Dear Readers: Periodically, I ask for “Updates” regarding questions which have been published in this space. I am naturally curious about how things might have turned out for people who have received my advice. This column is devoted to a Q&A that was originally published in 2021. You can read the original question, followed by my answer. The update follows that.
Washington
Advice | Ask Amy: Reader provides update on abusive relationship
Dear Amy: My boyfriend of almost three years is very childish. If I do something he does not like, he will try to get me back or even the score in some way. For instance, I do not want to do a particular act in the bedroom. It makes me super-uncomfortable. No matter how many times I explain this, he says it’s his favorite thing and if I don’t do it, then it’s a dealbreaker. So sometimes I suffer through it, but other times I flat-out refuse.
Well, the other day, I refused. Now he won’t kiss me. He says that since I won’t do that for him, kissing is off the table until I do it. How is that fair? How can we navigate through this without calling it quits? I want to make him happy, but I also don’t want to do what he’s asking me to do. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
— Underperforming in Rhode Island
Underperforming: I wouldn’t describe your boyfriend’s behavior as “childish,” so much as “deeply troubling,” “manipulative,” and “abusive.” Those are only some words that come to mind. (There are other words, of course, but — they aren’t publishable.)
Couples definitely bargain and negotiate with one another over all sorts of things, including “acts in the bedroom.” This is not a negotiation. This is … game over. He is coercing, manipulating, and — I assume — cornering you into doing something you have stated many times that you don’t want to do. Then, when he is not able to force you to do his “favorite thing,” he punishes you. This is pretty much the definition of domestic abuse.
Now he is withholding affection. Later, he might punish you in other ways and for other reasons, if you don’t “make him happy.” This is not love. This is control. Regular readers know that I rarely say this, but — get out. I’ll come and get you, myself.
The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7. Their impressive website (RAINN.org) offers a wonderful “chat” function, available all-hours. You could “gut check” my reaction by calling or chatting online with a counselor: 800-656-HOPE (4673).
Dear Amy: I’m happy to provide this update. I was really surprised to read your response and I was even more taken aback when I realized that everything you said was true. I stayed with my now ex-boyfriend until we were a little over three years into our relationship. Sadly, nothing changed. Our relationship actually got worse. The last straw for me was when he flat-out started verbally abusing me, calling me names and yelling at me — in front of my daughter. I broke it off right then and there.
It took five months for him to move out, begging me to give him another chance. He never changed his behavior during that time and was still withholding affection whenever he felt like I needed to be punished. He tried to “propose” (with no ring), and even cried about our breakup, but when I said no to getting back together, he laughed in my face because he said he’d been lying when he said he was sorry. Thankfully, after he moved out (which was well over a year ago), I have not heard from him since!
I just want to thank you immensely for helping me to see things clearly! I am finally FREEEEE!!
— No Longer Underperforming
No Longer: Your “update” is a gift! I’m so glad I didn’t have to come get you — that drive to Rhode Island is a long one.
Dear Amy: I was quite disgusted by your sarcastic tone in your response to “Frustrated in Texas,” when you wrote: “ It’s a shame that caring for your dogs and horses is preventing you from caring for an elderly human.” Humans have choices. Animals don’t. They are helpless. You owe this person an apology.
Upset: Many readers called me out for that line. I maintained that “Frustrated” was using her responsibilities to her animals as a reason not to assist her elderly mother-in-law, who was also helpless. Regardless, I do apologize for the sarcastic tone.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
Crews are on the scene of a serious crash on I-95 South in Stafford, Virginia.
Virginia State Police confirmed the crash was fatal but has not yet confirmed how many fatalities there were.
All southbound lanes are closed at mile marker 146.
Traffic is being diverted to Route 1 at exit 148.
This is a developing story. Stay with News4 and nbcwashington.com for updates.
Washington
Sounders FC, Starbucks and Washington Youth Soccer launch Washington Youth Soccer Match Pass to celebrate the next generation of soccer across the Evergreen State | Seattle Sounders
RENTON, WASH. – Sounders FC, in partnership with Starbucks and Washington Youth Soccer, today announced the launch of the Washington Youth Soccer Match Pass, a first-of-its-kind statewide initiative designed to inspire the next generation of young athletes across the Evergreen State. As the sport reaches a defining moment across North America, the Washington Youth Soccer Match Pass invites every registered Washington Youth Soccer athlete aged 18 and under to receive a complimentary ticket to select home matches this season, connecting young players and their families across Washington to the heart of Sounders FC matchdays and Pacific Northwest soccer culture.
More than a ticket initiative, the Washington Youth Soccer Match Pass is rooted in a shared belief that soccer belongs to everyone who plays it. With over 90,000 registered Washington Youth Soccer athletes eligible for the program – which includes access to additional discounted tickets for friends and family members – the Washington Youth Soccer Match Pass celebrates those that continue to shape the sport’s strong foundation across the state. Coming at a significant moment for soccer in the region, with Seattle hosting six matches during the FIFA World Cup 2026™ this summer, Sounders FC and its partners are joining together to invest in the players, families, clubs and communities that fuel the game year-round.
