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L.A. Affairs: Texting destroyed our relationship. Don’t let it come for yours

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L.A. Affairs: Texting destroyed our relationship. Don’t let it come for yours

I’m usually a really even-keeled man, and I can trip the ups and downs of life with aplomb. I wish to say I’m emotionally secure … besides in relation to texting-based courtship.

Some buddies from highschool and I obtained collectively a couple of months in the past for a weekend journey to Las Vegas. We’d all emerged, double-vaxxed, from our respective COVID bubbles, and the vitality was excessive as we wandered the strip on our final evening there. That’s the place I met her. She was 27, a kindergarten instructor within the Pacific Northwest who was additionally in Vegas for a weekend with pals. All of us hit it off, and the 2 teams grew to become one for the remainder of the evening. Sadly, the following day meant a flight again to Burbank aAirport for me and a drive house to Thousand Oaks.

Once I obtained house later that subsequent day (and waited a bit to not appear overzealous), I texted her. I puzzled: Was final evening simply the results of Vegas-induced revelry, or did she additionally suppose we would have comparable energies?

Nervous and distraught, I couldn’t wait by my telephone for a reply. Everybody is aware of that the primary textual content response is the toughest hurdle to beat. So I sought out distractions: I unpacked my suitcase and went for a stroll. I did a couple of issues to prepare for my workweek forward as a software program engineering supervisor.

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I additionally ready myself for no response.

Lastly, after what appeared like an entire day however was in all probability solely about three hours, I took the fateful plunge and grabbed my telephone. Behold, she had texted again, and with a selfie! It was a reasonably flirtatious one too of her poolside.

So she was searching for some sport. See if I might flirt again and match her type. It was a playful problem. She was . And she or he was going to make me work for it. That’s what flirting is, proper?

Within the ensuing days, we continued to textual content backwards and forwards, making an attempt to nudge every spherical of dialog a bit deeper. What are your favourite journeys you’ve taken? What do you want about your job? Inform me about your siblings…

I assumed the dialog was going nicely. However that’s the issue with texting. You by no means actually know, do you? If you’re speaking to somebody head to head, you might have verbal cues to steer you on. The chance to ask follow-up questions. All of it flows naturally. With texting, it’s choreographed. You query all the pieces. The timing of their reply. The timing of when you ought to reply. The punctuation (or lack of it). The tone. You spend all of your time studying into all the pieces.

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I used to be in all places emotionally, swinging wildly between the ecstasy of seeing her texts and the agonizing thriller of ready. Each time I despatched a textual content I frightened that I’d be ghosted, that this might be the textual content that may finish all of it. My nervousness would go away after I acquired a response, solely to return once more after I replied.

It slowly made me an increasing number of frightened; I wasn’t enjoying this sport to win, I used to be enjoying to not lose.

We have been now days into this texting sport, and this could certainly be seen as a constructive improvement; if she wasn’t , we might have already fizzled out. Regardless of that, I grew extra mercurial, afraid that I used to be going to screw up one thing probably good. The extra the dialog carried on, the extra distraught I grew to become.

But what else was I to do? She lived in a special state. And I’d be shifting to the East Coast quickly for grad faculty. I’d had a couple of relationships in my life that had ended prematurely for a wide range of causes, largely as a result of typical shifting that happens after school for far-flung job alternatives. Would this be only one extra relationship that may finish earlier than it might even start?

Every textual content got here to really feel like a false summit, the place you suppose you’ve climbed to the highest of the mountain solely to find there may be extra to go. I wanted a sequence of constructive responses from her to maneuver our dialog ahead, whereas it solely took one detrimental response for it to finish. And therein lies the rub with texting. All of it comes all the way down to a sequence of sentences exchanged separately, every with their very own capacity to be deadly. Texting makes all the pieces extra ultimate than it must be.

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I advised myself that if there was an opportunity to maneuver the connection past texting and switch it into one thing extra tangible, it might be well worth the potential agony, so I made my transfer.

I steered (by way of textual content) that one in all us make a visit to see the opposite, after which waited nervously for a response.

This felt like a make-or-break second.

A couple of hours glided by. Nothing. No reply. I went about doing errands, nonetheless searching for that distraction. On my manner house, my telephone lit up with a message simply as I pulled the automotive into my driveway. Her reply: “I’d be down for that :)”

Sure! I used to be again to feeling triumphant and ecstatic. I’d thought it was going nicely, however I didn’t really know till she agreed to satisfy. We started texting some choices backwards and forwards, making an attempt to sync up our schedules. We finally settled on an upcoming journey she was making with a gaggle of pals to say goodbye to a different good friend who was shifting out of city. She stated I might take part and that there could be loads of downtime for us to hang around collectively.

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I booked my flights and began planning. After which she texted again once more, apologizing: That is shifting too quick, she stated, this feels a little bit overwhelming.

I’m glad I booked refundable flights.

