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A New York State of Mind

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A New York State of Mind


I love the Northwest, but there’s no place like New York City. Recently, I was there for some meetings. As I walked from one neighborhood to another, taking in the intellectual stimulation and people-watching, I understood the importance of adopting a New York State of Mind, at least occasionally. Let me explain.

To begin, all the senses are aroused. Most storefronts confront you with intriguing possibilities. Along my walk to lunch, I passed a children’s bookstore and got lost browsing in it for a while. I noticed the clothing stores — none of them franchises. I didn’t dare go in any, but admired the pricey outfi ts. Every half hour or so, I would pass a small museum. My favorite was the photography museum, where I couldn’t resist buying a poster.

Second, there’s the architecture: a mix of buildings, each one interesting to scan from bottom to top. Some have helicopter pads. The 18th-century buildings have exquisite and ornate detail. Skyscrapers boldly change shape halfway up. I imagined the penthouses at the top, a place only true titans of business can afford.

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Third, infectious enthusiasm is evident on every street. High volumes of people walk together energetically, sharing snippets of conversation. Their confidence shows in the way they cross the street. Not one person waits for a “walk” signal. This is a town of extreme chutzpah, where the walkers own the streets.

Fourth, the people themselves are fabulous entertainment. Every race, ethnicity, age, class, and fashion — not to mention the full spectrum of mental health — is represented. My favorite was the stereotypical East Side matron, pushing a dual carriage with trickedout 3-year-old twins. Both had designer haircuts and elegantly tailored suits, ties, and Brooks Brothers shirts. You don’t see this in Seattle.

Fifth, the intensity of places to eat: bagel shops, fruit and vegetable markets, and streets filled with sidewalk tables. Italian, Greek, Japanese, Armenian, French — restaurants not too much bigger than their doorways, each with their own boosters in the neighborhood. The only thing that stopped me from multiple drop-ins was the fact I was heading to a business lunch.

So why am I sharing this with you? Because you should go. As one of the few great cities in the world, New York is reasonably accessible to us. The experience wakes us up. It broadens our perspective and creates ideas. Yes, there are a lot of problems like potholes, poverty, and politics. But New York will make you feel as though you’ve plugged into a socket and new energy is coursing through you. Your mind will go into hyper-speed. You’ll feel expansive, creative, and grateful for the new experiences. All this, just by walking across town.

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Q: I love my husband. He is a good man, and we have an OK sex life. So that’s the problem — it’s just an OK sex life. My husband will not do anything fancy, and by that, I mean oral sex. He just doesn’t like it and won’t do it. But I miss it. I was married before him and that was a great part of our sex life, and it made it easier for me to have an orgasm. How do I get him to get over his distaste for something I like so much?

A: My first question to you: Did he ever do oral sex? With anyone else or early in the relationship? If he did, there might be a hygiene issue. Even married people sometimes don’t give each other accurate information on why they do or don’t like a specifi c sexual act. Perhaps you have a bacterial infection or do not get nicely washed up before sex — it could make a difference. So that’s at least worth looking into, even if it could be an awkward discussion.

If that’s not the issue, and if he has never liked oral sex or practiced it with you (or practiced it infrequently), you have then acquiesced to the lack of oral sex in the relationship. Making it a big deal now might genuinely upset him. Thus, you have two choices: Live without something you really miss (because you have already done so for quite awhile) or get the two of you to sexual therapy, specifi cally one that has getaway weeks or weekends where you can get support to reinvent your sex life.

These getaway therapies really can change habits. It’s hard to change them otherwise. But there are some great therapists who do them, and if you write to the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, they can tell you who is licensed in your area and what avenues of research could help you find the therapeutic situation. Of course, this requires that you and your husband would be enthusiastic about this kind of experience, and you could afford it, so there are a lot of “ifs.” But if oral sex is very important to you, then it’s at least worth considering some therapeutic intervention, which would require meaningful discussion and some guided experimentation.

Q: I need some help. My husband is very impulsive, and I don’t know what to do about it. He thinks I am a grouch and overly cautious, but he has gotten us into financial trouble. Examples: He bought a huge TV without us discussing it. We already had a big TV. He bought round-trip nonrefundable tickets for a trip that I cannot go on because of a business function. He bought our children an iguana that neither of them wanted. What to do?

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A: Impulsiveness can be a very hard habit to break. Some literature suggests it can have a genetic component. That said, it can be very dangerous both financially and physically, so while I am going to give you some advice, I think you might want to think about some therapy — perhaps starting as couples therapy (because he thinks it’s your problem and you need a third party to convince him that he has an issue that is not just a result of a difference in your temperaments).

