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Ask Amy: A 50-year lie needs to be corrected

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Ask Amy: A 50-year lie needs to be corrected


Dear Amy: For the past 50 years, I have lied that I was in the military and served in Vietnam.

I’m now 71. I want to come clean with my son/family.

I ran away from a bad home life at 13 and lived on the streets. It was horrible. I was beaten up and sexually attacked. I tried to commit suicide twice.

My self-esteem was so low for many years. It still is.

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I met a woman (she was older than me) and we had a son.

I believe this is around the time when I started lying that I had been in the military.

I was drafted for the army during the Vietnam War, but didn’t pass the physical.

I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

So, later on when guys got together and started telling war stories, I joined in with mine. Lies. I kept telling more lies to cover the first one.

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I’m so afraid my son and grandson would be so disappointed in me for lying for so long.

Also, my health is not that great, and I’m scared that if something happens, my son will go to the VA for help.

I don’t want him to find out that way.

I have never used my lie to gain anything from the VA. I kept this lie within my family, but of course they told others which made my lie worse.

I want them to know the truth but don’t want to lose them or be looked at as a liar and disrespected for the rest of my life.

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Can you help?

— Living a Lie

Dear Living: I think it’s vital that you understand that the most important respect you can earn is self-respect. The way to gain more respect for yourself is to understand your original motivations for this lie, and choose to make things right.

Telling the truth now will be hard to do, but it will liberate you from the burden you’ve been carrying. The truth will also liberate your son from unknowingly perpetuating this lie later on.

Telling the truth now is also the right thing to do for the many thousands of men who served during the Vietnam War, and who have oftentimes suffered because of their service.

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The way to have a hard conversation is to preface it by stating: “This is very hard for me to say. I’m worried about your reaction. I hope you will understand, and I hope you will find a way to forgive me for what I’m about to tell you.”

My own reaction to reading your story is one of understanding and compassion. If you tell the truth with humility and without becoming defensive — and if you accept the consequences of your disclosure, this act of personal bravery should inspire those who care about you to forgive you and move forward.

Dear Amy: Every year, we host an exchange teacher’s aide from Latin America, as part of our child’s elementary school dual language program.

Our current exchange guest is a 22-year-old man who has less means than we do.

He has given us unsolicited gifts; these are souvenirs from American cities and theme parks he’s visited. A very kind gesture to be sure, and we thanked him.

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That said, some are trinkets that we do not want, and would likely throw out.

I believe they would be meaningful mementoes for him to bring home.

Is there a way to politely give them back to him before he leaves in a few months?

— Polite Parents

Dear Parents: Even though your motive is kind, no, I don’t believe there is a polite way to give back these gifts. Doing so would highlight all the wrong things, including the fact that you don’t want these tokens.

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Also, please don’t throw these things out. After the teacher’s departure, you could photograph the collection and send him the photo with a letter: “We thought you would enjoy this reminder of all of your adventures!” After that, you could donate these trinkets to Goodwill.

Dear Amy: Responding to “Torn in Wisconsin,” who was worried about her unemployed drop-out son’s lack of motivation, after a month living with us, I gave our “home from college” son the car keys and said, ”Don’t come home without a job.”

Ten years later he’s managing a car dealership and doing quite well.

He admits it was the best thing I ever told him to do.

— C in Wisconsin

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Dear C: Short, to the point, and effective. Good for you!

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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Denver, CO

Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship, becomes first in family to attend college

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Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship, becomes first in family to attend college


DENVER — What started as a summer job has turned into a life-changing opportunity for Denver-area student Vanessa Olivar.

The 18-year-old Denver Country Club caddie has earned the prestigious Evans Scholarship, a full tuition and housing scholarship awarded by the Western Golf Association to caddies who demonstrate strong character, academic achievement, financial need and a strong caddie record.

Watch Bradey King’s story on how Olivar persevered to nab this scholarship in the video below.

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Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship

Olivar is one of 15 students from Colorado to receive the scholarship this year and will attend the University of Colorado Boulder this fall.

When she first heard about caddying through her high school’s assistant principal, Olivar said she wasn’t sure it was the right fit.

