Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: After my wife of 32 years died, I was lost. Could I ever love again?
It was my senior year at Van Nuys High. I had noticed her, especially because two of my buddies were drooling over her best friend who cruised the quad of the San Fernando Valley high school with the air of a temptress. Head over heels, my friends did everything they could to lurk in close proximity to her, and I tagged along.
One Friday afternoon, Mike, Larry and I were driving together to Ensenada to surf away the weekend. We took a right off Ventura Boulevard onto Sepulveda Boulevard. By a stroke of luck, we spotted yet passed by their source of attraction walking in the direction of the hills with two girlfriends. A crazy, screeching U-turn later, we were all chatting, and the girls invited us up to my future wife’s house and pool.
We acquiesced and drove up Woodcliff Road, forgetting all about picking up another Mike at his parents’ garage for our trip. Poolside, I ended up staring into the dark brown eyes of my future wife accompanied by her bleach-blond friend, while my friends tried their best to act cool next to the girl they had lusted after for much of the past school semester.
I had an epiphany, realizing she was the most gorgeously attractive girl my 17-year-old self had ever encountered. I wanted to skip the Mexico trip but couldn’t convince the others. So, hours later, we eventually took off to pick up the other Mike. All weekend I dreamed of Monday when I would see her again in school.
The girl with dark brown eyes and I eventually got married — a marriage that lasted 32 years and three kids but ended when she died from breast cancer in 2012.
Confused years ensued. I was devastated yet found first-class therapy from yoga and ocean time. Eventually I started dating — month-long liaisons as well as some for a year or so. My dating go-to spots mostly lined the Venice stretch along Abbot Kinney Boulevard, especially Wabi-Sabi or the Tasting Kitchen. But my heart was truly never looking for short-term hookups. It desired another chance at 30 years with deep, magical, encompassing love. Friends told me I was being unrealistic. I said it was complicated.
I had long refused to be set up, gently turning down any attempts by friends and family to arrange dates or promptings to meet this or that woman. Also, the idea of a dating app was not in the picture. No dis, but I was fortunate enough to meet women in other ways. Then again, nothing stuck. Not until the day when a woman from an infatuation a few years back introduced me to Michele.
For some unknown reason, I happily agreed to her get-together. Maybe it was my state of mind at the time. I can’t explain it. Also, it wasn’t even a date. Or so I told myself. A dinner for three, without even having seen what Michele looked like. All I knew was that my ex cryptically said she was “Filipino or something … Asian anyway,” without me inquiring.
I was early, so I parked outside the restaurant, which was close to the place Michele managed. On the spur of the moment, I walked down to the small shop, peeked in and saw a woman who matched the description. Still, I decided to wait outside until the customers had left, when she would be alone since she was about to close. I even had time to walk back to my car and change from my T-shirt into a clean white dress shirt I had brought with me.
I walked in smiling, introduced myself and asked if she was Michele. I realize it was a bit of an unusual move to just barge in, but, seemingly unfazed, she smiled back. There was this immediate organic connection. We spoke for at least 15 minutes, and the conversation flowed as if we had known each other for decades.
At the restaurant, we talked about everything. Past and present. My ex moved over to talk to some friends as Michele and I carved a path in each other’s eyes, getting down to personal emotions right away as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I’ve never been able to be any other way, and her heart, she later revealed, seemed to blossom in a way her almost 60-year-old well-traveled soul had never experienced.
Michele kissed me as we parted. (She still says I kissed her.) Four days later, we went on our first real date. All this was right before Christmas, and soon after, I was taking a trip to Sweden. I had known her only a week, but as she drove me to the airport, I asked her to join me for a Jason Isbell concert at Walt Disney Concert Hall two weeks later. She said yes.
Once reunited, I gave her a book of mine with the inscription: “You’ve tattooed your name on my heart” … and here we are five years later and married. Her Taiwanese heritage and my Swedish background have cemented a foundation that grows and flourishes beyond all barriers, cherishing what SoCal and the world have to offer.
All relationships encounter challenges. Michele emphatically maintains they make you stronger. Adjust, gain insight and integrity, yet embrace loving compromise. That’s progress. Love transcends it all if you work on it.
The author is a writer who has shuttled among Maui, Sherman Oaks and Stockholm while producing radio and television in collaboration with the BBC. Today his company publishes a current events quiz for schools.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
It’s Time for a Fashion Revolution
This year will be a year of seismic change in fashion. That much is a given.
Or actually, it is a given that this will be a year of seismic change in fashion personnel. Starting this month, new designers at eight global brands, including Calvin Klein and Chanel, will be making their runway debuts. As they will at Bottega Veneta, Lanvin, Givenchy, Tom Ford, Alberta Ferretti and Dries Van Noten — with the possibility of more open spots being filled at Fendi, Maison Margiela, Helmut Lang and Carven in the coming months.
Sheesh! Whether that power shift will translate into seismic change in what we wear is a different question.
