Robotic dinosaurs. Mechanical miners. Unpredictable chaos. Our local water rides offer the promise of getting wet with a dash of surprise and excitement.

Home to four world-class theme or amusement parks, the Southland isn’t lacking in inventive ways to get soaked. Some of these rides are exquisitely designed, emphasizing show scenes and story rather than simply pummeling us with water. Others aim to do exactly that.

In L.A., water rules everything around us. Drink up, cool off and dive into our stories about hydrating and recreating in the city.

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Getting waterlogged, after all, is part of our history. In 1900, Los Angeles was home to one of the first major American takes on a water ride, Shoot the Chutes at Chutes Park in Historic South-Central. Rising 75 feet, it utilized flat-bottomed boats and a cable to take passengers up an incline.

Today, our water rides are more advanced and just may be among the best in the country. We’ve ridden them all, and did so without ponchos, to grade them based on wetness. Five droplets means you’ll get doused; one droplet is more akin to a light sprinkle.

Missing from this list is Disneyland’s Splash Mountain, which is being refashioned into Tiana’s Bayou Adventure, a “Princess and the Frog”-themed ride that is due to open later this year. We’ll be there when it opens. In the meantime, here’s a ranking of what you can ride now.

(Charles Sykes / Invision / AP)

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Pirates of the Caribbean

Disneyland’s 1967 boat ride is a leisurely jaunt through a town in the process of being ransacked by inept (read: mostly drunk) pirates. Yet there are two early drops — one moderate and one relatively small. Depending on the weight of the boat or the height of the water, expect to get lightly splashed. Because this is primarily a slow-moving family attraction, the water can either be an unexpected delight or an intrusion. But with reliably brisk air conditioning and a 15-minute-plus length, chances are you’ll dry off by the ride’s conclusion. More important, you’ll have experienced one of the most vital attractions at Disneyland, as its abstract approach to narrative set the template for the modern theme park ride.

(Myung J. Chun / Los Angeles Times)

Waterworld

OK, perhaps it’s odd to include a theme park show on a list of water rides. But Universal Studios’ stunt-focused spectacle is centered entirely on water, so it made the cut. Additionally, the large arena that houses the show contains a rather large splash zone, meaning anyone sitting in that particular section of the bleachers will get wet. The show is essentially a love letter to action-driven movie illusions, and a real hoot. Some moments never cease to surprise, such as a full-scale seaplane being jettisoned into the pond. And yes, a splash ensues. Those sitting in the wet sector will get sprayed with a decent amount of water, but if that’s not your thing it’s clearly marked and easy to avoid.

(Todd Martens / Los Angeles Times)

Jet Stream

Magic Mountain’s vintage take on a log flume attraction is no-frills — our boats go up a lift, enter a brisk current and then speed down a hill. Oddly, the back seat of the boat has a tendency to get a bit wetter than the front, perhaps because the boats have a propensity to glide when they hit the man-made pond. Still, this can be an essential ride at Magic Mountain, especially in the summer when the Valencia park is often scorching hot. Jet Stream arrived at Magic Mountain in 1972, and though it features no elaborate themes or scenery, the final splash is still an unique sensation, as the boats tend to hop and slightly accelerate upon landing.

Timber Mountain Log Ride

This 1969 Knott’s Berry Farm attraction is one of the most important log fumes ever created. At the time of its opening, it was a relatively new attraction; the first proper implementation of the ride format opened in 1963 at Six Flags Over Texas. Knott’s, however, gave the ride, one that moves in its flume at a relatively brisk pace, a narrative about turn-of-the-century loggers, showing the world that thrill rides could carry a story. There are a couple of mini drops, but the grand finale is about a 40-foot decline. At times I’ve walked away relatively unscathed. Other times, I’ve been soaked from the waist down.

(Sean Teegarden / Knott’s Berry Farm)

Calico River Rapids

As far as river rapid rides go, I’ve never gotten drenched on this Knott’s Berry Farm attraction. Without a major drop or a rough, fast-moving current, Calico River Rapids has always been to me more about the threat of getting soaked. That’s not to say one should expect a dry experience. (Not at all. You will get wet.) Just that this rapids attraction can be conquered without a poncho. That means as we spin among its current, we can take in the vignettes that are scattered among its rocky banks. My favorite: a young bear engaged in a whack-a-mole-like game with a flock of prairie dogs. But also be on the lookout for a pesky woodpecker.

