Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: He hadn't dated since 1989. Did a relationship with him stand a chance?
“I don’t want to go.”
“I get it.”
I was on the phone with my emotional support friend Jill, who was trying to pump me up to meet someone new despite her awareness of my latest soul-crushing connections. “You have had a challenging run lately, but you never know when it might turn around,” she said.
The idealist in me wanted to believe Jill could be right, but the realist in me wasn’t convinced. Despite delving into the app dating world in my early 50s with zero expectations and vowing not to be attached to any specific outcomes, I had grown weary from the process. But I was wearing heels and makeup and I’d blown out my hair in an effort that had felt Herculean ever since COVID. It would have been a shame for it all to go to waste.
I was meeting a date at Hugo’s in West Hollywood at 5:30 p.m. I left late because I was procrastinating, and then, thanks to L.A. traffic, got there at 5:45 p.m.
When I finally arrived after texting to let him know of my delay, I rushed up, trying to pull myself together. “I am so sorry.”
“Hi, you made it.” He got up for a quick hug and then walked behind me as I tried to figure out what was happening. He pulled my chair out for me. I acted as though this was an everyday occurrence. It definitely was not.
I had quickly learned to be prepared for dates to look worse than their worst profile picture; he looked even better than his best picture. The cynic in me was still on high alert for the red flags that were inevitably coming, but he was warm, with an easygoing demeanor, and very comfortable in his own skin. It turns out he was a very sought-after golf instructor who luckily didn’t care that I had never played.
“I like that you just reached over and ate one of my potatoes.” He was smiling and seemed genuinely pleased that I had done so. I hadn’t even realized I had scarfed down one of his potatoes, let alone without asking.
“I never do that. I must feel comfortable,” I said. Someone eating off my plate definitely annoyed me in most situations, but this felt different. I’m pretty sure I would have given him all of my potatoes had he maneuvered his fork in my direction. After he went to put money in the parking meter and actually came back, I was relieved. He later told me he was relieved I was still there when he returned.
“Am I talking too much?” I asked. I sometimes did that when I had nervous energy. “Not at all. I like learning about you,” he said.
He told me he had been in an almost 25-year marriage and, other than a few recent Bumble dates, he hadn’t dated since 1989. When he said he had no idea what he was doing, I told him I had been dating a lot recently and he was doing better than 99.9% of the men out there. I told him I hadn’t been in a relationship in almost 20 years, having prioritized my career for many years.
I was used to being interrogated about never having been married, but he didn’t seem to judge my choices. I told him about some of the most egregious dating offenses I had endured: he who suggested that we dine and dash and didn’t seem to be kidding, he who asked for business contacts after I declined a second date, he who took home my leftovers on the first date, he who contorted his body to go in for a kiss as I very pointedly went in for a hug. I could’ve continued late into the night.
He laughed and told me about his more run-of-the-mill dates, with whom he just hadn’t felt any romantic connection. One had cats, which would have been problematic since he was highly allergic. One might have been a hoarder.
It was quickly evident that we shared a similar sense of humor and prioritized the same attributes, such as honesty, kindness and a propensity for always trying to do the right thing. I also was pleasantly surprised that he ordered an iced tea; I had stopped drinking alcohol a month before.
He told me he went on Bumble on a whim because it scared him, which I admired. It was endearing that he had stepped outside his comfort zone, especially after not having dated since he was 21. After talking for more than three hours, he walked me to my car.
He gave me a quick hug, opened my car door and said, “Talk to you soon” — and then quickly walked away after patting me on the shoulder. It was the best first date I’d ever had, but the “Talk to you soon” really threw me. Was this a blow-off?
Later, while I was obsessively pondering whether I would ever hear from him again, he texted to make sure I got home safely. “I failed to tell you how great you looked tonight. I hope you can forgive me. I’m falling on my sword.” This could have felt cheesy, and yet I melted, a testament to his genuineness.
The next day I went on a horrible first coffee date that had been previously scheduled. It lasted 40 minutes, about 37 minutes too long. When I got to my car, I found Mr. Perfect First Date had texted again. “I’m sure there’s some stupid rule about texting you today, but I wanted you to know I had a really good time last night,” he wrote.