There has been much speculation as to the source of the turmoil. Much blame has focused on a slowdown in luxury spending (especially in China), as well as global political and economic uncertainty, which has led to a game of Blame the Designer (when in doubt, blame the designer), which led to Change the Designer.
There is a tendency, in such an environment, to play it safe. To fall back into the comfort of a camel coat and assume that what sold well in the past will sell well in the future. To focus on the commercial over the creative.
This would be a mistake.
It is time for a fashion revolution. The kind of revolution that Coco Chanel created in the 1920s, when she transformed the little black dress, uniform of the serving class, into a status symbol of liberation, apparently causing Paul Poiret to clutch his breast in horror and declare: “What has Chanel invented? Deluxe poverty.” Her clients resembled “little undernourished telegraph clerks,” he sneered.
The kind of revolution that Christian Dior wrought in the postwar era, when he scandalized the world with the New Look, in all its lavishly skirted, wasp-waist glory, inciting riots in the streets against the sheer excess of material. The kind that Yves Saint Laurent ignited during the upheavals of the 1960s, when he adapted the male tuxedo for women, causing Nan Kempner to be cast out of La Côte Basque for the crime of wearing pants.
And the kind that Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garçons created when she treated darkness and destruction like precious skins as the Cold War collapsed and Francis Fukuyama declared the end of history. Ms. Kawakubo was castigated for promoting “Hiroshima chic,” even as her embrace of the flawed forever shifted ideas about beauty and the body.
Just as, when the millennium turned, Thom Browne was widely mocked for putting grown-up men in short pants (or just plain old shorts) and shrunken jackets. Until those shrink-wrapped gray suits changed not just proportions, but the very meaning of “uniform.”
Such designs horrified and thrilled in equal measure, but they also rose to the challenge of a changed world and a changing sense of how people dressed — not just at the moment they appeared, but forever after.
Fashion is essentially a story of what the paleontologists Stephen Jay Gould and Niles Eldredge called “punctuated equilibrium,” a theory positing that significant change comes in spurts that interrupt lengthy periods of stability or slow evolution. It’s how we got L.B.D.s, the New Look, pants, the possibilities of destruction.
Out of chaos came creativity. That’s where we are now: at a mass inflection point when the world order is in flux, social mores are shifting, the A.I. era is dawning and it’s not clear how everything will be resolved. The first quarter of the 21st century, with the ascent of streetwear and athleisure, is over. There is a hunger for the defining next.
Hence the outsize reaction to the Maison Margiela couture show last January, when John Galliano, then the house’s designer, offered up a phantasmagorical underworld full of exploding flesh and extraordinary tailoring that was so unlike the current made-for-the-’gram runway that it provoked fits of foot-stomping ecstasy in its audience.
Those clothes were not actually new; they were newly dramatized versions of work Mr. Galliano had done before — throwbacks, with their extreme corsetry and theatricality, to late-20th-century fashion fabulousness. It was the applause more than the actual silhouettes (which haven’t remotely filtered out into the general population) that was telling: the clearly voracious appetite for something that didn’t look or feel like all the things that had come before.
It was a sign, if any were needed, that the door is wide-open for someone to stop reinventing history and start inventing; to create the thing we didn’t know we wanted, the thing that is impossible to predict, because, by definition, if you can predict it, it isn’t a surprise.
There are designers who are clearly trying: Demna, with his inversion of luxury semiotics at Balenciaga; Jonathan Anderson, with his surreal craftiness at Loewe. These are designers who twist not just items but proportions. Some of their work has jarred the status quo and produced moments of viral indignation (especially Demna, with his haute Ikea bags and eroded sneakers), but as yet, neither has produced a paradigm shift. Wouldn’t that be something to see?
Here’s hoping the new crop tries, that new names and new brains actually make some new clothes, even if at old houses. Thanks to our wildly connected world, the possibilities for one crazy idea of what it means to look modern, to alter the mass sense of self, are almost limitless.
Here’s hoping they seize the moment not to dutifully respect the so-called codes of the house — enough with the codes of the house — but to embrace the abstract ethos of their brands, not the literal shapes from the archives. Not to merely tweak the mold, but to break it and reinvent it. If outrage is the result that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because it’s often an outrage when you see something that challenges your ideas of proper dress.
But it’s an outrage with a purpose. And if there is another lesson that history offers, it is that such outrage eventually pays off.
Until then, it takes courage for executives and backers to withstand the initial backlash and opprobrium; it takes time for the eye, and wardrobe, to adjust. The problem is that time and forbearance are luxuries rarely offered to designers today. If they are to rise to the occasion, if they are to do the unexpected, they must be granted the space and support to do it.
So c’mon, fashion. Surprise us. Enchant us. Shock us. I dare you.
Lifestyle
Adult Bonnets Are The Winter Hat of the Moment
Each winter, it’s often the case that a specific cold-weather accessory — a rainbow-check scarf, for example — comes to define the season. This year that item appears to be a knit hat that could be described as a baby bonnet for adults. It also evokes a balaclava, leading some sellers to christen it the “balabonnet.”
