PEORIA, Ariz. — It’s like buying a shiny new Porsche with a rusted Honda Civic engine.

It’s hiring Neil deGrasse Tyson as a professor and having him teach first-grade science.

It’s inviting Dave Chappelle to do a set in front of a church gathering.

It is these Seattle Mariners.

This is a team that had baseball’s greatest collection of pitchers last year, but were burdened with an offense that ruined a potentially magical season. Instead of earning their first World Series berth in their 48-year franchise history, the Mariners sat home and missed the playoffs for the 22^nd time in the past 23 years.

No team in baseball was in more dire need this winter of hitting the free-agent market for offensive help. Outfielder Juan Soto was available if they really wanted to spend big. First baseman Pete Alonso could have been had for a bargain-basement price. Same with third baseman Alex Bregman.

The Mariners didn’t make a single offer to any of the three All-Stars.

Instead, they merely re-signed Jorge Polanco to a one-year, $7.8 million contract and brought in infielder Donovan Solano on a one-year, $3.5 million contract.

That was it.

They may have been better off convincing Ken Griffey Jr., Ichiro Suzuki and Edgar Martinez, the three Hall of Famers who were at the Mariners facility on Monday, to come out of retirement for an offensive boost.

The inactivity left Mariners fans screaming, the players union and agents seething, and their own players restless.

“The fact that they missed the playoffs by one game, and didn’t go out and add an impact bat or two when you have the best pitching staff in baseball,” former Mariners infielder Justin Turner told USA TODAY Sports, “just seems absurd to me.”

Turner, who spent the last two months of the season with the Mariners after being traded from Toronto, badly wanted to return. He fell in love with the city. Adored the people. Dug the Pacific Northwest vibe. And thoroughly enjoyed playing for manager Dan Wilson.

He waited all winter for the Mariners to make a respectful offer, but instead was left signing a one-year, $6 million deal with the Chicago Cubs after the start of spring training.

And this isn’t Turner bitter about not re-signing with the Mariners. Even if he returned, but they made no other major additions, his sentiments would be exactly the same.

“Honestly, as much as I wanted to be back there,” Turner said, “if I was the only piece they brought back in, I would be saying the same thing: What the hell are we doing? Are you trying?”

“There’s not going to a better time to go for it. So, I don’t know what they’re doing. I’m very confused. It’s a head-scratcher for me.”

Turner says he was frustrated all winter just thinking about how they squandered their spectacular pitching staff, knowing that if they just got into the playoffs, they could have been the last team standing.

“I told them several times this offseason, you have a unicorn of a pitching staff,” Turner said. “This might be the best five starting pitchers in the history of the game. I mean, find me a better 5-man. There obviously has been teams that have had elite three guys, right? [Hall of Famers Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine and John Smoltz in Atlanta]. Maybe four guys [Baltimore Orioles’ 20-game winners Jim Palmer, Dave McNally, Bobby Culler and Pat Dobson in 1971]. But five guys?”

Well, the ’88 Mets certainly would disagree with Dwight Gooden, Ron Darling David Cone, Bob Ojeda and Sid Fernandez, but Turner’s point is clear. The Seattle rotation – with Logan Gilbert, George Kirby, Luis Castillo, Bryce Miller and Bryan Woo starting 149 of the 162 games – set a franchise record with a 3.40 ERA. The rotation also led MLB in lowest opponent’s batting average (.223), on-base percentage (.266), OPS (.644), fewest hits per nine innings (7.37), WHIP (1.03), strikeout-to-walk ratio (4.77) and quality starts (92).

“There’s never going to be a better time in the history of that franchise to have added a couple of bats to make a run than this year,” Turner said, “and they missed it. …

“I thought Alonso was a slam-dunk. How can you not go after him? You kidding me?”

The Mariners’ passionate fanbase is fuming and while the current players aren’t about to lash out at ownership, they’re well aware that they spent $71 million less in free agency than even the Athletics. Their projected payroll is $152 million – $90 million under the luxury tax threshold – ranking 16^th in the league and lower than everyone in the AL West with the exception of the homeless A’s.

“That’s not our job,” Mariners shortstop J.P. Crawford said. “I know the fans are mad at certain people, but they’re taking it out on all of the players. So, I really don’t get that.”

Said Gilbert: “I wouldn’t say we’re frustrated, we were just kind of waiting to see what happened. You kept hearing rumors, and whether we’d sign somebody. Really, I think we were more curious than anything.”

The players can’t demand the front office or ownership to spend. They’re free to speak their mind, but would prefer to do it privately. Gold Glove catcher Cal Raleigh publicly criticized ownership for its lack of spending at the end of the 2023 season, but apologized the next day.

“It’s hard, because it’s not our money,” Miller said. “We could say, ‘Go get everybody.’ Obviously, there were a lot of guys who were free agents this year who were impact guys, so no one would ever turn down an impact guy for the offense.

