Entertainment
Jill Duggar’s family built a wholesome reality TV empire. Now her book talks about its damage
Jill Duggar never thought of herself as the rebellious type — quite the opposite.
As the former star of “19 Kids and Counting” writes in her memoir, “Counting the Cost,” “I was hands down the best approval hunter in the whole Duggar family.” As a child raised in a strict Christian Fundamentalist household, she followed rules that forbid “sinful” pursuits like dancing and promoted obedience to paternal authority above all else. Later, when her family’s hit TLC reality show thrust her into the limelight as a teenager, Duggar didn’t question the constant presence of the camera or where all the money from the network was going.
But Duggar became the most visible defector in her famous family with the publication of her book earlier this month. In it, she paints a grim picture of life inside the reality TV bubble, claiming she was tricked by her father, Jim Bob Duggar, into signing a five-year contract that required her to have intimate moments — including the birth of her first child — filmed for public consumption. Even as her father became wealthy enough to amass a fleet of private airplanes and a vast real estate portfolio, she received no money for starring in “19 Kids and Counting” or the spinoff “Counting On” until she waged a painful, protracted legal battle against her parents.
Co-written with her husband Derick Dillard and author Craig Borlase, “Counting the Cost” charts Duggar’s spiritual journey away from the rigid beliefs of the Institute in Basic Life Principles, the ministry her parents followed — and which she now describes as a cult.
The book debuted at No. 2 on the New York Times bestseller list, right behind Walter Isaacson’s “Elon Musk,” a sprawling biography of the tech billionaire — an indication not only of the public’s insatiable interest in Duggar family scandal but also of the surprising resonance of religious extremism and reality TV exploitation.
“We’ve been very grateful and thankful for the outpouring of support. So many people have said they’ve been touched by our story, and related to it, even if they didn’t grow up the same way that I did. I’m just grateful to hear that it’s helping people,” said Duggar, in a joint interview with Dillard earlier this month.
The last few weeks have been thrilling — but also nerve-wracking for the couple, who have three boys and live in Oklahoma. “I think we would have been less nervous if we lived further from Northwest Arkansas,” said Dillard, referring to the area where his in-laws still live.
The couple talked about what compelled them to write the book, their family’s reaction to it, and why there needs to be more oversight of children in reality TV. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Jill Duggar’s memoir, “Counting the Cost.”
(Gallery Books / Simon & Schuster)
What inspired you to write the book in the first place?
Duggar: The last several years we’ve talked about writing a book and struggled with the idea. I was like, “Well, it’s family.” We got more serious about it when I realized the problems that we were facing as a couple are problems that lots of people are facing. The more we talked to friends, we felt like they could relate to our story. They found hope and healing, just knowing that they were not alone in these isolating, controlling, manipulative situations — a lot of it based on the IBLP group that I grew up in. I thought, I can’t sit by anymore and watch people get swept away when there’s something that I can do about it.
On top of that, just thinking about how many years we were on reality TV promoting a lot of these things, you almost feel a responsibility to come back and say, “Hey, this isn’t so rosy. Watch out. Here’s some red flags here that you might want to think about.”
The book revisits a lot of painful chapters in your past, which I’m sure was difficult. With your co-writer, Craig Borlase, did you set guidelines about what you would and wouldn’t discuss in the book?
Duggar: There are parts of my story that I did not want to go into, like the lawsuit my sisters and I were involved in [over the release of police records detailing alleged incidents of sexual abuse that occurred when they were minors]. But I knew that in writing a book, I would have to at least briefly address those areas that nobody should have known about — the abuse and everything that happened. I wanted to address it from a standpoint of “here are the guilty parties, and we’re gonna hold them accountable: the police chief, the city of Springdale, Washington County, and In Touch magazine, the people that released these juvenile records.” I want to be a voice advocating for juvenile victims rights. I didn’t want to feed the frenzy and continue to go into detail.
I think one of the most shocking details in the book is that you felt obligated to share your birth on TV because of this contract that you didn’t even know you had signed and weren’t allowed to read. Looking back, was that the moment you started questioning everything?
