Movie Reviews
Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Abigail’ on Peacock, a delightfully gory vampire horror-comedy
I can’t remember the last decent vampire movie I saw, so thank the deities for Abigail (now streaming on Peacock, in addition to VOD services like Amazon Prime Video), which is one hell of a bloodletter with a convoluted backstory. The film originated as a remake of Dracula’s Daughter, and was slotted as an entry in Universal’s Dark Universe horror franchise; but once that ill-fated idea went kerplotz, the directorial team of Tyler Gillett and Matt Bettinelli-Olpin (Ready or Not and the two most recent Scream films) took the helm and made the movie under their Radio Silence banner. My expectations were low, as the Screams felt like rehash and the drowsiness from lame-ass Dracula flick The Last Voyage of the Demeter lingered, but if anything will make an old cynic enthusiastic about vampires again, it’s Abigail.
ABIGAIL: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?
The Gist: We open in what seems like a completely different movie. No, seriously. It’s a kidnapping thriller in which a cadre of misfit criminals bust into a rich man’s mansion and steal his 12-year-old daughter for a $50 million ransom. It’s one of those Reservoir Dogs-type jobs where none of the crooks know each other’s names so there’ll be no ratting on anyone, and they get nicknames, and all that. Our lead is Joey (Melissa Barrera), who seems a little out of place with this crew of freaks, probably because she’s the true protag with big, soft, sympathetic eyes that she uses to look at the photo of her estranged son on her phone. She’s also not thrilled to learn, moments before they bust in, that their target is a little girl. But there’s money to be made and a job to do, and her part of it is to knock the kid out with an injection.
The others are pretty much a bunch of mixed nuts: Frank (Dan Stevens) leads the crew and wears glasses that tell us he’s slick and shifty like the gearbox on a Ferrari. Peter (Kevin Durand) is a man mighty of muscle but slow of mind. Rickles (Will Catlett) is the poker-faced sniper. Sammy (Kathryn Newton) is the sassy hacker. Dean (Angus Cloud) is the getaway driver who’s got naught but a couple of chiclets rattling around where his brains should be. They snatch Abigail (Alisha Weir) and convene with plan mastermind Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito) in a dilapidated mansion with a giant elevator cage as a centerpiece – I wonder if it’ll come in handy at all should anyone need it – and decor ranging from cluster-o’-antlers light fixtures to gross taxidermy and crumbling old frescoes. No, really, frescoes! I’m sure nothing bad has ever happened in this place. It’s a bit of a fixer-upper but after several thousand hours of work and exorcisms, it’ll be so cozy!
Being the nice person around here, relatively speaking, Joey comforts poor little Abigail, who’s still wearing her tutu from ballet rehearsal. Being the shitbird around here, and the specific breed of shitbird played by Dan Stevens, Frank threatens poor little Abigail with his gun – and finds out she’s the daughter of a notorious gazillionaire who’s rumored to have a henchman capable of “tearing people apart like an animal.” That might, key word here being “might,” explain how one of them ends up with their head being detached from their body in a rather disgusting and hilarious fashion. And just when you thought this crew of crooks had exchanged enough prickly gettin’-to-know-ya banter, well, when people are fighting for their lives, they really get to know each other, especially their insides, and extra-especially when those insides become outsides.
What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: It’s no secret that Abigail is the vampire around these parts, and that she likes to plie and jete in between masticating her victims (it’s in the trailers and everything), so obviously the sequel needs to be ABIGAIL VS. M3GAN. ABIGAIL VS. M3GAN! Someone needs to make ABIGAIL VS. M3GAN! I mean, why couldn’t it exist in a world that gave us Freddy vs. Jason?
Performance Worth Watching: Barrera is a terrific Final Girl. And Weir throws herself whole-hog into the demonic role (it’s a lot of fun hearing this adorable kid spew obscenities like a sailor who accidentally dropped anchor on his toe). Stevens has his terrifically sleazy moments and Durand delivers some nicely modulated comedy. But I gotta go with Lisa Frankenstein herself, Newton, who slays a few one-liners and makes the absolute most out of the movie’s most demented sequence.
Memorable Dialogue: You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Stevens quip, “Sammy, those are f—in’ onions” to the dimwit tasked with finding garlic to combat vampires.
Sex and Skin: None.
Our Take: In retrospect, the best joke in Abigail is how it starts off a little slow and dry and a lot like many other bickering-bad-guys crime thrillers, then subtly becomes one of the year’s most uproarious comedies thanks to a collection of nutty performances and exquisitely timed bursts of pustulent gore. Horror movies are often populated with characters I like to call one-by-oners, because the monster or slasher or alien picks them off one at a time, thus drawing out the plot to feature-length. But they rarely feature one-by-oners with much personality. Abigail is unique in that you’re loath to see the one-by-oners die, because it means they no longer exist to say and do hilarious shit anymore.