Basically, most very impulsive people are nervous and have recurring anxiety. Buying something expensive or jumping at some chance that might not really be the right opportunity (either at that time, or ever) is soothing to them. It gives a sense of power and, oddly enough, control. Once it rewards a pleasure center in the brain (the same immediate way chocolate or a sexual climax can do), the impulsive moment tugs at the person because they yearn for repeating that “high.”

There is major reluctance to change because the thrill is so rewarding. Even if there is buyer’s remorse or some other negative consequence (like your reactions, for example), the impulsive person doesn’t want to forgo that excitement and momentary rewards.

You can talk about it with him and see if there is some middle ground. For example, when he gets excited about buying something or going somewhere, agree to meet and talk about it, promise to not always be a “downer,” and see if there’s a way to accommodate his desires. He might be willing to do that, and that could help a lot. Or agree that impulse purchases have an expenditure lid, and that you both agree to stick to that limit.

Start there, but if there is no way he can modify his impulsive pattern, then some couples counseling, and ultimately, some individual counseling for him, really needs to happen if anything is to change.

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Seattle, WA

Bump: What Seahawks' offense must do in 2024

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Bump: What Seahawks' offense must do in 2024


For many years under former head coach Pete Carroll, it was very clear the Seattle Seahawks were committed to running the football.

Geno Smith on Seattle Seahawks new-look offense: ‘Great things coming for us’

As the NFL continued to evolve more toward the passing game during Carroll’s tenure, the Seahawks remained committed to running the ball. That was made evident oftentimes during the NFL Draft when the Seahawks were never shy about taking a running back early. However, the results on the field haven’t shown that sort of commitment in recent seasons.

Former NFL wide receiver Michael Bumpus would like to see the Seahawks regain their mojo on the ground, and he explained why Wednesday during Four Down Territory on Seattle Sports’ Bump and Stacy.

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“You have to be able to run the football,” Bumpus said. “When you look back at the glory days, or just the days when this offense was really moving, when (former Seattle RB) Chris Carson was doing his thing, they were well over 2,000 (rushing) yards, around 2,220 to 2,300 yards. Now I need that to happen, and I also need this team to have an 1,100-yard rusher.”

The Seahawks ranked 28th in the NFL in rushing last season with 1,580 total yards and 92.9 yards per game. The team did manage a respectable 4.1 yards per carry, which was in the top half of the league, but it ranked 31st in rushing attempts. Just two of the bottom 10 rushing teams in the NFL reached the playoffs last season. Seattle wasn’t one of them.

Bumpus highlighted how teams that ran the ball well last season fared. Five of the top seven rushing teams – Baltimore, San Francisco, Miami, Detroit and Buffalo – reached the playoffs. Four of those five teams eclipsed 2,300 rushing yards, and other than the Ravens – who have the fleet-footed Lamar Jackson at quarterback – those teams all had a running back rush for over 1,000 yards. The Lions nearly had two 1,000-yard rushers, with David Montgomery hitting 1,015 yards and Jahmyr Gibbs reaching 945.

The Seahawks appear to have the talent at their disposal in the backfield to rival those kind of rushing numbers with 2022 second-round pick Kenneth Walker III and 2023 second-rounder Zach Charbonnet. Walker rushed for over 1,050 yards his rookie season and 905 last year. Charbonnet ran for 462 yards as the backup last season.

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“If you can get a 1,000-yard rusher on your team and collectively you can rush for over 2,300 yards, your chances of making the playoffs are great,” Bumpus said. “You need to be teamed up with a good defense, though. Can’t forget that part of the equation, but this is one part of the equation that you cannot ignore: Run the dang ball and run it well and you have yourself a chance.”

Listen to the full conversation at this link or in the audio player near the top of this story. Tune in to Bump and Stacy weekdays from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. or find the podcast on the Seattle Sports app.

More Seattle Seahawks coverage

• Salk’s Observations: What we saw at Seahawks’ first open OTA practice
• Seahawks’ vital investment in O-line goes beyond the players
• Huard: The Seahawks position group most thrilled by new schemes
• Seahawks busy learning Mike Macdonald’s ‘really creative’ defense
• Seattle Seahawks’ vital investment in O-line goes beyond the players

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Seattle Mariners snap 4-game skid, rally for 9-5 win over Nationals

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Seattle Mariners snap 4-game skid, rally for 9-5 win over Nationals


WASHINGTON (AP) — Julio Rodríguez homered and drove in four runs, and the Seattle Mariners snapped a four-game losing streak with a 9-5 win against the Washington Nationals on Sunday.

Seattle Mariners 9, Washington Nationals 5: Box score

Ty France hit a two-run homer and singled home the go-ahead run for Seattle, which finished 4-6 on an East Coast trip.