Duggar: There were definitely frustrations [before that], but I was very brainwashed into thinking that this is my normal life, I must submit to this. We were conditioned by these principles that I was reared under — the IBLP principles, where you have to honor your parents, but to honor means to obey far into adulthood and marriage. So if my dad says, “I give my blessing for this,” you’re supposed to follow whatever that is. So if that means filming the birth, that’s what we’re supposed to do.
Dillard: Unfortunately, you don’t get away from something like this toxic culture unless you have things blow up in your face. Otherwise, it’s very hard to see it if you’re on the inside. But even from the very beginning, there were red flags.
We wanted our friends to take pictures at our wedding, for example. Our wedding was filmed before 2,000 people and 4.4 million people watched it later on TV, but [at the ceremony] they said, “For the sake of the bride and groom, we ask that you not take pictures. It’s their special day.” And I just cringed, because Jill and I, neither one of us would care if people took pictures. I hated that they used that to promote their own agenda of control and financial gain at our expense. It would sound really weird if they said, “Well, the bride and groom don’t care if you take pictures, but for the sake of the bride’s father, and for the network, TLC, we ask that you not take pictures because they have exclusives.” It wouldn’t sit well in that setting. So they basically lied.
Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard on their wedding day in 2014.
(Jill & Derick Dillard / Gallery Books)
Duggar: We only cared to the degree that we were going to get in trouble from family. I was very conditioned into that. I’ve encouraged other people in similar situations to be patient with each other. That’s a huge thing about coming out of a group like this or any kind of religious cult. I felt equally as uncomfortable [as Derick] about these things, but I was afraid to speak up, because I was so recently removed from it.
A lot of the book is about your relationship with your father and how he exerted control over you when it came to the show. But do you hold the network or producers accountable for any of what happened?
Duggar: I think there was a lot of unknowns on their side. As kids in the lifestyle that we were reared in, we were the perfect victims. We weren’t going to push back a whole lot. We weren’t going to speak up and say no. So when the contract was set before me, they were probably like, “Oh, any normal adult would have read what they were signing.” I don’t know if they were turning a blind eye to signs and symptoms they saw popping up. At the end of the day, they have a show to make. But I think that there should be more accountability in place.
Dillard: Some people didn’t do their due diligence. When we went back and got more documents, there were other signatures that Jill’s parents signed for kids who were not minors at that time. And my opinion is that the network didn’t want to know if there were any issues because they were benefiting so much off of this, and they could deny responsibility if they could claim ignorance. And in my opinion that happened more often than not throughout this whole process.
Do you have thoughts about how the industry can operate more ethically, particularly when it comes to children? Should kids really even be on TV?
Duggar: Having grown up on reality TV, I feel like kids should have more protections in place. I don’t know exactly what that would look like. But I do know that it’s a constant struggle for parents our age, even just trying to figure out what degree to involve your kids on social media. The problem can grow out of hand very quickly when you rely on your children for the show to continue and without them there is no content.
Dillard: There’s [nothing] to make sure kids are protected as far as their education goes. If a family sees an opportunity to make money, they can justify taking away their kids’ time [in school] because, well, they don’t need education, they can just have this money to support them. Jill can attest to this, but from what we can tell, none of her siblings really had much education past the seventh grade. A lot of that was due to the show taking over. It was like, “Well, if the show requires most of the filming hours during the weekday, then school is not really that important.”
Duggar: I can’t say that kids should never be involved in reality TV because I think parents should have a say. But I think networks should have more accountability in place to make sure that kids are being protected, and that they’re getting the education they need, that [the TV show] is not taking priority and that their rights are not being violated. There were very vulnerable moments, like I point out in the book, where I wish I didn’t have to be on reality TV, but I had to.
Do you feel like you or your siblings were deprived of education?
Duggar: Yeah, I do. I went on to take some college classes. I got my midwifery certifications. I’m currently inactive on my status now. But I do think that the show took priority in a lot of areas of our lives. Yes, there were great parts to it. But there were also very difficult parts that I would not choose, if I got to go back and I actually had a choice.
Do you think about where you would be without the show? Obviously, it created a lot of pain for you. But it also helped lead you to where you are now.
