Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: Texting destroyed our relationship. Don’t let it come for yours
![L.A. Affairs: Texting destroyed our relationship. Don’t let it come for yours L.A. Affairs: Texting destroyed our relationship. Don’t let it come for yours](https://newspub.live/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/la-hm-la-affairs-neeraj-chandra-online.jpg)
I’m usually a really even-keeled man, and I can trip the ups and downs of life with aplomb. I wish to say I’m emotionally secure … besides in relation to texting-based courtship.
Some buddies from highschool and I obtained collectively a couple of months in the past for a weekend journey to Las Vegas. We’d all emerged, double-vaxxed, from our respective COVID bubbles, and the vitality was excessive as we wandered the strip on our final evening there. That’s the place I met her. She was 27, a kindergarten instructor within the Pacific Northwest who was additionally in Vegas for a weekend with pals. All of us hit it off, and the 2 teams grew to become one for the remainder of the evening. Sadly, the following day meant a flight again to Burbank aAirport for me and a drive house to Thousand Oaks.
Once I obtained house later that subsequent day (and waited a bit to not appear overzealous), I texted her. I puzzled: Was final evening simply the results of Vegas-induced revelry, or did she additionally suppose we would have comparable energies?
Nervous and distraught, I couldn’t wait by my telephone for a reply. Everybody is aware of that the primary textual content response is the toughest hurdle to beat. So I sought out distractions: I unpacked my suitcase and went for a stroll. I did a couple of issues to prepare for my workweek forward as a software program engineering supervisor.
I additionally ready myself for no response.
Lastly, after what appeared like an entire day however was in all probability solely about three hours, I took the fateful plunge and grabbed my telephone. Behold, she had texted again, and with a selfie! It was a reasonably flirtatious one too of her poolside.
So she was searching for some sport. See if I might flirt again and match her type. It was a playful problem. She was . And she or he was going to make me work for it. That’s what flirting is, proper?
Within the ensuing days, we continued to textual content backwards and forwards, making an attempt to nudge every spherical of dialog a bit deeper. What are your favourite journeys you’ve taken? What do you want about your job? Inform me about your siblings…
I assumed the dialog was going nicely. However that’s the issue with texting. You by no means actually know, do you? If you’re speaking to somebody head to head, you might have verbal cues to steer you on. The chance to ask follow-up questions. All of it flows naturally. With texting, it’s choreographed. You query all the pieces. The timing of their reply. The timing of when you ought to reply. The punctuation (or lack of it). The tone. You spend all of your time studying into all the pieces.
I used to be in all places emotionally, swinging wildly between the ecstasy of seeing her texts and the agonizing thriller of ready. Each time I despatched a textual content I frightened that I’d be ghosted, that this might be the textual content that may finish all of it. My nervousness would go away after I acquired a response, solely to return once more after I replied.
It slowly made me an increasing number of frightened; I wasn’t enjoying this sport to win, I used to be enjoying to not lose.
We have been now days into this texting sport, and this could certainly be seen as a constructive improvement; if she wasn’t , we might have already fizzled out. Regardless of that, I grew extra mercurial, afraid that I used to be going to screw up one thing probably good. The extra the dialog carried on, the extra distraught I grew to become.
But what else was I to do? She lived in a special state. And I’d be shifting to the East Coast quickly for grad faculty. I’d had a couple of relationships in my life that had ended prematurely for a wide range of causes, largely as a result of typical shifting that happens after school for far-flung job alternatives. Would this be only one extra relationship that may finish earlier than it might even start?
Every textual content got here to really feel like a false summit, the place you suppose you’ve climbed to the highest of the mountain solely to find there may be extra to go. I wanted a sequence of constructive responses from her to maneuver our dialog ahead, whereas it solely took one detrimental response for it to finish. And therein lies the rub with texting. All of it comes all the way down to a sequence of sentences exchanged separately, every with their very own capacity to be deadly. Texting makes all the pieces extra ultimate than it must be.
I advised myself that if there was an opportunity to maneuver the connection past texting and switch it into one thing extra tangible, it might be well worth the potential agony, so I made my transfer.
I steered (by way of textual content) that one in all us make a visit to see the opposite, after which waited nervously for a response.
This felt like a make-or-break second.