“In that case, should I have waited at least five hours to text you back?” I replied.
“Ha, yes, and I shouldn’t be sending you this response right now.”
“Should we agree that we don’t have to play by any rules?” I asked.
I was so tired from all the complicated dating noise that seemed to persist even at my age, so I was relieved he wasn’t playing games.
“Yes, please, “ he replied.
“Perfect, we just solved all the world’s problems.”
I didn’t hear from him for a couple of hours and then: “The next challenge is me asking you out again. Forward of me I know.”
“Let me think about it,” I teased. I let about a minute pass. “Kidding, yes, that would be lovely.”
“Phew, I was worried.”
We still don’t play by any rules. And I still don’t know anything about golf.
The author is new to writing after more than 20 years as a creative executive in the entertainment industry. She lives in Los Angeles with Mr. Perfect First Date. She’s on Instagram: @jobethplatt
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Is “The Godfather: Part II,” the perfect sequel? : Consider This from NPR
Photo by CBS via Getty Images
Given the fact that it seems like Hollywood churns out nothing but sequels, you would think the industry would have perfected the genre by now.
Some sequels are pretty darn good, but many believe the perfect movie sequel came out 50 years ago this month.
Of course, we’re talking about Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather: Part II. It’s not only considered the greatest sequel of all time, it’s also considered one of the greatest movies of all time.
So why does Godfather II work, and where so many other sequels fall short?
NPR producer Marc Rivers weighs in.
For sponsor-free episodes of Consider This, sign up for Consider This+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.
Email us at considerthis@npr.org.
This episode was produced by Brianna Scott and Marc Rivers. It was edited by Courtney Dorning. Our executive producer is Sami Yenigun.
Lifestyle
JoJo Siwa Selling Tarzana Mansion For $4 Million
JoJo Siwa is looking to unload her mansion … because she just put it on the market.
Our real estate sources tell us the “Dance Moms” alum listed her Tarzana estate for $3,995,000.
The super modern home is 6,462 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms.
JoJo’s place is decked out with a pool, spa, entertainment room, a bar and a sports court.
The primary suite features dual, custom walk-in closets, a fireplace and a balcony … and the en-suite bath has dual vanities, a soaking tub and a walk-in shower.
The gourmet kitchen is outfitted with state-of-the-art appliances from Wolf and Sub-Zero … plus a built-in breakfast bar and dual kitchen islands.
JoJo’s place is super private … with a gate and hedges that block the view from the outside.
Jason Oppenheim, Chrishell Stause and Omar Abaza of The Oppenheim Group have the listing.
Lifestyle
A fire closed a bookstore named Friends to Lovers. Romance readers kept it afloat
When Jamie Fortin moved to Washington, D.C., five years ago, she fell in love with the Virginia neighborhood of Alexandria and vowed to open a small business there. Last month, Fortin’s promise to herself became a reality. She opened Friends to Lovers, a romance-themed bookstore inspired by Meet Cute, a romance bookstore in her hometown of San Diego.
Friends to Lovers celebrated its grand opening on Nov. 14. “It was honestly just so joyful,” Fortin said. “We had a line around the block, which is not something I expected.”
Just three days later, though, Fortin’s excitement went up in smoke after the building caught fire. The store sustained smoke damage, leaving the entire stock of books and merchandise unsafe to sell. Fortin was forced to close the store and go into what she described as “solutions mode.”
Fortin created the Friends and Lovers bookstore to be a space where women and queer people, who make up the overwhelming majority of romance readers, could feel safe.
In the U.S., the demand for romance books is booming. According to Publisher’s Weekly, seven of the top 10 books of the year fell under this category. In August, 550 bookstores across the U.S., U.K. and Canada participated in Bookstore Romance Day — the biggest celebration yet. Many readers have also taken to the internet to share their passion. Romance books dominate the #BookTok, a TikTok community with over 100 billion views. Creators like @listenwithbritt and @kendra.reads share their recommendations and reviews with hundreds of thousands of followers. Their videos have garnered millions of likes and views. Despite the genre’s popularity, Fortin says most of the bookstores she frequented didn’t dedicate much space to the genre. “Even though it may be their most popular selling genre, most bookstores have one or two shelves of romance,” she said.
