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Filmmaker Couple Asks Themselves ‘Why the F*** Am I So Sad?’ to Reclaim the Narrative of Childlessness

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Filmmaker Couple Asks Themselves ‘Why the F*** Am I So Sad?’ to Reclaim the Narrative of Childlessness

After 14 years together, editor Nela Märki and cinematographer-producer Martin Rattini locate a kernel of sadness in a shared life they describe as happy: they have not been able to have children. Grief and love inform the couple’s first feature—they share directors’ credits—with the title “Why the F*** Am I So Sad?,” which documents their changing relationship to childlessness.

Their documentary project was pitched earlier this week at Thessaloniki’s Pitching Forum and has since received the Mediterranean Film Institute Doc Award, which consists of free participation in the 2024 edition of the MFI Doc Lab, a script development program dedicated to documentaries. Films that Märki has edited have screened at Locarno, CPH:DOX and IDFA, but “Why the F*** Am I So Sad?” will be a debut feature for both of them as directors. Rattini, who is also a cinematographer, produces with Italy’s Helios Sustainable Films.

Speaking with Variety, Märki says she’d noticed nuanced depictions of childless couples were lacking in cinema, while the existent ones were mostly negatively tinted, particularly the women. Then, she understood the best way forward was to make a film about her and Martin’s story, and to do it together. “We thought, ‘We’re filmmakers, let’s document this!’,” says Rattini regarding the way the couple dealt with an ongoing cycle of IVF treatments, procedures invasive to the female body often billed as “an easy fix and a quick thing.” After a decade of trying to build a nuclear family, the two embarked on a journey to make “a film about what comes after you realize nothing works,” Märki says, suggesting that maybe there is something else to cherish in that situation, “living a happy life without children.”

Märki was open about her ambivalence on the topic of motherhood, being both “open” and “pressured” by societal expectations.” In the titular question, they consider the pitfalls of identity as defined against a rigid idea of the “normal” nuclear family: “If we weren’t able to do this ‘normal’ thing, are we not part of the ‘normal’ people?,” she asks. In the process of researching childlessness, she noticed how strong the recurring narrative is, and how one-sided: if you don’t have kids, you lack something fundamental.

After the age of 40, as Westerners, they noticed that exclusion and isolation happen almost naturally when you’re the only childless couple in a friend group. This aspect of the social rules made them consider “Why the F*** Am I So Sad?” also a project where they can question belonging. “Almost a quarter of the population of Western Europe and Japan never have children, so what about them? Nobody talks about them, at least not in a very positive light,” Märki says.

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Developing this documentary project has allowed the couple to turn the camera on themselves and each other for the first time in such an intense way. “Why the F*** Am I So Sad?” mixes an archive of holiday memories, filmed on Super 8 with an underwater camera, with digital, 4K or smartphone footage of their daily life now, as it unfolds. “These are our so-called ‘happy moments’,” Rattini says, poking fun at the idea of a perfect—and perfectly documented—couple, “because when you film each other on analogue film for 10 years, on every vacation, you end up with a representation of the perfect couple.”

Additionally, Märki and Rattini will digitalize and incorporate archive materials from their own families to complement the structure. An important part they have also mapped out is a part where they reflect on the dreams and aspirations they’ve had, and “also things we cannot tell each other, like our fears,” Märki says. The two have slightly different attitudes toward childlessness depending on their individual backgrounds, so to tell their different stories, she says, they plan to involve therapists as facilitator figures. Contrasting with the imagery of a “perfect couple” is raw honesty in their shared search for ways to “free yourself from internalized social narratives and stereotypes,” she says.

The Thessaloniki Documentary Festival runs March 7 – 17.

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Celine Dion Makes Triumphant Comeback at Paris Olympics Opening Ceremony — Watch Full Performance

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Celine Dion Makes Triumphant Comeback at Paris Olympics Opening Ceremony — Watch Full Performance


Watch Celine Dion’s Olympics Opening Ceremony Performance [VIDEO]



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95 Libyan nationals arrested in South Africa at suspected secret military training camp

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95 Libyan nationals arrested in South Africa at suspected secret military training camp

South African police arrested 95 Libyan nationals in a raid on a suspected secret military training camp on Friday and authorities said they were investigating whether there were more illegal bases in other parts of the country.

The camp was discovered at a farm in White River in the Mpumalanga province, about 360 kilometers (220 miles) northeast of Johannesburg, police said.

