Q: My eldest daughter is 6, strong-willed, explosive and defiant. When she doesn’t get her way (we say no or there’s a natural consequence) she gets violent or destructive. We try a lot of approaches and she is seeing a psychologist.
Washington
Advice | I keep spanking my defiant 6-year-old. I’m scared of myself.
A: It’s clear you have tremendous guilt; you know that spanking not only doesn’t teach a child anything, but it also makes most behaviors worse. (For anyone who isn’t sure about this, the data is out there and clear.)
You wrote, “I am scared of myself because it seemed like an autonomous reaction and out of my control.” This is worth digging into. Are you dissociating? Do you feel like you are watching yourself rather than feeling like you’re in your body? You could be having a trauma response to your child’s explosion. This is not uncommon; We have conscious and unconscious memories and, without realizing it, our bodies can feel unsafe and cope in automatic or instinctive ways, like attacking or checking out. I strongly recommend talking to your doctor about your symptoms and seeking professional help from someone who specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder and/or complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
As you work on getting help, we need to help your brain-body connection. Parent coach and trauma specialist Sandi Lerman coined the term LIFT to help caregivers clarify issues in front of them. I find it is helpful in almost every challenging situation. L stands for the length of time that a struggle or, in your case, the feeling of being out of control lasts. When you spank your daughter, how do you feel for the rest of the day? Checked out? Wracked with guilt?
I stands for intensity. On the days you snapped, what was the intensity of your emotions even before your daughter’s explosion? If you zoom out, were you already feeling upset or stressed? For instance, I received some bad news this week and was very upset. One of my children had a big reaction to a mistake I made and, in turn, I had an even bigger reaction. Yes, she had an explosion, but the intensity of my feelings leading up to it definitely fed the situation.
F stands for frequency, which means how often you “check out” and spank your daughter, or even how often you feel dissociated. This kind of data is incredibly helpful for your doctors, and it also helps to gauge your growth as you begin to address this coping mechanism.
Finally, T is for triggers, one of the most important steps in understanding what is happening when you lose control. The best way to look at triggers is to write down what you remember. For example, “It was a Saturday morning, and I hadn’t slept well. Andrea woke up angry and was demanding a breakfast we didn’t have time to make. I was trying to reason with her, and she kept screaming in my face. She pushed me hard, and I almost stepped on the cat. From there, I don’t remember what happened …” Pay close attention to your breathing and your muscles as you write. Are you holding your breath or tense? Are you sweating? Are you beginning to check out? If at any point you begin to panic, stop, keep your eyes open, and do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique, which involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.
Writing out your “LIFT” list serves two purposes: It gives you data for a specialist, and helps you see the patterns of when you lose control. You may realize that you were exhausted, angry, upset, but that being pushed was the trigger that led you to feel out of body. If the list shows you that you spank after your daughter hits, you can make a plan to exit the room when your daughter begins to become explosive. I don’t frequently recommend that parents leave their children, but in the case of violence, you do what you must. To smooth this process, tell the family, “When I feel angry at level 10, I will be walking outside to keep everyone safe. I love you all, and I will return after I breathe and feel calmer.” If you have a partner, make this plan a priority between the two of you.
Above all, please know that your body is in a panicked state when you lose control with your daughter and spank. You are not a “bad parent,” you need support and compassion. Please do not wait to get help, and good luck.
Federal authorities are planning a “summer surge” aimed at reducing crimes committed by young people in D.C. sources tell News4.
U.S. Attorney for D.C. Jeanine Pirro is expected to announce Friday that the D.C. Safe and Beautiful Task Force will do additional enforcement and get more resources, law enforcement sources said.
The move comes about two weeks after the D.C. Council chose not to vote on extending Mayor Muriel Bowser’s emergency youth curfew zones over the summer.
President Donald Trump issued an executive order in March 2025 that established the task force. He declared a crime emergency and temporarily federalized the locally run Metropolitan Police Department in August 2025.
Trump threatened to seize control of MPD after teens attacked then-Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) employee Edward Coristine, who was known by the nickname Big Balls.
Pirro has repeatedly railed against youth who commit crimes and told News4 she would like to see children as young as 12 prosecuted as adults.
“The time for coddling young people – 14, 15, 16, 17 – is over. And it’s time that we lowered the age of criminal responsibility,” she said in August.
Stay with NBC Washington for more details on this developing story.
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HOUSTON, Texas (KTRK) — The owner of a popular Washington Avenue restaurant says he was arrested after a dispute with city health inspectors over whether his business had a valid permit to operate.
Surveillance video recorded May 6 inside Betelgeuse Betelgeuse shows owner Chris Cusack speaking with Houston Health Department officials before he was taken into custody.
“I was pretty dazed, and all I could do is comply until it all got figured out,” Cusack said.
Cusack was charged with failure to comply with local health and sanitary laws after authorities accused the restaurant of operating without a food dealer’s permit.
The Houston Health Department says food dealer permits are valid for one year and must be renewed annually.
Cusack disputes the allegation, saying he has paperwork he believes proves the business had renewed its permit in March.
“I pulled it off the wall and showed it to him,” Cusack said. “He said it wasn’t the right business. I said it has my business’ name and address on it.”
Cusack said inspectors questioned whether the permit was tied to the correct business identification number.
“(The inspector) saw the first ID and said, ‘Ah ha, that’s the one you’re working under, so therefore this isn’t valid,’” Cusack said.
ABC13 reached out to the Houston Health Department with questions about the arrest. The department referred questions to the Houston Police Department.
According to HPD, the health department ordered the business closed in October 2025 for operating without a permit, though officials did not specify which type of permit was involved.
Police said the business was instructed to remain closed until it complied with health regulations. On May 4, inspectors learned the restaurant was open, according to HPD. Inspectors returned two days later, when Cusack was arrested.
Cusack said he was never told to shut down the business and questioned why inspectors waited months before returning.
The restaurant, known for pizza and drinks, reopened following the arrest and was serving customers again on Wednesday.
Cusack also expressed concern about what he described as aggressive enforcement targeting Washington Avenue businesses.
The entertainment district has faced increased law enforcement scrutiny in recent years as city leaders attempted to curb reckless behavior and nightlife-related crime.
“Washington Avenue business owners are just being confused by these intense raids on businesses for what are typically really basic scenarios,” Cusack said.
Court records show Cusack is scheduled to appear in court on Thursday on the charge.
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Metro is not recommending the construction of a new Metrorail station at the Commanders’ future home at the RFK Stadium site, documents released Tuesday reveal.
The transit agency instead recommended the creation of a rapid bus line called the Gold Line that would connect to Metrorail and buses at Union Station.
Metro also recommended major improvements to the Stadium-Armory Metro station. Without these measures, they warned it could take more than two hours to clear crowds after events at the stadium.
Metro said it projects that building a new rail station would cost about $1 billion and not be complete by the time the stadium is set to open in 2030.
More than half of people heading to events at the new stadium are expected to take public transportation.
Metro studied potential locations for a new Metro station, including Oklahoma Avenue and Benning Road NE.
Neighbors have repeatedly said they’re worried about traffic and parking.
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