The accessory, which has been embraced by a certain set of fashionable women, comes in various interpretations that range from girlie to monastic. Many styles can be tied under the chin to create a streamlined egg shape, and some have longer straps that can be wrapped around the neck like a scarf for a fully snooded look.
There are bonnets embellished with sterling-silver rings, like the version by Gemsun, a brand in New York City. Mimi Wade, a label in Los Angeles, makes a cutesy style with pointed cat ears. The hats are also sold at mall chains like Free People and Hot Topic; the latter offers a bonnet covered in tiny pink bows.
A $210 version by Pien Studios, a four-year-old label in Amsterdam, has emerged as one of the most covetable. The fuzzy hat, which the brand calls a balaclava, is made of a blend of mohair, merino wool and silk and has skinny, scarflike ties. Produced in a handful of colors, it is sold at trendy boutiques across the world, including Amomento in Seoul, Esmeralda Serviced Department in Tokyo and Carmen in Amsterdam.
Grace Hwang, an advertising creative director in Brooklyn, bought a Pien Studios hat last year at Tangerine, a multibrand store in Williamsburg. Ms. Hwang, 33, said she had noticed women in New York City wearing bonnets of various designs, and called her Pien Studios version the most versatile winter accessory that she owns. (She prefers to call it a hat-scarf, not a bonnet.)
The Pien Studios hat has an ovular shape that Pien Barendregt, the label’s founder, said was inspired by those of space-age-style hats from the 1960s. Ms. Barendregt, 30, added that she aimed for a silhouette that looked feminine compared with bulkier winter gear. “It looks really elegant if you have a super big coat; it balances it nicely,” she said.
While the label calls its hat a balaclava, Ms. Barendregt agreed it was more of a bonnet and said she had received requests to make children’s versions. When she introduced the style two and a half years ago, many women described it as nostalgic, she said, adding that bonnets are practical accessories for the cold, damp winters in Amsterdam, where she lives, because they envelop the head like a hood.
Ms. Barendregt used to knit each hat herself, she said, but she recently outsourced their production in order to fulfill the hundreds of orders she has received this winter.
Lau Frías, 30, bought a white Pien Studios hat at Bomi, a boutique in Manhattan’s SoHo neighborhood, in October. “It feels like an elevated version of the many bonnets out there,” said Ms. Frías, who works in music and lives in Brooklyn. She sees the growing interest in the accessory as indicative of women not dressing to be noticed by men, but instead “thinking about looking cute for the female gaze,” she said.
While a wide selection of bonnets is available in stores, people are also knitting their own. Several patternmakers have released D.I.Y. templates, including PetiteKnit, a Danish company popular with younger knitters, which sells the pattern for its Sophie Hood — a bonnet-scarf hybrid — for 35 Danish kroner, or about $5. An Instagram video showing a finished version of the hat has been viewed more than 16 million times since being posted in late December.
The PetiteKnit founder, Mette Okkels, 35, said the hood was designed to be a little slouchy because she thinks tightfitting bonnets look too similar to versions for babies. “I don’t feel ready for that,” she said.
Recently, at the weekly knitting events hosted by Knit Club, a yarn store in Providence, R.I., a majority of the attendees have arrived wearing bonnets of their own creation, said Lindsay Degen, the store’s owner.
“And it’s not always same people every time,” added Ms. Degen, who is also a knitwear designer. “It’s a massive thing.”
The ethics behind our shopping reporting. When Times reporters write about products, they never accept merchandise, money or favors from the brands. We do not earn a commission on purchases made from this article.
Lifestyle
Two Arrested for Curfew Violations Near Kamala Harris' L.A. Home Amid Palisades Fire Evacuation Zone
Two men were arrested for curfew violations within the Palisades Fire evacuation zone not far from Vice President Kamala Harris‘ Los Angeles property.
The LAPD says they responded to the VP’s Brentwood neighborhood around 4:30 AM on Saturday. Two individuals were taken into custody for being in the area past the curfew set due to the ongoing wildfires.
Law enforcement sources told NBC4 there is no evidence the men ever entered the VP’s property. The arrests come as heightened security measures are in place in the area due to the ongoing evacuation order zone for the Palisades Fire, which as of Saturday night has burned over 23,000 acres and was only 11% contained.
It’s unclear if the VP or any of her family members were home at the time of the arrests. The VP or her office have yet to comment on the incident.
-
Politics1 week ago
Carter's judicial picks reshaped the federal bench across the country
-
Politics1 week ago
Who Are the Recipients of the Presidential Medal of Freedom?
-
Health1 week ago
Ozempic ‘microdosing’ is the new weight-loss trend: Should you try it?
-
World1 week ago
South Korea extends Boeing 737-800 inspections as Jeju Air wreckage lifted
-
Technology4 days ago
Meta is highlighting a splintering global approach to online speech
-
News1 week ago
Seeking to heal the country, Jimmy Carter pardoned men who evaded the Vietnam War draft
-
News1 week ago
Trump Has Reeled in More Than $200 Million Since Election Day
-
News1 week ago
The U.S. Surgeon General wants cancer warnings on alcohol. Here's why