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L.A. Affairs: Years after my husband's death, I'm saying goodbye to his pickup truck

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L.A. Affairs: Years after my husband's death, I'm saying goodbye to his pickup truck

“I’m just an American guy in a pickup truck,” said Stephen Beech at the end of one of our early dates. It was Valentine’s Day 1993, and he was dropping me off at my Santa Monica apartment.

His comment was supposed to act as a deterrent as he explained why he wasn’t the man for me. He’d been through a difficult few years. His first marriage had ended, and he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. Anyway, he pointed out, we were from different worlds. He was a property manager from Philadelphia, I was a British journalist based in L.A. Also, while Stephen was intent on remaining single, I was on a mission to meet the right man and start a family.

But I’d already discovered that the tall, introspective, good-looking man I was falling for had hidden depths. He played classical guitar and he was funny and philosophical too. I’d met him at a part-time master’s program in spiritual psychology at the University of Santa Monica. The fact that he drove a pickup truck only added to the romantic allure.

There was clearly an attraction on his part too. After all, there we were kissing in his blue truck outside my apartment. So we continued dating, and we went everywhere in that blue truck: coffees and dinners, drives along Pacific Coast Highway to Malibu or further north to visit friends in Ojai. I learned more about his reluctance to get involved. Stephen and his first wife had lost their little girl to cancer. He’d been trying to recover from intense grief and rebuild his life without the complications of a relationship.

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But our relationship took on an ineluctable momentum, and by October, I was pregnant. When our daughter, Chace, was born in August 1994, we drove home from the hospital in the blue truck. When we bought our house in Santa Monica, Stephen piled all our possessions into the back of the truck. He used the truck to haul paving stones for our yard and plants from the garden center. By the time our second daughter, Ava-Rose, arrived four years later, the truck remained reliable.

Eventually, though, it started to break down. One spring day, I arrived home from work just as Stephen was pulling up outside our house in a gleaming, brand-new, white Dodge pickup. Stephen didn’t get excited about much, but he was smiling broadly as he took me for a spin. Payments were $400 a month, a big chunk of his paycheck, but it was worth it.

The truck became an integral part of life. There were heated conversations in the front and back seats about school, friendships and politics and there were fights about music: whether we should listen to Radio Disney or classical station KUSC. Often the consensus ended up being “The Weight,” our favorite song by Stephen’s favorite band, the Band.

Most mornings he’d take the girls to school — Ava invariably leaving the house in a panic, eating the bowl of oatmeal her dad had made her for breakfast on the road while finishing her homework. He’d drive Ava to fencing competitions all over California. He’d take Ava and Chace to ballet, and he used the truck to cart around equipment when he was volunteering backstage for the Westside School of Ballet’s production of “The Nutcracker” every year.

When our daughters were in their teens, he’d take them and their friends to parties, happy to be the designated parent collecting everyone in the early hours and making sure they got home safely. He was always putting his truck to good use helping out friends and neighbors.

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There were often surprise presents delivered in the truck: One birthday, it was a purple wisteria tree; one Valentine’s day, it was a vintage O’Keefe & Merritt stove.

But my favorite memories of Stephen and his truck were more mundane, involving countless serendipitous meetings around Santa Monica. I’d be out walking our dogs, Puck and Chaucer, and Stephen would just happen to be driving along the same road. He’d slow down, left elbow resting on the open window, and stop for a quick chat: “What’s up?”

The truck was emblematic of the man. Trustworthy. Enduring. Reliable. Safe. Strong. Until it wasn’t. On March 12, 2018, Stephen called from work to say he wasn’t feeling well. He was shuffling and unsteady on his feet. I suggested that he should drive to the ER just to check that all was well.

That was the last time Stephen drove his truck. He was admitted to the hospital, had a brain scan and was diagnosed with a brain stem tumor. His condition deteriorated rapidly. My Strong American Guy in a Pickup Truck could no longer drive. After three major surgeries in quick succession, he was in a wheelchair and couldn’t walk. Stephen handed over the keys of his truck to Chace, who’d moved back home from New York where she’d been working to help take care of her dad. (Ava was in her first year at college.) Chace drove us in the truck to oncology appointments until it became too difficult and Stephen needed to be picked up by private ambulance.

Over the next 3½ years, Stephen gradually lost his ability to talk, eat or breathe independently. But he remained courageous and optimistic. Like the sturdy white truck, Stephen’s spirit and will to live were strong.

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Today, almost four years since Stephen lost his battle with brain cancer, it’s time to say goodbye to the truck. Chace has already spent thousands of dollars on repairs, so we’ve made the tough decision to donate it to charity.

Some of the deep grief I’ve experienced since Stephen was initially diagnosed with an incurable glioma seven years ago had subsided a little, but it’s back. I miss Stephen and I’m sad that I won’t see the truck when I go out for my early morning walk.