“I didn’t know anything about the game of golf,” she said. “At first, I was a little doubtful and nervous, but I thought it would be a great summer job. I quickly found out that it was more than just carrying a golfer’s bag.”

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Over the past three years, Olivar learned the responsibilities that come with the job, from carrying clubs and providing yardages to building relationships with members and fellow caddies.

“I learned a strong work ethic, and the relationships that I built through caddying have really shaped who I am today,” she said.

Her dedication paid off when she received the news that she had earned the Evans Scholarship.

“I got that flag saying, ‘Congratulations,’ and I was so excited,” Olivar said. “Words couldn’t express how excited my family and I were for this great opportunity that I worked so hard for over three years.”

The scholarship carries even greater significance because Olivar will become the first person in her family to attend college.

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“I’m a first-generation college student,” she said. “Coming from immigrant parents, I kind of had to navigate this world by myself.”

Her parents immigrated to the United States when they were 18, and Olivar said their sacrifices inspired her to pursue higher education.

“Being able to tell my parents they don’t have to pay for my college takes that weight off their shoulders, but also mine,” she said.

Western Golf Association officials say Olivar exemplifies the qualities the Evans Scholarship is designed to recognize.

“The scholarship is based upon four principles: Their caddie record, their academic record, their financial need, but really what’s most important is their character,” said Brian Wilkinson, the Western Golf Association Director at Denver Country Club. “Vanessa expresses the great character and leadership that we’re looking for in young women and men.”

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At CU Boulder, Olivar plans to major in public health with a minor in business before pursuing dental school.

She said the opportunity has changed the trajectory of her future.

“I knew I wanted to go to college, and I wanted to have a further education,” Olivar said. “I just didn’t know how I was going to do that. I didn’t know caddying was eventually going to change that for me. It’s a scholarship that has changed my life forever.

Denver7

Denver7 | Your Voice: Get in touch with Bradey King

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Denver7’s Bradey King reports on the entire sports landscape in Colorado, including Denver’s pro teams, but is always looking for stories off the field and in the non-professional ranks. If you’d like to get in touch with Bradey, fill out the form below to send her an email.





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Denver, CO

Denver area events for July 13

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Denver area events for July 13


If you have an event taking place in the Denver area, email information to carlotta.olson@gazette.com at least two weeks in advance. All events are listed in the calendar on space availability. Monday Music in the Gardens — With Pamela Machala, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., 17th Street Gardens, 1945 17th St., Denver; cpvmd.org/music-in-the-gardens-2026. Denver Cocktails Tour — 4:30-6:30 p.m., […]



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Denver, CO

Nuggets sign former Denver West basketball player Alpha Diallo out of EuroLeague

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Nuggets sign former Denver West basketball player Alpha Diallo out of EuroLeague


The Nuggets have made a habit of signing bench players with Colorado ties.

The latest homecoming they’ve arranged is for Alpha Diallo, who played a season of high school basketball at Denver West and is now signing a one-year, $1.4 million minimum contract with Denver in NBA free agency, a league source told The Denver Post on Sunday.

Diallo, 29, was named Defensive Player of the Year in the EuroLeague last season. This will be his first foray into the NBA after a five-year stint with AS Monaco. He recently committed to join Dubai Basketball on a multiyear deal, according to a report by the European media outlet BasketNews, but his contract included a clause granting his release if he left for the NBA by July 15.

The Nuggets have signed Diallo, Reggie Jackson (Palmer High School), David Roddy (Colorado State) and KJ Simpson (CU) to various deals in the last three years.

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Born in New York, Diallo helped lead Denver West to the Colorado Class 4A Sweet 16 as a sophomore. He transferred to Lincoln High before his junior season, but he was ruled ineligible to compete for the entire school year due to what CHSAA deemed an implicit recruiting violation; Lincoln’s coach at the time had just coached Diallo in a summer tournament.

The eligibility fight with CHSAA eventually led Diallo to leave the state. He returned to the East Coast and played four years of college basketball at Providence, where he earned Second Team All-Big East honors twice.



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