Denver, CO
Ask Amy: Gender transition highlights host’s rudeness
Dear Readers: The following Q&A first ran in 2020.
Dear Amy: A couple of years ago, an acquaintance of ours hosted a dinner party. I was only acquainted with half the people there. The hostess didn’t make introductions.
One person present was someone I had met a few times. (I’ll call her “Jane.”)
I knew that Jane had a partner, “Joan,” whom I had only met once years before.
At the dinner, Jane was sitting next to a man.
At one point I stared across the table because I was trying to determine if this was Jane’s brother, or if Joan was transitioning to male.
I admit that I feel bad for staring, but I was trying to figure out if we had met.
We spoke briefly afterward, and they made no attempt to reintroduce themselves to me.
After they left, the hostess explained that Joan was now “John” and how they hate to have to explain themselves or their pronoun, which is “they.”
I tried to joke: “I didn’t get the memo.” To which the hostess replied, “It wasn’t my memo to send.”
I think the hostess could have spared some social awkwardness with one quick sentence privately, like “Joan is John now, deal with it,” which would have been fine with me.
I am still angry with the hostess for leaving us floundering as to who was at the party. What do you think?
— Befuddled Guest
Dear Befuddled: Let us for a moment go back to nursery school. Have you ever noticed that when children don’t know other kids’ names, they don’t talk to them?
Names: We have them for a reason.
Now let’s talk about this hostess. Who invites a bunch of previously unacquainted (or semi-acquainted) people to their home and then doesn’t introduce (or re-introduce) them to each other at the beginning of the evening? I mean, if you’re going to make a cassoulet, you can certainly make an introduction.
Now onto you. In the absence of hostess-courtesy, why didn’t you introduce yourself to people? “Hi, I’m Befuddled Guest. But please, you can call me Befuddled. Tell me your name?” If the person answers by saying, “We’ve met before” (I get this a lot), you can say — as I always do — “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ve forgotten that. Remind me of your name?”
I agree that it is not the hostess’s job to deliver the memo about a guest’s gender transition in advance of the party. It IS the hostess’s job to introduce her guests to one another.
If you know someone’s name, you don’t have to ponder or puzzle over their gender. Granted, “John” is likely a male. “Courtney” might be a man or a woman. But gender identity doesn’t matter, because when you know someone’s name, you can just address them by their name, see them as fellow humans, and take it from there.
Dear Amy: I wanted to respond to the recent letter from “Befuddled,” in which a husband laments the estrangement between his wife and her sister. Your advice was beautifully written.
As an RN of some 45 years, I have seen the awfulness of unresolved estrangements, which can be decades long.
I could recount way too many situations, during end-of-life discussions in which it was appropriate to discontinue life support.
But if a family member is estranged from a loved one, once the person dies, so too does any hope of reconciliation.
It is these very people who often struggle with what’s called “complex grief.”
So many times, we nurses would hear stories that break your heart: Each person was longing for the other one to make that first phone call, and apologize.
Of course, many times no one could even recall what exactly was said so many years ago that led to such a fracture between loved ones.
Life is short. Regrets can tear us up.
— Nursing Some Hurts
Dear Nursing: Estrangement seems to be a particularly heartbreaking trend (at least in the questions sent to me). Your perspective is so valuable. Thank you for offering it. I hope your words inspire people to reconsider their relationships and seek ways to reconcile, if possible.
Dear Amy: “Passively Helpful Guy” seems to think that if he offers to help people, he’ll be trapped in an endless loop of offering assistance.
I suggest he try it, just once.
Yes, we should all learn to ask for help — and also learn how to offer it.
— Faithful Reader
Dear Faithful: Exactly. Thank you.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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The NBA Draft kicks off Tuesday night at the Barclays Center in New York.
The Nuggets, who own the 26th overall pick, are looking to improve a team that was eliminated in the first round of the playoffs for the first time since the 2021-22 season.
Here’s a look at who national draftniks are thinking will land in Denver.
The Athletic | Zach Harper | Updated June 23
Sergio de Larrea, guard, 6-6, Valencia
“It’s hard to say whether the Nuggets will have the roster flexibility to use this pick or if they kick it down the road by trading it. This team needs offensive creation outside of what Nikola Jokić does. Jamal Murray is more of a scorer than a creator, and they’ve been missing that guard off the bench to run some offense through. With de Larrea in the mix, they’ll have good size at the guard position and someone who can orchestrate more.” See the full mock draft.
