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Ask Amy: Mother of gay son not ready for the pride parade

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Ask Amy: Mother of gay son not ready for the pride parade


Dear Amy: My son “Jack” is 26 years old. Five years ago, he came out to me as gay. While this didn’t fully surprise me, it saddened me. I wanted Jack to have a traditional life. I wanted to have grandchildren.

Despite these feelings, I told him I accepted him.

Jack has lived on his own for the past several years. Recently he told me that he has been in a relationship with “Samuel” for six months. He also asked if I would be OK with him bringing Samuel home to a family function. Not knowing how to respond, I said it was fine.

While Samuel seemed nice enough, I was not prepared for the feelings that seeing them dance together and be affectionate would bring up in me.

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I thought about what others were thinking. I wondered what I may have done that contributed to him being this way. I felt anger at Jack’s father for never being a positive male role model or steady presence in his life. I thought about his safety with STDs that run rampant in the gay community as well as violence toward gay men that seem to happen regularly.

I tried to play the role of the accepting mom at the party. I’m embarrassed to talk to anyone in the family about this. My daughter seems completely fine with it. I just will never be the totally accepting mom who goes to gay pride parades with her son. Will it ever get easier?

— Prideless Mom

Dear Prideless: Yes, this will get easier. One way to make things easier would be for you to stop thinking of your son’s sexuality as “it,” and start thinking of his sexuality as “Jack.”

My point is that you can’t separate a person’s identity from the person.

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Many of your concerns are actually distortions. Jack can have what you refer to as a “traditional life,” with marriage and children. His choice to bring his boyfriend home to meet the family is the essence of “traditional.”

Any sexually active adult (including you) can get an STD. And if you are truly worried about violence against gay people, then be the change you want to see in the world and confront your own homophobia.

The way to make things easier would be for you to increase your exposure to the experience that frightens you.

You should spend more time with Jack and Samuel. Continue to “play the role of the accepting mom.” See how it feels and how others respond to you. Ask Jack if there are ways you could be a more supportive mom to him.

PFLAG.org is a national organization offering support for parents and family members. Their motto is “You are not alone.” You can learn more about sexuality, have your fears addressed and questions answered, and learn from other parents.

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Dear Amy: All of the kids in our family were brought up with religion not being a part of our lives.

We are all over 60 now and recently my wife and I were invited over for Easter dinner at my sister’s place.

Suddenly, my brother-in-law starts saying grace.

It’s not important to me, so I just sat there.

After dinner was over, my sister said to me, “You could at least have bowed your head.”

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Religion was never a part of our family and I felt it wrong for her to all of a sudden expect me to have to bend to their new beliefs.

I don’t care if they say grace, it’s just not my thing.

Your thoughts?

— No Grace for Me

Dear No Grace: Ironic, isn’t it — that you were guests at this house for Easter dinner, which — last time I checked — is a Christian holiday.

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It’s simple good manners to respect other people’s faith practices, especially while in their homes. In my opinion, this respect can be demonstrated by sitting quietly while they say a blessing, and not judging them afterward.

I don’t think it is necessary to bow your head, but would you bow your head if a blessing was being said at a sports stadium? If so, then you should do so at someone’s table.

Dear Amy: I’m just offering an “atta girl” for offering my family so many years of great conversations. We often read your column at the dinner table and then try to guess your response.

— Old Fan

Dear Old Fan: Thank you so much. I love the idea that this column inspires conversations around the kitchen table and in the office breakroom.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship, becomes first in family to attend college

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Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship, becomes first in family to attend college


DENVER — What started as a summer job has turned into a life-changing opportunity for Denver-area student Vanessa Olivar.

The 18-year-old Denver Country Club caddie has earned the prestigious Evans Scholarship, a full tuition and housing scholarship awarded by the Western Golf Association to caddies who demonstrate strong character, academic achievement, financial need and a strong caddie record.

Watch Bradey King’s story on how Olivar persevered to nab this scholarship in the video below.

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Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship

Olivar is one of 15 students from Colorado to receive the scholarship this year and will attend the University of Colorado Boulder this fall.

