Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I hated Feb. 14 — until I received a valentine from my dead husband
Valentine’s Day. Ugh. Not a very good day for a widow. All over the place you flip, you’re reminded that you’re now not somebody’s valentine. And you’ll’t escape from it. There are the oldsters hawking bouquets by the facet of the highway, the sappy tunes on the radio. Then there are all of the locations you used to go together with your companion, reminding you that you’re now alone.
Valentine’s Day is a day I hold reminding myself I ought to simply spend some place else. Like one other planet.
My late husband, Michael, was great about Valentine’s Day — by no means excessive; he simply all the time did one thing particular. And totally different.
One yr, I used to be working at a TV manufacturing job in a dingy workplace situated over a tattoo parlor in Silver Lake: Michael confirmed up with a single-stem pink dinnerplate dahlia in a small silver vase. Because the identify suggests, it was huge and exquisite — a single flower, 10 inches throughout. Everybody within the workplace smiled. One other yr it was pink tulips. Some years we simply stayed residence and cooked one thing particular. Or we took our two children out for ice cream. Through the years, I purchased him books — or goofy socks.
The reward itself didn’t matter. It was what the reward symbolized. There was nice consolation in all the time having a valentine — somebody you’ll select as your valentine yr after yr. Michael was good-looking and charming and extremely sort. We had been collectively for 21 years, married for 18, when he dropped useless of a mind aneurysm in 2012.
Final February, I made a decision to regulate the Valentine’s Day narrative. I opted for some self-pampering and determined to money in a present certificates I needed to a spa in Okay-town. I had been saving it for an important day. I write and produce movies and TV, and work gig to gig. Meaning I’m all the time shaking the bushes for what’s subsequent and counting my pennies. I don’t typically purchase espresso out until I’m assembly somebody about potential work. Plus, there are these two children I discussed — my daughter was about to graduate faculty, and my son was headed for his freshman yr. So I didn’t schedule a scrub or a therapeutic massage on the spa. The reward certificates would get me within the door for a soak and a sauna, and that must do.
Simply as I used to be on the point of go away for a day of leisure, I obtained a name from a man I’d met on a relationship app. We’d gone out a couple of occasions, and I already knew he’d by no means be my future husband. He talked principally about himself. He was in his 50s however nonetheless dressed like a 25-year-old rocker dude. He claimed to have a doctorate diploma in physics, though I couldn’t discover something he’d ever printed. He additionally owned a tech firm. (As soon as, once I requested him why he didn’t embrace “Dr.” or “PhD” on his enterprise card or his firm web site, he mentioned it was as a result of it will make folks suppose he’d be too costly …)
We’d get collectively infrequently for sushi or a film however I’d go residence alone.
I advised him about my spa plans, and the way Valentine’s Day was typically arduous for me. He mentioned he wished to hitch. I considered it. OK. It will be good to have some firm. He arrived late and met me on the spa restaurant.
We shared some laughs, a straightforward dialog and a pleasant meal of bulgogi and a way-too-spicy-for-me fried squid. He’d ordered a number of objects — he even had a dessert despatched to the desk subsequent to us. He bragged that he’d simply signed a $64,000 contract that day. After our meal, I believed he would be part of me within the coed sauna, however he mentioned he wanted to go. That’s once I realized I’d been stiffed with the invoice. About $85. I’d by no means be going out with him once more.
Even the aaaaah of the spa was short-lived.
I returned residence that evening feeling offended and lonelier than ever.
I fell asleep fascinated with Michael. I by no means anticipated him to be such a tricky act to comply with. I simply all the time anticipated him to be there, with me.
And, in a means, maybe he has been. Many individuals who’ve misplaced a cherished one have tales about little moments the place it looks like they’ve acquired a nod, a message, an indication from the past.
Essentially the most beautiful instance of all occurred to me final summer time as I used to be making ready to fly again to L.A. after getting our son settled in for his first yr in school. As I stood within the airport, ready to board my flight, I reached for my marriage ceremony rings. I’d worn them on a series round my neck for the journey, and I whispered, “Babe, we did it. Two children off to school.”
And as I introduced the rings to my lips to kiss them, I used to be startled by a blaring airport announcement: “Paging Michael Newman, paging Michael Newman.”
Michael Newman. That was my late husband’s identify.