(Myung J. Chun / Los Angeles Times)

Jurassic World

Universal Studios revamped this ride in 2019 so it aligns with the most recent crop of “Jurassic World” films rather than the initial “Jurassic Park.” In doing so, designers upped its water content. We begin by gliding into a mock aquarium with a shark-eating mosasaurus looking hungrily at us tourists. Expect to be hit with water from above when the dino is shown making a leap out of the tank. But this ride is all about building tension as it leads us to an 84-foot drop. You‘ll want to linger on the top of the hill to marvel at the giant dinosaur battle with a T. Rex that unfolds there. But down you go, and when you reach the bottom it’s likely that a sizable wave will find its way onto your lap.

Grizzly River Run

Disney’s take on the whitewater rafting ride is robust, coming in at about seven minutes. It begins calmly, as you drift and turn around an old mining town, before the ride truly gets thrilling — and full of water. But what ultimately sets the ride apart is the overall design, which, in a relatively confined space, manages to re-create the feeling of being in a national park. The landscape is calming, but the second half of the ride is hectic, as Grizzly River Run gradually ramps up its pace and the amount of water you take on, eventually culminating with a drop that will bring even more water sloshing into the raft.

(Six Flags Magic Mountain)

Roaring Rapids

Magic Mountain’s Roaring Rapids was instrumental in the development of the whitewater rafting-type ride, as this is the first constructed in the Western U.S. But that also means it runs a little rough, which, in this case, results in riders getting absolutely drenched. As on all rapids rides, the turbulent river, buoyed by narrow chutes, moves in an unpredictable fashion. Expect about four big crushes of water to leap into the raft, and those waves will be massive — there’s no buildup, no pacing and no underlying storyline. To ride Roaring Rapids is to sign up for a soaking.

The company behind the highly criticized “California Forever” project, a plan backed by Silicon Valley billionaires to build a green city for up to 400,000 people on California farmland, withdrew the ballot measure for the election in November, according to a letter released Monday.

The decision followed a discussion between Mitch Mashburn, chair of the board of supervisors in Solano county, and Jan Sramek, a former Goldman Sachs trader and chief executive of California Forever.

The company will instead seek approval through the county’s standard processes and proceed through the usual county process for negotiating and executing a development agreement.

“I think it signals Jan Sramek’s understanding that while the need for more affordable housing and good paying jobs has merit, the timing has been unrealistic,” said Mashburn.

Solano county supervisors were scheduled to vote on whether to approve California Forever’s plan to rezone 17,500 acres of farmland near Fairfield for the city or let voters decide in November.

The move to withdraw the measure comes a week after a report by Solano county stated that the proposed city would likely cost the county billions of dollars, create substantial financial deficits, reduce agricultural production, harm climate resilience and potentially threaten local water supplies.

Sramek said California Forever would work with the county on the environmental report and development agreement over the next two years, aiming for approval from county supervisors in 2026.

“We take our time to make informed decisions that are best for the current generation and future generations,” said Mashburn. “We want to make sure that everyone has the opportunity to be heard and get all the information they need before voting on a General Plan change of this size.”

California Forever, which spent more than $800m buying in excess of 60,000 acres of mostly agricultural land, had released its own study claiming the new city would generate billions in economic activity and tens of thousands of jobs. Their marketing materials depicted a Mediterranean-style community with walkable neighborhoods and a mix of businesses.

The proposal, funded by billionaire venture capitalists Marc Andreessen, Michael Moritz, Reid Hoffman, a LinkedIn co-founder, and businesswoman Laurene Powell Jobs, has faced controversy since Flannery Associates, its real estate arm, sued holdout landowners for $510m, accusing them of conspiring to inflate prices.

Controversy over the secretive approach also had residents skeptical from the beginning. Silicon Valley elites had been quietly buying northern California farmland to develop a 27-square-mile plot between Travis Air Force Base and Rio Vista, currently zoned for agriculture.

