Dear Readers: Periodically, I ask for “Updates” regarding questions which have been published in this space. I am naturally curious about how things might have turned out for people who have received my advice. This column is devoted to a Q&A that was originally published in 2021. You can read the original question, followed by my answer. The update follows that.
Washington
Advice | Ask Amy: Reader provides update on abusive relationship
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of almost three years is very childish. If I do something he does not like, he will try to get me back or even the score in some way. For instance, I do not want to do a particular act in the bedroom. It makes me super-uncomfortable. No matter how many times I explain this, he says it’s his favorite thing and if I don’t do it, then it’s a dealbreaker. So sometimes I suffer through it, but other times I flat-out refuse.
Well, the other day, I refused. Now he won’t kiss me. He says that since I won’t do that for him, kissing is off the table until I do it. How is that fair? How can we navigate through this without calling it quits? I want to make him happy, but I also don’t want to do what he’s asking me to do. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
— Underperforming in Rhode Island
Underperforming: I wouldn’t describe your boyfriend’s behavior as “childish,” so much as “deeply troubling,” “manipulative,” and “abusive.” Those are only some words that come to mind. (There are other words, of course, but — they aren’t publishable.)
Couples definitely bargain and negotiate with one another over all sorts of things, including “acts in the bedroom.” This is not a negotiation. This is … game over. He is coercing, manipulating, and — I assume — cornering you into doing something you have stated many times that you don’t want to do. Then, when he is not able to force you to do his “favorite thing,” he punishes you. This is pretty much the definition of domestic abuse.
Now he is withholding affection. Later, he might punish you in other ways and for other reasons, if you don’t “make him happy.” This is not love. This is control. Regular readers know that I rarely say this, but — get out. I’ll come and get you, myself.
The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7. Their impressive website (RAINN.org) offers a wonderful “chat” function, available all-hours. You could “gut check” my reaction by calling or chatting online with a counselor: 800-656-HOPE (4673).
Dear Amy: I’m happy to provide this update. I was really surprised to read your response and I was even more taken aback when I realized that everything you said was true. I stayed with my now ex-boyfriend until we were a little over three years into our relationship. Sadly, nothing changed. Our relationship actually got worse. The last straw for me was when he flat-out started verbally abusing me, calling me names and yelling at me — in front of my daughter. I broke it off right then and there.
It took five months for him to move out, begging me to give him another chance. He never changed his behavior during that time and was still withholding affection whenever he felt like I needed to be punished. He tried to “propose” (with no ring), and even cried about our breakup, but when I said no to getting back together, he laughed in my face because he said he’d been lying when he said he was sorry. Thankfully, after he moved out (which was well over a year ago), I have not heard from him since!
I just want to thank you immensely for helping me to see things clearly! I am finally FREEEEE!!
— No Longer Underperforming
No Longer: Your “update” is a gift! I’m so glad I didn’t have to come get you — that drive to Rhode Island is a long one.
Dear Amy: I was quite disgusted by your sarcastic tone in your response to “Frustrated in Texas,” when you wrote: “ It’s a shame that caring for your dogs and horses is preventing you from caring for an elderly human.” Humans have choices. Animals don’t. They are helpless. You owe this person an apology.
Upset: Many readers called me out for that line. I maintained that “Frustrated” was using her responsibilities to her animals as a reason not to assist her elderly mother-in-law, who was also helpless. Regardless, I do apologize for the sarcastic tone.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
Washington
Washington Capitals 2025-26 W Magazine Now Available | Washington Capitals
Arlington, Va. – W Magazine, a lifestyle publication produced by the Washington Capitals, is now available for purchase online at www.washcaps.com/wmagazine and at the Team Store at Capital One Arena and at the Team Store at MedStar Capitals Iceplex. The fan-favorite magazine, which features content surrounding every Capitals player along with hundreds of personal, never-before-seen family photos, is available for $8 plus shipping. In addition, season ticket members will receive a complimentary issue, with copies for season ticket members available at the Planholder Hub on the 100-level concourse during Capitals home games.
The cover story, written by Capitals senior writer Mike Vogel, goes in-depth with forward Pierre-Luc Dubois. Vogel speaks with Dubois, his teammates and family members for an extensive feature on the phone call that changed Dubois’ life and shaped his future with the Capitals franchise. Spanning more than 200 pages, W offers exclusive photography of Capitals players and their families, along with lifestyle content and interviews with every member of the 2025-26 roster. Highlights include:
- John Carlson on fishing in Maryland with his sons
- Brandon Duhaime on spearfishing and his related YouTube channel
- Ryan Leonard on moving to D.C. and living with the Dubois family
- Charlie Lindgren on his first offseason as a dad
- Alex Ovechkin on celebrating back home after becoming the NHL’s all-time leading goal scorer
- Logan Thompson on his love of dogs
- Trevor van Riemsdyk on pop-a-shot and pickleball
The magazine also features an in-depth look at the Capital One Arena transformation project, including exclusive photos, insights into future phases and Capitals player reactions to the new Capitals locker room complex. A special interview with Monumental Sports Network’s Joe Beninati and Craig Laughlin reflects on the historic 50th anniversary season, while a day-in-the-life piece with Caps Radio’s John Walton and Katie Florio brings readers behind-the-scenes of a home game radio broadcast.
