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Stream It or Skip It: ‘Relationship Goals’ on Prime Video, a shameless commercial for self-help fodder passing as a romantic comedy

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Stream It or Skip It: ‘Relationship Goals’ on Prime Video, a shameless commercial for self-help fodder passing as a romantic comedy

LET IT BE KNOWN that Relationship Goals (now streaming on Amazon Prime Video) is less of a romantic comedy than it is an act of synergistic corporate-religious shamelessness. Ostensibly, it’s a lightweight love-hate Valentine’s Day-themed banterfest between musicians-turned-actors Kelly Rowland (of Destiny’s Child) and Cliff “Method Man” Smith (of the Wu-Tang Clan). But that’s a flimsy tissue-paper cover for The Truth Of The Matter: It’s a 93-minute promotional tool for Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex, a faith-based self-help tome by nondenominational Christian megachurch pastor Michael Todd, and a book that the movie’s dialogue tells us can be purchased at a certain online retailer that just so happens to be producing this movie. Michael Todd, who’s prominently featured in the story, and is depicted so glowingly, the movie barely stops shy of slapping wings and a halo on him. Michael Todd, who once went viral for coughing up a loogie and wiping it on his brother’s face during a sermon, to prove a point about faith. Gross, yes – and almost as gross as this advertisement trying to pass itself off as a movie.

The Gist: “Today is the day!” declares Leah Caldwell (Rowland) as she emerges from refreshing slumber. She works as a producer at Better Day USA, a network morning show in the GMA vein, and she’s in line to be promoted to showrunner. Total slamdunk. No questions. It’s just waiting for her once her boss (Matt Walsh) finally retires. IF ONLY, RIGHT? Here’s the wrench in the works: The invisible, nameless, faceless Higher-Ups – honest-to-gum deities or just corporate boardroom chair-moisteners? We can’t be sure! – have dictated the need for competition for the position, so in comes nighttime TV vet Jarrett Roy (Smith) to nudge our protag. He’s nudged her before, too – Jarrett is her ex, and she dumped him for cheating like a dog. You’ve got to be kidding me. Leah’s rightfully flaming pissed, and her besties, makeup gal Treese (Annie Gonzalez) and show anchor Brenda (Robin Thede), support her by listening and puffing her up and insisting that “God has a plan.”

But Leah doesn’t go full atheist. Oh no. She digs in, more determined than ever. In a pitch meeting for Valentine’s Day segments, her idea gets shot down. But Jarrett’s gets greenlit, and here’s where the movie gets really icky: Do a story fluffing up Michael Todd, a megachurch pastor and author played by real-life megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd, who’s introduced as a “YouTube sensation,” although nobody mentions the viral loogie incident. Specifically, the piece will transparently promo- er, that is, delve into megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals, which Jarrett says changed his life. It chased that dawg right out of him, and now he’s a new and improved man. O RLY is the look on Leah’s face, which squinches up even more when the boss dictates she and Jarrett team up to work on the story, which requires a trip to Tulsa where Brenda will interview megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd, and a visit to his church, which is also the church from real life, and we therefore get to see the church’s logo many times over, but understand the urgency with which we should immediately experience his mindblowing sermons (or, in lieu of that, consume his products).

Some boilerplate romcom stuff happens – Brenda can’t get her longtime basketball player boyfriend to propose, Treese goes on too many dud first dates, Jarrett and Leah get stuck in a car together traveling cross-country and encountering sassy waitresses at podunk diners – but the real narrative emphasis is on how megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals can solve all the characters’ problems. Granted, these are simplistic situations and megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals offers simplistic solutions, but one assumes there’s so much more to megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals that you should probably order it right now from a prominent online retailer so you can live your bestest life forever and ever, and by the way, here’s the cover of the book in a couple dozen scenes so you know what it looks like. Meanwhile, said prominent online retailer wouldn’t mind if you also ordered a bunch of other products from it, including a variety of snack foods and small kitchen appliances whose logos are prominently featured in nice, clean, perfectly focused closeup shots. Helluva movie you’ve got here!

