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Tracking a Single Day at the National Domestic Violence Hotline

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Tracking a Single Day at the National Domestic Violence Hotline

They call from work, to avoid being overheard, or from home before someone returns.

They reach out because they have decided to leave or need to ask a stranger if they should.

9:01 a.m.

I’m at my wit’s end.

2:14 p.m.

He stalks me outside of work.

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3:56 p.m.

I just wanted to know that I’m not crazy.

To listen to the National Domestic Violence Hotline is to witness how a confluence of stressors — high prices, a lack of affordable housing, easy access to firearms and drugs, the ubiquity of technology — can leave a person vulnerable to another’s cruelty and manipulation.

Spikes in calls often align with highly publicized events: natural disasters, recession, quarantine during the height of the coronavirus pandemic, a celebrity’s acknowledgment of being a survivor of domestic abuse.

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But in recent years, staff at the hotline said more of the spikes could be traced in part to crucial court rulings, as people press for answers about the impact of the decisions or how they have factored into the violence they have experienced at home.

Already, the number of calls that mention forced unprotected sex or a partner sabotaging birth control — as by puncturing condoms or hiding pills — have nearly doubled in the first year since the Supreme Court eliminated the constitutional right to an abortion, according to an analysis of calls and surveys done by the hotline. And calls mentioning firearms rose 40 percent after an appeals court in New Orleans last February struck down a federal law blocking people subject to a domestic violence protection order from owning a gun.

Staff members had been focused on the outcomes of two cases resting with the nation’s highest court, involving gun access and the availability of a commonly used abortion pill. On Friday, the Supreme Court reversed the appeals court ruling, saying that the government may prohibit people subject to restraining orders from having guns.

But even before the courts took up the gun case, the hotline, understaffed and underfunded, struggled to keep pace with an escalating number of calls over the years. The legal battles have underscored the pervasiveness of domestic violence and the strains on existing support for survivors.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

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“That makes me sad that we need lives to be in jeopardy for this to become a national conversation around domestic violence, because it shouldn’t take a Supreme Court case,” said Katie Ray-Jones, the chief executive of the hotline.

To capture a snapshot of the experiences of domestic violence survivors, The New York Times observed some of the calls and messages the hotline received in one day. The Times agreed to only disclose certain nonidentifying details and limited excerpts from the conversations to protect the safety of those who consented to speaking with a reporter present.

Over 24 hours, the hotline received 2,002 incoming calls and messages and answered 1,348. Transcripts of calls to 1-800-799-7233 and website chats, observed with the consent of the caller, have been condensed to ensure anonymity.

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0 incoming calls and messages

9:01 AM

Latina, 51, California

I just need to get away. I need to find myself. I’m scared.

You have the power to make that decision. It can be very difficult to know if you want someone to get involved.

You’re being very brave and strong by reaching out.

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9:29 AM

A father seeking help for his daughter in New York

It just drove me crazy. She called me on a daily basis crying. I’m starting to cry here. It was just hard for me to see what she was dealing with.

He does have access to a firearm. His father has a handgun.

I would encourage you to validate any feeling she has.

9:58

Woman in a relationship, 52

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Is there a way to document physical abuse without involving the police

I want to document it for a restraining order but if I call the police to file a report I’m afraid they will stop by and my husband will hurt me when they leave.

10:09 AM

Young Black woman, the South

Maybe if I sit here and hold my baby, he’ll stop hitting me. He didn’t.

I still sometimes have dreams of that night — hearing the glass shatter and seeing stars

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Youre being very empathetic. We are shaped by others, oftentimes, and we are shaped by our experiences, but it is our responsibility to heal.

10:51 AM

White woman, 30s, New England

I’m feeling really confused about it. I don’t know if I’m being abused.

This is a judgment-free space. And we will never pressure you to make any decision.

I feel like I am representing every woman who has ever hurt him when he sees me, but then I wonder if this is gaslighting, which I didn’t think I would ever fall for.

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Is this gaslighting? Is this why I feel like I have no idea what is real and what isn’t?

Congress approved creation of a national hotline dedicated to domestic violence in 1994, including it in the landmark Violence Against Women Act. Founded two years later in Texas, the hotline now receives as many as 3,000 calls and messages a day. Everyone is kept anonymous, with the only formal record describing basic demographic and circumstantial categories, often leaving other details unclear.