At the grand opening of Friends to Lovers, many readers expressed the same sentiment. Some traveled more than an hour to browse the shelves. Readers came from Charlottesville, Va., Baltimore, Md. and more.
“Romance-centered bookstores are sorely lacking,” said Kayla Lloyd, who traveled from Annapolis to check out the bookstore. “We can go to Barnes & Noble and we can see the romance section, but you’re not going to get the selection that’s here.” Fortin says she stocks local and independent authors as well as bestsellers. She estimates that the bookstore offered about 800 titles before the fire.
“Outside of gay bars in the area, I think that there is definitely a lack of third spaces for people of color and queer people to hang out,” said Eleanor Bodington, a customer at Friends to Lovers.
Fortin partnered with two women who owned small businesses in the area to help launch their brands at the grand opening event. Women and queer-owned businesses also make all of the store’s non-book merchandise, including bags, hats and more. Even her store’s location was intentional, Fortin says. She wanted Friends to Lovers surrounded by other small businesses so that readers would be encouraged to support other entrepreneurs like her after they came to her store. “When I woke up [after the fire], I felt like I needed to live up to this space that I created that people are now relying on as a space they feel at home and safe,” Fortin said.
Despite being open for just a few days, the community Fortin hoped to reach rallied around her business. Donations flooded in, surpassing Fortin’s $20,000 GoFundMe goal in 24 hours. After assessing the full extent of the damage, Fortin increased her donation goal to $45,000, eventually surpassing that one as well.
Fortin says she believes that her dedication to her goal of supporting women and queer businesses, combined with the tight-knit nature of the romance reading community, helped her rebuild quickly. “The community support has really buoyed me and pushed me to create something better out of the ashes, as it were,” she said. “There were more people than I ever expected that cared about my little bookstore.”
“When you set your mission, and you really stand by it, people say, ‘We love that mission. We’ll live that out as well,”‘ Fortin said.
Fortin opened a long-term pop-up location for Friends to Lovers on Dec. 7 at a nearby business. She continues to search for a new permanent location for the shop.
“It has been so overwhelming. I feel like the community is not letting me sit and wallow in my grief. Instead, they’ve said, ‘We’re going to fix this. We’re going to make sure it’s successful.”‘
Fortin says that because the romance community is used to their traditionally feminine interests not being respected, it doesn’t take the brick-and-mortar location for granted.
“I think we haven’t always had a lot of overwhelming support for things that women love,” Fortin said. “We love to say that things are ridiculous when women love them. There’s a lot of things that men love that we don’t consider ridiculous.” Fortin points out that teenage girls were the ones who loved the Beatles first before they became a household name. “Romance is one of the genres with the most staying power, that’s always been the least respected.”
“We’re creating a safe space to talk about things that are not celebrated in regular spaces,” she said. “Once women and queer people saw that, everyone said ‘let’s all stand behind this together.”‘
“The outpouring of support has been amazing as a bystander to watch,” said Maryam Bami, owner of Old Town Flower Gal. Bami launched her floral business at the Friends to Lovers grand opening. “I thought I was a fan of romance until I met some of the supporters of the bookstore.” Bami is one of several woman-owned businesses Fortin intentionally collaborated with. “She really just took a chance on all of us and really elevated us in the process,” she said.
As Fortin writes a new chapter for Friends to Lovers, she still views her community of business owners as vital to the bookstore’s success. She hopes readers supporting her rebuilding efforts will also patronize the nearby businesses that were also affected by the fire. She’s also encouraged supporters to donate to fundraisers for other businesses affected by the fire. “Women have constantly had to lift each other up and be each other’s solid ground,” she said. “If [my business] has all this hype and support and encouragement, I need to use that to build up other women and other brands.”
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