RELATIONSHIP GOALS AMAZON PRIME VIDEO MOVIE REVIEW
Photo: ©Amazon/Courtesy Everett Collection

What Movies Will It Remind You Of? Think Like a Man and What to Expect When You’re Expecting became lousy movies too, but they weren’t so egregiously promotional. In the meantime, I’ll very impatiently wait for the movie Peacock Presents Flo From Progressive Insurance Insists You Should Bundle And Save On Home And Auto

Performance Worth Watching: I’ve heard it’s tough to play yourself in a movie, but megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd proves just how easy it is to play himself in an infomercial.

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Sex And Skin: Megachurch pastor and au- OK, I’ll stop already. Anyway. The guy who wants you to buy his book says he’ll inform you how to “win at sex” – whatever the hell that means – although the movie never shows us or even talks about it. I call hypocrisy!

Our Take: I’d say Relationship Goals is as subtle as a fart in church, but in this case, Michael Todd’s mega-decibel rock-concert presentation would drown out even the most elephantine flatulence. And once we see Michael Todd spew his catchphrase-laden spiel – “You can’t Facebook faithfulness or Instagram integrity” couldn’t possibly be whipped cream coiled atop a steaming-hot cup of snake oil, could it? – for a Better Day USA interview, and witness his EARTHSHAKING sermon buffered by billowing clouds from the smoke machine, even the most hardcore agnostic will be coughing up a loogie of a prayer to save them from this junk. 

I will hereby curb my cynicism for self-help philosophies and products under the assumption that some folks are empowered by them, whether it’s from motivational types like Michael Todd, Brene Brown or Matt Foley. You do you. We’re all doing our best to get through the day whether we’re reading the bible, speaking affirmations into the mirror or blasting Slayer while on the stationary bike. But this quasi-movie is pathetic in its attempt to paper over an advertisement with romcom tropes: quasi-clever banter, cutesy girl-bonding dance sequences, the love/hate dynamic between the leads, etc. And even without the relentless promotional considerations, the movie shows no interest in anything but featherweight cliches.

Granted, there’s no room for narrative innovation when you have content to push, be it via printed materials, live events or YouTube videos. Relationship Goals – the movie, not the book, although they blur together so thoroughly you’d think someone purchased a multi-speed immersion blender from a certain online retailer to guarantee a smooth mixture – features the Better Day USA segment on Michael Todd multiple times, with people in lobbies and offices stopping what they’re doing to watch, instantly converted, wide-eyed and nodding in agreement. Leah, forever steadfast in her dislike of her cheatin’ ex Jarrett, might even be swayed by the Power Of Michael Todd’s Word. Like I said, shameless. I’d be lying if the movie never made me laugh, however – there’s a moment where Leah and Jarrett high-five over having made a “well-rounded story” about our man-of-the-hour subject here, and one assumes if it wasn’t the luminous glow-up we see, it would’ve been a straight-up hardcore blowjob video. 

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Our Call: Um. No. SKIP IT.

John Serba is a freelance film critic from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Werner Herzog hugged him once.

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Movie Reviews

“Backrooms” Might Just Signal a New Era for Horror (Movie Reviews)

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“Backrooms” Might Just Signal a New Era for Horror (Movie Reviews)

The idea of a young, aspiring filmmaker running around their backyard with a low-quality camera and a gaggle of friends roped into performing in their latest project is nothing new. In fact, it has been a staple of popular culture for decades. That is what makes Kane Parsons’ debut online short, The Backrooms (Found Footage), especially notable. When it was released in 2022, it felt uniquely connected to that long-standing piece of American cinematic mythology.

The short opens with a group of kids on set, preparing to shoot another take for what is clearly a makeshift, shoestring-budget horror project. Then, the camera operator unexpectedly slips into another reality of sorts: a liminal space hidden beneath the ground where the crew was filming. As the story transitions from the real world into the “backrooms,” Parsons’ approach also evolves, moving beyond traditional filmmaking into something digitally generated rather than physically captured by a camera.