They are typically women, but their ages, ethnicities and locations vary, as do the circumstances of their relationships. In a single day, those contacting the hotline included a 51-year-old Latina in California; an Asian mother, 38; and a white woman asking how to quietly document her partner’s physical abuse.

Sometimes it is a question of finding housing during a nationwide shortage or seeking protection after leaving. Other times, it is about wrestling with the emotional contradictions of still having love for someone who makes you feel alone.

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Working under pseudonyms remotely or at its headquarters in Austin, Texas, staff respondents spend as much as an hour at a time on calls and messages sent through a digital chat that arrive from across the country, at any time of day.

They pose sensitive but probing questions to uncover how a relationship has spiraled into deceit or danger, before connecting the survivor to support nearby. Many of the 158 staff respondents are women and survivors themselves.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

They cannot directly offer legal or medical advice, but give encouragement or recommendations.

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On a recent morning, a young Black woman from the South called in, describing the relationship she had recently escaped: “I still sometimes have dreams of that night — hearing the glass shatter and seeing stars.”

Around the same time, another woman wrote from New England, expressing uncertainty. “Is this gaslighting? Is this why I feel like I have no idea what is real and what isn’t?”

0 incoming calls and messages

11:10 AM

Woman, 30s, Michigan

Does he have any tracking devices on your vehicle?

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If he does have access to the weapon, that can increase the lethality a lot.

1:19 PM

Woman, 50s, Seattle

I don’t feel like myself anymore.

You have to realize it’s not you. What you’re feeling is very real.

I got pushed out of the way. Things got thrown against the room to me.

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It just changed my whole reality, like, am I like that? But I know I’m not.

What you’re feeling is very real. You don’t have to stay there.

Everything is replaceable except your life.

1:40 PM

Woman, 40s, Alabama

I don’t trust him, but he seems to be so hurt when I bring up these trust stuff.

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I feel if I don’t send pictures, he will just go to another person for them.

The rise in calls reflects an increased willingness to confront domestic violence, as survivors have publicly shared their experiences and lawmakers have moved to improve support.

It also reflects a deeper understanding of what abuse can be: monitoring someone through their devices, keeping a person financially dependent, twisting emotions to isolate someone from their loved ones.

“Domestic violence is very complex, and I felt like at different stages in my life, the people around me kept trying to simplify it,” said Jose Tobias, 29, who has worked at the hotline for nearly two years. A soft-spoken Mexican immigrant who once enrolled in Catholic seminary, he turned to the hotline in part to more directly counter what he sees as the weaponization of faith and other, more nebulous, forms of abuse.

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“It’s never the same, so the solution is never the same,” he added.

“Getting deep into my faith — I saw a big overlap between abuse and spiritual abuse,” said Jose Tobias, a hotline employee.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

Conversations at the hotline take on a new urgency once a caller confirms an instance of strangulation or the presence of a weapon. Research shows that millions of women have been threatened with a gun by an intimate partner.

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“If he does have access to the weapon, that can increase the lethality a lot,” Mr. Tobias told one woman, who was unsure whether her former partner had access to a gun.

To a tearful father, who recounted how his daughter’s abuser had access to a gun and already had physically assaulted her, he outlined the heightened risk: “We’ve seen this person weaponize his body. We could see him take it” further.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

And while gun rights groups highlight the experiences of survivors who arm themselves as a means of self-defense and their constitutional right to own a firearm, many domestic violence groups say the presence of a gun exacerbates the psychological trauma of being threatened with one.

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If the Supreme Court had upheld the ruling by the appeals court, it would have rolled back a federal law that makes it a felony to possess a gun while under a domestic violence order.

In the three states covered by the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals, the increase in calls mentioning a firearm was even more significant after the lower court ruling, the hotline said: 47 percent in Texas, 59 percent in Mississippi and 63 percent in Louisiana. And given how difficult it can be to ensure that any person subject to an order no longer has access to a gun, domestic violence groups fear losing a crucial means of ensuring the safety of survivors.

“One way or another, the survivors are going to be affected — it’s just about to what extent,” Mr. Tobias said.

0 incoming calls and messages

2:14 PM

Woman, 20s, California

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He stalks me outside of work.

