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Washington
Advice | Carolyn Hax: Mom’s emotional dependence clips her adult child’s wings
All she seems ahead to now’s grandchildren, however none of us goes to make that occur anytime quickly. My dad does his personal issues (sports activities and volunteering) whereas my mother cooks, cleans, works a job she hates and spends time with me.
When my older sisters moved away, you’d have thought it was the top of the world. Since then, she has turned her complete concentrate on me. If I even spend the weekend at a pal’s home, she picks a combat with me whereas I’m packing as much as go.
I need to get my very own place quickly, and after I discuss it, she breaks down sobbing. Actually. I really feel so responsible, however I’ve tried for years to get her excited about one thing: hobbies, books, volunteering. Nothing took. What now?
Nameless: Perceive this downside is totally hers to resolve.
There are nicer methods to say this, however the blunt model is best to shelve behind your thoughts for everytime you want it. That is her downside to resolve.
As you plant your toes on this reality, your actions can stay caring, loving and concerned. You possibly can spend time together with your mother whenever you need to, with out enabling or getting sucked in. You will get into the behavior of not responding anymore to her laments, or bouncing them again to her: “Yeah, robust one. What do you suppose you’ll do?” Her subsequent reference to her anticipated grandchildren is a gap to say, as soon as, clearly: “Ready for different folks to make your life higher appears like torture for you. It’s additionally not honest to us youngsters. We get to decide on our lives now, simply as you selected yours.”
And: “If our making decisions you don’t like isn’t okay, then it’s not a selection.”
These factors are according to “not your downside to resolve,” as a result of they’re steps towards eradicating your self as her answer to every thing. She could consider in any other case, however that has no that means if it’s with out your consent.
The necessary factor is to plant this “I gained’t be your life” flag, then dwell there with out explaining or defending additional. “Hm. Yeah. Have you considered what you’ll do?” Repetition of this can be a protect for you and an motion immediate for her. Her regularly partaking you is a type of manipulation, the place your responses reward her emotionally (and pyrrhically) for not transferring on.
Second to very last thing: There’s no “let” in “having my very own life.” Your life is yours, and no quantity of grief makes it hers to grant you. To know that’s to dwell it.
Last item: Why is she not working with babies? (I assume you’d have stated if she had been.) There’s so, so, a lot want. And though your mother’s vital, howling boundary issues don’t make her a really perfect match, jobs embody boundaries. (You need to go house in some unspecified time in the future.)
Washington
George Washington stays unbeaten with 68-41 victory at Capital – WV MetroNews
CHARLESTON, W.Va. — A Capital team short on experience and playing for the first time since New Year’s Eve faced quite a challenge Thursday night as it welcomed one of the state’s most polished teams in nearby rival George Washington.
The Patriots showed no sign of letting a nearby rival hang around and continued their stellar start to the season by never trailing in a resounding 68-41 victory.
“Shooting takes pressure off how we have to defend, but our defense has been the key to everything we’ve done to this point,” veteran GW head coach Rick Greene said.
The result prolongs GW’s unbeaten start to the season through at least its first eight games.
This one was never in doubt as the Patriots’ combination of efficient offense and lockdown defense left the Cougars playing catch-up throughout.
GW’s Chuck Kelley accounted for the game’s first two field goals and scored his team’s first six points, before Gale Lamb got in on the action and went on a personal 7-0 run that upped the Patriot lead to 14-4.
David Robinson, who led Capital with 17 points, scored five in the opening frame to keep his team within striking distance as it faced a 14-7 deficit entering the second.
After Capital’s Grant Barclay provided a bucket to start the second quarter, it was all GW the remainder of the opening half.
Lamb hit a pair of three-pointers around a Kelley transition layup, forcing the Cougars to call timeout 5:05 before halftime as they trailed 22-9.
At that point, Lamb was 5 for 5 with 14 points.
“He didn’t take a shot he couldn’t hit,” Greene said. “He is a really good shooter and he’s shooting with a lot of confidence. The kids want him to shoot the ball, so if you’re a shooter and you know your teammates want you to shoot it, it gives you that little bit of freedom and relaxation.”
Out of the break in the action, GW’s Noah Lewis scored inside twice, with teammate Sai’Vyon Brown knocking down a three in between. It was 29-9 at that point, and Kelley accounted for the final points of the half on a follow-up basket to send the visitors to the locker room with a commanding 33-11 advantage.