In hindsight, it plays as an incredibly loaded opening statement from the young filmmaker. The king is dead, long live the king. The era of kids running around their backyards trying to imitate the aesthetics of professional filmmaking has given way to a new generation embracing the possibilities and limitations of entirely different tools, such as Blender. Now, Parsons has partnered with A24 to bring that vision of horror’s future to the big screen with his debut feature film, Backrooms.

The result, while occasionally uneven, feels like something genuinely significant. It is a film that suggests the beginning of a new chapter for the horror genre, one shaped by creators who grew up with digital tools, internet culture, and a completely different understanding of what filmmaking can be.


TOP FIVE THINGS ABOUT “BACKROOMS”

5. Assured Direction

Kane Parsons is a young man, but he’s someone who has been telling stories within this exact narrative and tonal space for years now. That level of clarity and concentration is demonstrated in his debut film in spades. Working with cinematographer Jeremy Cox and editor Greg Ng (both of whom worked on Osgood Perkins’ films Longlegs and The Monkey), Parsons creates a visual language that often feels immersive and claustrophobic in equal measure.

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The use of wide-angle lenses throughout is a great choice that serves to both accentuate the off-kilter nature of this world and showcase even more of production designer Danny Vermette’s remarkable work. Altogether, it does not feel like a film made by a novice, but rather one made by someone who is confident and in control of their cinematic craft. That is a testament to Parsons’ talents as a director.

4. A Very Good Script

The script for Backrooms, written by Will Soodik and based on the stories originated by Parsons and his YouTube body of work, is articulate, thoughtful, and incredibly well-constructed. As audiences have seen time and again with earlier attempts like Slender Man and Five Nights at Freddy’s, it is not exactly easy to translate what makes a lo-fi analog horror concept work in the digital world to the big screen without losing what makes it special.

But Soodik’s writing manages to let Backrooms have its cake and eat it too, maintaining many of the aesthetic and tonal choices that made those short films work so well while also delivering a much more traditional and compelling character-driven drama that ties everything together. For the first act and a half of the film, I was genuinely shocked by how well it managed to maintain this precarious balance. However, it was not quite meant to last…

3. Strong First Half, Lackluster Back Half

If I have one real critique of Backrooms, it is that the stellar first hour-plus of the film is severely bogged down by its final stretch. Without spoiling things, there’s a moment in the film where the baton is passed from one perspective to another, and while this initially seems to hold a great deal of potential, it ultimately leaves things feeling underdeveloped and uneven during the final stretch.

It also falls into the trap of attempting to explain a bit too much about the otherworldly horrors of the Backrooms in a way that only serves to deflate the terror-inducing awe of the concept while also raising even more questions. There are also some character choices that feel jarring and underbaked, making the whole thing ring just a little hollow by the end.

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2. That Mid-film Setpiece

Just before that aforementioned perspective switch, audiences are treated to what has to be considered the centerpiece of the entire film: an extended set piece shot entirely in a found-footage style as a trio of characters enters the Backrooms. Everything about this sequence works, from the way the film builds toward it to the performances and the eloquent, highly effective blocking. All of these elements come together to create what is easily the strongest section of the film.

This is Parsons truly operating in his element, and it absolutely shows. The film is worth seeing on the biggest screen possible for this tour-de-force sequence alone.

1.  Blending Formats

As the latest in a growing line of online content creators making the leap to the big screen with aplomb, Parsons’ Backrooms is unique in that it feels actively engaged in conversation with both present-day audiences and decades of horror influences. The film is modern in its conventions and the way it communicates with viewers, yet it is set in the ’90s and draws inspiration from projects such as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Eraserhead, The Blair Witch Project, and even the more recent Skinamarink.

The result is a film that feels as though it is building upon both the foundations of the horror genre as a whole and the foundations of Parsons’ online work. Because of that, Backrooms is able to reach some genuinely impressive heights.


GRADE

(B-)

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Kane Parsons’ Backrooms is an incredibly taut, suspenseful, and dread-inducing debut feature that promises great things from the young filmmaker for years to come. If the film had managed to maintain the remarkable balancing act it nearly perfects during its opening hour or so, it would have been a solid A in my book. As it stands, the final half-hour bogs things down and gums up the works a bit, but it is nowhere near enough to counteract all of the greatness the first half achieves.

