Connect with us

Washington

Advice | Ask Amy: Reader provides update on abusive relationship

Published

on

Advice | Ask Amy: Reader provides update on abusive relationship


Dear Readers: Periodically, I ask for “Updates” regarding questions which have been published in this space. I am naturally curious about how things might have turned out for people who have received my advice. This column is devoted to a Q&A that was originally published in 2021. You can read the original question, followed by my answer. The update follows that.

Dear Amy: My boyfriend of almost three years is very childish. If I do something he does not like, he will try to get me back or even the score in some way. For instance, I do not want to do a particular act in the bedroom. It makes me super-uncomfortable. No matter how many times I explain this, he says it’s his favorite thing and if I don’t do it, then it’s a dealbreaker. So sometimes I suffer through it, but other times I flat-out refuse.

Well, the other day, I refused. Now he won’t kiss me. He says that since I won’t do that for him, kissing is off the table until I do it. How is that fair? How can we navigate through this without calling it quits? I want to make him happy, but I also don’t want to do what he’s asking me to do. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!

— Underperforming in Rhode Island

Advertisement

Underperforming: I wouldn’t describe your boyfriend’s behavior as “childish,” so much as “deeply troubling,” “manipulative,” and “abusive.” Those are only some words that come to mind. (There are other words, of course, but — they aren’t publishable.)

Couples definitely bargain and negotiate with one another over all sorts of things, including “acts in the bedroom.” This is not a negotiation. This is … game over. He is coercing, manipulating, and — I assume — cornering you into doing something you have stated many times that you don’t want to do. Then, when he is not able to force you to do his “favorite thing,” he punishes you. This is pretty much the definition of domestic abuse.

Now he is withholding affection. Later, he might punish you in other ways and for other reasons, if you don’t “make him happy.” This is not love. This is control. Regular readers know that I rarely say this, but — get out. I’ll come and get you, myself.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7. Their impressive website (RAINN.org) offers a wonderful “chat” function, available all-hours. You could “gut check” my reaction by calling or chatting online with a counselor: 800-656-HOPE (4673).

Dear Amy: I’m happy to provide this update. I was really surprised to read your response and I was even more taken aback when I realized that everything you said was true. I stayed with my now ex-boyfriend until we were a little over three years into our relationship. Sadly, nothing changed. Our relationship actually got worse. The last straw for me was when he flat-out started verbally abusing me, calling me names and yelling at me — in front of my daughter. I broke it off right then and there.

Advertisement

It took five months for him to move out, begging me to give him another chance. He never changed his behavior during that time and was still withholding affection whenever he felt like I needed to be punished. He tried to “propose” (with no ring), and even cried about our breakup, but when I said no to getting back together, he laughed in my face because he said he’d been lying when he said he was sorry. Thankfully, after he moved out (which was well over a year ago), I have not heard from him since!

I just want to thank you immensely for helping me to see things clearly! I am finally FREEEEE!!

— No Longer Underperforming

No Longer: Your “update” is a gift! I’m so glad I didn’t have to come get you — that drive to Rhode Island is a long one.

Dear Amy: I was quite disgusted by your sarcastic tone in your response to “Frustrated in Texas,” when you wrote: “ It’s a shame that caring for your dogs and horses is preventing you from caring for an elderly human.” Humans have choices. Animals don’t. They are helpless. You owe this person an apology.

Advertisement

Upset: Many readers called me out for that line. I maintained that “Frustrated” was using her responsibilities to her animals as a reason not to assist her elderly mother-in-law, who was also helpless. Regardless, I do apologize for the sarcastic tone.

© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.



Source link

Washington

DOJ asks judge to allow search of Washington Post reporter’s phone, laptops

Published

on

DOJ asks judge to allow search of Washington Post reporter’s phone, laptops


The Justice Department (DOJ) is asking a federal judge in Virginia to allow it to conduct its own search of a Washington Post reporter’s seized electronic devices, rather than have the court do the review.

Federal prosecutors urged U.S. District Judge Anthony J. Trenga in a March 31 court filing to overturn a lower court ruling that prohibited the DOJ from using a “filter team” to search reporter Hannah Natanson’s phone and laptop as part of an FBI investigation into a government contractor accused of leaking classified material.

Advertisement

Magistrate Judge William Porter ordered in February that the government could not “open, access, review, or otherwise examine” any of Natanson’s “seized data,” instead authorizing an independent judicial review.

“Given the documented reporting on government leak investigations and the government’s well-chronicled efforts to stop them, allowing the government’s filter team to search a reporter’s work product—most of which consists of unrelated information from confidential sources—is the equivalent of leaving the government’s fox in charge of the Washington Post’s henhouse,” Porter wrote.

Federal prosecutors have pushed back, arguing that Porter’s order infringes on the separation of powers by shifting an executive branch function into a judicial one.

They also asserted that it could compromise the neutrality courts are meant to maintain in overseeing search warrants and related proceedings.

“That principle is even more important here because the search authorized by this warrant involves the identification and seizure of classified national defense information, a responsibility the law entrusts to the Executive’s expertise,” federal prosecutors wrote.

Advertisement

The case stems from an FBI search of Natanson’s home in January, in which agents took two laptops, a cellphone and a Garmin watch belonging to the journalist, who had been reporting on the Trump administration’s effort to trim government spending and cuts to the federal workforce.