When she first heard about caddying through her high school’s assistant principal, Olivar said she wasn’t sure it was the right fit.

“I didn’t know anything about the game of golf,” she said. “At first, I was a little doubtful and nervous, but I thought it would be a great summer job. I quickly found out that it was more than just carrying a golfer’s bag.”

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Over the past three years, Olivar learned the responsibilities that come with the job, from carrying clubs and providing yardages to building relationships with members and fellow caddies.

“I learned a strong work ethic, and the relationships that I built through caddying have really shaped who I am today,” she said.

Her dedication paid off when she received the news that she had earned the Evans Scholarship.

“I got that flag saying, ‘Congratulations,’ and I was so excited,” Olivar said. “Words couldn’t express how excited my family and I were for this great opportunity that I worked so hard for over three years.”

The scholarship carries even greater significance because Olivar will become the first person in her family to attend college.

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“I’m a first-generation college student,” she said. “Coming from immigrant parents, I kind of had to navigate this world by myself.”

Her parents immigrated to the United States when they were 18, and Olivar said their sacrifices inspired her to pursue higher education.

“Being able to tell my parents they don’t have to pay for my college takes that weight off their shoulders, but also mine,” she said.

Western Golf Association officials say Olivar exemplifies the qualities the Evans Scholarship is designed to recognize.

“The scholarship is based upon four principles: Their caddie record, their academic record, their financial need, but really what’s most important is their character,” said Brian Wilkinson, the Western Golf Association Director at Denver Country Club. “Vanessa expresses the great character and leadership that we’re looking for in young women and men.”

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At CU Boulder, Olivar plans to major in public health with a minor in business before pursuing dental school.

She said the opportunity has changed the trajectory of her future.

“I knew I wanted to go to college, and I wanted to have a further education,” Olivar said. “I just didn’t know how I was going to do that. I didn’t know caddying was eventually going to change that for me. It’s a scholarship that has changed my life forever.

Denver7

Denver7 | Your Voice: Get in touch with Bradey King

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Denver7’s Bradey King reports on the entire sports landscape in Colorado, including Denver’s pro teams, but is always looking for stories off the field and in the non-professional ranks. If you’d like to get in touch with Bradey, fill out the form below to send her an email.





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Denver area events for July 13

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Denver area events for July 13


If you have an event taking place in the Denver area, email information to carlotta.olson@gazette.com at least two weeks in advance. All events are listed in the calendar on space availability. Monday Music in the Gardens — With Pamela Machala, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., 17th Street Gardens, 1945 17th St., Denver; cpvmd.org/music-in-the-gardens-2026. Denver Cocktails Tour — 4:30-6:30 p.m., […]



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Nuggets sign former Denver West basketball player Alpha Diallo out of EuroLeague

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Nuggets sign former Denver West basketball player Alpha Diallo out of EuroLeague


The Nuggets have made a habit of signing bench players with Colorado ties.

The latest homecoming they’ve arranged is for Alpha Diallo, who played a season of high school basketball at Denver West and is now signing a one-year, $1.4 million minimum contract with Denver in NBA free agency, a league source told The Denver Post on Sunday.

Diallo, 29, was named Defensive Player of the Year in the EuroLeague last season. This will be his first foray into the NBA after a five-year stint with AS Monaco. He recently committed to join Dubai Basketball on a multiyear deal, according to a report by the European media outlet BasketNews, but his contract included a clause granting his release if he left for the NBA by July 15.

The Nuggets have signed Diallo, Reggie Jackson (Palmer High School), David Roddy (Colorado State) and KJ Simpson (CU) to various deals in the last three years.

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Born in New York, Diallo helped lead Denver West to the Colorado Class 4A Sweet 16 as a sophomore. He transferred to Lincoln High before his junior season, but he was ruled ineligible to compete for the entire school year due to what CHSAA deemed an implicit recruiting violation; Lincoln’s coach at the time had just coached Diallo in a summer tournament.

The eligibility fight with CHSAA eventually led Diallo to leave the state. He returned to the East Coast and played four years of college basketball at Providence, where he earned Second Team All-Big East honors twice.



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