On the other hand, they die in a fashion that’s so gruesome and entertaining, you’re too slackjawed to mourn their passing. The film absolutely functions within the confines of formulaic horror – put jerks in a creepy house and slaughter away – but adorns the familiarities with a few visual eccentricities, some amusingly silly twists and a screenplay that sets up its talented, tonally on-point cast to succeed. Abigail is a case where it’s not the material but what you do with it that counts, and Gillett and Bettinelli-Olpin deliver the goods with wit, a little bit of suspense and some gloriously gross buckets of blood, just like Grandma likes it.
Our Call: There are times when Abigail doesn’t make sense and is not a perfect movie but I had too much fun watching it and refuse to nitpick it so STREAM IT. Thank you.
John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Movie Reviews
Movie Review: A Locksmith lives to Regret Taking that One “Night Call”
I’m of two minds about that subgenre we call the hero/heroine with “particular skills” thriller.
The parade of Liam Neeson/Jason Statham/John Cena et al action pictures where this mobster, that rogue government or rogue government agency or creepy neighbor crosses this or that mild-mannered man or woman who turns out to be ex-CIA, a retired Marine, a former assassin or Navy SEAL has worn out its welcome.
Somebody effs around, somebody finds out they’ve “Taken” the wrong relative, crossed the wrong professional mayhem-maker. Yawn.
It’s always more interesting when somebody a lot more ordinary is tested by an extraordinary situation, and by people ostensibly a lot more capable of what Mr. or Ms. In Over Their Heads is attempting. “Three Days of the Condor” is the template for this sort of film. A more recent example is the snowplow operator tracking down and avenging himself on his son’s mob killers — “In Order of Disappearance.”
Throwing somebody with one “particular skill” that doesn’t include violence, criminal or espionage subterfuge or the like? As an exercise in screenwriting problem-solving that’s almost always a fun film to watch. That’s why I have high hopes for Rami Malek’s upcoming spring fling, “The Amateur.”
Let’s hope that’s as good as the lurid, violent and tight-as-a-drum Belgian thriller, “Night Call.” A young man (Jonathan Feltre) is tricked, trapped and life-or-death tested by one long night at work.
Mady is a student, we gather, and a native-born Belgian with a thing for Petula Clark ’60s pop — in French. His night gig is as a locksmith. On this one night, that job will get him into trouble despite his best efforts to avoid it. And his “particular skills” and the tools of his trade will come in handy just enough to make you mutter, “clever, clever boy” at the screen and what writer-diector Michiel Blanchart has cooked-up for his feature filmmaking debut.
Mady’s the guy you summon when you’ve locked yourself out of your car, business or flat in the wee hours. He’s professional, courteous and honest. No, the quoted price — 250 Euros — is all you owe.
He’s also careful. The young woman named Claire (Natacha Krief) summons him to a Brussels flat she’s locked out of. She doesn’t have the €250. It’s in her purse, in her flat. With her keys. No, that’s where her ID is, too. As she’s flirted, just a bit, and the streets all around them are consumed by Black Lives Matter protests because Black people die at the hands of white cops in Belgium, too, he takes her word for it.
Mady might be the last to figure out that her last lie, about “taking out the trash” (in French with English subtitles) and hitting the ATM downstairs, is her get-away. When she rings him up and warns him to “Get OUT of there” (in French with subtitles) he’s still slow on the uptake.
That’s when the apartment’s real resident, a musclehead with a punching bag and lots of Nazi paraphrenalia on the walls, shows up and tries to beat Mady to death. He fails.
But can a young Black man call the possibly racist cops about what’s happened and have them believe him? Maybe not. It’s when he’s trying to “clean” the scene of the “crime” that he’s nabbed, and his night of hell escalates into torture, threats and attempts to escape from the mobster (Romain Duris at his most sadistic) in pursuit of stolen loot and the “real” thief, the elusive but somehow conscience-stricken “Claire.”
As Hitchcock always said, “Good villains make good thrillers.” Duris, recently seen in the French “The Three Musketeers” and “The Animal Kingdom,” famous for “The Spanish Apartment” and “Chinese Puzzle,”, is the classic thriller “reasonable man” heavy.
“Either you become a friend, or a problem,” his Yannick purrs, in between pulling the garbage bag off the suffocating kids’ head, only to wrap Mady’s face in duct tape, a more creative bit of asphyxiation.
The spice that Blanchart seasons his thriller with is the backdrop — street protests, with Black protesters furious that Mady isn’t joining them and riot police pummeling and arresting every Black face in sight. That’s jarringly contrasted by the oasis-of-calm subway and unconcerned discos where Mady chases clues and Claire.
A getaway on a stolen bicycle, dashing through streets and down into a subway station, suspense via frantic escapes, frantic bits of outwitting or outfighting crooks and cops, a decent confrontation with the not-cute-enough-to-excuse-all-this Claire and a satisfying “ticking clock” finale?
