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Lifestyle
Sam Keen, Philosopher of the Men’s Movement, Is Dead at 93

Sam Keen, a pop psychologist and philosopher whose best-selling book “Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man” urged men to get in touch with their primal masculinity and became a touchstone of the so-called men’s movement of the 1990s, died on March 19 in Oahu, Hawaii. He was 93.
His death, while on vacation, was confirmed by his wife, Patricia de Jong. The couple lived on a 60-acre ranch in Sonoma, Calif.
Mr. Keen, who described himself as having been “overeducated at Harvard and Princeton,” fled academia in the 1960s for California, where he led self-help workshops and wrote more than a dozen books. He became a well-known figure in the human potential movement of that era.
In the 1970s, he delivered lectures around the country with the mythology scholar Joseph Campbell. He also gave workshops at two of the wellsprings of the New Age: Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Calif., and Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, N.Y. Mr. Keen’s specialty was helping middle-class seekers slough off the expectations of family and society, and discover what he called their “personal mythology.”
A long conversation that the ruggedly handsome Mr. Keen had with the journalist Bill Moyers, broadcast on PBS in 1991, brought him national exposure the month that “Fire in the Belly” was published. The book spent 29 weeks on the New York Times best-seller list.
Mr. Keen told Mr. Moyers that he had spent much of his early life trying to meet expectations about masculinity, especially those placed on him by women.
“They were the audience before whom I dramatized my life,” he said, “and their applause and their approval was crucial for my sense of manhood.”
In “Fire in the Belly,” which was partly inspired by a men’s discussion group he belonged to, Mr. Keen argued that men must discover a new kind of manhood apart from the company of women.
“Only men understand the secret fears that go with the territory of masculinity,” he wrote.
“Fire in the Belly” and an earlier, bigger best seller, “Iron John” (1990) by the poet Robert Bly, became the twin handbooks of the men’s movement, a psychological response to the gains made by feminism.
The movement’s principal authors and workshop leaders claimed that modern men had become “feminized” by demands that they get in touch with their feelings, seek consensus rather than lead, and become domesticated rather than follow their warrior spirit.
At woodsy retreats, men beat on drums, screamed primally and broke down in tears, grieving injuries that had been done to them by society, and especially by absent fathers.
The movement was an easy target for parody, which came from many cultural quarters. But books like Mr. Bly’s and Mr. Keen’s attracted large readerships, both male and female. In 1992, the year after the wrenching Supreme Court confirmation hearings of Clarence Thomas, which alerted many Americans to the issue of workplace sexual harassment, Mr. Keen was invited to lead a private seminar on gender dynamics for senators in Washington.
The men’s movement of the 1990s might have sowed some early seeds of what became the current “manosphere,” the world of misogynistic influencers who celebrate harassment and violence toward women. But Mr. Keen himself was not a misogynist, and he embraced feminism. He applauded its analysis of a patriarchal society that wounded both women and men, and he wrote that women’s liberation was “a model for the changes men are beginning to experience.”
From the men’s movement, Mr. Keen went on to become a guru of the flying trapeze, encouraging men and women to overcome their psychological fears by learning to swing from a circus bar 25 feet off the ground.
He set up a trapeze on his property in the foothills of Sonoma County and wrote “Learning to Fly: Trapeze — Reflections on Fear, Trust, and the Joy of Letting Go” (1999).
Alex Witchel, a Times reporter who visited him and took him up on the challenge, noted that Mr. Keen, then 67, wore tights and slippers and “looked like a bony old bird, his frame lean and spare from years of flying.”
Samuel McMurray Keen was born on Nov. 23, 1931, in Scranton, Pa., the second-oldest of five children of J. Alvin Keen, the director of a Methodist church choir, and Ruth (McMurray) Keen, a teacher. His early years were spent in Maryville, in East Tennessee.
When Sam was 11, his family moved to Wilmington, Del., where his parents ran a mail-order business selling uniforms to military nurses.
