Q: My eldest daughter is 6, strong-willed, explosive and defiant. When she doesn’t get her way (we say no or there’s a natural consequence) she gets violent or destructive. We try a lot of approaches and she is seeing a psychologist.
Washington
Advice | I keep spanking my defiant 6-year-old. I’m scared of myself.
A: It’s clear you have tremendous guilt; you know that spanking not only doesn’t teach a child anything, but it also makes most behaviors worse. (For anyone who isn’t sure about this, the data is out there and clear.)
You wrote, “I am scared of myself because it seemed like an autonomous reaction and out of my control.” This is worth digging into. Are you dissociating? Do you feel like you are watching yourself rather than feeling like you’re in your body? You could be having a trauma response to your child’s explosion. This is not uncommon; We have conscious and unconscious memories and, without realizing it, our bodies can feel unsafe and cope in automatic or instinctive ways, like attacking or checking out. I strongly recommend talking to your doctor about your symptoms and seeking professional help from someone who specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder and/or complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
As you work on getting help, we need to help your brain-body connection. Parent coach and trauma specialist Sandi Lerman coined the term LIFT to help caregivers clarify issues in front of them. I find it is helpful in almost every challenging situation. L stands for the length of time that a struggle or, in your case, the feeling of being out of control lasts. When you spank your daughter, how do you feel for the rest of the day? Checked out? Wracked with guilt?
I stands for intensity. On the days you snapped, what was the intensity of your emotions even before your daughter’s explosion? If you zoom out, were you already feeling upset or stressed? For instance, I received some bad news this week and was very upset. One of my children had a big reaction to a mistake I made and, in turn, I had an even bigger reaction. Yes, she had an explosion, but the intensity of my feelings leading up to it definitely fed the situation.
F stands for frequency, which means how often you “check out” and spank your daughter, or even how often you feel dissociated. This kind of data is incredibly helpful for your doctors, and it also helps to gauge your growth as you begin to address this coping mechanism.
Finally, T is for triggers, one of the most important steps in understanding what is happening when you lose control. The best way to look at triggers is to write down what you remember. For example, “It was a Saturday morning, and I hadn’t slept well. Andrea woke up angry and was demanding a breakfast we didn’t have time to make. I was trying to reason with her, and she kept screaming in my face. She pushed me hard, and I almost stepped on the cat. From there, I don’t remember what happened …” Pay close attention to your breathing and your muscles as you write. Are you holding your breath or tense? Are you sweating? Are you beginning to check out? If at any point you begin to panic, stop, keep your eyes open, and do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique, which involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.
Writing out your “LIFT” list serves two purposes: It gives you data for a specialist, and helps you see the patterns of when you lose control. You may realize that you were exhausted, angry, upset, but that being pushed was the trigger that led you to feel out of body. If the list shows you that you spank after your daughter hits, you can make a plan to exit the room when your daughter begins to become explosive. I don’t frequently recommend that parents leave their children, but in the case of violence, you do what you must. To smooth this process, tell the family, “When I feel angry at level 10, I will be walking outside to keep everyone safe. I love you all, and I will return after I breathe and feel calmer.” If you have a partner, make this plan a priority between the two of you.
Above all, please know that your body is in a panicked state when you lose control with your daughter and spank. You are not a “bad parent,” you need support and compassion. Please do not wait to get help, and good luck.
Incidents like the one in 2023 along the Baltimore Beltway — a crash that killed six highway workers — are the reason why officials gathered to stress the need for better work zone safety during National Work Zone Awareness Week.
This week, officials, workers and residents are calling for safer roads as they say there is still more work to be done when it comes to safety.
“It’s about understanding that each of us has a role to play in the safety and protection of one another,” William Pines from the Maryland State Highway Administration said.
With an active construction site as the backdrop — at the interchange between Pennsylvania Avenue and Suitland Parkway — roadway workers spoke up.
“We are not just workers, we are people — real people. We are parents, siblings, friends and neighbors. So when you see us out there, please pay attention to that.” Dawn Hopkins with Flagger Force Traffic Control Services said.
Hopkins says she’s had to sound an alarm to get her crew out of dangerous situations.
“Please slow down, stay alert…and watch out for us in the workzones,” Hopkins added.
While the number of crashes in Maryland work zones in 2025 remains concerning, it is lower than in 2024. In 2025, there were:
- 1,148 work zone crashes
- 9 work zone deaths
- 449 injuries
In 2024, there were:
- 1,302 work zone crashes,
- 12 work zone deaths, and
- 492 injuries
“While citations are down, we still had 19 citations that were issues where the automated system recorded drivers traveling in excess of 130 miles an hour in work zones,” Pines said.
Maryland Gov. Wes Moore has proclaimed April 22 as “Go Orange Day” in Maryland, urging everyone to wear orange in support of highway worker safety.
A moment of silence for road workers who have been killed will be observed at noon this Friday.
