Q: My eldest daughter is 6, strong-willed, explosive and defiant. When she doesn’t get her way (we say no or there’s a natural consequence) she gets violent or destructive. We try a lot of approaches and she is seeing a psychologist.
Washington
Advice | I keep spanking my defiant 6-year-old. I’m scared of myself.
A: It’s clear you have tremendous guilt; you know that spanking not only doesn’t teach a child anything, but it also makes most behaviors worse. (For anyone who isn’t sure about this, the data is out there and clear.)
You wrote, “I am scared of myself because it seemed like an autonomous reaction and out of my control.” This is worth digging into. Are you dissociating? Do you feel like you are watching yourself rather than feeling like you’re in your body? You could be having a trauma response to your child’s explosion. This is not uncommon; We have conscious and unconscious memories and, without realizing it, our bodies can feel unsafe and cope in automatic or instinctive ways, like attacking or checking out. I strongly recommend talking to your doctor about your symptoms and seeking professional help from someone who specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder and/or complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
As you work on getting help, we need to help your brain-body connection. Parent coach and trauma specialist Sandi Lerman coined the term LIFT to help caregivers clarify issues in front of them. I find it is helpful in almost every challenging situation. L stands for the length of time that a struggle or, in your case, the feeling of being out of control lasts. When you spank your daughter, how do you feel for the rest of the day? Checked out? Wracked with guilt?
I stands for intensity. On the days you snapped, what was the intensity of your emotions even before your daughter’s explosion? If you zoom out, were you already feeling upset or stressed? For instance, I received some bad news this week and was very upset. One of my children had a big reaction to a mistake I made and, in turn, I had an even bigger reaction. Yes, she had an explosion, but the intensity of my feelings leading up to it definitely fed the situation.
F stands for frequency, which means how often you “check out” and spank your daughter, or even how often you feel dissociated. This kind of data is incredibly helpful for your doctors, and it also helps to gauge your growth as you begin to address this coping mechanism.
Finally, T is for triggers, one of the most important steps in understanding what is happening when you lose control. The best way to look at triggers is to write down what you remember. For example, “It was a Saturday morning, and I hadn’t slept well. Andrea woke up angry and was demanding a breakfast we didn’t have time to make. I was trying to reason with her, and she kept screaming in my face. She pushed me hard, and I almost stepped on the cat. From there, I don’t remember what happened …” Pay close attention to your breathing and your muscles as you write. Are you holding your breath or tense? Are you sweating? Are you beginning to check out? If at any point you begin to panic, stop, keep your eyes open, and do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique, which involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.
Writing out your “LIFT” list serves two purposes: It gives you data for a specialist, and helps you see the patterns of when you lose control. You may realize that you were exhausted, angry, upset, but that being pushed was the trigger that led you to feel out of body. If the list shows you that you spank after your daughter hits, you can make a plan to exit the room when your daughter begins to become explosive. I don’t frequently recommend that parents leave their children, but in the case of violence, you do what you must. To smooth this process, tell the family, “When I feel angry at level 10, I will be walking outside to keep everyone safe. I love you all, and I will return after I breathe and feel calmer.” If you have a partner, make this plan a priority between the two of you.
Above all, please know that your body is in a panicked state when you lose control with your daughter and spank. You are not a “bad parent,” you need support and compassion. Please do not wait to get help, and good luck.
The Catholic archbishop of Washington DC on Wednesday removed a well-known priest as an exorcist of the archdiocese after he made public comments suggesting that UFO sightings were the work of demons.
Cardinal Robert McElroy said the archdiocese also was cutting ties with the St Michael Center for Spiritual Renewal, a Washington-based non-profit headed by the priest, Monsignor Stephen Rossetti.
The archbishop said Rossetti’s statements “linking UFOs to demonic presence and the Center’s recent use of social media gravely undermine the Church’s very precise teaching on the devil, demons and exorcism”.
“There’s a danger here,” Rossetti said in a 29 May video posted on his Facebook page addressing UFO sightings and the existence of aliens. “As an exorcist I wanted to raise that danger. And that is that demons like to hide … They don’t want us to know what they’re doing because they’re more effective when we don’t realize it.
