Lifestyle
Yikes! You’re stuck in a situationship. When to stick around or get out
Meagan Culberson, 32, was on a third date with a guy she met on Hinge when she decided it was time to ask him a make-or-break question: What are you looking for?
They’d gone on fun dates and she was interested in getting to know him better, but only if they were on the same page. She wanted a long-term relationship.
When she broached the conversation with him, he told her that he wanted to “go with the flow” — in other words, he wasn’t dating with intention like she was.
Dating in Los Angeles can be messy. In “Date Cute” we’ll explore common dating problems and provide tips on how to date better.
“It was kind of like an epiphany,” says Culberson, the founder of Single Girls Club, a Los Angeles-based lifestyle brand that advocates for the empowerment of single women. Now knowing that they each had different goals, she was left with two options: 1) continue dating him and see where things went, or 2) end it before she got hurt.
In her 20s, Culberson had been through situationships — a term for a romantic or intimate connection that mirrors a relationship but lacks commitment — and they caused her a lot of confusion and pain. She had done a lot of self-reflection since then and knew she didn’t want to end up in another one, so she decided to cut things off with the guy.
“It was really hard,” she says, adding that she was starting to like him. “But if I had stepped back into those old patterns, all of that healing that I’d done would’ve just been a waste.”
Although situationships have probably been around since the beginning of time, these undefined entanglements — ones that fall in the murky, gray area between a defined relationship and casual dating — seem to have become more common with the rise of dating apps, hookup culture and the broadening of traditional relationship dynamics (i.e. non-monogamy, polyamory, etc.), relationships experts say.
“When [a situationship] becomes toxic and it’s hurting your mental and possibly physical health, then you have to figure out a way to get out of that situation.”
— Denise Brady, a marriage and family therapist
A recent YouGov survey, which polled more than 1,000 U.S. adults, found that 39% of people had been in a situationship before, and of people between the ages of 18 to 34, that number increases to 50%.
In a 2022 report, Tinder declared “situationships” a top trend and reported a 49% increase in members adding the phrase to their bios with young singles saying they “prefer situationships as a way to develop a relationship with less pressure.” Also, after 34% of Hinge users reported falling into a situationship in 2022, the app added a feature called “Dating Intentions” so daters could indicate upfront what they were looking for (i.e. life partner, short-term relationship, figuring out my relationship goals, etc.). Tinder and Bumble offer a similar feature.
So why does it seem like more people are getting into situationships? One answer is exhaustion, says Denise Brady, a marriage and family therapist based in Long Beach. “[Some people] just feel like ‘Man, I’ve been through this so many times, I really don’t want to put myself out there, so at least I have my sexual needs met, maybe not my emotional needs, but this situationship is working for me,’” she says.
Though these unclear connections tend to get a bad reputation, relationship experts say they aren’t inherently good or bad. For some people, a situationship can provide exactly what they need at a certain time in their life, and can be mutually fulfilling as long as both parties are on the same page and one person isn’t abandoning their true wants.
“But when it becomes toxic and it’s hurting your mental and possibly physical health, then you have to figure out a way to get out of that situation,” says Brady.
Given that situationships often mirror full-fledged relationships, it can be difficult to break free from them. If you’ve found yourself in one and you want to end it, here’s what relationship experts say you should do.
Be honest with yourself
Whether you were initially OK with not having a title or you’ve been secretly holding out hope that the other person would eventually want a relationship, experts say it’s completely normal — and OK — to change your mind about what you want.
“You’ve got to know how you feel,” says Patrick Yao, a marriage and family therapy trainee at Pelican Cove. “Let’s make sure first and foremost that you’re taking care of yourself, so you can make a comfortable, healthy decision.”
Yao recommends reflecting on these questions:
- How do you feel when you’re with the person? (I.e. Do you feel safe? Distant? Supported? Respected? A lack of engagement?)
- What are you like when you’re not with the person?
- Do you share the same relationship goals? Are you looking for something more?
Speak up
Once you’ve gotten clear about your dating goals, Sara Stanizai, a marriage and family therapist based in Long Beach, suggests having a conversation with the person you’ve been seeing to get clarity on what they want — and then you can decide if that works for you. However, she warns that “you should be prepared to lose the relationship as you know it.”
Start the conversation by explaining what you desire (e.g., a committed relationship), but don’t blame the person or give any ultimatums, Stanizai says.
