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Advice | Ask Amy: Reader provides update on abusive relationship

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Advice | Ask Amy: Reader provides update on abusive relationship


Dear Readers: Periodically, I ask for “Updates” regarding questions which have been published in this space. I am naturally curious about how things might have turned out for people who have received my advice. This column is devoted to a Q&A that was originally published in 2021. You can read the original question, followed by my answer. The update follows that.

Dear Amy: My boyfriend of almost three years is very childish. If I do something he does not like, he will try to get me back or even the score in some way. For instance, I do not want to do a particular act in the bedroom. It makes me super-uncomfortable. No matter how many times I explain this, he says it’s his favorite thing and if I don’t do it, then it’s a dealbreaker. So sometimes I suffer through it, but other times I flat-out refuse.

Well, the other day, I refused. Now he won’t kiss me. He says that since I won’t do that for him, kissing is off the table until I do it. How is that fair? How can we navigate through this without calling it quits? I want to make him happy, but I also don’t want to do what he’s asking me to do. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!

— Underperforming in Rhode Island

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Underperforming: I wouldn’t describe your boyfriend’s behavior as “childish,” so much as “deeply troubling,” “manipulative,” and “abusive.” Those are only some words that come to mind. (There are other words, of course, but — they aren’t publishable.)

Couples definitely bargain and negotiate with one another over all sorts of things, including “acts in the bedroom.” This is not a negotiation. This is … game over. He is coercing, manipulating, and — I assume — cornering you into doing something you have stated many times that you don’t want to do. Then, when he is not able to force you to do his “favorite thing,” he punishes you. This is pretty much the definition of domestic abuse.

Now he is withholding affection. Later, he might punish you in other ways and for other reasons, if you don’t “make him happy.” This is not love. This is control. Regular readers know that I rarely say this, but — get out. I’ll come and get you, myself.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7. Their impressive website (RAINN.org) offers a wonderful “chat” function, available all-hours. You could “gut check” my reaction by calling or chatting online with a counselor: 800-656-HOPE (4673).

Dear Amy: I’m happy to provide this update. I was really surprised to read your response and I was even more taken aback when I realized that everything you said was true. I stayed with my now ex-boyfriend until we were a little over three years into our relationship. Sadly, nothing changed. Our relationship actually got worse. The last straw for me was when he flat-out started verbally abusing me, calling me names and yelling at me — in front of my daughter. I broke it off right then and there.

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It took five months for him to move out, begging me to give him another chance. He never changed his behavior during that time and was still withholding affection whenever he felt like I needed to be punished. He tried to “propose” (with no ring), and even cried about our breakup, but when I said no to getting back together, he laughed in my face because he said he’d been lying when he said he was sorry. Thankfully, after he moved out (which was well over a year ago), I have not heard from him since!

I just want to thank you immensely for helping me to see things clearly! I am finally FREEEEE!!

— No Longer Underperforming

No Longer: Your “update” is a gift! I’m so glad I didn’t have to come get you — that drive to Rhode Island is a long one.

Dear Amy: I was quite disgusted by your sarcastic tone in your response to “Frustrated in Texas,” when you wrote: “ It’s a shame that caring for your dogs and horses is preventing you from caring for an elderly human.” Humans have choices. Animals don’t. They are helpless. You owe this person an apology.

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Upset: Many readers called me out for that line. I maintained that “Frustrated” was using her responsibilities to her animals as a reason not to assist her elderly mother-in-law, who was also helpless. Regardless, I do apologize for the sarcastic tone.

© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.



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Oregon State football looking for season sweep of Washington State

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Oregon State football looking for season sweep of Washington State


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  • Oregon State will play its final game of the season against Washington State in the only official Pac-12 Conference game of the year.
  • The Beavers previously defeated the Cougars 10-7 in a non-conference matchup earlier this season.
  • Interim head coach Robb Akey views the game as a chance for OSU to become Pac-12 champions and end a tumultuous season on a high note.

Oregon State football has finally reached its final game of the season.

After a long, tumultuous few months, the Beavers (2-9) have the chance to finish on a high. OSU is travelling to Pullman, Wash., to take on Washington State (5-6) in the one, and only, official Pac-12 Conference game of the year.

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“It’s the last time this group of people is ever going to be together again,” OSU interim head coach Robb Akey said. “That’s it.”

For numerous Beavers, Saturday’s contest against the Cougars will be the last college football game of their careers. For some, it’ll be their last in Oregon State uniforms and for others, they’ll be back next season.

But Akey said it’s valuable for these players to be able to close out their careers in the fashion they are. A rivalry game, a conference matchup against a team Oregon State’s already beaten this season.

“It gives us the opportunity to be Pac-12 champions,” Akey said. “That means a hell of a lot, in my opinion.”

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A Pac-12 rematch

Oregon State hosted Washington State on Nov. 1 at Reser Stadium. The Beavers, at the time, had just rattled off their first win over FCS program Lafayette and were sitting at 1-7 through a bye week.

The Beavers came out on top in a low-scoring, dramatic affair, 10-7. It was Akey’s second win in as many games in charge and a high point of the Oregon State season.

It wasn’t technically classified as a Pac-12 contest, but rather just a typical regular-season matchup. Regardless, the win meant that OSU had pulled off two wins in a row for the first time in 2025. But those are the only two wins the team has garnered so far.

Having the opportunity to play, and beat, the Cougars again is exciting for Akey and the Beavers.

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“It’s a cool situation that you get to go about. So we’ve tried to approach it as a cool situation,” Akey said. “You’ve got two teams that are going to know each other pretty well and two teams that fought their tails off against each other the last time they were together.”

