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A New York State of Mind

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A New York State of Mind


I love the Northwest, but there’s no place like New York City. Recently, I was there for some meetings. As I walked from one neighborhood to another, taking in the intellectual stimulation and people-watching, I understood the importance of adopting a New York State of Mind, at least occasionally. Let me explain.

To begin, all the senses are aroused. Most storefronts confront you with intriguing possibilities. Along my walk to lunch, I passed a children’s bookstore and got lost browsing in it for a while. I noticed the clothing stores — none of them franchises. I didn’t dare go in any, but admired the pricey outfi ts. Every half hour or so, I would pass a small museum. My favorite was the photography museum, where I couldn’t resist buying a poster.

Second, there’s the architecture: a mix of buildings, each one interesting to scan from bottom to top. Some have helicopter pads. The 18th-century buildings have exquisite and ornate detail. Skyscrapers boldly change shape halfway up. I imagined the penthouses at the top, a place only true titans of business can afford.

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Third, infectious enthusiasm is evident on every street. High volumes of people walk together energetically, sharing snippets of conversation. Their confidence shows in the way they cross the street. Not one person waits for a “walk” signal. This is a town of extreme chutzpah, where the walkers own the streets.

Fourth, the people themselves are fabulous entertainment. Every race, ethnicity, age, class, and fashion — not to mention the full spectrum of mental health — is represented. My favorite was the stereotypical East Side matron, pushing a dual carriage with trickedout 3-year-old twins. Both had designer haircuts and elegantly tailored suits, ties, and Brooks Brothers shirts. You don’t see this in Seattle.

Fifth, the intensity of places to eat: bagel shops, fruit and vegetable markets, and streets filled with sidewalk tables. Italian, Greek, Japanese, Armenian, French — restaurants not too much bigger than their doorways, each with their own boosters in the neighborhood. The only thing that stopped me from multiple drop-ins was the fact I was heading to a business lunch.

So why am I sharing this with you? Because you should go. As one of the few great cities in the world, New York is reasonably accessible to us. The experience wakes us up. It broadens our perspective and creates ideas. Yes, there are a lot of problems like potholes, poverty, and politics. But New York will make you feel as though you’ve plugged into a socket and new energy is coursing through you. Your mind will go into hyper-speed. You’ll feel expansive, creative, and grateful for the new experiences. All this, just by walking across town.

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Q: I love my husband. He is a good man, and we have an OK sex life. So that’s the problem — it’s just an OK sex life. My husband will not do anything fancy, and by that, I mean oral sex. He just doesn’t like it and won’t do it. But I miss it. I was married before him and that was a great part of our sex life, and it made it easier for me to have an orgasm. How do I get him to get over his distaste for something I like so much?

A: My first question to you: Did he ever do oral sex? With anyone else or early in the relationship? If he did, there might be a hygiene issue. Even married people sometimes don’t give each other accurate information on why they do or don’t like a specifi c sexual act. Perhaps you have a bacterial infection or do not get nicely washed up before sex — it could make a difference. So that’s at least worth looking into, even if it could be an awkward discussion.

If that’s not the issue, and if he has never liked oral sex or practiced it with you (or practiced it infrequently), you have then acquiesced to the lack of oral sex in the relationship. Making it a big deal now might genuinely upset him. Thus, you have two choices: Live without something you really miss (because you have already done so for quite awhile) or get the two of you to sexual therapy, specifi cally one that has getaway weeks or weekends where you can get support to reinvent your sex life.

These getaway therapies really can change habits. It’s hard to change them otherwise. But there are some great therapists who do them, and if you write to the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, they can tell you who is licensed in your area and what avenues of research could help you find the therapeutic situation. Of course, this requires that you and your husband would be enthusiastic about this kind of experience, and you could afford it, so there are a lot of “ifs.” But if oral sex is very important to you, then it’s at least worth considering some therapeutic intervention, which would require meaningful discussion and some guided experimentation.

Q: I need some help. My husband is very impulsive, and I don’t know what to do about it. He thinks I am a grouch and overly cautious, but he has gotten us into financial trouble. Examples: He bought a huge TV without us discussing it. We already had a big TV. He bought round-trip nonrefundable tickets for a trip that I cannot go on because of a business function. He bought our children an iguana that neither of them wanted. What to do?

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A: Impulsiveness can be a very hard habit to break. Some literature suggests it can have a genetic component. That said, it can be very dangerous both financially and physically, so while I am going to give you some advice, I think you might want to think about some therapy — perhaps starting as couples therapy (because he thinks it’s your problem and you need a third party to convince him that he has an issue that is not just a result of a difference in your temperaments).

Basically, most very impulsive people are nervous and have recurring anxiety. Buying something expensive or jumping at some chance that might not really be the right opportunity (either at that time, or ever) is soothing to them. It gives a sense of power and, oddly enough, control. Once it rewards a pleasure center in the brain (the same immediate way chocolate or a sexual climax can do), the impulsive moment tugs at the person because they yearn for repeating that “high.”

There is major reluctance to change because the thrill is so rewarding. Even if there is buyer’s remorse or some other negative consequence (like your reactions, for example), the impulsive person doesn’t want to forgo that excitement and momentary rewards.