“We believe that Solano county has the opportunity to forge a new path towards the California Dream for this generation and generations to come,” said Sramek. “We also believe that we must move forward with urgency – because delays are not just a statistic.”

The county’s report estimated that infrastructure such as roads, schools and parks for the project would cost taxpayers $6.4bn for the first phase and nearly $50bn to complete the new city.

On Monday, Mashburn said that a vote without this type of environmental report “politicized the project and forced the community to take sides.”

A poll conducted by Impact Research in July said 65% of Solano county voters “support bringing more good paying jobs, affordable homes, and clean energy to East Solano”.

Sramek emphasized the importance of regaining California’s historic promise of optimism and opportunity, which he says has waned in recent decades due to stagnation in development. More than half of respondents also agreed that the development project was moving too fast and preferred an environmental report.

We got this, America.

California is sending you the best possible person to weather whatever the next three-plus months hold.

Let’s be honest about Kamala Harris. We’re not giving you our most charismatic public speaker. Her sentences can be as awkward as Joe Biden’s.

We’re not giving you our most disciplined politician. She’ll crack an ill-considered joke, or make a mistake in a meeting that requires clean-up.

What we are giving you is someone who can emerge improbably triumphant from losing situations. Someone who will take more crap than anyone possibly could.

The best explanation of Kamala Harris came from a San Francisco political consultant, who compared her to Andy Dufresne, the main character of the 1994 film “The Shawshank Redemption.”

Dufresne was a falsely convicted banker who escapes Shawshank Prison through a 500-yard-long sewage pipe. “Andy Dufresne,” the consultant said, quoting a movie line, “who crawled through a river of s–t and came out clean on the other side.”

Because Americans don’t know Harris this way, they are underestimating her. Just like they underestimate California.

Contrary to the stereotypes, 21^st century California is not soft or easy. It’s a crowded, competitive place where everything — even finding an affordable place to live — is a struggle.

The real California made Harris tough. It helps that she spent her early years in the late 60s-early 70s in Berkeley and Oakland, which might be California’s toughest city. As a mixed-race kid, Harris had to learn how to fit in, at a newly integrated elementary school, and at both Hindu Temple and the 23^rd Avenue Church of God. After the divorce of her immigrant parents, she and her sister were raised almost entirely by their mother, who moved them to Montreal.

Harris attended law school not in the leafy Ivy League but at UC Hastings, in the middle of San Francisco’s Tenderloin. She worked as a prosecutor in Alameda County and then San Francisco, on the sorts of cases — sex crimes and child abuse — that harden people.

She launched her political career in the hyper-competitive political culture of San Francisco. Her first election, for San Francisco district attorney, posed the trickiest challenge in politics — beating an incumbent (who was also her boss). She won an upset victory in a three-person race.

Then Harris, still little known, ran statewide, for California attorney general — against a popular Los Angeles Republican, Steve Cooley, who had the state’s law enforcement community behind him. On election night, she appeared to have lost. But when all the votes were counted, she had squeaked through.

When a U.S. Senate seat opened in 2016, Harris was hardly the most popular Democrat in the state. But she jumped into the race early, scared off other contenders and won the seat.

Harris’ 2020 presidential campaign was a disaster. She didn’t make it to the Iowa caucuses. But even after that embarrassment, she crawled through to the vice presidency.

Reviews have been dicey — staff turnover, difficulties with immigration policy. Her polling was lower than the president’s. Until it wasn’t. Now Biden has bowed out and endorsed her.

She doesn’t have the nomination yet. She may face a contested convention. And if she earns the nod, she’ll face a former president who is ready to attack.

Democrats are worried. Because Donald Trump is a constant font of lies and accusations. His strategy, as the now imprisoned Trump advisor Steve Bannon famously said, “is to flood the zone with s–t.”

But this time, his opponent is Kamala Harris. She survived all the b.s. of California. She’s heard every disgusting sexist insult. She sloughed off slurs against two different races.

She’s about to be submerged in it all again. Because American politics is a river of you-know-what.

Which is why this is her moment.

Who better to navigate us through all the crap than Kamala Devi Harris?

Joe Mathews writes the Connecting California column for Zócalo Public Square.

Originally Published: July 22, 2024 at 1:51 p.m.