“The Washington Youth Soccer Match Pass is about recognizing that every young player across Washington is already part of the story of this club,” said Sounders FC President of Business Operations Hugh Weber. “The Sounders are not just Seattle’s club – it’s Washington’s soccer club. Many of the players who wear our crest today, including Jordan Morris, Paul Rothrock and Jackson Ragen, grew up playing in Washington Youth Soccer. Their journeys are proof that the connection between local soccer communities and Sounders FC is real, lasting and deeply rooted.”
The program is available for the Rave Green’s final 12 MLS regular-season and Leagues Cup home matches of the 2026 campaign, beginning with Seattle’s first contest after the 2026 FIFA World Cup break against archrival Portland Timbers on Thursday, July 16 (7:30 p.m. PT / Apple TV, FS1, iHeartMedia Seattle, El Rey 1360 AM). Eligible Washington Youth Soccer athletes can access the offer through a **dedicated online portal** using their WYS Player ID.
With Seattle as its hometown, Starbucks is deeply rooted in communities across Washington and beyond. Starbucks serves as the initiative’s founding partner to make professional soccer more accessible for families throughout the season. A longtime Sounders FC partner, Starbucks joins the club in its commitment to creating meaningful opportunities for youth athletes and their families across Washington, reinforcing shared values of community, connection and access to the game.
“We are proud to partner with Sounders FC and Washington Youth Soccer to expand our support for youth soccer across our hometown of Seattle and communities across Washington,” said Starbucks Senior Vice President of Global Marketing Erin Silvoy. “At Starbucks, we believe sports are a powerful force for connection, that brings people together through shared rituals and moments of joy. By helping more youth experience soccer first-hand, we hope to inspire the next generation while supporting the athletes, coaches and families who make our communities stronger.”
Founded in 1961, Washington Youth Soccer is one of the region’s leading youth sports organizations, helping shape generations of players and families through recreational and competitive opportunities across the state for more than 60 years. Affiliated with U.S. Youth Soccer, U.S. Soccer and FIFA, Washington Youth Soccer works alongside nearly 200 member clubs and local associations to help grow and strengthen the game at every level, creating accessible pathways and enriching experiences for youth athletes and their families throughout Washington.
”We see this partnership as a catalyst to inspire the next generation of youth soccer players,” said Washington Youth Soccer Executive Director Roger Levesque. “There is something unique about attending a Sounders match at Lumen Field – the sights, sounds and world-class soccer all contribute to a goose bump-inducing experience. But the true inspiration comes from living the highs and lows of a match together, alongside family, friends and thousands of fans, who for 90 minutes, are all on the same team. We are grateful for the opportunity to work with Sounders FC and Starbucks to bring this experience and the joy of soccer to the Washington Youth Soccer community.”
MLS is currently amid an extended break from play for the FIFA World Cup 2026™, with Seattle returning to action on Thursday, July 16 against the Portland Timbers on the Emerald Queen Casino Pitch at Lumen Field (7:30 p.m. PT / Apple TV, iHeartMedia Seattle, El Rey 1360 AM).
ABOUT SEATTLE SOUNDERS FC
Born in 1974 and a member of Major League Soccer since 2009, Seattle Sounders FC is one of North America’s leading professional soccer organizations. The club has captured nine major trophies since its inaugural MLS season, and following its Leagues Cup victory in 2025, Seattle became the first team in U.S. soccer history to win every major competition (Concacaf Champions Cup, MLS Cup, Supporters’ Shield, U.S. Open Cup, Leagues Cup). Since the club’s MLS debut, Sounders fans have set the standard for soccer support in North America, leading the league in attendance for eight-consecutive seasons (2009-2016), routinely ranking in the global top 30 among all professional clubs and never finishing outside of MLS’ top three.
Since 1971, Starbucks Coffee Company has been committed to responsibly sourcing and roasting hi-quality arabica coffee. Today, with a global footprint of more than 41,000 company-operated and licensed coffeehouses and a growing presence in consumer-packaged goods, we are the world’s premier purveyor of specialty coffee. Through our unwavering commitment to excellence and our guiding principles, we bring the unique Starbucks Experience to life for every customer through every cup. To share in the experience, please visit us in our stores or online at about.starbucks.com or www.starbucks.com.
ABOUT WASHINGTON YOUTH SOCCER
Washington Youth Soccer (WYS) is the largest youth sports organization in Washington State, serving more than 90,000 players through a network of over 200 member associations and clubs statewide. WYS is committed to fostering the physical, mental, and emotional growth of youth through the game of soccer by creating opportunities for players of all backgrounds and ability levels to learn, compete, and thrive. Through leagues, tournaments, player development programs, coaching education, community partnerships, and initiatives supported by the Washington Youth Soccer Foundation, WYS works to grow the game and create meaningful experiences for young athletes across Washington.
Brazilian Senator and presidential contender Flavio Bolsonaro said he met with U.S. Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of State Marco Rubio in Washington on Wednesday, following an Oval Office visit with President Donald Trump the day before.
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