Sports Illustrated | Kevin Sweeney | Updated June 23
Isaiah Evans, F, Duke
“Evans is a polarizing prospect after two years at Duke. At his best, he’s one of the most dynamic shooters in this draft, capable of getting his shot off with next-to-no separation and regularly going on streaks of multiple threes in short spurts. His overall impact on the game can be muted at times though, especially when threes aren’t falling. He’s a below-average athlete and mediocre defensively.” See the full mock draft.
Other picks:
- Second round, 49th overall pick: Aaron Nkrumah, G, Tennessee State
The Sporting News | Stephen Noh | Updated June 23
Isaiah Evans, F, Duke
“Denver has built a great offense without relying much on 3-pointers. What if they could take an even bigger step on that end of the floor?
“Evans could provide that extra oomph. He’s a good shooter who should be able to drill wide open looks while playing off Nikola Jokic. He has the size to defend capably. And he’s a decent athlete who can attack closeouts well.” See the full mock draft.
CBS Sports | Adam Finkelstein | Updated June 22
Ebuka Okorie, G, Stanford
“The Pistons, Grizzlies, and Wolves have done the most work on Okorie, but Denver has a real need for a paint touch point guard, especially as Nikola Jokic begins to age and they are forced to explore other ways of creating offense. Ejiofor has reportedly been to Denver as well. Veesaar would fit their system; Reed would be another potential backup five if he were available, and Isaiah Evans and Meleek Thomas could provide floor spacing.” See the full mock draft.
Yahoo Sports | Kevin O’Connor | Updated June 22
Ebuka Okorie, G, Stanford
“The Nuggets need some variety to their half-court offense aside from having Nikola Jokić initiate everything. Well, here’s a guy who could help. Okorie is the best driving guard in the class, a 6-1 jitterbug who manipulates defenders with a tight handle, sudden changes of speed, and an advanced feel for the game. He’s not an above-the-rim athlete, though, and not long ago he was a kid from New Hampshire who ranked outside the top 100 and committed to Harvard. Then Stanford found him, he flipped his commitment, and he proceeded to lead the ACC in scoring with eight 30-point games and a habit for hitting clutch shots. NBA teams will have to decide whether what carved up the ACC will survive against bigger, longer defenders.” See the full mock draft.
Other picks:
- Second round, 49th overall pick: Tobe Awaka, F, Arizona
CBS Sports | Gary Parrish | Updated June 23
Koa Peat, F, Arizona
“Peat impacts winning in a variety of ways and was among the reasons Arizona won the Big 12’s regular-season championship before advancing to the Final Four. Good size. Good body. Intriguing prospect. The issue is that he’s a 6-7 wing who doesn’t really shoot, evidence being that Peat only took 20 3-pointers in 36 games with the Wildcats. That’s not ideal for the modern-NBA and why Peat’s draft-range seems vast.” See the full mock draft.
SB Nation | Ricky O’Donnell | Updated June 23
Koa Peat, F, Arizona
No writeup available. See the full mock draft.
ESPN | Jeremy Woo | Updated June 23
Labaron Philon Jr., G, Alabama
“This would be quite a fall for Philon, who has interest in the late lottery from the Bucks if they opt for a guard at No. 13. But it seems likely that one of the point guards falls toward the back of the first round with the way the board has shaped up — particularly in this scenario, where the Pistons don’t take one.
“Philon’s range has seemed particularly wide of late, and teams have speculated that he could slip, with his recent workout for the Timberwolves (who have since traded out of the first round) raising some eyebrows.” See the full mock draft.
Other picks:
- Second round, 49th overall pick: Jaden Bradley, G, Arizona
Bleacher Report | Jonathan Wasserman | Updated June 22
Tarris Reed Jr., C, UConn
“Tarris Reed Jr. has been receiving strong reviews from workouts after putting together a rare statistical season, posting a 9.0 block percentage, 13.0 offensive rebounding percentage and 15.0 assist percentage.
“His combination of strength, paint touch, passing and rim protection should put him in first-round conversations for teams that want bigs.” See the full mock draft.