He graduated from Ursinus College in Collegeville, Pa., outside Philadelphia, and then earned a Doctor of Theology degree from Harvard Divinity School and a Ph.D. in philosophy of religion from Princeton University.
In 1968, on a sabbatical from the Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary in Kentucky, he visited the West Coast and became, as he once told an interviewer, “engulfed in the California madness.” He never returned to academia.
He became a freelance journalist, writing for Psychology Today and other magazines and interviewing some of the leading lights of New Age spirituality, including Carlos Castaneda, Chogyam Trungpa and Mr. Campbell, whose “The Hero With a Thousand Faces” inspired both the Grateful Dead and “Star Wars.”
His early book “To a Dancing God” (1970) described his rejection of the conservative Christianity in which he was raised and his embrace of direct spiritual experience.
A later book, “Faces of the Enemy” (1986), a study of the use of propaganda to prepare citizens for war, was made into a PBS documentary.
Mr. Keen’s marriage to Heather Barnes ended in divorce after 17 years. A second marriage, to Janine Lovett, also ended in divorce. Besides Ms. de Jong, whom he married in 2004, he is survived by a son, Gifford Keen, and a daughter, Lael Keen, from his first marriage; a daughter, Jessamyn Griffin, from his second marriage; six grandchildren; and three siblings, Lawrence Keen, Ruth Ann Keen and Edith Livesay.
Mr. Keen’s emergence as a spokesman for the men’s movement was somewhat accidental. He had been leading various types of workshops when his publisher, sniffing something in the air, asked him to write about modern manhood.
As “Fire in the Belly” caught fire with readers, Mr. Keen was disdainful of some of the more easily lampooned aspects of the movement.
“I wouldn’t be caught dead with a drum,” he said.
Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: After several dates with cringe men, I gave up on dating apps. That's when I found love

After a few years of navigating widowhood, the women in my grief group encouraged me to get back “out there.” I decided to give Match.com a try. In my mind’s eye, I envisioned a financially and emotionally secure, 60-something professional with interests in the arts, fitness and travel.
My profile summarized “a smart, fit, attractive widow seeking a kind, committed life partner.”
I believed I had a good chance at finding love again. L.A. is a big city, and although I was in my early 60s, I looked and felt 10 years younger than I am.
In no time, I was receiving emails from a variety of men. However, several disappointing meet-ups later, I realized that the men I most hoped to attract were looking for someone 20 to 30 years younger than I am. So I decided to relax some of my parameters, especially regarding age.
In his profile, Howard was an active 74-year-old with a lot of hobbies, including biking and skiing. However, the day we were to meet in Santa Monica, I observed a man, with a decisive geriatric shuffle, attempting to cross a very busy Ocean Boulevard to the west side of the street where I was standing.
I had been waiting there for Howard, who was already 40 minutes late. The light turned red, and drivers started laying on their horns attempting to warn other drivers of the man stuck in the middle of the road. With his head lowered, I couldn’t see his face or cataract-cloudy eyes until he reached my side of the street. To my surprise, he turned to me and said, “Hi, I’m Howard!”
He had to be mid-90s! I decided that the date needed to end quickly to save what was left of my Sunday, but I didn’t have the heart to just end it right there, on a street corner, after he had driven an hour and braved crossing a busy road to meet me. After all, he was probably someone’s grandfather. I served up my most gracious self for an hour and a half, but I pumped the brakes on my sympathy when he asked me to pay for the ice cream sundae he ordered at the corner.
Not all my online dates lied about their age. There was Randy, who, instead of taking my extended hand, grabbed my hand and whipped me into a back-bending dance dip. Thank goodness this was at a Starbucks, where several people watched, because I was shocked by his aggressive impulse.
Fred Astaire he was not, and when he realized that I didn’t fall for his charm, he began to cry. (No, literally!) He said he realized he blew it with me, so now he’d just tell me his real story. I was definitely not interested and began to leave when he yelled to me, loud enough for everyone to hear, that his bipolar disorder was triggered by his ex-girlfriend, the one who used to spank him.
