Lifestyle
4 confidence-boosting ways to overcome the fear of flirting in real life
Confidence coach Regina Bonds thinks that flirting in real life is a lost art.
“In this new world of dating, everybody’s behind a computer screen,” she says. “So many people don’t know how to put themselves out there.”
If talking to a cute stranger makes your palms sweat, but you’d like to meet someone without the help of a dating app, Bonds has advice. “Get out there and be confident,” she says.
Bonds, a certified life coach based in Atlanta, helps clients assert themselves in love and relationships. She shares four common fears people have when approaching a romantic interest in the wild — and how to overcome them.
The situation: You’re afraid they won’t like you.
The solution: Practice self-love.
“The first romance needs to be with you,” Bonds says. If you’re too nervous or afraid to talk to someone because you don’t think you’d be a good romantic partner, build up your self-esteem.
Try saying a positive mantra in front of the mirror that affirms your worth. “Tell yourself you’re the type of person someone would love to be around,” Bonds says.
Then, tell yourself some of the things you like about yourself and your body, even if that feels hard. Maybe it’s your freckles, your curves or your eyelashes. “That creates such a momentum when it comes to confidence,” Bonds says.
The situation: You want to show interest but don’t want to be creepy.
The solution: Start with eye contact.
It’s a simple and effective way to show interest, and it can help determine whether an approach is welcome, Bonds says.
Let’s say you’re in the freezer aisle of the supermarket and you see someone you like. Go ahead and make eye contact. If they look back at you and smile, that’s a promising sign, Bonds says. “You can walk over to them. That’s not creepy.”
However, if they look away when you try to make eye contact, that’s probably a signal to push your shopping cart in the other direction.
And if you do start talking to someone and they tell you they’re not interested, or their body language shows they’re uncomfortable, leave them be.
Not sure how to engage with a cutie at the coffee shop? Pay them a compliment.
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lucky sun/Getty Images
The situation: You want to strike up a conversation but have no idea what to say.
The solution: Pay them a compliment.
You’re pretty sure that cutie you always see at the coffee shop is interested in you too. Now what?
Don’t worry about being the first person to make a move. When it comes to dating, there are no rules, Bonds says.
Say something nice about their eyes, their outfit or their coffee order. Or, if you’re feeling cheeky, try a pickup line like, “I haven’t seen a smile like that all summer long,” Bonds says. “That can open the door to an amazing conversation.”
If your banter is holding up the coffee line, go ahead and grab those digits. It doesn’t have to be awkward, Bonds says. “I would say something as gentle as, ‘I’m really enjoying this, but I have to go. Would you like to exchange information?’ “
The situation: They didn’t call you back.
The solution: Be proud of putting yourself out there.
You made a bold move at a bar last weekend and asked someone for their number. You felt like you both connected. But it’s been a few days and they haven’t reached out.
“If they don’t call you, that’s OK,” Bonds says. Don’t let it affect your self-worth. “What someone else thinks of you [should not] be what you think of you.”
Remember that you took a risk and tried something scary. “Be thankful for the experience. Whoever’s meant for you will find you,” Bonds says.
The producer of this episode is Margaret Cirino. This story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit.
Lifestyle
Kumail Nanjiani opens up on his regrets, critical failures and embracing fear : Wild Card with Rachel Martin
A note from Wild Card host Rachel Martin: Here’s my theory about Kumail Nanjiani: He is not a person who is afraid of his feelings. I think he’s the opposite of that kind of person.
Kumail has made his emotional life part of his comedy – whether it’s his deep and abiding love for his wife (as told in the hit movie, “The Big Sick”), his obsession with his cat or the anxiety that grips him in the middle of the night – Kumail’s brand of comedy is often about how we feel our way through living.
His new standup special is on Hulu and it’s called “Night Thoughts.”
Kylie Jenner
Ultimate Showgirl with Backless, Curve Hugging Gown
… At Kylie Cosmetics Holiday Party!
Published
Kylie Jenner showed up to her Kylie Cosmetics holiday party in full showgirl glam … slipping into a skin-tight, feather-trimmed, backless dress that put her hourglass figure on display.
