Lifestyle

My Dad’s Death Taught Me How to Pray

Published

1 month ago

May 11, 2025

As part of “Believing,” The New York Times asked several writers to explore a significant moment in their religious or spiritual lives.

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I was many weeks into reciting kaddish, the traditional Jewish prayer of mourning, for my father when I realized I did not know how to pray.

Oh, I knew the words and the melodies for the daily services I was attending — my father made sure of that, bringing me and my sisters to synagogue every Shabbat of our childhoods. I even knew what they meant, thanks to seven years at a Hebrew-speaking summer camp and four serving as Jerusalem bureau chief of The New York Times. I knew the choreography: when to sit, stand, bow, touch my fingers to my forehead or open my palms skyward.

I knew it all well enough to occasionally take my rightful place, as a mourner, leading the little group at my local Conservative synagogue some Sunday mornings.

What I was clueless about was God. How to talk to God, how to think about God, whether I believed in God, what he — my father — had believed. I knew what the words of the ancient texts meant in English, but not what they meant to me.

I decided maybe a year before Dad died that when the time came, I would take on the obligation of saying the Mourner’s Kaddish daily for 11 months, as outlined in Jewish law.

I had always found Jewish mourning rituals to be the most powerful part of our tradition. The communal aspect spoke to me: Kaddish is one of the prayers that require a quorum of 10 Jews, known as a minyan, and I appreciated both that I had to show up in public to fulfill this commandment and that strangers had to show up to make it possible. The daily commitment was daunting, but also appealing; a challenge, an opportunity, a statement to myself, to everyone around me and to my dead father that he and our tradition mattered to me.

Kaddish was also something I associated with Dad, whose booming voice whenever he was reciting the prayer on the anniversary of a loved one’s death still echoed in my head.

In the days following his death at 82, some of the loveliest memories people shared with us revolved around this ritual. How Dad made sure that prayer leaders did not go too fast for newbies or drown out women. Or how Dad had reconciled with his own father after decades of distance so he could say kaddish for him with less baggage.

I was excited, as a feminist and mostly Reform Jew, to take on an obligation that historically was the province of Orthodox men. The pandemic had made kaddish much more accessible and diverse: There was a Zoom minyan somewhere to dial into most hours of the day, some rooted in the traditional morning service, others involving meditation, study or song.

Everything made sense except the prayer part.

Kaddish may be the most famous Jewish prayer, infused into the broader culture — Sylvester Stallone recited it in “Rocky III,” and one of Allen Ginsberg’s most famous poems shares its title. It dates back to the first century B.C., and its Aramaic text does not mention death. Rather, it is a paean to God’s strength and sovereignty.

May your great name be blessed for ever and ever, is the central line. Blessed are you, whose glory transcends all praises, songs and blessings voiced in the world.

Scholars interpret this prayer being used for mourning as a declaration of acceptance that death is part of God’s plan. That works if you believe there is such a plan; if you believe in God; if you know what you believe.

Most mourners say kaddish in the same place most days, but my Reform synagogue only has services on Shabbat, so I stitched together a mosaic of minyans. (I’d decided to say kaddish once daily, not the traditional three times, usually at a morning service.)

On Sundays, I went to the Conservative shul in my town, and on Fridays, the Reconstructionist one. The other days, I’d video call into congregations across the United States, sometimes joining the ones where my sisters were saying kaddish, in Washington and Chicago. I said kaddish at a joint Passover-Ramadan breakfast, aboard New Jersey Transit commuter trains and outside a refugee center in Tbilisi, Georgia. I was good at focusing on Dad during the kaddish itself. But during the rest of the half-hour service — listening to the other prayers, reading memorial messages posted in the virtual chat on the side of the screen — my mind often wandered. Sometimes I checked Slack or email. I worried that I really wasn’t doing it right.

Back in religious school, I’d learned the mystical concept of keva and kavanah, Hebrew words that translate to “routine” and “intention.” The idea is that if you chant the same words every day, eventually, moments of connection will come. Kavanah is also translated as “sincere feeling” or “direction of the heart.”

I remembered asking, as a kid, how we would know when we got to kavanah. I don’t remember getting a good answer. Decades later, I was stuck in rote recitation — keva, keva, keva.

Until, as part of a Jewish study retreat in Maryland, I went on a walk in the woods with Rabbi Brent Chaim Spodek.

He called it a “soul stroll,” which sounded pretty hokey, but also as if it had a decent chance for kavanah. He led a little group on a light hike around a pond, stopping at beautiful spots to offer a few thoughts about the meaning of our familiar prayer book.

When we got to the central prayer, 19 blessings known as the Amidah, Rabbi Spodek summed it up as “Wow! Please? Thank you.” And that’s where it happened. I learned how to pray on my own terms.