The final straw was Jerome. We knew each other for 10 whole minutes when he said that I was going to fall madly in love with him by the end of the night. All I had to do was have sex with him.
Fortunately, I never heard from Howard, Randy or Jerome again. Likewise, I never heard from dozens of other men whose profiles appealed to me online, but either they proved to be the Grim Reaper or ghosted me when we were to meet. On Dec. 31, as I sat alone on my couch watching the ball fall in Times Square, I promised myself that I would never put myself through that kind of dating humiliation again.
Several days later, I notified Match that I was canceling my membership, but per the contract, I had to pay for an additional 30 days before my cancellation would take effect. During those 30 days, I deleted email prospects without even viewing them. One week before cancellation was final, I read one (last) email out of curiosity. It was from a man named Carlo.
Carlo’s profile was different. He came from humble beginnings. He worked his way through college and came to the U.S. on a student visa to pursue graduate studies. Not the least bit self-absorbed, he shared some of the trials of his own widowhood, which struck a chord with me.
He said that he was pretty discouraged with his online search for a serious relationship and was planning to move back to Italy to be closer to family. I was intrigued by his candor, so I answered his email. And in no time, we had our first conversation, then our first date.
Coincidentally, we met on the final day of my Match subscription, Jan. 31.
I suggested we meet for a mid-afternoon coffee, but just as I was about to suggest Starbucks, he said, “Anywhere but Starbucks!” Dang! That had always been my safe harbor for first meet-ups. But rather than search Google for cafes near me, I threw all the dice, amped up the stakes and suggested we meet in the elegant lounge of the Culver Hotel in Culver City.
Carlo and I spent hours sharing our personal stories, until we noticed it was dark outside. Before we left, I excused myself for the restroom. When I came out, Carlo was waiting for me in the hallway. The hotel’s high-fidelity sound system was paying homage to Glenn Miller’s big-band music.
Spontaneously, Carlo grabbed my hand and spun me around in a perfectly executed dance move that ended with me cradled in his arms. The difference between Carlo’s dance move and Randy’s was like night and day. It was also the moment everything clicked.
We are still in Los Angeles but regularly visit Carlo’s family in Italy. As a matter of fact, we exchanged wedding vows nine years ago in a gorgeous Italian villa overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. We often muse over the fact that we were both letting go of our passionate search for love around the same time, which led us to our momentous meeting. We were simply squeezing the dream too tight.
The author is a retired insurance broker. She lives in the South Bay. She’s on Instagram: @charm12374
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Some Couples Prioritize Wellness as a Key Part of Their Weddings

Kara Ladd-Blum said she was “pushed into the wellness world” after being diagnosed in 2016 with synovial sarcoma, a rare form of cancer affecting the body’s soft tissues.
“I became hyper-aware of what I was putting on and in my body, and that evolved into this spiritual awakening,” said Ms. Ladd-Blum, 32, of Brooklyn, who has been cancer-free for eight years. Now, she works with wellness brands as a conscious marketing consultant and hosts a podcast focused on mindful living.
While planning their Sept. 15, 2024, wedding, she and her husband, Brandon Blum, 32, who runs a content marketing agency and apparel brand, were eager to incorporate some of their favorite wellness practices. On the morning of their wedding, they meditated and journaled together, as they often do at home, and incorporated healing crystals and tarot cards into the celebration.
“I feel like weddings are just an extension of people’s energies,” Ms. Ladd-Blum said. “We both love, live and breathe that world.”
For many couples, health and mindfulness are an integral part of their everyday lives, and they want their weddings to reflect these values. And with more event planners and venues catering to the needs of those who prioritize wellness, it’s easier to accomplish that.
“It definitely has weaved its way into weddings and events,” said Ali Phillips, the owner of Engaging Events by Ali in Chicago. She said around three-quarters of the weddings she planned each year contained a wellness element.