You can talk about it with him and see if there is some middle ground. For example, when he gets excited about buying something or going somewhere, agree to meet and talk about it, promise to not always be a “downer,” and see if there’s a way to accommodate his desires. He might be willing to do that, and that could help a lot. Or agree that impulse purchases have an expenditure lid, and that you both agree to stick to that limit.

Start there, but if there is no way he can modify his impulsive pattern, then some couples counseling, and ultimately, some individual counseling for him, really needs to happen if anything is to change.

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Seattle, WA

Victim identified in deadly Seattle beer garden shooting on Lake City Way; suspect sought

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Victim identified in deadly Seattle beer garden shooting on Lake City Way; suspect sought


A north Seattle community is mourning the loss of a 25-year-old beer garden employee who was killed while closing the business Friday night.

Loved ones identified the victim as Quusaa Margarsa, known to many as “Q.” Seattle police are searching for the suspect but have not released details about the circumstances surrounding the killing, including whether investigators believe it was a robbery gone wrong or a targeted attack.

Police said Margarsa was working at The Growler Guys on Lake City Way NE on Friday night when he was killed. A co-worker discovered him the next morning.

“I want to know why. I think we all want to know why. What was the reasoning?” said Coreena Richards, a childhood friend of Margarsa.

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PREVIOUS COVERAGE | Memorials, mourners honor young employee found dead at North Seattle beer garden

Throughout the weekend, friends, family members, and customers stopped by the north Seattle beer garden to leave flowers, candles, and messages at a growing memorial honoring Margarsa.

“Amazing, one of one — you’re never going to meet anybody like him,” Richards said.

Margarsa, a graduate of Nathan Hale High School, was a member of the school’s 2017 championship basketball team, according to the school’s alumni association. Friends described him as a “gentle soul” who was full of humor.

“He’s funny as hell. He was the life of the party. Very sweet, very kind,” Richards said.

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Family members said Margarsa was preparing to celebrate his 26th birthday later this month and had been planning a birthday trip. Instead, his life was cut short while he was closing the beer garden where he worked. Police said Margarsa died of apparent gunshot wounds.

ALSO SEE | Seattle beer garden employee found shot to death inside workplace

“He was very sweet, very nice — a young guy with his whole life ahead of him. Very sad,” said Robert Bishop, a customer at The Growler Guys.

Days after the killing, customers continued to visit the memorial site, lighting candles and calling for answers as detectives searched for whoever was responsible.

“I’ve been on social media asking everybody, because it’s one thing for a mom to find out on Mother’s Day,” Bishop said. “Everybody in the neighborhood should be up in arms about this.”

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As investigators work to solve what police say is Seattle’s 12th homicide of 2026, authorities have not said whether the attack was random or targeted. Police also have not said whether surveillance cameras at the business captured images of the suspect.

“You got nothing out of it. You gained nothing from this,” Richards said. “They took somebody very, very important to the people who knew him, loved him, and cared for him.”

Seattle police said the circumstances surrounding the killing remain under investigation. Anyone with information is urged to contact the department’s violent crimes tip line at 206-233-5000.



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Seattle, WA

Cities Only Work if We Show Up

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Cities Only Work if We Show Up


I have always been in love with cities. I joke with friends that I have crushes on cities the way they have crushes on good-looking strangers. Sometimes—as with Paris and London—my unrequited crush meant finding an excuse to move there. With Seattle, however, that initial attraction grew into a long-term relationship.

Liz Dunn

Phot by TRAVIS GILLETT

I arrived here as a “tech baby,” coming from Canada to work at Microsoft as a college intern. For a long time, I felt as though I were living in a bubble—until I realized I could pivot my career and work in and on the city I’d come to call home. Through my company, Dunn & Hobbes, I’ve done just that, spending more than 25 years building and renovating spaces for retail, restaurants, and creative work. I love old buildings—but what I love more is what happens inside and around them. I love making space for creative people and then watching them fully inhabit those places and thrive. I also love how a collection of structures on a block can become an economic and artistic ecosystem.

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Working in real estate is not just about making deals—you’re crafting pieces of the city, and that comes with both impact and responsibility.

Small businesses are the heart and soul of any neighborhood. Research shows that locally owned businesses generate a much higher multiplier effect in the regional economy than national chains. Beyond economics, the independent shops, restaurants, and designers that comprise the core fabric of a city are the secret sauce that makes it feel unique.

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Nowhere is that more evident than Capitol Hill’s Pike/Pine corridor, where I’ve conducted most of my work and lived out large chunks of my adult life. During the past 25 years, it has become a case study in what happens when you preserve character  and invest in small business. The area was once filled with old auto-row buildings that had fallen into disuse. Instead of wiping the slate clean, local developers, including me, saw an opportunity for creative reuse. Those buildings turned out to be perfectly scaled for independent retailers and restaurants, creating a unique critical mass that offers a popular destination for locals and tourists alike.

People sit at outdoor tables in a modern urban courtyard along Capitol Hill’s Pike/Pine corridor, surrounded by contemporary buildings and bicycles, with plants and umbrellas providing shade.