On a recent Sunday morning, I decide to hose it down and wipe away the ingrained grime. I’m sure that wherever he is, Stephen is rolling his eyes, having a laugh at my careless use of the hose as I end up drenched. I’m sure there’s also a wry smile as he watches me take the truck for a drive (my first) along our road, encouraged by Dave, our next-door neighbor.

“You have to drive it once,” says Dave, so I do.

I will miss the white truck: resilient, kind and generous, just like the American guy who owned it. But it’s time to set off on my next adventure, knowing that Stephen’s spirit will always be beside me in the passenger seat.

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The author is a senior writer at Thrive Global. Prior to Thrive, she wrote for U.K. and global newspapers, including the Guardian, the Times, the Telegraph and the Mail on Sunday. She also was a TV correspondent for the BBC and other U.K. networks.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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How are inflation or tariffs affecting your shopping and budget? NPR wants to know

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How are inflation or tariffs affecting your shopping and budget? NPR wants to know

People walk through the Westfield World Trade Center shopping mall in New York City.

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How are you budgeting these days?

Whether you’re a shopper or seller, a worker or a business owner, you likely have a lot on your mind. Mortgage and insurance rates remain high. Inflation is stubborn. President Trump has added new tariffs on Chinese imports. He’s imposed, delayed, re-imposed and re-delayed new levies on goods from the United States’ two other closest trading partners, Canada and Mexico. Gas prices are down, but those egg prices … well, you know.

We want to hear your thoughts and observations on how all of this has affected your spending or your plans for the future. For example, have you fast-tracked any purchases, like a car, appliance or a renovation? Or are you putting big investments off?

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Please fill out the form below. An NPR reporter may contact you for a story.

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Celebs N' Cocktails — Bikini Mixes for National Cocktail Day!

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Celebs N' Cocktails — Bikini Mixes for National Cocktail Day!

Celebs N’ Cocktails …
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The New American Travel Anxiety: ‘Will They Hate Us?’

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The New American Travel Anxiety: ‘Will They Hate Us?’

As Franck Verhaeghe and two friends planned a March trip to Mexico City, they plotted out not only where they would stay and which museums they would visit but also the language they would speak: French. “It’s not that I think it’s unsafe for Americans,” said Mr. Verhaeghe, 65, who lives in California, but “I can imagine people there aren’t very happy with us. So my friends and I decided that on this trip, we would all just speak French to each other.”

Two months into his second term, President Trump has set off panic in Europe about the potential collapse of alliances; inspired boycotts of American products in Canada; heightened tensions between Denmark and Greenland over the island’s independence; and prompted protests in Istanbul and Panama over the possibility of U.S. territorial expansion.

His proposals are also making some Americans reconsider their travel plans.

Since the inauguration, some agencies are noticing a drop in sales for international travel by Americans. Tour operators are fielding inquiries from customers concerned about how they will be received abroad. The risk management company Global Rescue recently conducted a survey that found that 72 percent of “experienced” U.S. travelers expected Americans to be less welcome abroad this year.

The nervousness does not seem to have translated into widespread cancellations, but social media and travel forums are filled with Americans asking variations of “Will they hate us?”

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Christine Bauer, a New Hampshire retiree who is planning a trip to France, asked travelers on a Rick Steves’ Europe forum for insight into how the French were responding to American foreign policy changes. A few days later, she grew more worried when “Trump and Musk began insulting NATO and allied countries.” She and her husband haven’t made any changes “at least for now,” but they are “hoping that travel doesn’t become more unsafe.”

Vicci Jaffe, 68, has second thoughts about an excursion to Berlin this fall. Her concern stems not only from the rise of the far right in Germany, but also from political changes at home. “How will I be regarded while in Berlin?” she asked. “At the very least, I am embarrassed, but also now afraid of retribution or violence.”

Some people, including Mr. Verhaeghe, who is traveling to Mexico using his second, European, passport, are adjusting their behavior. Cheryl Carlson, 63, a Chicago educator, plans to reveal her nationality ahead of time to the owners of the accommodations she and her husband will be staying in during a trip to Canada “to make sure our presence would not cause a small business to feel uncomfortable hosting us.” Peter Serkian, 60, who travels to Canada twice a month from Farmington Hills, Mich., pays in Canadian dollars, not U.S. dollars. “I try to hide that I am an American,” he said.

Those measures are preventative; none of the interviewees for this article have actually experienced anti-American sentiment. But the nervousness is taking its toll. Cameron Hewitt, content and editorial director for Rick Steves’ Europe, has seen a dip in guidebook sales, “literally starting the day of the inauguration,” he said.