A couple of hours glided by. Nothing. No reply. I went about doing errands, nonetheless searching for that distraction. On my manner house, my telephone lit up with a message simply as I pulled the automotive into my driveway. Her reply: “I’d be down for that :)”
Sure! I used to be again to feeling triumphant and ecstatic. I’d thought it was going nicely, however I didn’t really know till she agreed to satisfy. We started texting some choices backwards and forwards, making an attempt to sync up our schedules. We finally settled on an upcoming journey she was making with a gaggle of pals to say goodbye to a different good friend who was shifting out of city. She stated I might take part and that there could be loads of downtime for us to hang around collectively.
I booked my flights and began planning. After which she texted again once more, apologizing: That is shifting too quick, she stated, this feels a little bit overwhelming.
I’m glad I booked refundable flights.
As disenchanted as I used to be, I couldn’t fault her. In some methods, I sensed this was coming. The irony was that this was essentially the most actual we’d been with one another. How might I fault her for sharing her emotions after I was searching for extra than simply small discuss despatched over the wire?
Honestly, I had additionally felt overwhelmed in my very own manner from the start.
We continued texting and stated we’d “see the place issues go.” However we each knew that this was the start of the tip. Quickly, our texting pale out completely.
It labored out nicely for me in the long run, although. I moved to Boston, and I’ve met somebody, a fellow pupil. And now I’ve an absolute appreciation for attending to know somebody in individual, head to head.
The writer attends Harvard Enterprise College. He’s on Twitter @_neerajchandra.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the seek for romantic love in all its superb expressions within the L.A. space, and we wish to hear your true story. We pay $300 for a broadcast essay. E-mail LAAffairs@latimes.com. You could find submission tips right here. You could find previous columns right here.
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Lifestyle
Tragedy feels all too familiar in these two international dramas
![Tragedy feels all too familiar in these two international dramas Tragedy feels all too familiar in these two international dramas](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3598x2024+33+0/resize/1400/quality/100/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Feb%2Fa6%2F753c8cf240a182d191625172cbfd%2F1477463-125979-zoomed.jpg)
The Swedish series Quicksand and the Mexican drama The Accident offer a reminder that justice plays out differently around the world. Above, Hanna Ardéhn as Maja in Quicksand.
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When a show is called The Accident, you know something very bad is going to happen, and when it opens with a kids’ birthday party, you know it’s probably going to be extra bad.
While on vacation, I came across the 10-episode Spanish-language Netflix series The Accident, which is currently in the Netflix Top 10. I decided to give it a whirl, as much as anything because I wanted to know what the accident was. I had not watched the trailer, which gives it away, but because it does (and it’s revealed in the opening episode), I will tell you what the accident is: At the party, the bounce house where the kids are playing is picked up by a gust of wind, and tragedy ensues.
YouTube
Unfortunately, this can happen (there was a similar tragedy in Maryland not long ago), but this is only the inciting incident. As we follow the affected families, there is intrigue over a business deal, there is an affair, there is a very scary man, there is a teenage romance, and there is a tangled tale of who is responsible for this accident. The series is about the ways these people are changed by one day in their lives, but it also has a strong undercurrent of soapy drama.
![Clockwise from top left: Industry, My Lady Jane, The Bear, The Umbrella Academy, Clipped and House of the Dragon](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/1351x1350+101+0/resize/100/quality/100/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fc5%2Fbe%2Fdd41899f4cdc8741c6f8af081988%2F6-images-1.jpg)
I’m not sure the show is terrific, but it’s very watchable, in that I watched all 10 episodes in a single day. (Vacation!) This is a Mexican drama, and it made me think about how, wherever a story comes from, the deepest anxieties often echo pretty effectively. A nightmare that involves kids, families that start placing blame, parents who are trying to balance career and family responsibilities with devastating costs for failure – it’s all pretty horrifying.
It’s hard to transition with the words “speaking of horrifying,” but I also watched the 2019 Swedish drama series Quicksand, adapted from the book of the same name, which begins with a school shooting. A young woman named Maja (Hanna Ardéhn) is discovered covered in blood after a shooting that kills several people (including her boyfriend), and over six episodes, the series explores what her role was and what culpability she has. While some of it is about what could possibly drive anyone to commit an act like this, a lot of it is also about the toxicity that can develop in relationships between teenagers, particularly ones who feel alienated from friends or family. Ardéhn is excellent, as is the rest of the cast, and the story walks a fine line between sensitivity and mystery as it provides more and more information about the events on the day.
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While both of these series are what you might call a “tough sit” because of the subject matter, it’s always interesting to look through a different lens at storytelling that touches on familiar things. For an American viewer like me, both series drive home the point that the justice system works differently in different places – and that criminal offenses can have wildly different penalties in other countries.