At Ocean Edge Resort and Golf Club in Brewster, Mass., wedding groups can enjoy candlelit floating sound baths, acupuncture happy hours and beach yoga sessions. At Canyon Ranch Woodside in Woodside, Calif., couples and their guests can sign up for spiritual growth sessions, botanical tea making and strength-training workshops.
Miraval Berkshires Resort and Spa in Lenox, Mass., specifically offers a mindful weddings program, which includes spa treatments and guided morning meditations. There’s even an anniversary “reflection visit” for couples, where they can participate in a sacred stone ceremony, hike or work out in a nature ropes course.
“We live in this fast-paced, extremely distracted world where self-care and also relationship care can often take a back seat,” Danielle Vega, a senior group sales manager at Miraval Berkshires, said.
On the morning of Ms. Ladd-Blum’s wedding, at Corrida, a Spanish restaurant in Boulder, Colo., she met with Maureen Dodd, the spiritual mentor she had worked with throughout her cancer treatment, to engage in a solo healing session, which she described as “a self-love ritual.”
“As someone highly sensitive to others’ energy, I wanted to anchor in my own energy and love before welcoming others into the space,” Ms. Ladd-Blum said.
While getting ready for the wedding ceremony, she listened to some of her favorite so-called love frequencies, or frequencies of sound waves believed to have healing properties. Ms. Ladd-Blum also performed other rituals like a lymphatic drainage massage. She then met a few of her closest friends and her mother for a bridal blessing, which Ms. Dodd, who is based in Phoenix and Sedona, Ariz., also led.
To ensure positive energy for the day ahead, Ms. Ladd-Blum placed her engagement ring and wedding band in a selenite crystal bowl, which is said to have protective properties. But her favorite practice from the day involved having guests — who received welcome bags that included palo santo sticks, which are meant to help get rid of negative energy — pass around and bless a heart-shaped twin crystal during the wedding ceremony. “They were all infusing it with good energy,” she said.
Samantha Cutler, 33, and her husband, Trevor Mengel, 36, who live in Delray Beach, Fla., have also actively embraced wellness practices as a couple, some of which they integrated into their May 4, 2023, wedding at the Addison of Boca Raton.
“Wellness and nutrition and all the pieces of health have really been a core foundation of my lifestyle and my relationship with my husband as well,” said Ms. Cutler, the founder of Mindfull, a meal planning and health coaching app. “There was wellness sprinkled throughout our entire wedding.”
She described the welcome bags that she curated for guests with Mr. Mengel, the founder and chief executive of Cloutdesk, a creator marketing platform, as a “wellness bundle.” The bags included vitamin supplements and a copy of “The Five Minute Journal,” which is designed to promote reflection and gratitude.
The day after their 69-person celebration, the couple hosted a wellness day at the Ray Hotel in Delray Beach, where guests were treated to matcha, vitamin B12 shots and drip IVs containing electrolytes and vitamins claiming to revive the body following alcohol consumption, stress and more. After a Pilates session led by one of Ms. Cutler’s fitness instructor friends, attendees could participate in a golf session or relax by the pool.
“It was just really fun seeing your husband and your best friends working out with your parents,” Ms. Cutler said. “It felt like a family affair in so many ways, without it feeling too gimmicky.”
Even an hourlong meditation session before the wedding can be helpful for wellness-focused couples. Katharina Kutscher, 30, and Zane Witherspoon, 28, who runs a tech startup, hosted a small wedding celebration on Aug. 30, 2024, in Central Park but started their day together at the Ludlow Hotel.
“I was very nervous for the wedding day,” said Ms. Kutscher, who lives in Manhattan. She tapped a meditation and mindfulness coach friend to lead a meditation session for her and Mr. Witherspoon via Zoom.
While completing breathing exercises and setting their intentions for the day, Ms. Kutscher, a content creator who also works in marketing, was able to reflect on what was truly meaningful. “The whole goal of this day is to get married to the love of your life,” she said, “and that’s the most important thing.”
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