The makeup mogul was clearly feeling herself as she posed in an IG video she shared Wednesday night, playing with the pink feathers that framed her neck and making sure to give fans a shot of her junk in the trunk as she turned around to show off the halter gown from the back. She let the drama of the dress take center stage … opting for a simple makeup look and doing her hair up in a sleek, slicked back bun with a single curl placed on her forehead.
Kylie gave more love to her fun ‘fit on her IG story, twirling around in a video set to audio that said … “Kylie Jenner! What? Oh my God, you look like a Christmas fairy.”
Last night’s showstopping ensemble was just one of the sexy looks Kylie has gifted us with as of late — just a few days ago, she showed off her famous curves in a cheerful red latex dress at the OBB Media holiday party in West Hollywood.
And before that, she was nearly spilled out of the bright orange cutout gown she wore to support her beau, Timothée Chalamet, at the Los Angeles premiere of his latest film, “Marty Supreme.” And how can we forget the figure-hugging, cleavage-baring leather jacket she showed off on the ‘gram earlier this month?
Kylie just keeps on giving this holiday season with the jaw-dropping looks — she’s certainly on our nice list!
Tom Felton, left, who played Harry Potter’s nemesis Draco Malfoy in eight films, is now playing him live on stage.
Matthew Murphy/Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
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Matthew Murphy/Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
Almost eight years after Harry Potter and the Cursed Child opened, it has become the highest grossing show on Broadway. Why? Tom Felton, who played Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter’s nemesis at Hogwarts in the eight films, is now playing him onstage.
After every performance, crowds gather at the stage door to get autographs, selfies or just a close-up glimpse of Felton.
Anna Chan flew to New York from San Francisco to see him in the show. “I grew up watching the movies and reading the books as a kid,” she said, “so just seeing him reprising his role as Draco Malfoy is really exciting and just heartwarming to see. It’s kinda like a full circle moment for him.”
Felton feels the audience’s warmth. “I’m somewhat of a bookmark in their youth on the films,” he said. “To see them as excited as I am to be doing that again on the stage was… well, it’s overwhelming and it still is every night.”
Now 38, Felton spent much of his childhood, adolescence and young adulthood getting his hair bleached blond and sneering as the bully Draco Malfoy in the films. For 10 years, he worked with some of the finest actors of British stage and screen, including Dame Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman and Gary Oldman. Felton — and all the other young cast members — learned by example.
“You know, Alan Rickman making teas for the grips,” recalled Felton, “and Jason Isaacs telling anecdotes, Helena Bonham Carter sort of just being playful. I think that’s something that made the early Potter films very special — the adults around us did not take themselves too seriously. And so that allowed us to be playful.”
Tom Felton, right, with John Skelley as Harry Potter in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, now on Broadway.
Matthew Murphy/Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
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Matthew Murphy/Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
Post-Potter, Felton has written a memoir and has appeared in films and on London’s West End. When he was given the opportunity to play an adult Draco Malfoy on Broadway for six months, he jumped.
“I do understand the character somewhat,” he said, “although Draco now is a dad.” In the play, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy’s sons become friends and get into a mess of trouble.
In the first act, he and the older Harry have a wizard’s duel and Felton said that, during rehearsal, he added a familiar line from the films that wasn’t in the script.
“When Harry and Draco first decide, ‘Come on, let’s have a scrap, let’s have a battle,’ I think it just came up voluntarily. I said, ‘Scared Potter?’ Felton recalled, laughing. “And then it was sort of looked over and then someone came back to me a few days later and said, ‘We’ve got it in, your line suggestion.’”
The audience gets to see Malfoy and Potter fly through the air and electrical arcs come out of their wands live onstage. “Every night you can hear or feel, rather, at least half the audience go back to their childhood or older memories,” Felton said. “The first time that they saw Draco and Harry duel. And because this one’s live and in front of your face, it’s just only more exciting, I think.”
Felton said he’s proud to be part of the Harry Potter World, on film and on Broadway. He’ll be appearing in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child through May 10.
Jennifer Vanasco edited this story for broadcast and digital. Chloee Weiner mixed the audio.
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