And as always, I do recommend watching these shows with subtitles, for the simple reason that you have to give them your attention. You can’t second-screen if you need to read along, and there’s much to be said for training yourself to let something hold your focus for, say, eight hours or so.
Netflix is now serving me recommendations for many, many, many dramas that were produced internationally. I’ll see you in a few years, when I’ve made a dent.
This piece also appeared in NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour newsletter. Sign up for the newsletter so you don’t miss the next one, plus get weekly recommendations about what’s making us happy.
Listen to Pop Culture Happy Hour on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Lifestyle
49ers Rookie WR Ricky Pearsall Shot During Attempted Robbery
![49ers Rookie WR Ricky Pearsall Shot During Attempted Robbery 49ers Rookie WR Ricky Pearsall Shot During Attempted Robbery](https://imagez.tmz.com/image/5d/16by9/2024/09/01/5d226ed4d3374571bdab45d442a28b6e_xl.jpg)
Ricky Pearsall, the 49ers 2024 first-round draft pick, was shot earlier today during an attempted burglary in San Francisco, the city’s mayor announced.
23-year-old Pearsall is in stable condition at a local hospital … after reportedly being shot in the arm around 3:30 PM.
San Francisco 49ers rookie receiver Ricky Pearsall shot in Union Square. pic.twitter.com/tzsRctqSii
— VideoMixtape.com (@VideoMixtape_) September 1, 2024
@VideoMixtape_
The alleged shooter was caught at the scene and is currently in custody.
The harrowing incident went down Saturday afternoon in the Union Square area of downtown SF, according to SFPD.
Cops says they responded to call for a shooting … and when they arrived on the scene, they encountered two injured people. Video taken on the street appears to show Pearsall walkin to the ambulance.
Video of 49ers draft pick Ricky Pearsall walking to ambulance after police say he was shot near Union Square. Video from witness. @KTVU pic.twitter.com/luhulILUQ7
— Zak Sos (@ZakSNews) September 1, 2024
@ZakSNews
While investigating, it became clear one of the injured was Pearsall, and the other was the alleged burglar … who was injured while committing the alleged crime.
“This afternoon, there was an attempted robbery in Union Square involving San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Ricky Pearsall and he was shot. SFPD was on scene immediately and an arrest of the shooter was made,” SF mayor London Breed said in a statement.
“My thoughts are with Ricky and his family at this time.”
The Niners drafted Pearsall, a wide receiver, 31st overall in the NFL Draft back in April after a senior season where he caught 65 passes for 965 yards and 4 TDs for the Florida Gators.
Pearsall wasn’t expected to play a major role within the Niners offense this year … with stars like like Deebo Samuel and Brandon Aiyuk ahead of him on the depth chart.
Pearsall was also battling a shoulder injury this preseason, prior to Saturday’s shooting.
Story developing …
Lifestyle
'Wait Wait' for August 31, 2024: Live in Minnesota with Nate Berkus
!['Wait Wait' for August 31, 2024: Live in Minnesota with Nate Berkus 'Wait Wait' for August 31, 2024: Live in Minnesota with Nate Berkus](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/4032x2268+0+0/resize/1400/quality/100/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fdc%2F79%2F6c7afa6242ce9a53f9c10f64e374%2Fgettyimages-1436835915.jpg)
Nate Berkus speaks onstage during the Celebrity Cruises newest and most luxurious ship, Celebrity Beyond, makes north American debut in NYC on October 25, 2022 in Bayonne, New Jersey. (Photo by Dave Kotinsky/Getty Images for Celebrity Cruises)
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This week’s show was recorded at the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis with host Peter Sagal, judge and scorekeeper Bill Kurtis, Not My Job guest Nate Berkus and panelists Joyelle Nicole Johnson, Bobcat Goldthwait, and Josh Gondelman. Click the audio link above to hear the whole show.
Who’s Bill This Time
Beware of Babies; Coffee Conundrum; Even Killer Whales Need Practice
Panel Questions
The Buddy System Fails
Bluff The Listener
Our panelists tell three stories about someone saying “I told you so,” only one of which is true.
Not My Job: We quiz celebrity designer Nate Berkus on tattoos
Interior Designer Nate Berkus plays our game called “Try Some Exterior Decorating.” Three questions about tattoos.
Panel Questions
A Suspicious Promotion; Chicken Fried Television; Out Of Office/Out of Patience
Limericks
Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Pizza Face; Eau de Crayola; Caffeinated Commerce
Lightning Fill In The Blank
All the news we couldn’t fit anywhere else
Predictions
Our panelists predict what surprising thing Starbucks will add to its menu next.
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