“Wow” — shevach in Hebrew, or praiseworthiness — is about God’s awesomeness. Rabbi Spodek said he spends a minute or two pondering the miracle that is creation. That there is a (narrowing) climate in which humans can thrive. Plants and animals to nourish us.

“Please” — bakashot, or requests — is where we ask for things. Let my husband’s surgery succeed. Help my kid find his footing. Make me listen more. Big things, hard things, things we really need.

“Thank you” — hoda’ot — is like a gratitude journal. A yummy breakfast. A talk with an old friend. A walk in the woods.

It was hokey. But it worked. For the rest of my 11 months, whenever my mind wandered, I’d close my prayer book and close my eyes and try a little wow-please-thank you.

It did not instantly transform me into a believer. I still struggle, especially on the “wow” part, sometimes finding myself wow-ing God for making humans who figured out some technological, athletic or artistic miracle.

There are always plenty of pleases. And thanks, especially, for the nine other Jews who showed up so I could say kaddish for Dad, whatever he believed.

Jodi Rudoren is head of newsletters at The New York Times, where she previously spent 21 years as a reporter and editor. From September 2019 to April 2025, she was editor in chief of the Forward, the leading Jewish news organization in the United States.

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Lifestyle

Immerse yourself in the music of Rome with this World Cafe mixtape

Published

5 hours ago

June 21, 2025

Press Room

Immerse yourself in the music of Rome with this World Cafe mixtape

From its underground psychedelic scene to iconic cinematic composers, Rome is a city rich in musical history. For our latest Sense of Place series, the World Cafe team traveled to Italy’s capital city to capture a sliver of Rome’s musical wonders.

From June 20 to July 2, we’ll be sharing dispatches from our Sense of Place: Rome series. We’ll visit the studio where Ennio Morricone recorded cinematic masterpieces for films like The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. We’ll also take you inside a record label dedicated to preserving lost B-movie soundtracks.

The series will highlight contemporary musicians shaping the sounds of Rome and Italy today, like Laila al Habash. The Rome-born, Milan-based artist shares with us how her Palestinian roots inspire her music.

To kick things off, we’ve put together a mixtape with some of the music that’ll be featured throughout our latest Sense of Place series, plus some extra Italian classics to set the mood.

On top of interviews and stories, we also have a slate of performances, recorded live in Italy. Check out the full schedule of episodes below:

June 20 – Four Flies Records

A Rome-based label with a unique mission: recovering and reissuing Italian B-movie soundtracks from the 1960s-’80s. Founder Pier De Sanctis shares the stories behind these cinematic gems.

June 23 – Weird Bloom

The sound of ’70s psychedelic glam rock lives on in Rome. Frontman Luca Di Cataldo talks about his work with producer Don Bolles and cultivating a local music scene through his indie label and studio, Pom Pom.

June 24 – Laila al Habash

The Rome-born, Milan-based artist shares why she writes in Italian, how her Palestinian roots inspire her music, and performs songs from her latest EP and upcoming album, Tempo.

June 25 – Ludovico Einaudi

One of the most-streamed classical composers in the world, Einaudi reflects on memory, family and his latest album, The Summer Portraits, plus the story behind his Arctic piano performance.

June 26 – Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi on Rome

This encore episode revisits the duo’s cinematic 2011 album, Rome, recorded at the legendary Forum Studios with a nod to Spaghetti Western soundtracks and Morricone’s legacy.

June 27 – Forum Studios

Go inside the famed Roman studio founded by Morricone and other composers in 1969. Instruments from classic soundtracks still echo through this space, and its story lives on through the studio’s current director.

June 30 – Black Snake Moan

A one-man psychedelic blues band channeling the spirit of the American Southwest while drawing from his own roots in the Italian countryside. Plus, Black Snake Moan performs a live set recorded at Studio 33 in Rome.

July 1 – Six Bars Jail

This volunteer-run folk club outside Florence has hosted finger-style guitarists from around the world since 2006. Hear how the tradition continues in an intimate and unexpected setting.

July 2 – Ariete

A rising Italian pop star with a soulful, introspective style, Ariete talks about coming of age in music, earning her family’s support, and what really launched her career, plus she performs a stripped-down session at Studio 33.

Lifestyle

We spent 8 hours at Ebony Beach Club’s ‘Juneteenth on the Pier’

Published

6 hours ago

June 20, 2025

Press Room

We spent 8 hours at Ebony Beach Club’s ‘Juneteenth on the Pier’

This year is the Ebony Beach Club’s fourth annual Juneteenth celebration. The club’s founder, Brick, is pictured holding the club’s flag above his head.