Backrooms is occasionally great and consistently solid, more than deserving of every bit of the success and attention it is receiving.



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Movie Reviews

Another Look At Curry Barker’s ‘OBSESSION’ (2026) – Movie Review – PopHorror

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Another Look At Curry Barker’s ‘OBSESSION’ (2026) – Movie Review – PopHorror

Often when the word of mouth begins to spread and hype the newest “best movie ever”, the viewer has to take these opinions with a mound of salt. But as the week two financial gate for Obsession jumped over twice as high as its debut, people started paying attention. With a Youtuber at the helm and the critics lauding this romantic horror film as the second coming, it was time for this particular reviewer to see what the hype was all about.

Obsession is written and directed by Curry Barker (Milk & Serial 2024). It stars Inde Navarrette (Superman & Lois TV Series 2021) as Nikki and Michael Johnston (9-1-1 TV Series 2026) as Bear. Bear is in love with Nikki, but he lacks the gumption to ask her out. On a whim, the bashful Bear buys a “One Wish Willow”, a magical totem that, when broken, allows the bearer one granted wish. Bear wishes for Nikki to love him, but this love comes at the ultimate cost.

The acting is the first thing that the audience will become obsessed with in Obsession. Navarrette is poised for a breakout year and would fit very well as a new-age “final girl” in the horror genre. Johnston is no slouch either, as he brings a lot of layers to Bear, but Navarrette is the one that’ll haunt your dreams for weeks. The actors told the stories on their faces, and Navarrette’s sudden screams make for the most natural jump-scares in ages.

Barker’s writing in Obsession is as crafty as his pacing. Bear is a really likeable guy who becomes unlikeable for trying desperately to hold onto his dream scenario. Nikki is a helpless victim who’s so terrifying that it’s hard to get close enough to help her. This movie takes the dime-a-dozen “monkey’s paw” trope seen in things like Wishmaster (read our retro review here) and Wish Upon and gives it a fresh spin without getting overcomplicated.

Obsession also thrives in its technical prowess. The quiet sound design and still characters make the movie a genuinely unsettling experience. The usage of rewinding shots gives Nikki a chilling economy of movement, while speeding up shots creates sudden peril and makes scenes instantly uncomfortable. The viewer never gets a chance to truly catch their breath, but the stakes continue to grow with every scene.

It’s very easy to see why Obsession has audiences buzzing. It’s the kind of movie that’s going to hold a spot at the top of lists at year’s end, but if the chance arises to see it in a large theater, the experience will be even more rewarding.

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Film Review: “Pitfall” – MediaMikes

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Film Review: “Pitfall” – MediaMikes

Starring: Marshall Williams, Richard Harmon and Alex Essoe
Directed by: James Kondelik
Rated: NR
Running Time: 108 minutes

Our Score: 1.5 out of 5 Stars

Survival horror is the ultimate guilty pleasure because you can amplify any life-or-death situation into the paranormal, horrific, thrilling, or cruelly dramatic extremes it finds itself in. So why doesn’t “Pitfall” come close to tickling “The Ritual,” “The Blair Witch Project,” or “Wolf Creek” vibes?

Woods and grief feel like a ritualistic trope at this point as “Pitfall” opens on Scott (Marshall Williams) and Ashley (Alex Essoe) mourning the death of their parents. For reasons that may or may not be revealed later, they join three friends on an ominous trip that quickly introduces the titular pitfall, a massive trap designed to kill prey.

The movie constantly battles convention with unpredictability. The problem is that at more than 100 minutes long, there’s plenty of time to sit around and wonder where the story is heading. If “Pitfall” moved with the frantic pace of a Tuesday afternoon soap opera on meth, maybe I’d be swept up in the chaos. Instead, I found myself waiting for reveals that felt more eye-rolling than shocking.

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I really wanted to like “Pitfall” because of how invested it is in physical violence, emotional trauma, and psychological brutality. Unfortunately, the movie never convinced me it knew what to do with those ideas. By the time it arrives at its revelations and ultimate purpose, “Pitfall” feels less like a title and more like a review.

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