While Lamb and Kelley were both 5 for 5 with 24 combined points through two quarters, the Cougars were shooting 5 for 16 and being out-rebounded, 15-5.
“The guys coming off the bench are trying to match the defensive intensity of the first five, and that’s making us really good,” Greene said.
Kelley picked up where he left off to start the second half, scoring five points over the first 1:03.
Capital (2-4) upped the pace itself and Trevaun Tyson was the main beneficiary, scoring all nine of his points in the third quarter.
The Cougars doubled the first-half field goal total in the third period alone, making 10-of-15 shots to keep pace with the Patriots for that 8-minute stretch.
“It was a nice conversation at halftime,” Capital head coach Cookie Miller said. “We got them going a little bit and we have to come out like that at the beginning. It was a rough 18 days, but that’s not excuse. We had great practices for us to give that showing, but at the end of the day, hats off to them for knowing their plays and getting into things. They’ve been together for a long time.”
Unfortunately for Miller’s team, Lamb maintained his efficient play and scored nine points in the frame to spark GW’s 22-point quarter.
That allowed the Patriots to lead 55-32 entering the fourth, and they cruised from there.
GW made 25-of-44 shots to shoot better than 56 percent. Lamb led all players with 24 points and made 7-of-8 shots. Kelley was also 7 for 8 and scored 15.
Noah Lewis chipped in with seven points and a game-high 10 rebounds, while Jeff Harris added five points and eight boards. That duo was instrumental in allowing GW to finish with a convincing 36-16 rebounding edge.
Tyson had half of his team’s boards.
The Cougars made 18-of-45 shots, but only one three-pointer to the Patriots’ five.
“Those guys have been together for a long time. Kudos to them,” Miller said. “Greene has them moving and doing what they’re supposed to doing. We’re trying to get on their level and soon we will be on their level.”
Washington
Lawmakers again trying to lower legal alcohol limit for drivers in Washington • Washington State Standard
A measure to lower the legal limit for drunk driving in Washington cleared its first legislative hurdle Thursday.
If passed, Washington would join Utah as the only state with a 0.05% blood alcohol concentration limit. Other states have considered similar legislation, but haven’t passed it.
Utah made the move in 2018. The state was also the first to lower the limit from 0.1% to 0.08% in the 1980s.
After the switch from 0.08% to 0.05%, Utah saw a 20% drop in fatal crashes, but that figure crept back up during the COVID-19 pandemic, in line with national trends.
The bill in Washington is sponsored by Sen. John Lovick, D-Mill Creek. Lovick was a longtime Washington State Patrol trooper before serving as Snohomish County sheriff.
“I see driving behavior beyond anything I could have imagined when I started as a state trooper,” Lovick told the Senate Law & Justice Committee this week. “Drivers are speeding, following too close, passing on the shoulders, running red lights, driving aggressively. Drunk drivers have made our communities unsafe.”
Opponents argue the legislation, Senate Bill 5067, would elevate the liability risk for bars and other establishments that sell alcohol.
Traffic deaths have risen rapidly in recent years, from 538 in 2019 to 809 in 2023, according to the Washington Traffic Safety Commission. The 2023 figure was the most deaths on Washington roads since 1990.
Of those 809 deaths, impaired drivers were involved in about half.
Compared to those driving sober, drivers with a blood alcohol concentration over 0.05% are twice as likely to crash, said Mark McKechnie, the director of external relations for the traffic safety commission. When that rises to 0.07%, the risk triples.
Early estimates for the first half of 2024 showed a marked decline in deaths on Washington roads, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.
The lower legal limit would take effect July 1, 2026.
As part of the legislation, the Washington Traffic Safety Commission would run a campaign to inform the public of the new legal limit. The Washington State Institute for Public Policy would have to evaluate the impacts of the new law in a report submitted to the Legislature.
By way of background
Lovick and others have tried repeatedly in recent years to lower the legal limit. The measure has never reached the Senate floor.
Last year, one of the proposal’s chief backers, Sen. Marko Liias, D-Edmonds, expressed frustration after the Senate passed over his drunk driving bill and instead took up legislation to solidify “The Evergreen State” as Washington’s official nickname.
Experts have said consuming a beer or a glass of wine with dinner wouldn’t land drivers above the lowered legal limit.
Two hours after his first drink, a 180-pound man would reach 0.05% after drinking three beers or three glasses of wine. The same is true after two hours for a 140-pound woman, after two beers or glasses of wine.
Worldwide, more than 100 countries have legal limits of 0.05% or lower.
