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Tom Brady ripped by Belichick, Kevin Hart, former teammates during roast

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Tom Brady ripped by Belichick, Kevin Hart, former teammates during roast

They certainly didn’t pull any punches.

In a live show on Netflix that lasted over three hours, a roast of Tom Brady didn’t spare any jokes at the expense of the seven-time Super Bowl winner. Everything from his divorce from Gisele Bündchen, Spygate, Deflategate and Brady’s relationship with Alex Guerrero were on the table.

“Before I got to the New England Patriots, we heard about Spygate. Then after I left, we heard about Deflategate,” Randy Moss said. “So I only got one question for you, Tom: ’Why the f— didn’t we cheat when I was there?! I wanted to cheat, too. My kids always ask me, ‘Daddy, why does everyone have a ring but you?’ You know how hard it is to look your kids in the eyes and say, ‘They just don’t trust me enough to cheat’?”

A wide array of former teammates and comedians spent a few hours trading barbs with each other — but especially Brady.

“A lot of people assume I have a lot of animosity toward Tom Brady,” Drew Bledsoe joked. “So I’m here tonight in front of millions of people to tell you — they’re correct.”

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And then, toward the end of the night, Bill Belichick, the uber-serious, seldom-joking former head coach of the Patriots, crushed with a 10-minute set.

“People have said it — Tom and I butted heads a lot,” Belichick said, setting up his joke. “And in a way that was true. But it was hard to butt heads with Tom — because he was so far up Alex Guerrero’s ass.”

At first, Brady sat in good spirits and tried to laugh off the relentless (and often ruthless) jokes — even if there were some uncomfortable moments. Here are some of the highlights from the roast.

Jokes from Brady’s former teammates (and Belichick)

Moss: “Even though we didn’t win it all, I still got everything that I wanted because I got to play with the greatest quarterback that ever lived. And for three years — it was a short time — we scared the entire National Football League. Tom, you’re still my quarterback — even though you did not want me to be your accomplice.”

Bledsoe: “There were rumors that coach (Bill) Belichick was going to be here tonight. Turns out he has some time on his hands. At least when I got fired, somebody else wanted me.”

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Belichick: “I’m honored to be here at the roast of Tom Brady on Netflix. Not to be confused with the roast of Bill Belichick on the 10-part Apple-TV series.”

Julian Edelman: “Alex Guerrero is the snake oil salesman that turned Tom into a complete weirdo.”

Rob Gronkowski on the similarities between Brady and Belichick: “You’re both hard asses that hate fun. You both live and breathe football. Neither of you are married anymore. You’re both even divorced from football — and both of you take full credit for the dynasty.”

GO DEEPER

Howe: It was never Bill Belichick or Tom Brady: They carried the Pats to glory together

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Best one-liners from the comedians

Comedian Jeff Ross: “Tom was drafted 199th in the NFL draft. He sat there for days waiting and waiting and was finally picked in the sixth round when Bill Belichick’s dog stepped on the keyboard by accident.”

Nikki Glaser: “You have seven rings — well, eight now that Giselle gave hers back.”

Some uncomfortable moments

It wasn’t all just laughs. It seemed Brady learned pretty quickly that this wasn’t going to be some light-hearted, good-natured ribbing. That started with Kevin Hart’s opening monologue, which went heavy on jokes about Bündchen and her reported new boyfriend, who has a background in jiu-jitsu.

But the most awkward moment may have been after Ross made a joke about Robert Kraft and massages. Afterward, Brady stood up from his seat and seemed to say to Ross, “Don’t say that s— again.”

Belichick’s roast

The best set of the night probably goes to Glaser, though Belichick’s bit was great and hit on everyone from comedians (joking that Hart can’t say no to an opportunity) to Danny Amendola’s career highlights (that’s “what Randy would call a decent first half”) to, of course, Brady (“Really, Tom, why are all these people so hard on you? Do you miss me?” Belichick joked.)