Do you carry a copy of your protection order wherever you go?

He was punching me in the stomach when I was pregnant.

2:28 PM

White woman, 40s, California

I’m looking for housing that is not a shelter.

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Does he know where you are right now?

Focus on your safety. It can feel overwhelming.

3:36 PM

Asian mother, California

Today he discussed with me and used bad words and told me get out.

Now I don’t have income.

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3:56 PM

Woman, North Carolina

I feel like I’m losing myself because I’m not that kind of person.

It does more damage than the physical. I’m so disappointed in myself.

Find out who you are as an individual. Find out what your powers are.

I just feel really lost and confused.

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Look at the strength you found to get out. You’re a survivor.

The next step is up to you.

Staff members have also struggled with a swiftly moving landscape on abortion laws, as reports of forced acts like unprotected sex have flooded their lines and as the prospect of further limits on abortion access and reproductive care looms.

In an analysis of nearly 3,500 responses to a survey conducted last fall, the hotline found that nearly a quarter of respondents were pressured into becoming pregnant, 20 percent were forcibly prevented from using birth control and nearly 10 percent faced threats of violence over seeking an abortion.

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And even as the Supreme Court last week maintained access to a commonly used abortion pill, it did not weigh in on the merits of medication abortion or rule out the possibility of other challenges. On the day of the ruling, hotline employees said calls mentioning interference in reproductive health increased about 75 percent from what had been a daily average of about seven calls this month.

“Thank goodness that I was able to have an abortion because my life — I would not be sitting here,” said Hannah Tucker, 33, an employee with a shock of green hair and an array of colorful tattoos, adding: “I can’t fathom being attached to that person.”

The outcome of the two cases does not eliminate the financial and physical barriers that ensure a person stays in an abusive relationship. It will not change ingrained cultural and societal stigma about leaving, or the fact that certain communities are already more at risk.

And the hotline has only the resources to answer about 53 percent of its calls and messages. Ms. Jones and other staff estimated that it would take at least $20 million a year to fully staff the hotline.

Hannah Tucker, who answers digital messages at the hotline, had an abortion after an abusive relationship. “I can’t fathom being attached to that person,” she said.

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Josie Slawik, who began working to support domestic violence survivors after she arrived at an El Paso shelter, was there when the hotline took its first call in 1996.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

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“Domestic violence does not discriminate,” said Josie Slawik, 74. “Domestic violence affects everybody — no matter what race you are, how much money you have, you don’t have, it happens.”

She still remembers what it felt like in 1978, as she fled, her rib broken and two young daughters in tow, to a shelter in El Paso. With a warm personality, bright red curls and gold eye shadow shimmering around her eyes, she was there when the hotline took its first call in 1996.

Like others, she said she still had the capacity to be moved by hope and by horror.

“He was punching me in the stomach when I was pregnant,” a woman told her by phone. She soon hung up, saying she needed to return to work.

Ms. Slawik paused, removing her headset.

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“I’m going to take a reset — that was hard for me,” Ms. Slawik said, her voice soft. “This movement has come a long way, but we have a ways to go.”

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Map: Earthquake Shakes Central California

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Map: Earthquake Shakes Central California

Note: Map shows the area with a shake intensity of 3 or greater, which U.S.G.S. defines as “weak,” though the earthquake may be felt outside the areas shown.  All times on the map are Pacific time. The New York Times

A minor earthquake with a preliminary magnitude of 3.5 struck in Central California on Monday, according to the United States Geological Survey.

The temblor happened at 7:17 a.m. Pacific time about 6 miles northwest of Pinnacles, Calif., data from the agency shows.

As seismologists review available data, they may revise the earthquake’s reported magnitude. Additional information collected about the earthquake may also prompt U.S.G.S. scientists to update the shake-severity map.

Source: United States Geological Survey | Notes: Shaking categories are based on the Modified Mercalli Intensity scale. When aftershock data is available, the corresponding maps and charts include earthquakes within 100 miles and seven days of the initial quake. All times above are Pacific time. Shake data is as of Monday, March 2 at 10:20 a.m. Eastern. Aftershocks data is as of Monday, March 2 at 11:18 a.m. Eastern.

