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Advice | Asking Eric: Self-published author struggles with jealousy

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Advice | Asking Eric: Self-published author struggles with jealousy


Welcome to “Asking Eric,” a new daily advice column by R. Eric Thomas, which replaces Amy Dickinson’s “Ask Amy.” You can read her last column here.

Dear Eric: I’m a self-published fiction author. I’m really struggling with jealousy and despair. Every time I see a published book or step into a bookstore, I feel this wave of sadness. I’m trying to get my books out there, get whatever reviews I can, and promote myself on social media but it feels impossible.

A friend just told me she won’t try out a new author unless they have thousands of good reviews on Amazon or Goodreads. My last book got about 20 good reviews after weeks of hustling. How do I keep going? How can I redirect my thoughts when the jealousy/despair hits?

Author: I worry you’re tracking your achievements using someone else’s yardstick. You’ve published a book. At some point in the past, that was the goal. So, you have already achieved one metric of success. Of course, we all harbor dreams of acclaim, but those dreams are so rarely right-sized. Do you want to be a famous author or do you want to be an author who is reaching readers who appreciate you?

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This is a career field where jealousy waits around every corner, but other people’s success doesn’t take anything away from us. You’re not in competition with other authors, you’re in competition with your own expectations. Ask yourself: If you got thousands of reviews, would that feel like enough? You are already enough so let’s reframe your goals to help you feel that more often.

Your friend is entitled to her own selection process but thousands of reviews is an unrealistic number. To get that, any author, even the Emily Henrys and John Grishams, needs the support of dozens, if not hundreds of people employed by the big publishing houses. Meanwhile, you worked your tail off and got those 20 reviews on your own. That’s huge!

If there’s an author whose career you want to emulate, reach out to them to find out the nuts and bolts of how they got to where they are, but make sure that comparison will help you. As writer Freddie DeBoer recently pointed out in an issue of his Substack newsletter titled “Publishing is Designed to Make Most Authors Feel Like Losers Even While the Industry Makes Money,” “writing is also an intensely personal endeavor, and so rejection by the various apparatchiks who decide who’s in and who’s out can feel especially cruel.” Have a good think about whose approval you want (hopefully your own) and what you’re trying to achieve. Remind yourself that the authors you see may have different goals than you and probably also feel that old jealousy.

Lastly, I can’t say enough about building relationships with independent booksellers and librarians. Get to know the ones in your area. Even if you’re exclusively publishing e-books, these pros can help you understand the decision-making that leads readers to books, and eventually to those online review sites.

Dear Eric: I am in my mid-60s. Sometimes when I meet people I haven’t seen for a long time, say from college, I hear “you haven’t changed a bit.” Back then I had shoulder length hair. Today, I’m bald and what hair I have left is cut very short. How do I respond to such nonsense while maintaining a good attitude toward them?

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— Hair Yesterday, Gone Today

Hair: I understand your sentiment as a fellow member of the shaved head club (it’s cheaper! It’s cooler! But oh the sunburns!). Still, you should take the compliment in the spirit it’s given. Of course you’ve changed physically, but maybe your energy is the same. Or maybe they just think it’s flattering. If the mood suits say, “Oh, I’ve changed — I got even better.”

Dear Eric: My partner (husband) and I have been together for 18 years. My sister-in-law created a “family tree” and gave copies to all family members as a gift. On closer inspection, my “husband” was left off the family tree indicating that I am single. My sister-in-law and her family do not believe in gay marriage. What should I do about this slight?

Marriage: It’s a good thing your relationship’s existence isn’t dependent upon what your sister-in-law doesn’t believe in. Long-term relationships aren’t Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, they’re mostly taking out the garbage and texting each other things to pick up from the grocery store. (They’re also emotional support, caretaking, and commitment, and all that good stuff.) I’m sure you’ve already had this banging-your-head-against-the-wall conversation with your in-law, but you should voice your displeasure about the tree as a way of setting an expectation about the respect you want. Once you’ve said your piece, throw the “gift” in the trash and order your own correct tree and give it to your family.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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Pentagon readies 1,500 troops to possibly deploy to Minnesota, US media say

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Pentagon readies 1,500 troops to possibly deploy to Minnesota, US media say


  • Trump had threatened Insurrection Act to control protests against ICE
  • Minnesota governor mobilizes National Guard amid rising tensions
  • 11th Airborne Division soldiers in Alaska on standby, reports say
  • Confrontations high after ICE agent killed Renee Good
Jan 18 (Reuters) – The Pentagon has ordered about 1,500 active-duty soldiers to prepare for a possible deployment to Minnesota, the site of large protests against the government’s deportation drive, U.S. media reported on Sunday.

The army placed the units on prepare-to-deploy orders in case violence in the northern state escalates, the Washington Post reported, citing unnamed defense officials, adding that it is not clear whether any of them will be sent.

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The White House told the Post in a statement that it is typical for the Pentagon “to be prepared for any decision the President may or may not make.” The Pentagon and the White House did not immediately respond to requests from Reuters for comment.