The search was conducted in connection with a government system administrator in Maryland, who is now behind bars, according to the DOJ.

Attorneys for the Post have contended that the warrant and subsequent search were an example of federal overreach and violated First Amendment press protections.

“The government should not receive permission to rummage through a reporter’s professional universe,” Simon Latcovich said during a Thursday hearing, according to The Post.

The newspaper reported that Trenga, appointed by former President George W. Bush, said he would “get a decision shortly” but seemed skeptical that Porter’s ruling would hamper the DOJ’s ability to build its case against the contractor.

Advertisement

Copyright 2026 Nexstar Media Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.



Source link

Continue Reading

Washington

Obama musical tickets; when to go, what to know about ‘44’ in DC

Published

on

Obama musical tickets; when to go, what to know about ‘44’ in DC


play

A critically acclaimed musical about Barack Obama is coming to Washington DC for the first time, with tickets still available for its limited run.

After making its world premiere in Los Angeles in 2024, “44: The Musical” had stops in Chicago, Philadelphia and New York City.

Advertisement

Now it’s coming to DC for a 25-show run at the Shakespeare Theatre Company’s Klein Theatre just a few blocks away from Obama’s former home at the White House.

Here’s what to know about the musical and how you can get tickets.

What is ’44: The Musical’ about?

Told through the “hazy recollection” of Obama’s vice president, Joe Biden, the musical features original songs that capture key moments of Barack Obama’s presidency with satire, humor and a dose of political nostalgia.

“’44: The Musical’ is the story of Obama you won’t read about in history books… because history books are now banned in most states,” Shakespeare Theatre says on its website. “But also because ’44’ is the story of Obama as Joe Biden kinda sorta remembers it.”

Advertisement

The musical features 24 songs through a wide range of genres, including R&B, gospel and pop, along with “a live-band driven score (that captures) the music, momentum and communal spirit that defined a generation.”

Characters in “44: The Musical” include Obama and Biden, Sarah Palin, Michelle Obama, Mitch McConnell and Ted Cruz.

Runtime for the musical, written and directed by former Obama campaign staffer Eli Bauman, is two hours and 15 minutes.

When is ’44: The Musical’ coming to Washington DC?

“44: The Musical” begins its limited run at The Shakespeare Theatre on April 18.

There will be 25 shows, with the last two coming on May 10.

Advertisement

How can you get tickets to the Obama musical in DC?

You can purchase tickets for “44: The Musical” at ShakespeareTheatre.org.

As of April 10, all 25 shows had seating availability.

“The people of D.C. deserve an infusion of joy right now,” Bauman said in a press release. “With all the heaviness going on in our country, ’44’ is here to provide a fun night out — where a room full of strangers can laugh and reminisce about a time when the country felt full of hope, and when the biggest presidential scandal was wearing a tan suit.”



Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Washington

Program cuts could lead to WA campground, trail closures

Published

on

Program cuts could lead to WA campground, trail closures


Hikers, bicyclists and other park-goers can expect to see restrictions at state park trails and campgrounds as the Department of Natural Resources (DNR) reviews where it will reduce recreation access across the state.

The DNR explained the upcoming restrictions are because of state budget cuts combined with an ongoing lack of funding for maintenance and staff.

ALSO SEE | State budget accounts for federal cuts to Medicaid & SNAP, but not fully backfilled

Some park goers told KOMO News they are frustrated their tax dollars may not keep their favorite trails open.

Advertisement

Riding dirt bikes at Reiter Foothills State Forest is a family affair for the Millers.

“This is local, so it’s nice here. I love it here,” said Jacob Miller from Monroe.

“This is the first time I’ve gone riding somewhere that’s not my house,” Miller’s son Sterling added.

Excitement is building for more trips over the summer, but trails and campgrounds at state-managed areas are at risk of service disruptions and even closures amid a budget crisis.

“Keep the trails open. Let us play here. It really would suck if we don’t have that area anymore,” Miller’s wife Danielle stated.

Advertisement
A photo of Reiter Foothills State Forest on April 9, 2026. (KOMO){ }

The governor signed off on the final budget, which cuts $750,000 a year in funding to the DNR’s Recreation Program. It clears trails, cleans restrooms, and addresses ongoing public abuse of millions of acres of land.

The reduction comes in addition to millions of dollars in prior cuts made to the program’s operating budget for the 2025-2027 biennium.

A draft list of potential impacts includes late openings or closures to 13 campgrounds; seasonal bathroom closures at sites in the Snoqualmie area; and partial closures at the Reiter Foothills State Forest.

“I guess it just feels horrible, right? Because, we don’t have very many places to go,” Danielle stated.

These changes are expected even after the state boosted the price of the Discover Pass in October. That’s expected to generate $1.2 million for DNR, but a spokesperson says it’s not enough to cover a roughly $8 million gap.

Advertisement

Miller adds he’s confident avid trail-goers will find some sort of solution.

“The trails have been here before Washington state was involved,” Miller said. “They got involved and the trails are great now. But, there’s plenty of volunteers that are willing and able to [help]. I don’t think they need to be shutting down trails.”

DNR is identifying places that are the most expensive to manage and that would be easiest to close or reduce services. The agency expects to have an updated list of impacts in a few weeks.



Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Trending