The morning after my spa debacle, I lay in mattress charting my day of strolling the canines, calling my children and different chores, once I noticed one thing throughout the bed room.
A few years earlier, Michael and I had taken some goofy footage collectively in a photograph sales space, the sort you see at an amusement park or on the Santa Monica Pier. The strip of photos had been a few of my favourite footage of us collectively, and taking a look at it all the time made me smile. However by some means, it had gone MIA. I had seemed all over the place for it. I feared it had unintentionally fallen into the trash or gotten swept up with a newspaper and tossed by some means.
I had cried. One other piece of us gone.
As I walked throughout the room that morning, there, resting atop a pair of my footwear, was the image strip. Seemingly fastidiously positioned.
However how? Not counting my two rescue canines, I stay alone.
Even from one other dimension, Michael was nonetheless being a very good valentine.
This yr? I’m trusting my intestine.
I’d moderately spend Valentine’s Day alone than with any questionable valentines.
Maybe I’ll even take a last-minute journey out of city.
I can all the time take the canines, and the images, with me.
The creator lives in South Pasadena and writes and produces for TV and movie. She is presently in growth on a historic fiction venture for TV. She is on Instagram @margo.newman.75
L.A. Affairs chronicles the seek for romantic love in all its wonderful expressions within the L.A. space, and we need to hear your true story. We pay $300 for a broadcast essay. E-mail LAAffairs@latimes.com. You’ll find submission pointers right here. You’ll find previous columns right here.
Lifestyle
The jury's in: You won't miss anything watching this movie from the couch
There’s been a bit of consternation flying around about the fact that the theatrical release of Juror #2, directed by Clint Eastwood, was very muted. (It’s now on Max.) It has struck some people, particularly some Eastwood fans, as unfair to give short shrift to the 94-year-old director’s latest work.
But this is a movie that is perfect to watch at home. It belongs at home.
(Some mild early-plot spoilers follow, but they are not important to your enjoyment of the movie.)
The film has a terrific premise: Justin (Nicholas Hoult) gets called for jury duty, which he’s not excited about, since his wife is extremely pregnant and he’d rather just get out of it. But he can’t, and he ends up serving on a case where a man (Gabriel Basso) is accused of beating his girlfriend to death and leaving her by the side of the road after they had a drunken fight at a bar. But Justin quickly realizes that he was at the bar that night, and while he didn’t drink, he was upset. When he left, he took his eyes off the road and hit a deer — or so he thought. Now he wonders: Might he actually have hit this woman himself? And what is he supposed to do now?
The maneuvering that has to happen to make this even mildly plausible is impressive in its precision: He is a recovering alcoholic who went to a bar but didn’t drink, but his sponsor (Kiefer Sutherland) assures him that nobody will believe he was sober and he will rot in jail if he tells the truth. There are both a giant deer-crossing sign and a bridge at the exact point where the incident happened, so that when, in flashbacks, Justin gets out of the car to find out what he hit, he sees the sign, but might just miss the woman’s body, because it may have flown over the side of the bridge.
The legal plot, too, has so many holes in it that it’s more holes than plot itself. As the prosecutor (Toni Collette) prepares to bring the case, nobody thinks that maybe this woman found by the side of the road who left a bar in the dark in the rain was hit by a car, rather than beaten to death with a weapon — of which there’s no sign? (The case against the defendant, her boyfriend, amounts to “we don’t know what happened to her, so she was probably, what? Beaten to death? And it was probably you, since we don’t know anybody else who would have done it.”) Justin’s sponsor (who’s a lawyer!) doesn’t point out that it’s still entirely possible he did hit a deer, given that sign, and that proving otherwise would be a very tall order, especially after they put somebody else on trial?
Suffice it to say that this is a classic hum-through plot, meaning you have to hum loudly to yourself at the silly parts so that you don’t notice how silly they are. But that’s OK! That’s true of many perfectly serviceable courtroom dramas, which is what this is. I miss serviceable courtroom dramas. There should be more of them. And I’ve got nothing against this one, particularly. Clint Eastwood is an experienced and knowledgeable director; you’re not going to suddenly get a bad product. It’s fine!
But the serviceable courtroom drama is a genre that’s well-suited to being watched at home. They could have made this a mid-level Max streaming series, to be honest, dragging it out to six episodes or so, and that would have been fine, too. (Might have given J.K. Simmons, who has a strangely abbreviated role as a fellow juror, more to do.)