President Donald Trump threatened on Thursday to use the Insurrection Act to deploy military forces if officials in the state do not stop protesters from targeting immigration officials after a surge in Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents.

THREAT OF TROOPS FOLLOWS SURGE OF IMMIGRATION AGENTS

“If the corrupt politicians of Minnesota don’t obey the law and stop the professional agitators and insurrectionists from attacking the Patriots of I.C.E., who are only trying to do their job, I will institute the INSURRECTION ACT,” Trump posted on his Truth Social platform.

The soldiers subject to deployment specialize in cold-weather operations and are assigned to two U.S. Army infantry battalions under the 11th Airborne Division, which is based in Alaska, the Post and ABC News reported.

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Confrontations between residents and federal officers have become increasingly tense in Minneapolis, Minnesota’s most-populous city, after an ICE agent fatally shot Renee Good, a U.S. citizen and mother of three, on January 7 as she was driving away after being ordered to exit her car.

Trump, a Republican, has sent nearly 3,000 federal agents from ICE and Border Patrol to Minneapolis and neighboring St. Paul since early last week, as part of a wave of interventions, mostly to cities run by Democratic politicians.

He has said troop deployments in Los Angeles, Chicago, Washington, D.C., Memphis and Portland, Oregon, are necessary to fight crime and protect federal property and personnel from protesters. But this month he said he was removing the National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland, which have faced legal setbacks and challenges.

Local leaders have accused the president of federal overreach and of exaggerating isolated episodes of violence to justify sending in troops.

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, against whom the Justice Department has opened a criminal investigation, has mobilized the state’s National Guard, opens new tab to support local law enforcement and emergency management agencies, the state Department of Public Safety posted on X on Saturday.
Trump has repeatedly invoked a scandal around the theft of federal funds intended for social-welfare programs in Minnesota as a rationale for sending immigration agents in. The president and administration officials have repeatedly singled out the state’s community of Somali immigrants.

The Insurrection Act is a federal law that gives the president the power to deploy the military or federalize National Guard troops inside the U.S. to quell domestic uprisings.

The law can be invoked when there are “unlawful obstructions, combinations or assemblages or rebellion” against federal authority. If the president deems those conditions have been met, he may use the armed forces to take actions “to enforce those laws or suppress the rebellion.

Reporting by Chandni Shah in Bengaluru; Editing by Tom Hogue and William Mallard

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Bellevue vs. Renton: Watch Washington boys high school basketball tilt live tonight

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Bellevue vs. Renton: Watch Washington boys high school basketball tilt live tonight


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Bellevue travels to Renton High School on Friday night for a nonleague matchup that pits two surging programs coming in on win streaks. The Wolverines (12-2) enter riding momentum from last season’s state quarterfinal appearance, while the Red Hawks (7-8) look to build consistency under head coach Rashaad Powell.

Head coach Warren King returns a deep senior class led by Jackson Skaggs, Max Harrity, Eduardo Molina, Kenny Shin, Trevin King and Nick Norrah. The Wolverines also feature junior Tayten Jones, giving them a balanced roster capable of competing with any team in the state.

The Red Hawks counter with their own weapons. Senior Isaac Elegan anchors the lineup, while junior scorer Sudan Luok provides offensive firepower. Junior co-captains Julius White-Kelly, Nick Jarvis and Jalen Taylor round out a core that has shown flashes this season.

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Opening tipoff is set for 8 p.m. PT on Friday, January 16 with a live TV broadcast on NFHS Network.

• WATCH: Bellevue vs. Renton basketball is livestreaming on NFHS Network

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How to watch Bellevue vs. Renton basketball livestream

What: Wolverines, Red Hawks set for Friday night Showdown in Renton

When: Tipoff is set for 8 p.m. PT on Friday, January 16

Where: Renton High School | Renton, Washington

Watch live: Watch Bellevue vs. Renton live on the NFHS Network



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National Guard troops to stay on Washington, DC, streets through 2026

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National Guard troops to stay on Washington, DC, streets through 2026


WASHINGTON (AP) — National Guard troops will be on the streets of Washington, D.C., until the end of the year, according to a memo reviewed by The Associated Press.

The memo, signed by Army Secretary Dan Driscoll and dated Wednesday, said “the conditions of the mission” warranted an extension past the end of next month to continue supporting President Donald Trump’s “ongoing efforts to restore law and order.”

Meanwhile, Trump said this month that for now he was dropping his push to deploy National Guard troops in Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland, Oregon, which had provoked legal challenges. He also backed off a bit Friday from his threat a day earlier to invoke the Insurrection Act to deploy troops to quell protests in Minnesota.

In Washington, troops have been charged with patrolling the streets and picking up trash. Trump has asserted repeatedly that crime has vanished in the city.

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Two National Guard troops from West Virginia that were part of the mission in D.C. were shot the day before Thanksgiving. Specialist Sarah Beckstrom, 20, died from her injuries.

The National Guard has about 2,400 troops in Washington, with about 700 from D.C. and the rest from 11 states with Republican governors, including Indiana, South Carolina, Alabama and Oklahoma.



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