This regularly scheduled column is written by Eli Tucker, Arlington-based Realtor and Arlington resident. If you would like to work with Eli and his team in Northern Virginia and the greater D.C. Metro area, you can reach him directly at [email protected].
Question: How has the local real estate market performed so far this year?
Answer: After a year where market conditions softened in favor of buyers, the Northern VA real estate market became more favorable for sellers in the first quarter of 2026, while the Washington DC condo market continued to reel.
What is in this article:
- Northern VA, Arlington, and Washington DC Absorption Trends (demand)
- Northern VA, Arlington, and Washington DC Inventory Trends (supply)
- Washington DC List Price Trends (market values)
Northern VA & Arlington Inventory is Being Absorbed Faster
After four straight quarters of double-digit decreases in year-over-year absorption, the Northern VA and Arlington markets saw a ~8% increase in absorption rate.
What this means: Demand increased in Q1
Northern VA & Arlington New Listing Volume is Declining
After a promising trend of six straight quarters of year-over-year increases in the number of homes listed for sale in Northern VA, new listing activity fell by ~1% each of the previous two quarters.
What this means: Sellers have less competition, buyers have fewer choices
Washington DC Condo Absorption is Plummeting
The absorption rate for DC condos has declined year-over-year for 16 quarters straight and 23 out of the past 26 quarters.
What this means: It is difficult to find buyers for DC condos
Washington DC Condo Inventory Declined Slightly
Total inventory declined by 3.4% year-over-year, the first quarterly drop since Q4 2023. Still, there were great than 2x more condos for sale in DC in Q1 2026 than Q1 2020
What this means: Motivated sellers must compete aggressively with each other for buyers
Washington DC Condos Keep Getting Cheaper
The average price of a DC condo listed for sale is 9.4% less than it was in Q1 2025 and ~9% less than it was ten years ago.
What this means: Even lowering the price won’t guarantee a buyer
If you’d like to discuss buying, selling, investing, or renting, don’t hesitate to reach out to me at [email protected].
We have access to the most pre and off-market listings across the DMV of any brokerage and are happy to share what’s available with anybody who asks.
Below are some of our team’s pre/off-market listings, details and additional listings available by request:
- Westover – 4BR/2BA/2,000sqft – Detached Single Family (2000) – 23rd St N Arlington VA 22205
- Green Valley – 5BR/4.5BA/3,000sqft – Detached Single Family (2020) – 24th St S Arlington VA 22206
- Ballston – 4BR/3.5BA/2,400sqft – Townhouse (2008) – N George Mason Dr Arlington VA 22203
- Ballston – 4BR/3.5BA+office/4,000 sqft – Four Townhouses (2026/2027) – 11th St N Arlington VA 22201
- Rosslyn – 2BR/2BA/1,800sqft – Condo (2021) – 1781 N Pierce St Arlington VA 22209
- Rosslyn – 3BR/2.5BA/2,400sqft – Condo (1986) – 1530 Key Blvd Arlington VA 22209
- Williamsburg – 6BR/5.5BA/5,500 sqft – Detached Single Family (2026) – 27th St N Arlington VA 22207
- Yorktown – 6BR/6.5BA/6,000+ sqft – Detached Single Family (2026) – N Greencastle St Arlington VA 22207
Eli and his team believe that your real estate needs should be managed by advisors, not salespeople. Their mission is to guide, educate, and advocate for their clients through real advice, hands-on support, and personalized service.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), “on behalf of the Department of Education (ED),” on Monday released a Notice Inviting Grant Applications for the Child Care Access Means Parents in School (CCAMPIS) program. Applications are due by May 29.
Last November, ED announced that it had entered into an interagency agreement with HHS to administer the CCAMPIS program. This is the first CCAMPIS competition conducted under this arrangement.
Approximately $73.5 million will go to institutions of higher education that awarded at least $250,000 in Pell grants to enrolled students in FY 2025. HHS will award about 148 grants, ranging from $150,000 to $1 million.
The terms of the grant competition are not significantly different than prior competitions. As before, there are two absolute grant priorities that every application must address – leveraging non-federal resources and utilizing a sliding-fee scale for low-income parents.
This year’s competition includes only one invitational priority that reflects the Trump administration’s general educational policy. The new priority, entitled “Expanding Education Choice in Early Learning Settings,” encourages applications that “expand access to education choice … including by empowering parents in choosing the early learning setting that best meets their family’s needs.” Flexible childcare programs that include drop-in care and care during nontraditional hours are also encouraged.
One other notable difference from prior competitions is an expanded “Terms and Conditions” section that not only requires compliance with applicable civil rights laws, but also refers to Trump administration Executive Orders and guidance on racial discrimination that clarify “the application of federal antidiscrimination laws to programs or initiatives that may involve discriminatory practices, including those labeled as Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (“DEI”) programs.” This includes any “discriminatory equity ideology [as defined in Executive Order 14190] in violation of a federal antidiscrimination law.”
The exact scope of these terms is unclear because courts have not found many of the practices described in these Executive Orders and guidance documents to be violations of federal law.
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