“That way, not only are you respecting the other person and only speaking for yourself, but it is also harder to dispute or argue your points,” she says. For example, if you tell someone that you aren’t getting what you need out of the situationship, it’s tough to have a rebuttal.
But it’s also fine if you don’t want to have a formal chat about it, Brady says. “Sometimes those conversations make it harder” to walk away.
In that case, she recommends cutting things off with the person and going no contact, or slowly decreasing your communication with them over time. (Pro tip: It’s also helpful to have an accountability friend whom you can text when you feel an urge to reach out to the person you’ve been dating, she says.)
Take time to heal
Though situationships lack titles, it doesn’t mean they hurt any less when they come to an end. In fact, some people argue that these entanglements are just as — and sometimes more — painful than an official relationship.
“You don’t have clarity within situationships to start that [healing] process, so that’s why some people feel like they’re stuck in limbo,” Yao says. “It gets into this prolonged emotional distress.”
Therefore, it’s crucial to give yourself the same amount of time, space and grace to heal from a situationship as you would an official relationship. (Reminder: Friends and family, if you know someone going through this, please don’t belittle their feelings just because they didn’t have a title.)
Be kind to yourself, says Culberson, and remember that “you are worthy of what you desire.”
P.S. If you need some extra encouragement or commiseration, check out the situationship-inspired playlist that our readers helped us curate:
Lifestyle
Mundane, magic, maybe both — a new book explores ‘The Writer’s Room’
There’s a three-story house in Baltimore that looks a bit imposing. You walk up the stone steps before even getting up to the porch, and then you enter the door and you’re greeted with a glass case of literary awards. It’s The Clifton House, formerly home of Lucille Clifton.
The National Book Award-winning poet lived there with her husband, Fred, starting in 1967 until the bank foreclosed on the house in 1980. Clifton’s daughter, Sidney Clifton, has since revived the house and turned it into a cultural hub, hosting artists, readings, workshops and more. But even during a February visit, in the mid-afternoon with no organized events on, the house feels full.
The corner of Lucille Clifton’s bedroom, where she would wake up and write in the mornings
Andrew Limbong/NPR
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Andrew Limbong/NPR
“There’s a presence here,” Clifton House Executive Director Joël Díaz told me. “There’s a presence here that sits at attention.”
Sometimes, rooms where famous writers worked can be places of ineffable magic. Other times, they can just be rooms.
Princeton University Press
Katie da Cunha Lewin is the author of the new book, The Writer’s Room: The Hidden Worlds That Shape the Books We Love, which explores the appeal of these rooms. Lewin is a big Virginia Woolf fan, and the very first place Lewin visited working on the book was Monk’s House — Woolf’s summer home in Sussex, England. On the way there, there were dreams of seeing Woolf’s desk, of retracing Woolf’s steps and imagining what her creative process would feel like. It turned out to be a bit of a disappointment for Lewin — everything interesting was behind glass, she said. Still, in the book Lewin writes about how she took a picture of the room and saved it on her phone, going back to check it and re-check it, “in the hope it would allow me some of its magic.”
Let’s be real, writing is a little boring. Unlike a band on fire in the recording studio, or a painter possessed in their studio, the visual image of a writer sitting at a desk click-clacking away at a keyboard or scribbling on a piece of paper isn’t particularly exciting. And yet, the myth of the writer’s room continues to enrapture us. You can head to Massachusetts to see where Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women. Or go down to Florida to visit the home of Zora Neale Hurston. Or book a stay at the Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald Museum in Alabama, where the famous couple lived for a time. But what, exactly, is the draw?

Lewin said in an interview that whenever she was at a book event or an author reading, an audience question about the writer’s writing space came up. And yes, some of this is basic fan-driven curiosity. But also “it started to occur to me that it was a central mystery about writing, as if writing is a magic thing that just happens rather than actually labor,” she said.
In a lot of ways, the book is a debunking of the myths we’re presented about writers in their rooms. She writes about the types of writers who couldn’t lock themselves in an office for hours on end, and instead had to find moments in-between to work on their art. She covers the writers who make a big show of their rooms, as a way to seem more writerly. She writes about writers who have had their homes and rooms preserved, versus the ones whose rooms have been lost to time and new real estate developments. The central argument of the book is that there is no magic formula to writing — that there is no daily to-do list to follow, no just-right office chair to buy in order to become a writer. You just have to write.