Other picks:
- Second round, 49th overall pick: Dillon Mitchell, F, St. John’s
USA Today | Bryan Kalbrosky | Updated June 23
Meleek Thomas, G, Arkansas
“The Denver Nuggets tend to look for players with a strong assist-to-usage ratio because they rely on high-efficiency passing and off-ball movement. Arkansas freshman Meleek Thomas averaged 16.0 points, 4.4 rebounds, 2.5 assists and 1.5 steals per game while shooting 43.2 percent on 3-pointers during his 21 games as a starter last season.
“He was efficient using off-ball screens and handoffs and occasionally showed some on-ball flashes as a pick-and-roll ball handler as well. He led the SEC in corner 3-pointers made (32) last season, per CBB Analytics, and his plus-four wingspan gives him solid length as a young guard who is still improving on both sides of the court. Thomas answered one of the biggest questions in college basketball when he decided to turn pro rather than return to the NCAA.” See the full mock draft.
Other picks:
- Second round, 49th overall pick: Dillon Mitchell, F, St. John’s
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Home prices are falling in Denver and other areas around the nation.
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Scott Olson/Getty Images
A few weeks ago, we asked our readers for ideas and questions for future Planet Money newsletters and podcasts. We got a bunch of great submissions, including an intriguing one from Karl Baumgartner.
Baumgartner is a 29-year-old internal medicine resident in Denver, where home prices and rents have been falling. Depending on which data you look at, the Denver metro area is experiencing one of the steepest — if not the steepest — housing price declines in the nation. Home prices have fallen more than 2% year over year, according to the S&P Cotality Case-Shiller Home Price Index, and even more if you adjust for inflation. Rents have fallen even more dramatically.
“As a renter myself, I am ecstatic about the falling prices,” Baumgartner writes. In fact, he just moved “to a bigger apartment with nicer amenities that I previously couldn’t afford, but now can because rent has fallen.” One of his friends, meanwhile, recently renegotiated her lease for about $500 less per month by showing her landlord that comparable apartments in her area were now going for much less.
“With almost all of my friends being in a similar position at the beginning of our careers with plenty of debt, we are all very excited about the decrease,” Baumgartner says.
So, yeah, falling rents are obviously a win for Denver renters. But Baumgartner is wondering about the broader economic picture.
“We know that negative inflation is bad for the economy in general, and we try to shoot for 2% annual inflation in general. What about negative inflation in the housing market specifically? Are there any downsides to falling prices, or is this just a sign of the market working as it should, with supply finally catching up to demand?”
It’s a great question because economics doesn’t seem to provide a simple answer on whether falling housing prices are good or bad for the economy.
Obviously, falling home prices and rents have downsides for homeowners and landlords. But what about the broader economy?
Sometimes falling housing costs could be a sign that the economy is healthy and the free market is working as economists might hope. Higher prices encourage builders to construct more housing. More supply comes online. Supply comes closer to or may even surpass demand, and housing prices go down. It’s the basic logic behind the YIMBY movement — a pro-housing development effort whose name stands for “Yes In My Backyard” — which argues that housing restrictions have prevented this healthy market process from delivering plentiful and more affordable housing.
Other times falling prices are a symptom of — and sometimes a big contributor to — a community’s economic distress.
So how can we tell the difference?
When falling home prices are bad
Let’s start with a clear bad scenario of falling home prices: Detroit. After years of deindustrialization and socioeconomic problems, Detroit saw a massive drop in population. Between 1990 and 2010 alone, Detroit lost nearly a third of its residents.
Home prices fell by more than 80% during the housing bust of the 2000s.
This wasn’t affordability created by abundance. It was affordability created by economic collapse.
Detroit neighborhoods emptied out and fell into disrepair. At one point, in 2007, houses in Detroit were cheaper than cars. For over a decade, the city has had an official program to demolish abandoned homes and buildings. For many Detroit families, generational wealth evaporated.
TO GO WITH AFP STORY by Joe Szczesny, US-city-Detroit-auto-debt
Curtains flap outside the broken window of an abandoned home December 31, 2014 in Detroit, Michigan. After the largest municipal bankruptcy in US history, Detroit hopes outsiders will see the city’s potential not the history of racial conflict, financial crises and citizen flight that has cut its population in half since 1960. AFP PHOTO/JOSHUA LOTT (Photo credit should read Joshua LOTT/AFP via Getty Images)
JOSHUA LOTT/AFP via Getty Images
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JOSHUA LOTT/AFP via Getty Images
Falling home prices can make homeowners feel poorer and cause them to spend less, a phenomenon economists call the wealth effect, says Daryl Fairweather, chief economist of Redfin.