Duggar: I definitely wouldn’t have this platform to speak from. At the same time, I’ve had people who have said to me, “Oh, look at all the benefits.” And to them I say, “Look at your life, you have roses and thorns in your life.” And they’re both very valid. Like, I can look back at filming and say, we went on a bunch of great trips, we had some great experiences. But it’s something that I didn’t have a choice in. It was chosen for me.
How are things with your family? Have you heard from them since the book came out?
Duggar: I have heard from some of them. Not a whole lot of feedback, which I didn’t anticipate. I sent my siblings a big long email and just reached out to touch base — at the encouragement of my sister, Jinger, actually. It’s helpful that she just wrote her book in January. Some of [my siblings] were like, “Yeah, I would love to read your book, can you send me a copy?” So I’m getting those to them. And then other ones I haven’t heard from, and I’m fine with that. Because everybody’s in a different place.
I think that’s one thing that therapy has helped me with, is being OK with other people not being OK. It’s hard. I was in tears yesterday about it. It’s not something that you just move past and then you’re callous to it. I love my family. I really do want to have good relationships with them and look toward healing in the future. But it’s a process.
Dillard: Nobody wants bad relationships. We’re really hoping that, you know, 20 years from now we’re going to have genuine healing.
The CGI animated savannahs, rivers and rock formations of Africa are photo-real, and the animals populating it have never been more realistically rendered than they are in “Mufasa: The Lion King.”
Disney felt the need to have the lions, warthog and meercat’s lips move when they sing, which is saying something.
But let’s keep this review short and not-exactly-sweet, unlike this boardroom-ordered prequel to one of Disney’s most popular intellectual properties. “Mufasa: The Lion King” never makes the case that it’s a story that needed to be told or a movie that needed to be made.
It’s about how Mufasa got separated from his birth-parents’ pride of lions, and joined another, becoming “brothers” with the lion cub who “saved” him, but who will come to be called “Scar.”
So the object of this prequel is to show how Mufasa became Lion King and how Scar got his scar and became the bitter rival in their pride.
The “story” is framed as a “story” Rafiki the ape (John Sani) tells Simba’s cub, and that cub’s protectors/babysitters, Timon (Billy Eichner) and Pumbaa (Seth Rogen).
The tale is of another coming-of-age quest, with two young-lions on their own this time, paired-up, depending on each other, on the run from a pride of albino lions led by the killer Kiros (Mads Mikkelsen).
There are new songs of a far more forgettable nature than those from the animated classic “The Lion King.”
“The circle is broken,” he growls, and we believe him.
There are harrowing moments of drama in their quest, but there’s precious little humor to the movie, all of it provided by the same duo who have always been the comic relief, Timon and Pumbaa.
“We’ve been singing ‘Hakuna Matata’ since forever!”
“Who hasn’t?“
The messaging, about taking in “strays,” and that “To be lost is to learn the way,” is weak tea.
Story failings aside, it’s not a bad movie. But “Mufasa” never lets us forget the limited-entertainment-value of the entire undertaking. Oscar winner Barry Jenkins (“Moonlight”) was hired to direct, but aside from a few voice casting decisions (Keith David, Anika Noni Rose, with Aaron Pierre and Kelvin Harrison, Jr. as Mufasa and Taka/Scar), he brings nothing to this that makes a difference.
Disney’s tech/animators telling their bosses that “Yes, we can make it look like a movie with real singing lions and bathing hippos on the veldt without using real animals or shooting on location” is no justification for showcasing that technology.
Story matters, and this one didn’t need to be told.
Rating: PG, some violence
Cast: The voices of Aaron Pierre, Kelvin Harrison, Jr., Tiffany Boone, John Kani, Mads Mikkelsen, Thandiwe Newton, Keith David, Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen.
Credits: Directed by Barry Jenkins, scripted by Jeff Nathanson, based on characters from Disney’s “The Lion King.” A Walt Disney release.
Running time: 1:58
As Blake Lively’s allegations against her “It Ends With Us” director and co-star Justin Baldoni continue to reverberate through Hollywood, a new lawsuit has further raised the stakes.
Stephanie Jones, Baldoni’s former publicist, filed a complaint Tuesday in New York Supreme Court, accusing the actor’s crisis PR team of waging a coordinated effort to undermine her and deflect blame for what she calls a retaliatory smear campaign targeting Lively.