What makes Pike/Pine special is its texture and grit—the layered history you feel in both the physical architecture and the spirit of the shops and restaurants. A large percentage of businesses are owned by members of the LGBTQ+ community, women, immigrants, and people of color. The density of independent retailers and studios—and the inclusive community that supports them—creates omething you can’t replicate with a formula. It evolved over decades, shaped by artists, musicians, designers and small entrepreneurs willing to take risks and plant their flags.

Today, neighborhoods like Pike/Pine face challenges that threaten the tightly woven ecosystem that makes them thrive. There’s a difference between gritty and too gritty, and during the past six years, it’s become harder to attract people. Foot traffic in neighborhood retail districts is dropping, even as downtown begins to recover with tourism. Small businesses are dealing with crushing cost pressures, many tied to public safety concerns and well-intentioned policies with unintended consequences. Public safety has been the elephant in the room—though I do believe we are starting to see improvements. At the same time, our habits have changed. Seattleites have been hibernating, whether because of repercussions from the COVID-19 pandemic or the convenience of delivery apps, streaming, and gaming.

And yet, people still deeply crave connection.

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That’s why what’s happening in Pike/Pine right now is inspiring and hopeful. Many of the people who helped shape the neighborhood are still here, investing their time, money, and creativity because they care deeply about its future. We’re doubling down on what makes it special—art walks, a slate of new murals, the On The Block street fair, and Capitol Hill Block Party—all invitations for the community to come back out and re-engage.

Six people gather outdoors on Capitol Hill’s Pike/Pine corridor; two are DJing near speakers while four sit around a fire pit on wooden chairs, surrounded by wooden walls—a vibrant scene that reflects the spirit of the LGBTQ+ community.

This spring, on Saturday, May 16th, we’re launching something new: the Pike/Pine Spring Fashion Walk and Social. It’s designed to be an annual celebration that stretches across the neighborhood, anchored by a collection of activations at Melrose Market, and a runway show on the “catwalk” at Chophouse Row that will include Seattle fashion apparel leaders Glasswing, JackStraw, the Refind, the Finerie, and Flora and Henri. Neighborhood-based designer and brand activations up and down the corridor will include open studios, DJs, wine tastings, in-store pop-ups, and involvement from local college students—bringing in the next generation of designers and entrepreneurs. One of the goals is to remind everyone that Seattle still has amazing fashion “game,” offering a scene that is just as creative and diverse as anything you might find in New York or LA. At its core, this event is not about shopping. It’s about creating a reason for people to come together, to reconnect, and to experience the neighborhood as a shared space.

Because that’s the point. Cities work best when we show up—for them and for each other. Seattle’s culture is not something that exists just for us to consume; we are all participants in shaping it. So, my call to action is simple: come out. Walk around and meet your neighbors. Engage in what’s happening. It feels good—and it does good.



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Seattle, WA

Growing memorials honor young employee found dead at North Seattle beer garden

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Growing memorials honor young employee found dead at North Seattle beer garden


Memorials are growing outside popular beer garden The Growler Guys in North Seattle, as friends and family honor the life of a young employee found dead at the business Saturday morning.

Seattle police said coworkers found the victim’s body with apparent fatal gunshot wounds inside The Growler Guys around 9 a.m. Saturday. Authorities have not publicly identified the victim yet. He was in his 20s.

PREVIOUS COVERAGE | Seattle beer garden employee found shot to death inside workplace

The young man’s death has shocked and shaken the surrounding North Seattle community.

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Dozens of family members, friends, and regular customers surrounded the taped-off homicide scene for hours throughout the day Saturday. Several people who knew the victim described him as a friend to all, a family man, and a stand-out employee to his boss, Kelly Dole.

“He was a part of my community at The Growler Guys,” Dole said. “It’s been a joy just to see them together day after day, and for him to lose his life this way is just a shame and such a loss.”

The victim was also a close friend of Dole’s son for years.

The Growler Guys is closed for the time being, but many people stopped by on Sunday to drop off flowers, cards, or to stop to take a moment and reflect.

A note left at the corner of NE 85th St. and 20th Ave. NE was written by a family that had the victim serve them at The Growler Guys. “While we were only lucky enough to know you for one evening,” the note reads, “I know there are many, many more lives you have made a lasting impact on.”

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Left next to the note was a child’s apple juice box. Coworkers of the victim said he always gave kids free apple juice.

“Don’t tell my boss,” they said the victim would say with a smile.

He really was important to the guests and always had a smile, Dole said of his young employee. He had worked at The Growler Guys for about a year.

The victim was killed sometime between Friday night and Saturday morning, and police are still investigating a possible motive and suspect. So far, no arrests have been made.

People living nearby, who wanted to remain anonymous, said they didn’t hear any gunshots but called the death shocking: “Well, my heart breaks. My first thought is that it’s a tragedy,” one man said.

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Anyone with information or surveillance video in the surrounding Lake City area should contact Seattle police or 911 immediately.

Dole said he hopes justice is served to offer a small piece of closure to the victim’s grieving family.

“My heart goes out to his mom and his dad, his brother and other family members,” Dole said. “It’s just so tragic.”



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