Eric Zwick, an economist at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, says the bigger danger from falling home prices comes from debt, as many of us painfully remember from the 2008 financial crisis. If home prices fall enough, many owners can end up “underwater” — owing more on their mortgages than their houses are actually worth.
It was a big contributor to the Great Recession. One reason the economic damage was so severe, Zwick says, was lax lending standards that preceded the crash. Many homeowners took on too much debt assuming prices would keep rising and when they didn’t, they were overstretched.
“ That created a kind of cascade of forced sales, further price declines, more people defaulting potentially, and then spillovers into the financial system, which then affected everybody,” Zwick says.
Wall Street amplified the problem by bundling risky mortgages into securities that spread losses throughout the financial system.
Because of the role that debt plays in the housing market, a big decline in home prices can hurt not just homeowners, but also “businesses that borrow and everybody else,” Zwick says.
Falling home prices can also hurt important economic sectors, like the construction industry. And they can be bad for a city’s tax revenue.
So, yes, falling home prices can have serious downsides, to answer our reader’s question.
When falling home prices are good
But falling housing prices may not always be bad. Just ask Denver renters!
The housing affordability problem has loomed especially large in cities with roaring economies and not much new development to accommodate growing demand to live there.
Economists have long worried that the lack of housing construction in these places has created a kind of economic traffic jam: when workers can’t afford to live where the best jobs are, they don’t move there, businesses struggle to hire, and the economy doesn’t grow as fast as it could.
The economists Chang-Tai Hsieh and Enrico Moretti published research in 2019, which estimated that “stringent housing restrictions” to build new housing in places like the San Francisco Bay Area prevented workers from moving to where they could be more productive. By their estimate, constraints on building new housing lowered U.S. economic growth by a staggering 36% between 1964 and 2009.
Zwick says subsequent research has found that Hsieh and Moretti overestimated the size of that effect on economic growth. Nonetheless, he says, the broader idea is persuasive: housing scarcity in productive areas slows economic growth.
Denver may be a good example. It’s been seeing solid economic growth and job creation, but as local housing advocate Kevin Matthews of Denver YIMBY sees it, the lack of affordable places to live in the city has been holding Denver’s economy back.
Matthews recalls a large Denver employer expressing concern about the lack of affordable housing. “Their business is growing really fast, and they are trying to attract workers,” Matthews says. “I think it has a big effect. If those workers can’t afford to live here, they’re gonna go elsewhere.”
And similar to how higher home values may encourage homeowners to spend and invest more, cheaper rents may encourage renters to spend and invest more.
“If I’m trying to steel man the case for why falling values can be good, it would be that you are freeing up people’s incomes to spend on other sources of investment in the economy,” says Misha Fisher, the chief economist of Zillow. “If people are spending 80% of their income on housing, that’s not leaving a lot left over to spend on other things.”
Cheaper housing could also nudge more people to make decisions that ultimately serve their community and the economy. For example, Zwick suggests cheaper housing might help encourage family formation. When people are less worried about the cost of an extra bedroom or finding enough space for a family, they may be willing to have more kids. Over the long run, that could mean more workers and more taxpayers, which can ultimately benefit the economy.
Researchers have also linked homeownership to higher rates of civic engagement, neighborhood investment, and other behaviors that can improve communities.
How can you tell when falling prices are good or bad?
So how can we tell when a decline in housing prices is good or bad? We talked to a bunch of economists, and we couldn’t find a simple rule, but we did cobble together some important things to consider.
First, why are prices falling? One potentially important distinction is whether the decline in prices is driven by an increase in supply or a decrease in demand. Put more simply: are prices falling primarily because fewer people want to live somewhere, or because more housing is being built?
Fisher, from Zillow, says demand-driven price declines are often a bad sign. “ That’s usually an indicator that something else has gone wrong,” he says. For example, that the economy is cratering, as was the case in Detroit, or that demand to live somewhere is falling for other reasons, like a rise in crime or natural catastrophes.
By contrast, if price declines are in response to an increase in housing supply, that’s “typically a healthier way to keep home prices in check,” Fisher says.