“They can kind of get into your head, you know, and manipulate things in the world to influence us to do evil.
“It’s my personal belief that probably many if not most of these UFO sightings are in fact demons,” Rossetti added.
Rossetti also said that people can be good Catholics and believe there’s life on other planets, though he does not personally believe life exists elsewhere.
In a statement posted on the St Michael Center website, Rossetti said he was saddened by the action of the archdiocese.
“I ask forgiveness for any ways that I have not been faithful to the teachings of the Church’s Magisterium, particularly in the cited video on ‘aliens and the demonic’,” he said. “I believe it is of the utmost importance to be obedient to the Church and I will continue to endeavor to subject all that I do and the Center to be thus obedient.”
Rossetti, who has more than 148,000 followers on Instagram, is a prominent psychologist as well as an exorcist. His center has specialized in offering spiritual healing for priests troubled by various difficulties.
In 2023, he told the Associated Press there was increasing and renewed appetite for information about demonic possession and exorcism.
PITTSBURGH — The Pittsburgh Steelers are keeping Darnell Washington around for another four years, signing the former third-round tight end to a contract extension, according to NFL insider Jordan Schultz.
Washington is the team’s third contract extension this spring, joining kicker Chris Boswell and edge rusher Nick Herbig. He’s the second member of the 2023 draft class after he and Herbig signed in back-to-back days.
Washington’s deal is worth $42 million and includes $21 million in guaranteed money.
Sources: The #Steelers and TE Darnell Washington have agreed to a 4-year, $42m extension.
The massive tight end has developed into a key piece of Pittsburgh’s offense and has been everything the Steelers hoped for when they drafted him. pic.twitter.com/PVLVF5Qh8S
— Jordan Schultz (@Schultz_Report) June 4, 2026
The 6-foot-7 tight end out of Georgia found a nice groove for himself on the offensive side of the ball last season and became a reliable target for Aaron Rodgers while being used as a key piece to the running game. Under new head coach Mike McCarthy, Washington’s role is expected to grow even more.
“Love Darnell, he’s been here every day, in the classroom, good student, he’s a pro’s pro,” McCarthy said about Washington during minicamp. “I’ve been veryimpressed with him. He’s done everything we’ve asked. I know I keep saying this, it’s year one that you get to know your players, go to certain schemes, you may tilt one way or the other variations of schemes, and definitely we’ve been doing that with our tight ends, and he’s a big part of that reason.”
With Washington under contract for the next five years and Pat Freiermuth having three more years on his deal, the Steelers solidify their tight end room for the future. Both players will be heavily involved, as Freiermuth remains the top pass-catching option and Washington grows into an all-around weapon.
Steelers Moves Aren’t Done Yet
The Steelers aren’t done with their offseason extensions, either. Outside of Washington, Herbig and Boswell, Joey Porter Jr., Keeanu Benton and Spencer Anderson could all ink deals before the season.
Porter Jr. was the talk of the town heading into the offseason, but with a contract that is likely top five in the NFL at his position, it may take longer than hoped for the two sides to sign a deal. Both sides remain optimistic, but also realistic that it may take time.
As for Benton, the team is currently negotiating with him and he could be the next domino to fall in the signings. Don’t rule out Anderson getting a deal done as well.
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WASHINGTON COUNTY, Ore. (KPTV) – The Washington County Sheriff’s Office released video of deputies using a drone to track down a man wanted for damaging a car.
On Saturday, May 30, a 911 caller reported a man damaging a car outside their home on Southwest 179th Avenue in Aloha. The sheriff’s office said it was reported the suspect, 21-year-old Santos Paulino Castro-Ramirez, was punching the car.
Deputies used a drone to follow the suspect as he ran toward Southwest Barcelona Lane. The sheriff’s office said Castro-Ramirez then entered a white SUV that did not belong to him on SW Barcelona.
Deputies arrested Castro-Ramirez. He was booked into the Washington County Jail for first-degree burglary and attempt to commit a crime – second-degree theft.
Copyright 2026 KPTV-KPDX. All rights reserved.
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