As disenchanted as I used to be, I couldn’t fault her. In some methods, I sensed this was coming. The irony was that this was essentially the most actual we’d been with one another. How might I fault her for sharing her emotions after I was searching for extra than simply small discuss despatched over the wire?

Honestly, I had additionally felt overwhelmed in my very own manner from the start.

We continued texting and stated we’d “see the place issues go.” However we each knew that this was the start of the tip. Quickly, our texting pale out completely.

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It labored out nicely for me in the long run, although. I moved to Boston, and I’ve met somebody, a fellow pupil. And now I’ve an absolute appreciation for attending to know somebody in individual, head to head.

The writer attends Harvard Enterprise College. He’s on Twitter @_neerajchandra.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the seek for romantic love in all its superb expressions within the L.A. space, and we wish to hear your true story. We pay $300 for a broadcast essay. E-mail LAAffairs@latimes.com. You could find submission tips right here. You could find previous columns right here.

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From the Seattle food scene to Barney the purple dinosaur, check out these new podcasts

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From the Seattle food scene to Barney the purple dinosaur, check out these new podcasts

NPR; West Virginia Public Broadcasting; Maine Public; KCRW; Connecticut Public; KUOW.

Looking for conversation starters for the Thanksgiving dinner table? The NPR One team has it covered with podcast recommendations from across public media.

The podcast episode descriptions below are from podcast webpages and have been edited for brevity and clarity.

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NPR’s Embedded: A Good Guy – NPR

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Sergeant Joshua Abate says that he’s not a rioter or an insurrectionist. Those closest to the active-duty Marine call him “a good guy.” But he was part of the mob that attacked the Capitol on January 6th, 2021. On the eve of a new presidential election, what does his case tell us, as the nation still grapples with the legacy of that day? As they look into the military’s reckoning with extremism in the ranks, NPR’s Tom Bowman and Lauren Hodges examine Abate’s main line of defense: Don’t focus on what he did; focus on his promising career as a Marine, instead.

Start listening to part one, “279 Hours.”

Seattle Eats with Tan Vinh – KUOW

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Seattle is a buffet of great food… if you know where to look. Seattle Times journalist Tan Vinh invites listeners to the area’s hottest restaurants, road-side food stalls and everywhere in between to find the best meals in the city and to meet the people who make them sing.

Listen to, “Seattle’s best pizza.”

Embodied – WUNC

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Our understanding of the term bisexuality has been in a state of constant evolution. In a moment when bisexual adults make up the largest share of the LGBTQ+ population, how is bisexuality being re-imagined, reclaimed — and sometimes relinquished? Anita meets two people who have grappled with the term’s history, meaning and power for building community.

Listen to, “Bisexuality Beyond The Binary.”

Lost Notes – KCRW

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In the early 1970s, LA’s Sunset Strip was the epicenter of the rock ‘n’ roll universe. Drugs, sex, private planes, limos, destroying hotel rooms – it wasn’t a myth. And at the center of it all, were groupies. It’s a story we all know – but it’s never been told from this perspective. This season, on “Lost Notes,” we bring you GROUPIES: The Women of Sunset Strip, from the Pill to Punk. The real, riotous, rock ‘n’ roll stories of the girls who lived it all, hosted by Dylan Tupper Rupert, from KCRW and Golden Teapot.

Start listening to episode one, “Lori Lightning and the Baby Groupies.”

Breakdown: Turning Anguish Into Action – Maine Public

Podcast tile art for Breakdown: Turning Anguish Into Action, from Maine Public.

What does it mean to be a victim? Or a survivor? In a few brief moments in October 2023, 18 lives were lost in Lewiston — and Maine was changed. “Breakdown” explores the missed opportunities to prevent the Lewiston shootings, the role of guns and hunting in Maine’s politics, and the aftermath for shooting victims, some of whom were deaf and hard of hearing.

Start listening to episode one, “Did we really survive this?”

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American Experience Presents – GBH

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American newspaper mogul William Randolph Hearst’s immense wealth and power transformed the media’s role in politics and society. In this 4-part series, we delve into Hearst’s early life and his rise as a media titan, revealing how his prodigious appetites and control over vast media holdings allowed him to shape public opinion and influence major events. Hearst’s innovative and often controversial approach to journalism, known as “yellow journalism,” redefined the boundaries of news reporting and had a profound impact on American culture. Discover how his publishing empire not only sensationalized stories but also played a critical role in political campaigns and public perception during pivotal moments in history. Join host James Edwards for a richly detailed account of William Randolph Hearst, where expert interviews, rare archival audio, and compelling storytelling illuminate the legacy of this pioneering media titan whose impact continues to resonate today.

Start listening to part one, “Hearst’s San Francisco Sensation.”

Document – NHPR

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A young police officer unexpectedly finds herself back in New Hampshire, and she’s not the same person she was when she left. Something happened to her – to all of us. But for Officer Emelia Campbell, this thing still lives in her brain and her body. This is her story of survival.

Start listening to, “Emelia’s Thing.”