Fairweather, from Redfin, says land values can provide another important clue. “When a city’s economy is struggling and people are leaving, land typically becomes less valuable,” Fairweather says. “ So when Detroit was going through its recession, its downturn, the land value was dropping because Detroit overall as a city was becoming a less attractive place to live in, to do business in,” Fairweather says.
But imagine a different scenario. A city remains economically vibrant, demand to live there stays strong, but developers are allowed to build a ton of housing — including lots of big apartment buildings — to accommodate the growing demand to live there. In that case, land values might rise even as housing prices decline. Why? Because developers are squeezing more housing units onto each parcel of land.
“ You’re making better use of the land,” Fairweather says. “You’re getting the most economic value out of the land. That’s overall a good thing.”
Matthews, the representative from Denver YIMBY, suggested another metric to consider: the “price to income” ratio. This compares the typical cost of housing to the typical income that can be earned in an area. If the cost of housing is falling, but so are incomes in an area, that’s likely a bad sign. But if prices are falling while incomes are rising, that’s a good sign. It means the economy is doing well while housing is becoming more affordable.
Finally, the size and speed of the price decline matters. Most homeowners can handle small or gradual drops. But a sharp, sudden decline can trigger widespread economic distress, foreclosures, and unleash a cycle that can lead to a recession.
Several YIMBYs we’ve spoken to over the years have suggested the least economically disruptive path to housing affordability is for housing prices to fall in real terms, but not necessarily in nominal terms. That means that home values rise more slowly than wages and inflation, allowing housing to become more affordable without requiring a sharp drop in the sticker price of homes that can cause financial distress to homeowners.
We were curious what our sources thought about Denver’s falling housing prices. Many suggested that it’s been driven primarily by an increase in supply. The city has built a ton of new housing units, especially new apartments, in recent years. That is probably a good sign. Although some did mention the in-migration into Denver has slowed while out-migration has picked up steam, suggesting demand to live in Denver has also cooled.
The downtown Denver skyline is seen from the air.
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But none of our sources suggested what was happening in Denver is any cause for alarm. Most Denver homeowners have seen considerable growth in their home values in recent years, and all our sources agreed that the price fall isn’t dramatic enough to push many of them underwater. This is not a Detroit-style housing crash.
Plus, the fall in prices is providing financial relief to Denver renters, like our reader. Denver may represent something close to the version of falling housing costs that economists hope for: housing becoming more affordable without a broader economic downturn.
Congrats, Karl, on that nice, new apartment.
And for the rest of our readers: Have other questions you want us to answer? Send us an email: planetmoney@npr.org
Denver will use $3 million of its contingency fund money to help pay out settlements this year under an ordinance the City Council approved Monday.
The council makes a similar transfer every year, but the amount varies depending on the settlements reached, said Laura Swartz, the spokesperson for the city’s finance department.
“It is difficult to budget for settlements in advance because the amounts and timing can be unpredictable based on each case’s own scheduling, negotiations and court decisions,” Swartz said.
Every year, the city sets aside $2 million for settlements in the budget. Officials request a transfer from the contingency fund for anything needed above that amount. The 2026 transfer brings the amount that will be used to pay out settlements this year to $5 million so far.
This year’s allotment will leave the city with $30.5 million remaining in its contingency fund. The contingency fund is separate in the annual budget from the city’s reserves, which officials have been working to replenish from a recent low point.
The city has been ordered to pay millions of dollars in settlements in recent years related to the Denver Police Department’s actions during the George Floyd protests.
Earlier this month, the council approved about $2.87 million in payments for 13 people who alleged that local police violated their constitutional rights during the 2020 protests.
In April, a federal appeals court ruled that the city must also pay $14 million to another group of protesters, upholding a jury verdict. The city hasn’t yet said how it will pay out that amount.
“The city is contemplating the next steps first and expects to have more to share soon,” Swartz said.
The city has approved a total of $24.2 million for settlements related to the George Floyd protests, according to the City Attorney’s Office. That count doesn’t include the $14 million the appeals court ordered the city to pay in April.
“This is money that we could have used for any other purpose,” Councilwoman Shontel Lewis said during a council meeting. “It represents a missed opportunity.”
The council unanimously approved the contingency money transfer through its consent agenda.
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