Jo Ann Dickey, Oklahoma City

● They should call the bill “Divorce Lawyers’ Relief” because of all the unnecessary litigation and hate it will stir up. Incompatibility is a graceful way to exit a doomed union without public allegations that will help no one.

— Ron Heller, Oklahoma City

● People will just go out of state. State legislators should stay out of people’s marriages. Having to name someone at Fault can cause more hard feelings and grief. STOP TRYING TO MANAGE PEOPLE’S PERSONAL LIVES.

— Mikki Couch, Stillwater

● I agree with the changes of this no fault divorce. I believe all evidence of cheating, physical or mental abuse should be considered. I have suffered all. If both parties agree on no fault, so be it. When there is reasons I stated, should absolutely be taken into consideration.

— Karen Coots, Tahlequah

● It should not pass. I didn’t think Republicans wanted more government getting in our business and that is is exactly what this bill does. NO!! Stay out of our personal lives.

— Cindy Westbrook, Oklahoma City

● If the married couple agree to divorce, it is not a lawmakers business to object!! This would only make it harder for the couple to divorce, which I believe is their right!! Think of the children in this situation. They deserve to be raised by parents that are happy, not miserable in their marriage. This would do irreparable harm to the children and the parents!! I believe this bill is ridiculous and makes Oklahoma look backward and like we’re living in 1950. Sen. Deevers should be ashamed to try to interject his beliefs into the marriages of others. IT’S NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!! HE SHOULD SPEND HIS TIME ON BILLS THAT WOULD IMPROVE THE LIVES OF OKLAHOMANS. THIS BILL MAKES ME ASHAMED AND EMBARRASSED TO LIVE IN OKLAHOMA.

— Connie Beene, Coweta

● It puts women who are being emotionally abused in a dangerous situation. Emotional abuse is difficult to prove and without physical evidence these women who be forced to stay married to there abusers.

— Joanne Dolin, Caney, Kansas

● Funny that it should be numbered 1958 when it feels as though the whole point is to take us back in time to the ’50s and before, you know, the “good old days” when women were meant only to look pretty and serve the menfolk. By denying no-fault grounds for divorce they would require irrefutable proof of wrongdoing by the other spouse and for women in abusive marriages that is not only downright dangerous, it could be deadly.

— Jessica Bryant, Velma

● I believe that there are many other bills out there that need attention rather than something so minor as it being two people who simply are not compatible with one another. It is what it is. Come on, like what are they supposed to file it as? Oklahoma needs to take a step back and focus on the things that really need to matter.

— Tobie Johnson, Holdenville

● Force people together without an out and see how high domestic abuse rates raise! Dusty Deevers, keep your beliefs and your religion out of people’s families.

— Jeremy Robbins, Elgin

● It is a backwards and ill conceived proposal. Why is it conservatives want to interfere in the personal business of others? Why do they always want to make things more difficult for others? If a couple rushes into matrimony while caught up in the thrill of new love or lust then realizes it was a mistake, for goodness sake let them correct their mistake before things go bad. Before children are added to the mix or abuse begins.

— Nancy Cook, Norman

● I have heard several lawmakers call for ending no-fault divorce over the years, but those calls never go anywhere. I think no-fault divorce is so firmly enshrined in American law that nothing will dislodge it.

— Eric Swanson, Lawton

● Changing the law to make divorce harder has no advantages. Only disadvantages. It will cost more in legal fees, filing fees and will not have any effect on lowering divorce rates. As traumatic as divorce already is, it makes no sense to make it any harder, legally or economically. Just stop trying to fix something that isn’t broken. SMH

— Richard Hooper, Yukon

● This is a private matter and another example of politicians needing to learn to mind their own business. There are plenty of useful government roles. This isn’t one of them.

— Jeremy N., Oklahoma City

● Republicans are always talking about smaller government but always try to restrict people more.

— Kyle Hey, Stillwater

● What is the point of keeping someone in a marriage they don’t want to be in? Why is this a priority for the Oklahoma state government?

— Justin Watson, Norman

● People can grow apart. If not compatible, it’s just that simple. Marriage is not a hostile takeover. It takes parties who are committed to being together. If not, no one should be enslaved when they have agreed to be apart.

— A.J., Oklahoma City

● Incompatibility needs to remain as an option for divorce. Forcing people to stay in relationships is not healthy for them or any children they may have.

— Evalyn Ward, Heavener

● That is a ridiculous idea and I would like to know the reason behind the bill. Is it some sort of religious ideology that forbids divorce? Some sort of economic impact to the state? Seems like a complete waste of time and resources.

— Andrea Longmire, Moore

Editor’s note: Due to limited space, we could not include all responses, but we encourage readers to keep up with future questions by subscribing to our opinion newsletter, Oklahoma Public Square