The concerns
As in years past, hospitality industry groups oppose the legislation. They have argued the proposal could hurt bars and other establishments that rely on alcohol sales to stay afloat.
Julia Gorton, a lobbyist for the Washington Hospitality Association, noted it’s already illegal to drive with a 0.05% blood alcohol concentration if officers see clear signs of impairment.
This legislation “will impact those who decide to stop drinking before they are impaired,” she said. “These are individuals choosing to behave responsibly, who will now be subject to the strongest and strictest DUI penalties in the country.”
The Washington Wine Institute’s Executive Director Josh McDonald said it would be hard for servers to identify impairment at the lower legal limit so they could cut off service.
Jason Lantz, of the Washington Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers, noted Colorado and New York also have 0.05% limits, but violations at that level come with lower penalties.
He recommended a similar two-tier system, with the 0.05% limit considered “driving after consumption” instead of driving under the influence.
Amy Freedheim, the chair of the Felony Traffic Unit in the King County prosecutor’s office, tried to assuage concerns. She argued the lower limit wouldn’t lead to more arrests or lawsuits against bars held liable for crashes caused by impaired drivers.
On Thursday, Sen. Phil Fortunato, R-Auburn, offered an amendment to Lovick’s bill, lowering a blood alcohol concentration limit already in state law that brings stiffer penalties. The amendment would have dropped the limit from 0.15% to 0.12%.
GET THE MORNING HEADLINES.
Penalties for first-time offenders at the higher threshold include a minimum $500 fine and at least two days in jail, 30 days of electronic home monitoring or a 120-day 24/7 sobriety program.
Below the 0.15% level, drunk driving penalties drop to a minimum fine of $350 and at least one day in jail, 15 days of electronic home monitoring or a 90-day sobriety program.
“Right now you go from .08 to .15. There’s nothing in the middle,” Fortunato said.
Sen. Manka Dhingra, D-Redmond, said she didn’t disagree with Fortunato’s change, but recognized the political reality for the proposal.
“I think it has been very challenging to get this bill out of the Senate with even the decrease to .05,” she said. “Let’s try to focus on getting the limit to .05, and then let’s continue working toward making sure that we are addressing the penalties.”
The committee approved Lovick’s proposal without Fortunato’s amendment.
The House version of the bill is set for a committee hearing Tuesday.
Washington
Commanders Coach Knew ‘We’re Going to Win’ When Offense Got the Ball Back
ASHBURN, Va. — Hope is a powerful thing, but belief is even stronger, and that’s what the Washington Commanders have plenty of after defeating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 23-20 in the Wild Card Round.
That belief didn’t just show up in Florida, however, it has been growing ever since the Commanders first got together for OTAs and into rookie minicamp, and so on. Every step this team has taken, the belief it has in itself has grown.
Because of it, while most are going to predict Washington will lose to the Detroit Lions this weekend, the coaches and players believe in themselves. And they believe that if they have the ball last with a chance to win they’re going to, because that is exactly what defensive coordinator Joe Whitt Jr. believed last weekend – and it came true.
“We’re going to win,” is what Whitt says he felt after his defense stopped the Buccaneers’ last possession of the game. “This game here, so it was a second-and-one. We got the stop. And then third-and-one, they sort of bobbled it, we get the stop. Now, they punted to us, I think it was four minutes or something else. Alright, ‘We’re going to go down and win it,’ That’s winning time. We got the stop that we needed, the special teams secured the ball, and we went down there and kicked the field goal. So, that’s what complementary football was all about, playing as a team.”
Sunday night, the Commanders put together one of the cleanest performances they have had as a team in over a month. Penalties were low–though we’re sure the coaches would say any penalty is too many–mistakes weren’t critical, and like Whitt said, the football was complimentary.
Head coach Dan Quinn knows that’s exactly what his team will need again to keep their season going for at least one more weekend.
“Much like last game, I told you we’ll play our best complimentary game all year, offensively, defensively, and special teams,” said Quinn. “And Detroit in this game calls for that again. And so, we’re working hard on all those things from our field position stuff, our winning time moments, just all of it.”
Stick with CommanderGameday and the Locked On Commanders podcast for more FREE coverage of the Washington Commanders throughout the 2024 season.
• Commanders Get Unexpected Boost in Win vs. Buccaneers
• After Playoff Win, Commanders QB Jayden Daniels Isn’t Satisfied
• Commanders Share Thoughts as Game-Winning Field Goal Doinked In
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