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With Belichick back in the fold, he opened himself up to ribbing, including from Edelman, who noted that Belichick for several years used to say in team meetings that players at Foxboro High School could’ve done what the Patriots messed up.

“(Now) Foxboro High is the only job offer you have,” Edelman said. “… Do your job? More like need a job, coach.”

Robert Kraft’s quips

With the rift between Kraft and Belichick well known, the Pats owner figured he’d quickly address it when he got the mic while Belichick was seated next to Edelman on stage.

“Like many family reunions, there’s some people here I’m desperately trying to avoid — coach Belichick, good to see you,” Kraft joked.

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Then he turned toward Brady’s impending purchase of a share of the Las Vegas Raiders.

“Tom, good luck buying the Raiders,” he said. “They did your favorite thing for you already — they got rid of Jimmy Garoppolo.”

And in a turn that would’ve been nearly impossible to foresee (and at the urging of Hart), Kraft and Belichick took a shot together while Kraft praised Belichick as the greatest coach of all time.

How did Brady take the roasting?

Finally, at the end of a long night with some brutal jokes, Brady cracked a few jokes of his own while displaying a cocky version of himself fitting of a roast.

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He said that Gronkowski was a great tight end for the Patriots —“Although the bar for Patriots tight ends was pretty low back then.” He joked that the NFL could’ve saved the $20 million it spent on Deflategate “and I would’ve just told you I f—-ing did it.” And Brady added that he’s trying to buy a share of the Raiders because, “I’m tired of owning just the Colts and the Bills.”

At the end, Brady turned toward Belichick, the coach with whom he’s had a turbulent relationship.

“I’ve been out of the game for a minute, so I’m curious,” Brady said, “how many Super Bowls have you won since I left? … When I go to the Indy 500, I don’t ask, ‘Hey, who gassed up your car.’”

Required reading

(Photo: Michael Tran / AFP via Getty Images)

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Frank Stack, Painter Who Secretly Drew ‘The Adventures of Jesus,’ Dies at 88

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Frank Stack, Painter Who Secretly Drew ‘The Adventures of Jesus,’ Dies at 88

Frank Stack, an art professor and painter who secretly moonlighted as Foolbert Sturgeon, the satirical cartoonist who created “The Adventures of Jesus,” a chronicle of Christ’s encounters with sanctimonious hypocrites that is widely considered the first underground comic, died on April 12 in Columbia, Mo. He was 88.

The death, at a hospital, was confirmed by his daughter, Joan Stack.

Mr. Stack taught studio art at the University of Missouri and was well regarded for his intricate drawings, etchings and watercolor paintings, which he often composed alone, sitting cross-legged on a quiet riverbank.

As Foolbert Sturgeon — a persona he concealed for two decades to protect his day job — he lampooned religion, academia and the military, among other sacred tendrils of the 1960s and ’70s, signing his acerbic broadsides with his vaudevillian nom de plume.

“His comics were funny, well drawn and smart,” his friend the cartoonist R. Crumb said in an interview. “And he was a very, very fine watercolor artist and oil painter. He was the real thing.”

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Mr. Stack was especially adept at nudes, once drawing Mr. Crumb’s wife, the feminist underground cartoonist Aline Kominsky-Crumb, in a state of total undress.

“He did a very fine job,” Mr. Crumb said. “He really knew anatomy.”

Mr. Stack did not become as famous (or notorious) as Mr. Crumb, a subversive and misanthropic character in San Francisco’s counterculture scene, whose heavily crosshatched, grotesquely sexual drawings came to define underground comics during the 1960s.

In contrast to Mr. Crumb, whose roguish demeanor was immortalized in the 1994 documentary “Crumb,” Mr. Stack worked secretively in the Midwest, his only notable behavioral quirk an ability to deliver astonishingly long monologues on seemingly any subject that occurred to him.

“Frank is an incredible story,” James Danky, a historian and co-author of “Underground Classics: The Transformation of Comics Into Comix” (2009), said in an interview, adding: “He’s not who you think he is. He’s more than that.”