ELEPHANTS KILL TOURIST IN SOUTH AFRICA AFTER HE TRIED TO GET CLOSE TO TAKE PICTURES

National police spokesperson Athlenda Mathe said in a post on the social media site X that the Libyans stated they had entered the country on study visas to train as security guards, but police investigations suggest they have received military training.

The Newzroom Afrika TV news channel broadcast pictures of the site of the arrests, showing a military-style camp with large green and khaki tents set up in a row. Dozens of men were seen lining up as they were arrested. They were wearing civilian clothing.

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Local government official Jackie Macie said investigations were ongoing and the owner of the farm would be questioned. He said authorities received information that there were similar secret camps near two other towns in Mpumalanga province.

A camp where 95 Libyan nationals were arrested on suspicion of running an illegal military camp are seen lining up after their arrest on Friday, July 26, 2024 in White River, South Africa. Police say that 95 Libyan nationals were arrested on suspicion of receiving training at a secret military camp in the north of the country. (AP Photo/Bulelwa Maphanga)

The province borders neighboring countries Mozambique and Swaziland and is an area of concern for South African authorities with regards to illegal immigration.

Police and authorities have not said whether the camps are suspected of being connected to a particular group or conflict.

Macie said investigations would establish if there was a network of camps in South Africa and show “why they are here doing military training in our country.”

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Police said the men may be linked to crimes reported in communities close to the farm in recent months.

“We have serious cases which have been opened with the police, including cases of rape and armed robberies, which complainants claim were committed by unknown foreigners who seem to be of Asian descent,” said police spokesman Donald Mdhluli.

“We take what we have found here today very seriously because we don’t know who was training them, what were they being trained for and why that training is happening here in South Africa. It may be a threat not only to South Africa but also to the entire southern Africa region.”

Police said the operation to arrest the Libyans and close down the camp began two days ago. Macie said the Libyan nationals had been in the country since at least April.

“The 95 individuals taken into custody are all Libyan nationals and are currently being questioned by the relevant authorities,” Mpumalanga acting provincial police commissioner Maj. Gen. Zeph Mkhwanazi said in a statement.

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Mdhluli, the police spokesman, said the country’s security regulator had confirmed that the kind of training that appears to have been taking place at the camp was well beyond the scope of training for security guards.

“The kind of equipment we found here shows that there was intense military training taking place here. This was basically a military base.”

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Passengers face long, uncertain wait at stations amid rail disruption

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Passengers face long, uncertain wait at stations amid rail disruption

A deliberate fire in a signal box about 60 km south of Lille caused the disruption on the northern high-speed line, with traffic halted around 5 a.m. local time on Friday.

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Travel was severely disrupted in Lille on Friday, one of the stations affected by the sabotage that hit major French rail lines ahead of the Paris Olympics opening ceremony.

Many passengers waited with hope that soon turned to resignation.

“We’ve been waiting since 10:38 a.m. for the 11:38 a.m. train, and now we’re just waiting for it to arrive at 2:08 p.m.,” said Delphine, one of the stranded passengers.

“It’s still quite a delay, and we’ll be even later since we’re on a secondary route. I work in Avignon at 9 p.m., so it’s going to be very, very tight. We have a concert tonight — will it even happen? This is all very confusing, and we don’t understand what’s going on.”

For one traveller, this was a rough start to the holidays. “The worst case would be if the train is cancelled entirely and we have to buy new tickets for next week. It would shorten our already brief vacation. That would be a huge problem,” said Hippolyte.

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When asked if he had been informed of the delays, Hippolyte said he received the notification just before departure.

“At around 10 a.m. this morning, we were told we were an hour late and would be leaving at 1 p.m.”

“It just keeps getting later as the day goes on. Every time we approach the new departure time, it gets pushed back another hour and a half, or half an hour each time.”

A deliberate fire in a signal box about 60 km south of Lille caused the disruption on the northern high-speed line. Traffic was halted around 5 a.m. on Friday.

The recent acts of sabotage on the rail network highlight that the Olympic Games are turning France into a prime target.

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The attack disrupted the transport system on the opening day of the Games, causing delays of up to two hours or even cancellations that affected hundreds of thousands of passengers nationwide.

Authorities in Paris have said they are deploying substantial human resources to counter any threats and to ensure the safety of the events.

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