“But at the end of the day, the guys who are in the locker room, that’s who were going with, that’s who we’re riding with. We believe in who we have.”

Really, they have no choice. They’re hoping that after their offense, the second-worst in baseball the first five months – hitting .214 and averaging 3.9 runs a game – will pick up where it left off after Wilson was hired Aug. 22 to replace Scott Servais, while bringing in Martinez as their hitting coach. They went 21-13 after making the change, averaging 5.8 runs a game (third-best in MLB) while hitting .273 (second-best) with an .804 OPS (second-best).

“There was a definite culture change,” Turner said. “I don’t really know how to describe it, just a vibe, a relaxed intensity. You could definitely see a difference in the room.”

Said Kirby: “With the staff we had, and the way we were getting clutch hits with the bats, we would have been trouble for teams, for sure.”

The Mariners say the biggest change was merely simplifying their approach at the plate, focusing on putting the ball in play instead of swinging for the fences. Their offensive surge has carried over this spring with the Mariners averaging six runs a game under new hitting coach Kevin Seitzer, with Martinez the senior director of hitting strategy.

“I think we’re all excited with Dan at the helm now, and Edgar leading the charge with the offensive strategy,” Raleigh said. “I think guys are hungrier. There’s very good energy going on around here.

“Dan is such a good person, but brings a fierce kind of competitiveness to this team.”

‘Jerry gets a bad rap’

The front office stayed the same with Jerry Dipoto, president of baseball operations, returning for his 10^th full season. While Dipoto has been mocked for his flurries of trades while making the playoffs only once in his tenure, their payroll constraints may have played a significant factor in some of the trades that backfired.

You don’t think the Mariners would have loved to have kept third baseman Eugenio Suarez, who hit 30 homers and drove in 101 runs last season for the Arizona Diamondbacks, while earning $11 million? Or wish they have given outfielder Teoscar Hernandez at least a qualifying offer instead of watching him hit 33 homers and drive in 99 runs last year for the Dodgers?

“I think Jerry catches a bad rap for a lot of these trades and how crazy some of these trades have been,” Turner said. “But now being a part of it, I kind of understand. He doesn’t have any money to spend, so he’s got to create money. Like, OK, is it really Jerry’s fault?

“He’s doing everything he can to create a budget to be able to do things. It’s like when he traded [Kendall] Graveman to Houston for [Abraham] Toro. You’re thinking, ‘What in the world?’ He’s probably needed to trade guys just to be able to spend money in the offseason, which is nuts.”

The fear now is that time is running out for the Mariners to take advantage of their pitching prowess. Gilbert, who struck out 220 batters with a 3.23 ERA in a league-leading 208.2 innings in his All-Star season, is a free agent in two years. Raleigh, their Platinum Glove winner who is the first player to led catchers in homers for three consecutive years since Hall of Famer Mike Piazza, is a free agent in three years. Who even knows how long they’ll be here when their salaries start rising before free agency?

“Logan Gilbert is the modern-day Felix Hernandez,” Turner said. “He’s got that kind of an ERA and he’s [9-12]. That’s crazy. And you got a catcher that’s the best catcher in the history of the game his first three years, just won a Platinum Glove, and you’ve only got a few more years left for him. There’s not going to a better time to go for it.

“I feel for them. They’ve got great fans. Their fans are amazing. They want to win so bad. The team is very profitable. And they don’t spend.”

‘We can go toe-to-toe with anybody’

Maybe all will be forgiven if the Mariners just get into the postseason. They don’t need to win 116 games like their 2001 team. They don’t even have to win the division. Just get into the dance, and with their starting rotation and deep bullpen, they’ll take their chances against anyone and everyone.

“When it comes to pitching, there’s nobody better,” Mariners first baseman Rowdy Tellez said. “I would take this staff over the Dodgers and anybody else. It’s such an electric staff and you have one of the best catchers in baseball that runs it.”

And this year, besides returning the entire staff without trading a starter for offensive help, they’ve got a secret weapon.

A massive chip on their shoulders.

“Almost every guy in the lineup will tell you they had a down year, except for maybe Cal,” said Mariners outfielder Mitch Haniger, who hit .208 with 12 homers and 44 RBI. “We all expected more of ourselves. So we’re all motivated.

“Missing out on the playoffs is never fun, but we all have something to prove, and make sure what happened last year never happens again.”

Their 2025 mantra: Just get in, baby.

“I feel like we can go toe-to-toe with anybody in the playoffs, whether it’s a three-game, five-game or seven-game series,” Gilbert said. “When I was home watching the playoffs on TV, I knew they were the best teams in the league, but I also know we could have played with them.

“I really believe we’re going to give people a run for their money this year.”

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