WSU is 1-1 since the the earlier meeting. The Cougars beat Louisiana Tech, 28-3 at home, then travelled to Harrisonburg, Va., where they lost to a ranked James Madison squad, 24-20.

OSU is 0-2, with losses at home to Sam Houston (21-17) and at Tulsa (31-14).

On the season, Oregon State averages over 356 yards of offense to Washington State’s 308 yards. The Beavers outrank the Cougars in nearly all significant offensive statistic categories, especially in the run game.

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Defensively, the script is almost completely flipped. Washington State gives up nearly 70 fewer yards per game, over eight points per game less, and are superior in nearly all significant categories.

It presents the opportunity for a fun, crazy contest, Akey said.

“They’ve got a good defense, they play well,” the coach said. “It’s got the makings to be a hell of a game.”

Two teams looking to end the season with a smile

Neither Oregon State nor Washington State has delivered the season it had expected back in August. Both teams have undergone one of the rockiest, unpredictable conference realignment transitions in the NCAA to remain with the Pac-12.

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For Akey, some of the main takeaways from this season are off the field.

“Life deals you adversity, and you deal with it,” Akey said. “What I will take from this is these players. We’ve built some cool relationships with them and those are going to last forever.”

And for the players, it’s one last chance to enjoy this specific group’s company on the field together.

“It’s the last chance they’re going to get to play together,” Akey said. “They’ve spent a ton of time working … and it didn’t play out the way that everybody had hoped that it would.”

Since his inaugural press conference, Akey has has emphasized that he’s in Corvallis to help the Beavers have fun, smile and produce a season they can look back on and be proud of and enjoy. He said this week that he believes this is a great opportunity for that.

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“They get one last chance to be able to compete together and to fight for one another,” Akey said. “That’s an unbelievable deal.”

Landon Bartlett covers high school sports and Oregon State for the Statesman Journal. He can be reached at lbartlett@salem.gannett.com or on X or Instagram @bartlelo.



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Lawsuit blames Tesla design flaws for crash that killed Washington state woman injured her husband – WTOP News

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Lawsuit blames Tesla design flaws for crash that killed Washington state woman injured her husband – WTOP News


Design flaws caused a Tesla Model 3 to suddenly accelerate out of control before it crashed into a utility pole…

Design flaws caused a Tesla Model 3 to suddenly accelerate out of control before it crashed into a utility pole and burst into flames, killing a woman and severely injuring her husband, a lawsuit filed in federal court alleges.

Another defect with the door handle design thwarted bystanders who were trying to rescue the driver, Jeff Dennis, and his wife, Wendy, from the car, according to the lawsuit filed Friday in U.S. District Court for the Western District of Washington.

Wendy Dennis died in the Jan. 7, 2023, crash in Tacoma, Washington. Jeff Dennis suffered severe leg burns and other injuries, according to the lawsuit.

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Messages left Monday with plaintiffs’ attorneys and Tesla were not immediately returned.

The lawsuit seeks punitive damages in California since the Dennis’ 2018 Model 3 was designed and manufactured there. Tesla also had its headquarters in California at the time before later moving to Texas.

Among other financial claims, the lawsuit seeks wrongful death damages for both Jeff Dennis and his late wife’s estate. It asks for a jury trial.

Tesla doors have been at the center of several crash cases because the battery powering the unlocking mechanism shuts off in case of a crash, and the manual releases that override that system are known for being difficult to find.

Last month, the parents of two California college students killed in a Tesla crash sued the carmaker, saying the students were trapped in the vehicle as it burst into flames because of a design flaw that prevented them from opening the doors. In September, federal regulators opened an investigation into complaints by Tesla drivers of problems with stuck doors.

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Jeff and Wendy Dennis were running errands when the Tesla suddenly accelerated for at least five seconds. Jeff Dennis swerved to miss other vehicles before the car hit the utility pole and burst into flames, the lawsuit says.

The automatic emergency braking system did not engage before hitting the pole, the lawsuit alleges, even though it is designed to apply the brakes when a frontal collision is considered unavoidable.

Bystanders couldn’t open the doors because the handles do not work from the outside because they also rely on battery power to operate.. The doors also couldn’t be opened from inside because the battery had shut off because of the fire, and a manual override button is hard to find and use, the lawsuit alleges.

The heat from the fire prevented bystanders from getting close enough to try to break out the windows.

Defective battery chemistry and battery pack design unnecessarily increased the risk of a catastrophic fire after the impact with the pole, the lawsuit alleges.

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___

Thiessen reported from Anchorage, Alaska.

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© 2025 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, written or redistributed.



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Alaska Airlines comments on holiday-week disruption concerns due to Washington pipeline leak

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Alaska Airlines comments on holiday-week disruption concerns due to Washington pipeline leak


ANCHORAGE, Alaska (KTUU) – Alaska Airlines said it does not expect any disruption in operation through this holiday week because of a leak in a pipeline in Washington, which is raising concern it could impact jet fuel supplies at Seattle and Portland airports.

“We are working to mitigate a potential impact from the Olympic Pipeline fuel leak,” Alaska Airlines wrote to Alaska’s News Source Sunday. “To ensure our scheduled service is maintained without significant disruption, we have implemented contingency plans.”

The contingency plans include tankering in fuel on inbound flights to Seattle, and tech stops on certain routes to conserve fuel. It’s also maintaining and expanding its trucking operation to bring in additional fuel, the airline said.

The airline said tech stops are “a stop at an airport along a flight’s route to add more fuel onboard. The passengers stay onboard.”

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The Associated Press is reporting that officials say Portland International Airport does not expect any problems because it can bring in jet fuel on a barge.

The pipeline system has been down since Monday, but there have been intermittent shutoffs since Nov. 11, the Associated Press reported.

See a spelling or grammar error? Report it to web@ktuu.com



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