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US says Kuwait accidentally shot down 3 American jets

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US says Kuwait accidentally shot down 3 American jets

The U.S. and Israel have been conducting strikes against targets in Iran since Saturday morning, with the aim of toppling Tehran’s clerical regime. Iran has fired back, with retaliatory assaults featuring missiles and drones targeting several Gulf countries and American bases in the Middle East.

“All six aircrew ejected safely, have been safely recovered, and are in stable condition. Kuwait has acknowledged this incident, and we are grateful for the efforts of the Kuwaiti defense forces and their support in this ongoing operation,” Central Command said.

“The cause of the incident is under investigation. Additional information will be released as it becomes available,” it added.

In a separate statement later Monday, Central Command said that American forces had been killed during combat since the strikes began.

“As of 7:30 am ET, March 2, four U.S. service members have been killed in action. The fourth service member, who was seriously wounded during Iran’s initial attacks, eventually succumbed to their injuries,” it said.

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Major combat operations continue and our response effort is ongoing. The identities of the fallen are being withheld until 24 hours after next of kin notification,” Central Command added.

This story has been updated.

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Satellite images provide view inside Iran at war

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Satellite images provide view inside Iran at war

Smoke rises over Konarak naval base in southern Iran on Sunday. The base was one of hundreds of targets of U.S. and Israeli forces throughout the country.

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Commercial satellite images are providing a unique look at the extent of damage being done to Iran’s military facilities across the country.

The U.S. and Israeli military campaign opened with a daytime attack that struck Iranian leadership in central Tehran. Smoke was still visible rising from Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s compound following the attack that killed the supreme leader.

An image by the company Airbus taken on Saturday shows the aftermath of an Israeli strike on Iran's Leadership House in central Tehran. Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was killed in the opening wave of attacks.

An image by the company Airbus taken on Saturday shows the aftermath of an Israeli strike on Iran’s Leadership House in central Tehran. Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was killed in the opening wave of attacks.

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Israel and the U.S. have gone on to strike targets across the country. Reports on social media indicate that there have been numerous military bases and compounds attacked all over Iran, and Iran has responded with attacks throughout the Middle East.

U.S. forces have also been striking at Iran’s navy. In a post on his social media platform, President Trump said that he had been briefed that U.S. forces had sunk nine Iranian naval vessels. U.S. Central Command did not immediately confirm that number but it did say it had struck an Iranian warship in port.

An image captured on February 28 shows a ship burning at Iran's naval base at Konarak.

An image captured on Saturday shows a ship burning at Iran’s naval base at Konarak.

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Numerous satellite images show burning vessels at Konarak naval base in southern Iran. Images also show damage to a nearby airbase where hardened hangers were struck by precision munitions.

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Hardened aircraft shelters at Konarak Airbase were struck with precision munitions.

Hardened aircraft shelters at Konarak airbase were struck with precision munitions.

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And there was extensive damage at a drone base in the same area. Iran has launched numerous drones and missiles toward Israel and U.S. military installations in Bahrain, Kuwait and Qatar. Many drones have been intercepted but videos on social media show that some have evaded air defenses and caused damage in nearby Gulf countries. In Dubai, debris from an Iranian drone damaged the iconic Burj Al Arab, according to a statement from Dubai’s government.

Buildings at an Iranian drone base at Konarak were destroyed in the strikes.

Buildings at an Iranian drone base at Konarak were destroyed in the strikes.

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Iran’s most powerful weapons are its long-range missiles. The Iranian Revolutionary Guards have hidden the missiles deep inside mountain tunnels. Images taken Sunday in the mountains of northern Iran indicate that some of those tunnels were hit in a wave of strikes.

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Following Khamenei’s death, Iran declared 40 days of mourning. Satellite images showed mourners gathering in Tehran’s Enghelab square on Sunday.

Iranian Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Esmail Baghaei told NPR on Sunday that Iran will continue to fight “foreign aggression, foreign domination.”

A White House official told NPR that Trump plans to talk to Iran’s interim leadership “eventually,” but that for now, U.S. operations continue in the region “unabated.”

A large crowd of mourners fill Enghelab Square in Tehran on Sunday, following the death of Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who was killed in an Israeli airstrike.

A large crowd of mourners fill Enghelab Square in Tehran on Sunday, following the death of Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who was killed in an Israeli airstrike.

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