Lisa Wirth, an owner of Ataxito, which offers tours to Oaxaca, Mexico, said that some prospective guests are feeling spooked. “We had several American travelers decide to cancel our February weeklong tour, either because the travel partners they had planned on traveling with backed out due to concerns regarding safety in Mexico or because the current administration and their anxiety around it caused them to pause any trip decisions in the short term,” she said. Others are postponing because of “concerns regarding inflation and job losses.”

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Jack Ezon, founder of Embark Beyond, a New York-based luxury travel company, had a client cancel a trip to Mexico. “They were doing a birthday-party trip and had booked out the whole hotel,” he said. “But this was right after the whole tariff thing, and their security team said, ‘Don’t go, there’s anti-American sentiment, it’s going to be too dangerous.’”

That fear has not been borne out in the experience of other clients, said Mr. Ezon, who added that bookings to Mexico have rebounded. And sales to Europe are booming. “Ever since Covid, the recovery from crisis is a lot faster,” he said.

It’s hard to pinpoint the cause for travelers’ unease. Plane crashes, tariffs and stock market instability have contributed, said Jeff Roy, executive vice president of the tour company Collette. “We’ve been a little bit behind for the last four to five weeks from what we were producing last year at this time,” Mr. Roy said. “There’s so much swirling around right now, it’s really hard to know exactly what’s causing the change.”

What Mr. Roy describes as “mild trepidation” is playing out more in nervous calls than in cancellations. And because many bookings are made far in advance, he’s not too worried about this year. If the uncertainty continues, he said, “I don’t know about 2026.”

A few destinations have experienced increased interest since Mr. Trump took office. After he said that he wanted the United States to “buy” Greenland — one of The New York Times’s 52 Places to Go in 2025 — the Greenland tourist authority said it was seeing evidence of “piqued curiosity about the destination.”

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The new attention has had a similar effect on Panama, whose canal Mr. Trump has said he wants the United States to reclaim. Carlos Ivan Espinosa, the owner of Panama Canal Tours, said his company has experienced a significant increase in bookings by U.S. tourists. “President Trump’s declarations,” he said, “are awakening curiosity.”

That isn’t to say there haven’t been protests against American rhetoric, notably in Canada, where citizens have objected to Mr. Trump’s tariffs as well as his expressed desire to turn the country into “the 51st state.”

But those protests aren’t directed against American individuals, said Donna Salter, a retired journalist in Vancouver. She, like many Canadians, is swearing off travel to the United States for the duration of this administration but welcomes Americans. “We love Americans and we also love the American dollar, especially now,” Ms. Salter said.

Not all foreigners are receptive. One TikTok user in Scotland told “MAGA tourists” that they are not welcome, and a farmer on the Danish island of Bornholm terminated an agreement he had with a U.S. travel agency to receive tourists in his home for coffee and a chat. “I would feel ridiculous if I had to discuss democracy with representatives of such a government,” Knud Andersen, the farmer, told the Danish broadcaster DR.

On a trip to Italy, Rebecca Andersons, of California, and her family had a taxi driver whose criticisms of American politics started with Ronald Reagan and ended with Mr. Trump. Ms. Andersons told him they were “too young to vote for Reagan and actually are Californians who voted for Harris.” Apparently forgiven, they later found themselves singing along with the driver to “Volare.”

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Other Americans are adopting tactics designed to deflect criticism, like answering the question “Where are you from?” with their state’s name. Sue Rook Nichols from California ordered buttons off Etsy that read, “I didn’t vote for him.” She plans to wear them on a trip to Europe.

The tactics may not be necessary. Mariana Hamman, who owns a tour agency in Mexico, said that none of her colleagues had reported encountering anti-American sentiment. “Sometimes you see ‘Go home, gringo’ graffiti,” she said. “But that’s about overtourism, not politics.”

When David Rojas-Klein, of California, traveled to Mexico recently, his expectation that he would “see something anti-American” never materialized. “What I learned was that people make a distinction between the American people and the American government.”

The fear that people in other countries will equate them with their politicians’ actions is a peculiarly American anxiety, one that also surfaced during the Gulf War, said Mr. Hewitt of Rick Steves’ Europe. “If you look at history, most European countries have had experience with a ruler who, especially in retrospect, they’re not particularly proud of.”

Bo Albertus, a 57-year-old school principal in Denmark, agrees. He administers a Danish Facebook group, 89,000 strong, that is dedicated to boycotting American products. But American citizens are welcome in his country, Mr. Albertus said. “The Danish people don’t have a problem with Americans. We have a problem with the American administration.” Even a tourist in a MAGA hat would be treated fine, he added, “Because in Denmark, we have freedom of speech.”

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Follow New York Times Travel on Instagram and sign up for our Travel Dispatch newsletter to get expert tips on traveling smarter and inspiration for your next vacation. Dreaming up a future getaway or just armchair traveling? Check out our 52 Places to Go in 2025.

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