Art Outside – WHYY

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We’re back with Season 2 of “Art Outside,” a podcast from WHYY about the art of our public spaces and the people who create it. We’re taking you around Philly to learn about all kinds of art outside. From commissioned works in Love Park and the 9th Street Market. To more ephemeral works like wheatpasting on a shuttered UArts building. As multiple art institutions around the city close, the state of Philly’s famed arts world feels particularly fragile. On this season of “Art Outside” we’re thinking about where Philly goes from here as we explore this dynamic world.

Listen to, “Our Not-so-Italian Market.”

Generation Barney – Connecticut Public

Podcast tile art for Generation Barney, from Connecticut Public.

Meet “Generation Barney,” a podcast about the media we loved as kids and how it shapes us. It’s about the purple dinosaur. But it’s also about music and love and backlash and toys and nostalgia. Most of all, it’s about the television that helps us become who we are, from the station that helped launch Barney into the world.

In the 90s, preschoolers went nuts for “Barney & Friends” — and that’s kind of by design. The people behind the show put a lot of thought into every detail, from the word choices in scripts to the behaviors Barney modeled. Barney spoke to kids in a language they could understand. And those little ones? They were also central to the creation, and evolution, of the show.

Listen to, “Toddler TV.”

24 Hours in Austin – KUT & KUTX Studios

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Podcast tile art for 24 Hours in Austin, from KUT & KUTX Studios.

What does a day in the life of Austin, Texas sound like? A team of audio producers from KUT spent the last several months documenting a handful of days in the life of Austin. We spent 24 hours straight in one location, talking to anyone who’d talk to us. Their stories. Their struggles. Or whatever happened to be on their mind. We found that as big as Austin has gotten, standing still, it gets a little smaller.

Listen to, “24 hours on 6th Street during SXSW: Part 1.”

Us & Them – West Virginia Public Broadcasting

Podcast tile art for Us & Them, from West Virginia Public Broadcasting.

West Virginia Public Broadcasting

West Virginia’s vaccination requirements for school children are what a lot of health experts call the gold standard. Only a medical exemption will get you out of school vaccine requirements. On this episode of “Us & Them” we look at a recent legislative proposal that would have changed that. It would have exempted homeschooled kids from vaccinations and let private and parochial schools set their own standards. The bill came from some parents who want relief from what they call the state’s oppressive compulsory vaccination laws. While the bill passed through the legislature, it did not become law after Gov. Jim Justice vetoed the measure. We’ll find out about this latest chapter in a state with one of the nation’s most robust vaccine histories.

Listen to, “Childhood Vaccines — Parental Rights vs. Public Health in West Virginia.”

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NPR’s Jessica Green and Jack Mitchell curated and produced this piece.

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Khalid Comes Out As Gay, Says He Was Outed

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Khalid Comes Out As Gay, Says He Was Outed

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Jonathan Majors and ex-girlfriend Grace Jabbari settle assault and defamation case

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Jonathan Majors and ex-girlfriend Grace Jabbari settle assault and defamation case

Jonathan Majors arrives at the Ebony Power 100 gala on Sunday, Nov. 17.

Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP


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Jonathan Majors’ former girlfriend, Grace Jabbari, has agreed to dismiss a lawsuit alleging that the actor assaulted and defamed her.

In a civil lawsuit filed in New York in March, Jabbari accused her former partner of a “pattern of pervasive domestic abuse that began in 2021 and extended through 2023.” In court documents filed in New York on Thursday, their attorneys jointly agreed to dismiss the claims against Majors with prejudice – meaning that the claims can’t be filed again.

In a statement to NPR, Jabbari’s attorney, Brad Edwards, wrote, “We are happy to announce that the meritorious lawsuit Grace Jabbari filed against Jonathan Majors was successfully settled. It took tremendous courage for Grace to pursue this case. We are happy to have helped her close this chapter favorably so that she can move forward and begin to finally heal.”

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NPR has reached out to Majors’ attorneys for comment about the dismissal.

In a separate domestic violence case in 2023, Majors was convicted of misdemeanor assault and harassment charges. Prosecutors argued that Majors had attacked Jabbari, his then-girlfriend, in the back of a car in Manhattan on March 25 of that year. Later that night, he returned to their hotel and called 911 to report that he’d found Jabbari “unconscious,” but was arrested when police found her with a broken finger in addition to bruises and cuts on her body. Earlier this year, he was sentenced to probation and enrolled in a domestic violence prevention program.

Jabbari’s civil suit was filed just before Majors was sentenced in criminal court this spring. She alleged that in addition to assault and battery, Majors also defamed her, “smearing” her name following his arrest and conviction. At the time, Majors’ lawyer said they would be preparing counterclaims.

Majors had been a rising star in Hollywood, playing Kang the Conqueror in Marvel’s Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania and starring alongside Michael B. Jordan in Creed III. He was set to portray Kang in upcoming movies, but Marvel and Disney dropped the actor following his conviction. He and actress Meagan Good announced their engagement at an event on November 17.

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