Lifestyle
Bruce Johnston Retiring From The Beach Boys After 61 Years
Bruce Johnston
I’m Riding My Last Wave With The Beach Boys
Published
Bruce Johnston is riding off into the California sunset … at least for now.
The Beach Boys legend announced Wednesday he’s stepping away from touring after six decades with the iconic band. The 83-year-old revealed in a statement to Rolling Stone he’s hanging up his touring hat to focus on what he calls part three of his long music career.
“It’s time for Part Three of my lengthy musical career!” Johnston said. “I can write songs forever, and wait until you hear what’s coming!!! As my major talent beyond singing is songwriting, now is the time to get serious again.”
Johnston famously stepped in for co-founder Brian Wilson in 1965 for live performances, becoming a staple of the Beach Boys’ touring lineup ever since. Now, he says he’s shifting gears toward songwriting and even some speaking engagements … with occasional touring member John Stamos helping him craft what he’ll talk about onstage.
“I might even sing ‘Disney Girls’ & ‘I Write The Songs!!’” he teased.
But don’t call it a full-on farewell tour just yet. Johnston made it clear he’s not shutting the door completely, saying he’s excited to reunite with the band for special occasions, including their upcoming July 2-4 shows at the Hollywood Bowl as part of the Beach Boys’ 2026 tour. The run celebrates both the 60th anniversary of “Pet Sounds” and America’s 250th birthday.
“This isn’t goodbye, it’s see you soon,” he wrote. “I am forever grateful to be a part of the Beach Boys musical legacy.”
Lifestyle
On the brink of death, a woman is saved by a stranger and his family
In 1982, Jean Muenchrath was injured in a mountaineering accident and on the brink of death when a stranger and his family went out of their way to save her life.
Jean Muenchrath
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Jean Muenchrath
In early May 1982, Jean Muenchrath and her boyfriend set out on a mountaineering trip in the Sierra Nevada, a mountain range in California. They had done many backcountry trips in the area before, so the terrain was somewhat familiar to both of them. But after they reached one of the summits, a violent storm swept in. It began to snow heavily, and soon the pair was engulfed in a blizzard, with thunder and lightning reverberating around them.
“Getting struck and killed by lightning was a real possibility since we were the highest thing around for miles and lightning was striking all around us,” Muenchrath said.
To reach safer ground, they decided to abandon their plan of taking a trail back. Instead, using their ice axes, they climbed down the face of the mountain through steep and icy snow chutes.
They were both skilled at this type of descent, but at one particularly difficult part of the route, Muenchrath slipped and tumbled over 100 feet down the rocky mountain face. She barely survived the fall and suffered life-threatening injuries.

This was before cellular or satellite phones, so calling for help wasn’t an option. The couple was forced to hike through deep snow back to the trailhead. Once they arrived, Muenchrath collapsed in the parking lot. It had been five days since she’d fallen.
”My clothes were bloody. I had multiple fractures in my spine and pelvis, a head injury and gangrene from a deep wound,” Muenchrath said.
Not long after they reached the trailhead parking lot, a car pulled in. A man was driving, with his wife in the passenger seat and their baby in the back. As soon as the man saw Muenchrath’s condition, he ran over to help.
”He gently stroked my head, and he held my face [and] reassured me by saying something like, ‘You’re going to be OK now. I’ll be right back to get you,’” Muenchrath remembered.
For the first time in days, her panic began to lift.
“My unsung hero gave me hope that I’d reach a hospital and I’d survive. He took away my fears.”
Within a few minutes, the man had unpacked his car. His wife agreed to stay back in the parking lot with their baby in order to make room for Muenchrath, her boyfriend and their backpacks.
The man drove them to a nearby town so that the couple could get medical treatment.
“I remember looking into the eyes of my unsung hero as he carried me into the emergency room in Lone Pine, California. I was so weak, I couldn’t find the words to express the gratitude I felt in my heart.”

The gratitude she felt that day only grew. Now, nearly 45 years later, she still thinks about the man and his family.
”He gave me the gift of allowing me to live my life and my dreams,” Muenchrath said.
At some point along the way, the man gave Muenchrath his contact information. But in the chaos of the day, she lost it and has never been able to find him.
”If I knew where my unsung hero was today, I would fly across the country to meet him again. I’d hug him, buy him a meal and tell him how much he continues to mean to me by saving my life. Wherever you are, I say thank you from the depths of my being.”
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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