Additional features include a look at a regular day for former Capitals service dog in training Biscuit – now a facility dog at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center – and a photographic recap of Alex Ovechkin’s historic 2024-25 season. A new “Beyond the Boards” section spotlights community stories, while the fan-favorite “Short Shifts” section returns with Capitals players sharing thoughts on topics such as the best singer on the team, funniest teammate, personal goals beyond hockey, what everyone should try at least once, their ideal entrance theme song and more.
The magazine also profiles members of the Capitals Black Hockey Committee and introduces fans to the team driving the organization’s youth hockey initiatives.
W design services were provided by Matt Ryan. Player photography was provided by Greg Powers with assistance from Damon Banks. The cover featuring Pierre-Luc Dubois was photographed on the Potomac River in Washington, D.C., with the assistance of captains and crew from City Cruises. Players were photographed for the publication at Origin in Arlington, Va.
Washington
Ginger’s Journey: Walking from Washington State to Washington, D.C.
Imagine setting out, on foot, for a journey not knowing how long it would take. Now imagine doing it with two animals as traveling partners from Washington State to Washington, D.C.
“Now I’ve started this leg of the journey in Morton, Washington where I was spiritually requested to go to Washington, D.C. and sing the song ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon on the Capitol steps,” says Jacob Holiday.
Jacob Holiday is on his way across America so he can sing a song he says signifies peace in the hopes, he says, of ending violence everywhere.
“I want so much peace. Cops would no longer carry firearms. We’re going to send the militaries of every country, I don’t care which one you’re talking about but every country, home to go to sleep. I don’t care what they do. But I want all this violence, everything, all this violence to stop.”
He has two wagons and his traveling companions are a dog and a goat. Holiday started in Washington State in July and he’s not worried about how long his hike across America will take.
His multi-state trek has seen him encounter a lot along the way, including a run-in with a bear.
He carries food for himself and his dog and his goat on carts that he says weigh a couple hundred pounds. Besides necessities, Holiday has one thing he’d greatly appreciate receive being able to buy as he continues his mission.
Holiday says he knows his mission isn’t an easy one, and he uses it as a metaphor for life as a whole.
We caught up with Holiday in the early part of November on a 70-degree day in Cambridge, Nebraska then spoke to him again a few days later in the rain as he headed east on Highways 6 and 34, so no telling how far he’s gotten now.
After we met with Holiday, we did notify the local sheriff to perform a welfare check, but we’re told Holiday wanted to continue his walk with his Capitol Steps goal still ahead of him. We also offered him food for himself and his animals, which he declined saying he had enough food on his carts.
Washington
Washington state flooding damage profound but unclear, governor warns
The extent of the damage in Washington state is profound but unclear after more than a week of heavy rains and record flooding, according to the state’s governor, Bob Ferguson.
A barrage of storms from weather systems stretching across the Pacific has dumped close to 2ft (0.6 metres) of rain in parts of the state, swelling rivers far beyond their banks and prompting more than 600 rescues across 10 counties.
More high water, mudslides and power outages were in the forecast. Elevated rivers and flood risk could persist until at least late this month, according to the National Weather Service. Wind and flood watches and warnings are expected in much of the north-west for the next couple of days as storms bring rain, heavy mountain snow and high winds.
As of Tuesday, authorities had recorded one death – of a man who drove past warning signs into a flooded area – but key highways were buried or washed out, entire communities had been inundated, and saturated levees had given way. It could be months before State Route 2, which connects cities in western Washington with the Stevens Pass ski area and the faux Bavarian tourist town of Leavenworth across the mountains, can be reopened, Ferguson said.
“We’re in for the long haul,” Ferguson said at a news conference. “If you get an evacuation order, for God’s sakes, follow it.”
It won’t be until after waters recede and landslide risk subsides that crews will be able to fully assess the damage, he said. The state and some counties are making several million dollars available to help people pay for hotels, groceries and other necessities, pending more extensive federal assistance that Ferguson and Washington’s congressional delegation expect to see approved.
According to the governor’s office, first responders had conducted at least 629 rescues and 572 assisted evacuations. As many as 100,000 people had been under evacuation orders at times, many of them in the flood plain of the Skagit River north of Seattle.
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