(Cerys Davies / Los Angeles Times)

The Ebony Beach Club‘s priority is to create a space for Black beachside communities in Los Angeles. So, every year on Juneteenth, they transform a local beach into a full-blown festival, consisting of nonstop DJs, a vivacious dance floor and neighborly vendors. This year, the beach club partnered with Black Lives Matter and took over the Santa Monica Pier. Here’s everything that went down.

12:39 p.m. I arrive early. Ebony Beach Club founder, Brick, runs from vendor to vendor, ensuring everyone is ready for the day ahead. He boasts that there’s “not a cloud in sight” — and that everything is aligning for today’s “historic moment.”

Image June 2025 Ebony Beach Club Juneteenth. Cerys Davies / Los Angeles Times

1:58 p.m. I never thought I would be able to say I’ve found a sense of inner peace in the middle of the Santa Monica Pier. The typically chaotic environment is transformed by rhythmic breathing exercises and sound bath frequencies. For a moment, it does feel like I am cooking under the hot summer sun, but still, I couldn’t be more at ease.

Early attendants, including myself, laid out on yoga mats, absorbed spiritual frequencies and set our intentions for the day.

3:09 p.m. So far, the music selection transcends generations. Anything from Aaliyah to YG and Frankie Beverly fills the beachy air. But after hearing more than one early 2000s Ne-Yo classic, I can’t help but wonder what he’s up to. Why the lack of 2025 Ne-Yo bangers?

3:40 p.m. The crowd is slowly growing. Most partygoers sport a mix of brightly colored swimwear with denim shorts or matching mini skirts. Others wear graphic tees that commemorate the holiday and show L.A. pride. The most standout looks so far have included bejeweled thongs, color-coordinated snapbacks and sneakers and pleated, baggy jorts.

Image June 2025 Ebony Beach Club Juneteenth.

Amid the crowd, Maya Hatcher, founder of Black Market Flea, posed for a quick portrait.

3:58 p.m. In the flash of a moment, a familiar face glides through the crowded pier. Her grill catches the light and a pair of Labubus hangs from a designer bag. It’s none other than R&B royalty Kehlani. A growing swarm of fans start to catch on. I get my chance to say something as she passes. I compliment her latest single and let her continue on her mission to the bar. Cool, casual and of course, no mention of the fact that I was listening to the Kehlani Spotify radio on the whole drive over.

4:45 p.m. Brick halts the music and offers a quick history lesson from the DJ decks. He speaks of the first Ebony Beach Club, started by a man named Silas White in 1957. That year, 2,000 Black people, including Brick’s own grandfather, signed up to be members. But the City of Santa Monica had barred it from ever opening.

Today’s Ebony Beach Club celebration roughly creates space for around 2,000 people to be at the exact same beach and enjoy the party.

“This is the most Black people the Santa Monica pier has seen in a while,” said Brick, who was met with an echoing applause. “Today, we are Black people who are occupying this space for the first time in a long time.”

As the sun started to hang lower in the sky, the dance floor got more lively by the minute.

5:30 p.m. The emcee says, “If you’re outside the barricade, I’m sorry. If you couldn’t get a ticket, I’m sorry.” He addresses the consistent crowd of onlookers who have lingered by the barricades. Some appear to be tourists, but most spectators seem like they were too late to grab a ticket. Nonetheless, they are able to indulge in the sights and sounds, even if it’s for only a few minutes.

6:17 p.m. What’s an L.A. party without Los Tucanes de Tijuana’s “La Chona?” The norteño anthem gets mixed into T.I. ‘s “What You Know.” Unexpected, but somehow serendipitous.

People climbed the the truck and are pictured singing atop the vehicle.

7:25 p.m. I’m starting to seriously question the weight limit on the truck. Though its height is that of a monster truck, it has the feel of a clown car. The truck bed, filled with DJ equipment, is overflowing with people singing along and jumping to the beat. People are perched atop the car, as well as those hanging off its side, in an impressive, partially aerial twerk. I can’t even imagine the kind of core strength that it takes.

7:51 p.m. As the party wraps up, Sexyy Red’s distinctive vocals overtake the crowd. It feels like one final hurrah. If there’s been one consistent feeling that’s marked the entire party, it’s been an infectious sense of joy.

8:05 p.m. On the way back to the car, people yell “Happy Juneteenth” out their car windows. My feet are a bit achy and the tops of my shoulders a little sore to the touch, but spirits are still high. Now for the biggest test of patience — braving the traffic of leaving a Santa Monica parking structure.

Lifestyle

Ancient Roman masterpieces emerge from a London demolition pit

Published

22 hours ago

June 20, 2025

Press Room

Ancient Roman masterpieces emerge from a London demolition pit

Museum of London Archaeology specialist Han Li lays out plaster fragments found in London from a Roman building that was demolished some time before A.D. 200.