The new lawsuit adds to the mounting fallout from Lively’s legal complaint filed last week in California. In it, the actor accused Baldoni of sexually harassing her on the set of the romantic drama and orchestrating a campaign to discredit her after she raised concerns about a “hostile work environment.” Her complaint detailed allegations of “improvised physical intimacy” during scenes, pressure from Baldoni to perform greater nudity than originally agreed upon and a calculated effort to spread damaging stories about her in the press.
Jones alleges that Jennifer Abel, formerly a senior figure at her PR firm Jonesworks, collaborated with crisis manager Melissa Nathan on a “no-holds-barred strategy” to shield Baldoni from Lively’s misconduct allegations while simultaneously undermining Jones’ own reputation. According to her lawsuit, the plan involved planting negative stories about Lively in the media, creating fake social media accounts to amplify the attacks and leveraging Baldoni’s public image as a feminist ally to discredit her.
“Behind Jones’s back, [Abel and Nathan] secretly coordinated with Baldoni and [his studio] Wayfarer to implement an aggressive media smear campaign against Baldoni’s film co-star,” the lawsuit states.
Jones, who represented Baldoni and Wayfarer from 2017 until her termination in August 2024, claims the alleged scheme destroyed her professional relationship with the actor-director. Abel is accused of using confidential company information to poach clients and lay the groundwork for a competing PR firm.
“Defendants Abel and Nathan secretly conspired for months to publicly and privately attack Jones and [her PR firm] Jonesworks,” the lawsuit alleges, describing efforts to “steal clients and business prospects” while pinning the blame for the smear campaign on Jones herself.
The filing includes excerpts from thousands of pages of text messages and emails that Jones says were extracted from Abel’s company-issued phone after her firing from Jonesworks in August, shortly before the company’s relationship with Baldoni and Wayfarer came to an end. In one exchange, Abel allegedly described Baldoni as “pompous” and mocked his decision to attend a men’s retreat during the film’s release, writing, “He doesn’t need a retreat. He needs to be humbled.”
Jones accuses Abel and Nathan of weaponizing the controversy to “drive a wedge” between her and Baldoni, isolating her in the industry and damaging her career. Her lawsuit seeks damages and a court order to halt what she describes as ongoing harassment and professional sabotage. “This lawsuit seeks to finally put a stop to their continued misconduct and to compensate Jones and Jonesworks for the damage Defendants’ conduct and scheme has inflicted,” the filing reads.
Bryan Freedman, an attorney representing Baldoni and the other defendants, could not immediately be reached for comment but has previously dismissed Lively’s claims against his clients as “false, outrageous, and intentionally salacious.”
As lawsuits from both Lively and Jones unfold in the courts and the public eye, the controversy has cast a harsh spotlight on Hollywood’s PR playbook, exposing the darker corners of reputation management in an industry facing calls for greater transparency and accountability.
The allegations have already had professional repercussions for Baldoni. Earlier this week, his talent agency, WME, dropped him as a client and the nonprofit Vital Voices Global Partnership rescinded an award honoring him as an advocate for women’s empowerment. In a statement, the organization said Baldoni’s alleged “abhorrent conduct” detailed in Lively’s lawsuit was “contrary to the values of Vital Voices and the spirit of the Award.”
Author Colleen Hoover, whose bestselling novel “It Ends With Us” was based on, has also expressed support for Lively, writing on Instagram: “Blake’s ability to refuse to sit down and ‘be buried’ has been nothing short of inspiring.”
Better Man, 2024.
Directed by Michael Gracey.
Starring Robbie Williams, Jonno Davies, Steve Pemberton, Damon Herriman, Raechelle Banno, Alison Steadman, Kate Mulvany, Frazer Hadfield, Tom Budge, Anthony Hayes, Jake Simmance, Jesse Hyde, Liam Head, Chase Vollenweider, Rose Flanagan, Jack Sherran, Karina Banno, Asmara Feik, Leo Harvey-Elledge, Elyssia Koulouris, Frazer Hadfield, Chris Gun, Ben Hall, Kaela Daffara, and Chase Vollenweider.
SYNOPSIS:
Follow Robbie Williams’ journey from childhood, to being the youngest member of chart-topping boyband Take That, through to his unparalleled achievements as a record-breaking solo artist – all the while confronting the challenges that stratospheric fame and success can bring.