It would certainly be nice to see a healthier theater environment, where courtroom dramas could become hits like they could in the olden days (A Few Good Men was the tenth highest-grossing movie of 1993!) The same could be said of sports movies, romantic comedies, adult dramas – I mean, the rest of the domestic top ten of 1993 includes Jurassic Park, The Fugitive, The Firm, Sleepless in Seattle, Mrs. Doubtfire, Indecent Proposal, In the Line of Fire, Aladdin and Cliffhanger. This year’s domestic top 10 (thus far) is nine sequels and Wicked. That’s a bummer.
But that’s happening across the board. Clint Eastwood was not singled out for disrespect; the couch is just where people see regular movies now. And if viewing is going to shift toward home, this film, which is thoroughly and entirely OK, belongs there as much as any.
This piece also appeared in NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour newsletter. Sign up for the newsletter so you don’t miss the next one, plus get weekly recommendations about what’s making us happy.
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Lifestyle
No turf wars, no sexism: Meet the queer Gen Z women giving billiards a rebrand in L.A.
In the summer of 2023, Alix Max, new to town with a cigarette in their mouth, was shooting pool on the patio of 4100 Bar in Silver Lake. They were pretty good, too — good enough to catch the eye of two regulars, Andrea Lorell and Julianne Fox, who recruited them to join their practice group. Their proposal was simple: “We have this group chat, and we play together and get better. The goal is to beat men at pool.”
It’s a plotline that could be lifted from the classic billiards film “The Hustler”: an up-and-coming pool prodigy, James Dean-cool, comes to town and gets seduced by the green-felted world of dive bar pool — an aspiring pool shark meet-cute over an ashtray. A cherished motto Max introduced to the group: “Pool is blue-collar golf.”
The pool-playing group, which started as a group chat titled “Women in STEM,” was composed of pool amateurs, usually young women Julianne “drunkenly met” at 4100 Bar who had a burgeoning interest in pool. Soon, the group chat mutated into a tournament series and community titled “Please Be Nice.” If billiards has the reputation of being a pastime for gamblers, hustlers and hanger-oners, the female-centric biweekly pool tournament at 4100 Bar offers a friendly, supportive alternative. “I don’t know if the goal necessarily was to build community, but it was a natural byproduct,” says Fox. The tournament is both a party and competition where women practice pool, trade tips and compete in an encouraging environment. It was created as an antidote to the prickly, male-dominated world of dive bar pool — all the exhilaration without the bickering turf wars with bar regulars.
The founders, Lorell and Fox, began shooting pool at 4100 Bar in April 2023 and were bonded by their mutual hunger for the game. Growing up as an only child, Lorell spent hours playing on her aunt’s pool table. As an adult, she traveled across the country for work, always seeking out pool halls to “find a good hang.” She’s since joined a league and even played in a tournament in Las Vegas, where her team won the Sportsmanship Award. The team that knocked her out was disqualified in the next round. On the patio, she details the melodrama so amusingly that her love for the game is infectious — almost romantic.
Until recently, Lorell lived in a cluttered studio apartment with a pool table beside her bed. She jokes being a pool shark is her dream job. “I give myself a little pep talk before important matches: ‘You’re the greatest pool player in the world,’” she says, laughing with a cigarette in hand. For her, the intention of “Please Be Nice” is to make pool accessible to young women: “It’s a community cheering for each other and seeing each other get good. It expedites people’s learning.”
Julianne Fox, a co-founder, says the tournament also operates as a workshop: “If you’ve never shot a pool ball before, come through. We’ll metaphorically or literally hold your hand.” It’s not about showing up the boys, even if that still happens. “I think it’s even more fun to learn the game to play with your girls,” says Fox. “I want to win, but I also want my opponent to have fun,” she adds, emphasizing the competition’s good-natured energy.
Pool tables in Los Angeles can be hostile places. “I’ll walk into a random bar in Koreatown, and there’s a pool table, and a bunch of older men are playing. You walk in, and they assume you’ll be bad at it,” says Max.
Adds Lorell, “They’re either giving you tips or checking you out, so it’s uncomfortable.”