That’s what makes a good thriller. And if those “particular skills” show up here and there, at least we know Mady’s learned something on a job that if he lives to finish school, won’t be his career.
Rating: unrated, graphic violence, sex scenes in a brothel
Cast: Jonathan Feltre, Natacha Krief, Jonas Bloquet, Thomas Mustin and Romain Duris.
Credits: Scripted and directed by Michiel Blanchart. A Magnet release.
Running time: 1:37
Movie Reviews
'Cunk on Life' movie review: Laugh-out-loud mockumentary on life’s big questions
‘Cunk on Earth’ (2023), a mockumentary series on BBC, was hailed for its laugh-aloud mockery of pretentious documentaries and Morgan’s razor-sharp comedic timing — British droll at its very best.
Movie Reviews
The Love Scam movie review & film summary (2025) | Roger Ebert
Times are tough, even in the world of romantic comedies. In Umberto Carteni’s “The Love Scam,” two brothers in Naples face almost certain eviction just as Vito (Antonio Folletto) tries to secure solo custody of his son after his partner left for her home country. His brother, Antonello (Vincenzo Nemolato), a lovable but irresponsible goof, ignored bills that have now put their family’s old home in the hands of a wealthy developer. In an effort to stay in the home their grandfather built and not lose custody of Vito’s infant son Napoleon, the two men devise a scheme to woo the daughter of the developer, Marina (Laura Adriani), in order to pay off her father’s company with their own money–but only if Vito can transform into Carlo, a wealthy man-about-town looking for investors for his phony charity.
Mistaken identity and lying to impress a potential partner is a well-tread territory in the rom-com genre. For instance, Tom Hanks tries to hide his identity from Meg Ryan in their enemies-into-lovers internet-age classic “You’ve Got Mail.” James Stewart hid his identity even though he knew Margaret Sullavan was his long-suffering pen pal in the original 1940 film version of this beloved story, “The Shop Around the Corner.” Robert Downey Jr. pretends to be someone he’s not to spend time with Marisa Tomei in Rome in Norman Jewison’s “Only You.” Even in the Disney version of “Aladdin,” our hero pretends he’s a rich suitor to get close to his love interest, Jasmine, even though the opulent act isn’t what she’s really interested in. Although this familiar trope of courting by deception might inspire horror in any real-life situation, somehow it still works because they’re still making these kinds of movies. Maybe the reveal is so innocuously satisfying that the audience knows something one of the other characters doesn’t. Then, we watch our heroes make the right choices and fall in love despite the odds–at least until the credits roll.
Although “The Love Scam” follows these recognizable story beats, it ends up feeling deceptively charming thanks to its cast and crew. Writers Caterina Salvadori and Ciro Zecca manage to fit in a few surprises, overthrowing our expectations along the way to the anticipated ending. Director Carteni captures a nuanced view of Southern Italy, showing off its natural beauty, idyllic sunsets, and historic art and architecture, but also the struggles that some of Vito and Antonello’s neighbors endure as their home crumbles around them. Carteni leads a cast of endearing performers, all of whom work well together even when the narrative gets a little silly.
As Vito and Carlo, Folletto juggles the duties of two different personas with a few eccentric quirks and fatherhood duties in between. He acts so effortlessly, even when his character feels self-conscious; you can see Adriani’s Marina let her guard down in real-time. Their chemistry makes this movie memorable. Her character is flustered with expectations and stress, so to watch her grow from a frightening boss to a down-to-earth character who embraces life is a thrill, allowing Adriani to show off her range. I was less enamored by the storyline that Marina’s true dream was to become a chef over a businesswoman. While that fits with the genre’s sometimes more conservative gendered expectations, the writers incorporate it by giving Vito the night cleaning shift at a restaurant he then tries to pass off as his own to entice her to cook with him, so it feels less like a lesson in returning to domesticity. Although they feature heavily in the beginning, Vito’s brother Antonello and Napoleon step aside when Carlo begins to win over Marina’s attention. Still, the odd pairing of an ill-equipped uncle and adorable baby makes for some good jokes. In addition to Marina’s initial no-nonsense personality, her suspicious boyfriend Federico (Loris De Luna) is the power-hungry foil to Folletto’s kindhearted, would-be scammer. It gives him something of an invisible enemy to fight for Marina’s love.
While “The Love Scam” isn’t breaking new rom-com ground, it sufficiently checks the expected boxes and features a formidable romantic pair with Folletto and Adriani. The scam-within-a-scam house of cards narrative is just scaffolding for the movie’s real stars. Although many recent romantic movies also use cutesy gimmicks for their backdrop, their leads lack the heat to deliver something resembling a believable yet expected happy ending. In “The Love Scam,” there are scenes where Vito longingly looks at Marina in such a way that we understand why she would give this stranger the time of day, why they bring out the best in each other, and why we want to keep watching to see what happens to them, even if we kind of already know where their story is headed. Adding just a dash more sincerity than your average streaming romantic movie goes a long way.
On Netflix now.
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