During a conversation exploring the possibility of a biopic, British popstar Robbie Williams told well-regarded musical director Michael Gracey that he saw himself as a monkey performing for others. That became the window into telling the story of this singer/songwriter with Better Man, a film that, as the title implies, also shows that Robbie Williams is self-aware of his flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings without being afraid to put them front and center. Yes, rather than go through the arduous casting process, Michael Gracey ran with that comment literally, making the creative choice to have the pop star played by a CGI monkey (voiced by Jonno Davies, with Robbie Williams lending his vocals.)
It’s a smart move to roll a short clip of subject and filmmaker conversing before the film starts proper, not just because other parts of the world might not be familiar with Robbie Williamss music (consistently accidentally reading it as a biopic about musician Robin Williams if you’re anything like me), but also since this is such a bold concept for a biopic that it’s helpful to get an idea of what this man looks like and the personality he puts out there before it’s all monkey business.
Going one step further, this turns out to not fall into the trappings of a flailing gimmick but ties into themes of pressures of the music industry, fame causing stunted behavior, family drama, and an unflinching portrayal of self that doesn’t smooth over any rough edges. Better Man is an invigorating biopic; a shot of adrenaline to the most overplayed, clichéd genre. After this, no one should be allowed to make biopics (at least ones about musicians) unless they have an equally creative angle or some compelling X factor behind it. Simply put, this film puts most recent offerings from the genre to shame, especially the ones that get trotted out at the end of every year as familiar awards bait.
Even though the life trajectory and story beats aren’t anything new to anyone who has ever seen a biopic about a musician before, it gets to be told with boundless imagination, typically coming from several dazzling musical sequences. Not only are they dynamic in presentation (whether it be jubilantly unfolding across the streets of London or something more melancholy regarding fatherly abandonment), but they are sometimes highwire concepts themselves; Better Man has one of the most thrilling, fantastically clever, visually stunning, and exciting takes on battling one’s demons.
The characters (including Robbie’s family, friends, lover, hell, and even Oasis) don’t interact or react to Robbie Williams as a monkey. It’s a visual treat for us (this film would fall apart without the astonishingly expressive technical wizardry from Weta, who already have proven themselves as outstanding in this field when it comes to the recent Planet of the Apes movies) but another personal, self-deprecating, honest interpretation of how Robbie saw himself during these life stages. Initially, this feels like it will end up as a missed opportunity for further creativity or humor. One of the more surprising elements here is that the filmmakers (with Michael Gracey co-writing alongside Oliver Cole and Simon Gleeson) are playing this material straight and not going for laughs. That confidence pays off, allowing a maximalist, melodramatic side to come out with sincere, absorbing emotional heft.
That story follows a standard rise and fall structure, with Robbie Williams finding inspiration from his initially supportive singing father (Steve Pemberton), exhibiting a relatable drive to make his grandmother (Alison Steadman proud, getting his start in boy band Take That before his insecurities and worsening substance abuse and egocentric behavior gets him kicked out, stumbling into a rocky relationship with Nicole Appleton (Raechelle Banno), and then not only finding the courage to put some meaningful lyrics out into the world through a successful solo career but managing the anxieties that come with performing in front of humongous crowds while constantly struggling with drug addiction.
Some of those aspects feel glossed over and aren’t as explored as they possibly could have been (the film is already 135 minutes, but some of it is given a broad strokes treatment), but it’s affecting anyway due to the creativity, artistry, musical numbers, and blunt honesty enhancing those character dynamics. Better Man is a biopic that starts with a confessional about being a narcissist and having a punchable face and ends up somewhere beautifully moving that perfectly captures the essence of that title. There is also a healthy dose of Frank Sinatra here, given that he was a major source of inspiration for Robbie Williams, so let’s say he and Michael Gracey did this biopic their way, and the result is something no one should want any other way.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★ ★ ★
Robert Kojder is a member of the Chicago Film Critics Association and the Critics Choice Association. He is also the Flickering Myth Reviews Editor. Check here for new reviews, follow my Twitter or Letterboxd, or email me at MetalGearSolid719@gmail.com
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=embed/playlist
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