©MOLA/Museum of London Archaeology

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©MOLA/Museum of London Archaeology

LONDON — A remarkable archaeological endeavor in the heart of the British capital has brought to light one of the most extensive collections of painted Roman wall plaster ever unearthed in the city.

Thousands of vibrant fragments, which once adorned a high-status Roman building, offer an unprecedented glimpse into the artistic sophistication and daily life of ancient Londinium, and their rearrangement is showcasing artworks that have remained hidden for over 1,800 years.

The discovery, made at “The Liberty” development site in the city’s Southwark neighborhood, builds upon previous significant finds in the area, including intricate mosaics and a rare Roman mausoleum.

An archaeologist is seen on a screenshot from a video of an excavation in the basement of that building on Gracechurch Street.

The sheer volume of the plaster fragments, however, was not immediately apparent to archaeologists.

The material was found discarded in a sizable pit, shattered as a consequence of Roman-era demolition activities that occurred before A.D. 200.

The painstaking process of reassembling these fragments has been a monumental undertaking, experts say, akin to solving an immense historical puzzle.

Leading this intricate reconstruction effort was the Museum of London Archaeology (MOLA) where Han Li, the senior building material specialist, spent three months meticulously laying out and piecing together the fragments.

Hello From Londinium: Oldest Handwritten Documents In British History Discovered

The result is a stunning restoration that allows these ancient frescoes to be viewed in their original splendor for the first time in nearly two millennia.

“This has been a ‘once in a lifetime’ moment, so I felt a mix of excitement and nervousness when I started to lay the plaster out,” Li said in a MOLA press release.

Sections of floral decoration are seen on the Liberty wall plaster. The recovered artworks depict bright yellow panel designs interspersed with black sections, exquisitely decorated with motifs of birds, fruit, flowers and lyres.

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“Many of the fragments were very delicate and pieces from different walls had been jumbled together when the building was demolished,” well before the Romans had abandoned Britain as their empire began to recede, he said. “The result was seeing wall paintings that even individuals of the late Roman period in London would not have seen.”

The recovered artworks depict bright yellow panel designs interspersed with black sections, exquisitely decorated with motifs of birds, fruit, flowers and lyres.

Amateur archaeologists uncover a mysterious ancient Roman artifact in England

Such panel designs were a common feature in Roman wall decoration, according to MOLA, but the prevalence of yellow panels was unusual. Similar designs have been identified at only a handful of sites across Britain, including the opulent Fishbourne Roman Palace, about 60 miles to the southwest of this site.

Beyond their aesthetic appeal, the fragments offer unique insights into Roman artistry and literacy. Among the more than 120 boxes of painted plaster, archaeologists uncovered what appears to be the first known example of a painter’s signature in Roman Britain.

Framed by a tabula ansata — a decorative tablet that’s typically used to sign artworks — an inscription includes the Latin word ‘FECIT,’ meaning “has made [this].”

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Framed by a tabula ansata — a decorative tablet that’s typically used to sign artworks — the inscription includes the Latin word ‘FECIT,’ meaning “has made [this].” But the section bearing the artist’s name is missing, leaving their identity a mystery.

Further intriguing details include ancient graffiti left by the building’s occupants or visitors. One fragment features a nearly complete ancient Greek alphabet, the only known instance of such an inscription from Roman Britain.

The precise scoring of the letters suggests a skilled hand, indicating it was not merely writing practice but possibly served a practical purpose, such as a checklist or reference. Another piece reveals the face of a weeping woman, depicted with a hairstyle characteristic of the Flavian period, which dated from A.D. 69-96.

Hundreds Of Roman Gold Coins Found In Theater Basement

The artistic influences evident in these frescoes extend beyond Britain, drawing inspiration from wall decorations found in other parts of the Roman Empire, such as Xanten and Cologne in Germany, and Lyon in France. Some fragments even mimic high-status wall tiles, such as red Egyptian porphyry and African giallo antico marble, styles also seen in Londinium north of the River Thames, the southern English town of Colchester, and Pompeii in Italy.

London was originally founded as a city — Londinium — soon after the Roman invasion in A.D. 43, and has consistently yielded significant archaeological treasures. In recent years, numerous excavations have unearthed remnants of Roman roads, buildings and artifacts, continuously reshaping historians’ understanding of this ancient metropolis.

The sheer scale and detail of the Southwark plaster collection provide an unparalleled opportunity, according to MOLA, to study Roman domestic art and the lives of its inhabitants.

The River Thames, A Not-So-Secret Treasure Trove

Research into each plaster piece is ongoing, with Han Li and his MOLA colleagues continuing to analyze the work of these ancient painters. Their efforts will involve comparing the Liberty wall paintings with other examples from Britain and the broader Roman world.

The findings will be published, and the fragments archived for future academic study, with plans for eventual public display, allowing contemporary audiences to witness these extraordinary artistic legacies from a bygone era.