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Mr. Stack got his start in creative flippancy as a writer and then the editor of Texas Ranger, the humor magazine at the University of Texas at Austin, whose staffers, known as Rangeroos, have included the gossip columnist Liz Smith, the screenwriter Robert Benton and the comic book artist and publisher Gilbert Shelton.

After graduating in 1959 with a degree in fine arts, he worked briefly at The Houston Chronicle, one desk over from Dan Rather, and joined the Army Reserve. In 1961, he enrolled at the University of Wyoming for a master’s degree in art, but was called into active duty the same year following the Berlin Wall crisis.

Attached to a data processing unit on Governors Island in New York, he rented an apartment on West 94th Street and spent his evenings attending gallery openings, plays and art house movies with Mr. Benton and Mr. Shelton, who were also living in New York. He had no use for the Army.

“My entire company was constantly grumbling, grousing, growling, snarling, moaning and whining with discontent,” Mr. Stack wrote in “The New Adventures of Jesus: The Second Coming” (2006). “CBS actually sent a film crew to the island, but they were only allowed to speak with delegated individuals who, naturally, were hardly discontented at all.”

One day, Army officers distributed patriotic pamphlets titled “Why Me?”

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“The gist was something about drawing a line in the sand to save the free world from communism. It didn’t go down well at all,” Mr. Stack wrote, adding that most, “if not all, of us thought it was ridiculous and insulting.”

He responded by drawing a cartoon on the back of a computer card depicting Christian martyrs being handed a pamphlet titled “Why Me?” as they entered an arena of hungry lions. He posted it on a bulletin board. A half-hour later, it had disappeared.

Undeterred, Mr. Stack continued drawing Jesus in a series of absurd situations — being arrested, registering to vote, attending faculty parties.

In one scene, a military police officer asks Jesus to produce his identification. “I don’t have one!” Jesus says. “I don’t have anything!” In another scene, Jesus walks on water by becoming a duck.

In 1962, the Austin gang in New York went their separate ways. Mr. Stack returned to Wyoming to finish his graduate studies in art. Mr. Shelton moved back to Austin for graduate school and to edit Texas Ranger.

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Mr. Shelton loved the Jesus comics and had made copies for himself. He printed a few in a newsletter that he published locally. In 1964, with help from a friend who had access to a Xerox machine at the University of Texas law school, he made an eight-page book titled “The Adventures of Jesus.”

Scholars consider it to be the first underground comic. The cover credit went to “F.S.” because Frank Stack was now teaching at the University of Missouri, where demeaning Jesus, especially in comic-book form, probably wouldn’t have looked great on a curriculum vitae.

“I’ve always loved to see my stuff in print, but I was on the horns of a dilemma,” he wrote. “Did I dare to publish the cartoons under my own name when my job was at risk if the university ever noticed that I worked in the most disgraceful of all media — the awful COMIC BOOK?”

Instead, he created the ridiculous-sounding pen name Foolbert Sturgeon, which reminded him vaguely of Gilbert Shelton. Rising through the ranks of academia, he continued publishing Jesus strips.

“I kind of liked the anonymity of it — there wasn’t anything respectable about it, so you didn’t have to be careful about what you said,” he told The Comics Journal in 1996. “And of course, as a university professor, and as a painter, and as an ‘authority’ — as a role model — you do have to be careful about what you say.”

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Frank Huntington Stack was born on Oct. 31, 1937, in Houston. His father, Maurice Stack, was an oil field supply salesman, and his mother, Norma Rose (Huntington) Stack, was a teacher.

Growing up, he drew constantly — on scraps of paper, the backs of envelopes, anything he could get his hands on. He loved newspaper comic strips, especially “Tarzan,” “Prince Valiant,” “Alley Oop” and “Krazy Kat.”

During high school, he visited an aunt who lived in Austin and worked at the University of Texas. There, he came across copies of Texas Ranger and decided to apply to the school, majoring in journalism before switching to fine arts. After he joined the humor magazine, one of the first artists he published was his classmate Mr. Shelton.

“He had something unusual at the time — an appreciation for things that made people laugh,” Mr. Shelton said in an interview.