Molly Sievert, another “Please Be Nice” player, has also experienced sexism while playing pool. She explains that people assume her interest in pool stems from wanting to impress a father or boyfriend. She began shooting pool at 21 in bars across cities and is still baffled by men’s casual condescension toward female pool players. ”Men have never complimented me on my defensive shots because they think it’s an accident,” she says. When they inevitably lose to Sievert, they toss it up to a bad beat rather than their opponent’s skillset. She won her first tournament at “Please Be Nice” and has been a frequent competitor ever since. She’s a proud critic of 4100 Bar regulars — she says people keep walking into her cue stick, throwing off her shots, and not apologizing. “I always have that little part of me that is like, would you do that to a man?”
Sievert explains a personal theory that women take naturally to pool. Above all, it’s a game of brokering one’s circumstances, calling one’s shot, and making one’s own luck. It’s the type of hazards and presentiment that feel inherent to womanhood. Bravado, Molly argues, doesn’t serve the game. “Men will say, ‘I can make shots. I’m a shot maker.’ Many women are like, ‘I like the side pockets and weird angles. I don’t like the long table shots. I don’t like hitting it real. I like to think about the interaction of all the balls.”
April Clark, a comedian and pool player, chalks up antagonism at pool tables in L.A. to a scarcity issue. “When I first got sucked into playing pool, I was living in New York City; there were so many bars with pool tables.” For Clark, the game’s appeal is the spontaneous encounters with strangers that pool invites. The fewer the tables, the worse the ecosystem, the worse the vibe, Clark argues.
It is often remarked that pool halls look like morgues; the dimly lit blue-felted table inside 4100 Bar is no exception. The competitors are in a trancelike state, building a stratagem. The pool tournaments often run till the bar closes at 2 a.m. The players take breaks to socialize, buy drinks and watch each other play.
Part of the success of “Please Be Nice” is tied to the recent renaissance of 4100 Bar, which transformed from a neighborhood dive into a Silver Lake nightlife institution thanks to TikTok. Mouse, a bartender at 4100 Bar for eight years, explains the bar’s rise began in 2020 when it became a popular spot for outdoor drinking during COVID restrictions.
Now, it’s not unusual to have a run-in with a celebrity at 4100 Bar on a weekend with its new reputation as a charmingly sleazy playground for the internet-famous. Due to TikTok, the bar gained a cult following in Europe and Japan, with tourists flocking to the bar to be photographed in front of the avocado-green wall, Mouse explains. “Foreigners come here just to take photos with the 4100 sign and won’t even order,” he says. “People come and spend 100 bucks on the photo booth and not even get a drink.” The wall, he notes, closely resembled the now-infamous shade of neon green from Charli XCX’s “Brat” album.
For Lorell, the dive bar exists as a third space. “If you spend four out of seven days seeing the same people, you’re not just bar friends on that point; you’re chosen family.”
Rumors swirl that 4100 Bar might close in the coming year with the expansion of Erewhon. “Over my dead body,” Fox exclaims.
For the future of “Please Be Nice,” Lorell and Fox hope the pool-loving community develops even further. “We would love to solidify a beginner-centric event since that’s where this all started, learning pool with women and nonbinary people who were too scared to try it at a normal bar,” says Fox. “We hope to continue to train up the troops and run every single table in L.A.,” she adds with a smirk.
There’s a beloved pool adage from “The Hustler,” spoken by the protagonist, Fast Eddie Felson: “Even if you beat me, I’m still the best.” Fox thinks the quote doesn’t align with her attitude toward pool. “There’s something Andrea says all the time when someone beats her, she says: ‘I don’t lose to losers. So you better win the whole thing.’”
Lifestyle
Is “The Godfather: Part II,” the perfect sequel? : Consider This from NPR
Photo by CBS via Getty Images
Given the fact that it seems like Hollywood churns out nothing but sequels, you would think the industry would have perfected the genre by now.
Some sequels are pretty darn good, but many believe the perfect movie sequel came out 50 years ago this month.
Of course, we’re talking about Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather: Part II. It’s not only considered the greatest sequel of all time, it’s also considered one of the greatest movies of all time.
So why does Godfather II work, and where so many other sequels fall short?
NPR producer Marc Rivers weighs in.
For sponsor-free episodes of Consider This, sign up for Consider This+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.
Email us at considerthis@npr.org.
This episode was produced by Brianna Scott and Marc Rivers. It was edited by Courtney Dorning. Our executive producer is Sami Yenigun.
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