With Seattle trailing 5-4, J.P. Crawford doubled leading off the eighth against Dylan Floro (1-1). Crawford took third on a wild pitch and scored on a one-out single by Rodríguez, snapping Floro’s 22-inning scoreless streak.

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“Huge game by Julio,” Mariners manager Scott Servais said. “Really happy for him. Everybody’s happy to see it. That’s the Julio Rodríguez we’ve grown to know over the last couple of years and hopefully he can keep that going. That’s the best he’s looked all year.”

Rodríguez stole second and scored when France grounded a single to right. Rodríguez also capped Seattle’s three-run ninth with an opposite-field single that drove in two runs.

“I definitely loved the bases-loaded single to the other side on the fastball,” Rodríguez said. “The homer was cool and everything but in that moment right there, the moment it happened, I feel like I liked that one the most.”

Watch: Mariners CF Julio Rodríguez homers in 2nd straight game

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Austin Voth (2-0) pitched a scoreless inning for the win.

Washington had jumped in front with four runs in the seventh, highlighted by CJ Abrams’ three-run homer off the right-field foul pole against Ryne Stanek.

Joey Gallo also went deep for Washington, which completed a 3-3 homestand.

“We put some good at-bats together late in the game,” Nationals manager Dave Martinez said. “We just couldn’t finish today.”

After managing just two runs in its previous three games, Seattle scored three in the fourth against Patrick Corbin, who entered with a 6.29 ERA.

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Rodríguez, who snapped an 0-for-15 skid with a home run on Saturday, hit a leadoff drive to left-center. After Mitch Garver walked, France hit a two-run shot to left.

Gallo made it 4-1 with his two-out homer in the fifth.

Washington had the tying run at the plate in the sixth when Luis García Jr. hit a foul fly down the left field line. Jonatan Clase raced over to try to make a play, but a fan reached over the railing and caught the ball.

García was ruled out due to fan interference, and the call was upheld after a challenge by the Nationals.

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“He had a Julio Rodríguez jersey on and I give him credit there,” Servais said. “I don’t know if Clase would have been able to be able to catch it. He certainly looked like he was going to catch it. My first reaction was ‘That’s fan interference,’ and I was like kind of ticked about it and then I saw he had a Julio jersey on and I said ‘Hey, nice job.’ He helped us out. We’ll take it.”

Seattle right-hander Bryan Woo allowed three runs and five hits over six-plus innings. It was this first time in four starts this season that he allowed more than one run.

Corbin was charged with four runs, three earned, and four hits over six innings.

TRAINER’S ROOM

Mariners: 2B Jorge Polanco left in the seventh inning with right hamstring tightness. … LHP Tayler Saucedo (right knee hyperextension) was reinstated from the 15-day injured list. To make room for Saucedo, RHP Eduard Bazardo was optioned to Triple-A Tacoma.

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Nationals: OF Lane Thomas (left MCL sprain) worked out at Nationals Park. He will travel to Atlanta with the team and could be activated Monday.

UP NEXT

Mariners: RHP Bryce Miller (3-5, 3.53 ERA) starts when Seattle opens a four-game home series against the Astros on Monday night.

Nationals: Rookie LHP Mitchell Parker (3-2, 3.32 ERA) makes his eighth start when Washington opens a four-game series at Atlanta on Monday.

More on the Seattle Mariners

• Mariners get key reliever back from the injured list
• Morosi: How close the Mariners are to AL’s top tier
• Mariners starters have some of MLB’s nastiest new pitches
• Why rising M’s prospect Logan Evans needs to be on your radar
• Seattle Mariners make roster move that could mean more Dylan Moore

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DOOM LOOP: Being Tanya | South Seattle Emerald

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DOOM LOOP: Being Tanya | South Seattle Emerald


by Brett Hamil


DOOM LOOP is a serialized fictional cartoon from South End author and comic Brett Hamil.

Check in every Sunday for a new installment!

Follow Hamil on Instagram at @‌bretthamilcomix and order collections of his comics at BrettHamil.BigCartel.com.

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The South Seattle Emerald is committed to holding space for a variety of viewpoints within our community, with the understanding that differing perspectives do not negate mutual respect amongst community members.

The opinions, beliefs, and viewpoints expressed by the contributors on this website do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs, and viewpoints of the Emerald or official policies of the Emerald.


Brett Hamil is a writer, cartoonist, and performer living on the South End of Seattle. He co-produces the comedy show Joketellers Union at Clock-Out Lounge on Beacon Hill every second and fourth Wednesday. The Seattle Weekly (RIP) once called him “the city’s premier political comic.” You can now order the COMPLETE Sunday Comix collection, Airhorn of Truth, at BrettHamil.BigCartel.com. It’s got all 152 cartoons from 2020–2023, in the order they originally appeared in the Emerald.

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