Mr. Stack’s other books as Foolbert Sturgeon include “Dorman’s Doggie” (1979), about his dog, Pingy-Poo, and “Amazon Comics” (1972), an indecent retelling of Greek myths. He dropped the pen name in the late 1980s when he began collaborating with the underground comics writer Harvey Pekar on his “American Splendor” series.

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In 1994, Mr. Stack illustrated “Our Cancer Year,” an autobiographical graphic novel by Mr. Pekar and his wife, Joyce Brabner, recounting Mr. Pekar’s battle with lymphoma.

The “narrative is by turns amusing, frightening, moving and quietly entertaining,” Publisher’s Weekly said in its review. “Stack’s brisk and elegantly gestural black-and-white drawings wonderfully delineate this captivating story of love, community, recuperation and international friendship.”

Mr. Stack married Mildred Powell in 1959. She died in 1998.

In addition to their daughter, he is survived by their son, Robert; six grandchildren; and his brother, Stephen.

Writing in “The New Adventures of Jesus,” Mr. Stack reflected on spending so many years as Foolbert Sturgeon.

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“If I’d stuck by my guns maybe I’d be out of a job, disinherited, back in New York (not Texas, for sure) and dead by now,” he wrote. “But I ain’t apologizing. Who would I apologize to? God and Jesus? Why would they care?”

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Judith Barnard, of Best-Selling ‘Judith Michael’ Fame, Dies at 94

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Judith Barnard, of Best-Selling ‘Judith Michael’ Fame, Dies at 94

Judith Barnard, a freelance writer who stumbled on a second career as a best-selling author at 50, when she teamed with her husband, Michael Fain, a onetime aerospace engineer, to publish a potboiler novel under the pen name Judith Michael, died on May 6 in Chicago. She was 94.

Her death, at a hospital near her home, was caused by heart failure, her daughter, Cynthia Barnard, said.

Combining their first names to create the pseudonym Judith Michael, the couple published 11 commercially successful novels over the years, starting with “Deceptions,” an out-of-nowhere hit, in 1982.

Equal parts romance and thriller, “Deceptions” concerned identical twin sisters — Sabrina, a globe-trotting socialite living in London, and Stephanie, a suburban Illinois housewife — whose fleeting experiment with swapping lives proved to be less fleeting than expected.

Entertaining, yes. A Kirkus review called it “a strenuously inventive, big-budget” romance.

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High literature? Not so much. The same review described the book as “glossily seamless nonsense” but noted its potential as fodder for a TV movie — an observation that proved prescient when NBC adapted it in 1985 as a two-part mini-series with Stefanie Powers, of “Hart to Hart” fame, playing the twins.

Then again, their plan had never been to give Thomas Pynchon a run for his money.

Ms. Barnard had already taken a stab at a literary career, publishing her first novel, “The Past and Present of Solomon Sorge,” in 1967. An introspective tale about a Midwestern university professor whose wife of 30 years abruptly abandons him, the book sold only a few thousand copies, leading Ms. Barnard to turn to freelance work on educational films and textbooks, as well as writing articles for Chicago magazines and newspapers.

Her literary horizons expanded after she married Mr. Fain, her second husband, in 1979. “We were looking for something we could do together,” she recalled in a 1991 interview with The Chicago Tribune. “Michael had written technical articles and liked the process but hadn’t found a field he was happy in.”

They began by writing articles about marriage and family for newspapers and magazines, including Good Housekeeping and Redbook. “We had such a good time working together that one day Michael said, ‘Enough of this! Why don’t we write a book?’” Ms. Barnard recalled in a 1999 interview with The Ledger of Lakeland, Fla.

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“Deceptions” concerned identical twin sisters whose fleeting experiment with swapping lives proved to be less fleeting than they expected.Credit…Simon & Schuster

With “Deceptions,” they discovered a winning formula that they employed with many of their following books — what they called universal fantasies, about ordinary, if strong-willed, people who, by a stroke of fate, escape a quotidian existence to taste a life of wealth and adventure, only to face unforeseen challenges along the way.

In “Possessions” (1984), for example, a Vancouver mother of two, whose shady businessman of a husband vanishes, begins a glamorous new life as a jewelry designer in San Francisco, only to fall in with the wealthy family that he had concealed from her.

Similarly, in “Pot of Gold” (1993), a Connecticut housewife must learn for herself whether more money really does mean more problems after she wins a $60 million lottery.

Like their characters, Ms. Barnard and Mr. Fain found their lives transformed by unexpected success. As novel after novel climbed the best-seller lists, they traveled the world to research their books and divided their time between a spacious 16th-floor apartment overlooking Lincoln Park in Chicago and a second home in Aspen, Colo.

The couple’s 1993 novel told the story of a Connecticut housewife who wins a $60 million lottery.Credit…Poseidon

Also like their characters, they learned that success can be complicated — in their case, because it required juggling the usual pressures of marriage with the inevitable Lennon-McCartney-style tug of war that comes with creative collaboration.

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As Ms. Barnard told The Ledger, “It’s very difficult to have a working relationship with this person who you think has done really dumb things that day and is going to be in your bed.”

Judith Goldman was born on Feb. 17, 1932, in Denver, the elder of two children of Samuel Goldman, who owned a shoe store, and Ruth (Eisenstat) Goldman.

After her parents divorced when she was a child, her mother married Harry Barnard, a prominent historian and biographer, and moved with her children to Chicago.

The family temporarily relocated to Ohio when she was in high school, and she graduated from Fremont Ross High School in 1949. She earned a bachelor’s degree in English from the Ohio State University in 1953. The same year, she married Jerre Papier, an electrical engineer. They divorced in 1970.

She met Mr. Fain by chance at a hospital, where both were visiting his ailing mother, a friend of Ms. Barnard’s. “Bittersweet times, as Michael’s mother was dying and we were falling in love,” she told The Ledger.

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Once the couple decided to bet on a publishing career, there was no turning back. “We burned all our bridges, both quit our jobs, lived on our savings for one year,” Ms. Barnard said in a 1997 interview with The Oklahoman newspaper of Oklahoma City.

The couple’s 1984 novel focused on a Vancouver mother of two who reinvents herself after her husband, a shady businessman with a hidden past, vanishes.Credit…Simon & Schuster

“We didn’t know how hard it would be,” she added. “We just thought it would be wonderful to work together. And it was, after a while.”

In addition to her daughter, Ms. Barnard is survived by Mr. Fain; her son, Andrew Sharpe; five grandchildren; and a brother, David Barnard.

It helped that the couple adhered to a strict division of labor. After what could be months of plotting and laying down a basic outline together, Ms. Barnard then did the writing, while Mr. Fain served as the editor.

“He’s a superb one,” she said in a 1988 interview with The Houston Chronicle. “And sometimes a harsh critic.”

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Each book might require five or six drafts, with endless fiddling. When the inevitable disagreements arose, Mr. Fain, an amateur photographer, would disappear into his darkroom to cool off, he told The Ledger, while Ms. Barnard headed to the kitchen to “knead bread and take out her aggressions.”

Then again, their shared career also proved a marital blessing.

As Ms. Barnard once put it, “It probably kept us married because we always had a book to finish.”

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Closed-Door Romance Books That Will Make You Swoon

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Closed-Door Romance Books That Will Make You Swoon

As a lifelong fan of romantic comedies, my list of favorite “sweet” romances is extensive.

Not because I have a spice aversion — but because the rom-coms I love most, with that classic cinematic vibe, often come with fewer peppers on the spice scale.

Some people refer to these books as “closed door.” I prefer to think of them as “in the hall” romances (though that admittedly doesn’t roll off the tongue quite the same way). The reader is there for all the swoon, the burn and the banter — but when things head to the bedroom, the reader remains out in the hallway. With less focus on what happens inside the boudoir, all that juicy heightened tension and yearning really shine. Here are a few of my favorites.

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