Denver, CO
Ask Amy: Gender transition highlights host’s rudeness
Dear Readers: The following Q&A first ran in 2020.
Dear Amy: A couple of years ago, an acquaintance of ours hosted a dinner party. I was only acquainted with half the people there. The hostess didn’t make introductions.
One person present was someone I had met a few times. (I’ll call her “Jane.”)
I knew that Jane had a partner, “Joan,” whom I had only met once years before.
At the dinner, Jane was sitting next to a man.
At one point I stared across the table because I was trying to determine if this was Jane’s brother, or if Joan was transitioning to male.
I admit that I feel bad for staring, but I was trying to figure out if we had met.
We spoke briefly afterward, and they made no attempt to reintroduce themselves to me.
After they left, the hostess explained that Joan was now “John” and how they hate to have to explain themselves or their pronoun, which is “they.”
I tried to joke: “I didn’t get the memo.” To which the hostess replied, “It wasn’t my memo to send.”
I think the hostess could have spared some social awkwardness with one quick sentence privately, like “Joan is John now, deal with it,” which would have been fine with me.
I am still angry with the hostess for leaving us floundering as to who was at the party. What do you think?
— Befuddled Guest
Dear Befuddled: Let us for a moment go back to nursery school. Have you ever noticed that when children don’t know other kids’ names, they don’t talk to them?
Names: We have them for a reason.
Now let’s talk about this hostess. Who invites a bunch of previously unacquainted (or semi-acquainted) people to their home and then doesn’t introduce (or re-introduce) them to each other at the beginning of the evening? I mean, if you’re going to make a cassoulet, you can certainly make an introduction.
Now onto you. In the absence of hostess-courtesy, why didn’t you introduce yourself to people? “Hi, I’m Befuddled Guest. But please, you can call me Befuddled. Tell me your name?” If the person answers by saying, “We’ve met before” (I get this a lot), you can say — as I always do — “Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ve forgotten that. Remind me of your name?”
I agree that it is not the hostess’s job to deliver the memo about a guest’s gender transition in advance of the party. It IS the hostess’s job to introduce her guests to one another.
If you know someone’s name, you don’t have to ponder or puzzle over their gender. Granted, “John” is likely a male. “Courtney” might be a man or a woman. But gender identity doesn’t matter, because when you know someone’s name, you can just address them by their name, see them as fellow humans, and take it from there.
Dear Amy: I wanted to respond to the recent letter from “Befuddled,” in which a husband laments the estrangement between his wife and her sister. Your advice was beautifully written.
As an RN of some 45 years, I have seen the awfulness of unresolved estrangements, which can be decades long.
I could recount way too many situations, during end-of-life discussions in which it was appropriate to discontinue life support.
But if a family member is estranged from a loved one, once the person dies, so too does any hope of reconciliation.
It is these very people who often struggle with what’s called “complex grief.”
So many times, we nurses would hear stories that break your heart: Each person was longing for the other one to make that first phone call, and apologize.
Of course, many times no one could even recall what exactly was said so many years ago that led to such a fracture between loved ones.
Life is short. Regrets can tear us up.
— Nursing Some Hurts
Dear Nursing: Estrangement seems to be a particularly heartbreaking trend (at least in the questions sent to me). Your perspective is so valuable. Thank you for offering it. I hope your words inspire people to reconsider their relationships and seek ways to reconcile, if possible.
Dear Amy: “Passively Helpful Guy” seems to think that if he offers to help people, he’ll be trapped in an endless loop of offering assistance.
I suggest he try it, just once.
Yes, we should all learn to ask for help — and also learn how to offer it.
— Faithful Reader
Dear Faithful: Exactly. Thank you.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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Denver, CO
Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship, becomes first in family to attend college
DENVER — What started as a summer job has turned into a life-changing opportunity for Denver-area student Vanessa Olivar.
The 18-year-old Denver Country Club caddie has earned the prestigious Evans Scholarship, a full tuition and housing scholarship awarded by the Western Golf Association to caddies who demonstrate strong character, academic achievement, financial need and a strong caddie record.
Watch Bradey King’s story on how Olivar persevered to nab this scholarship in the video below.
Denver Country Club caddie earns full-ride Evans Scholarship
Olivar is one of 15 students from Colorado to receive the scholarship this year and will attend the University of Colorado Boulder this fall.
When she first heard about caddying through her high school’s assistant principal, Olivar said she wasn’t sure it was the right fit.
“I didn’t know anything about the game of golf,” she said. “At first, I was a little doubtful and nervous, but I thought it would be a great summer job. I quickly found out that it was more than just carrying a golfer’s bag.”
Over the past three years, Olivar learned the responsibilities that come with the job, from carrying clubs and providing yardages to building relationships with members and fellow caddies.
“I learned a strong work ethic, and the relationships that I built through caddying have really shaped who I am today,” she said.
Her dedication paid off when she received the news that she had earned the Evans Scholarship.
“I got that flag saying, ‘Congratulations,’ and I was so excited,” Olivar said. “Words couldn’t express how excited my family and I were for this great opportunity that I worked so hard for over three years.”
The scholarship carries even greater significance because Olivar will become the first person in her family to attend college.
“I’m a first-generation college student,” she said. “Coming from immigrant parents, I kind of had to navigate this world by myself.”
Her parents immigrated to the United States when they were 18, and Olivar said their sacrifices inspired her to pursue higher education.
“Being able to tell my parents they don’t have to pay for my college takes that weight off their shoulders, but also mine,” she said.
Western Golf Association officials say Olivar exemplifies the qualities the Evans Scholarship is designed to recognize.
“The scholarship is based upon four principles: Their caddie record, their academic record, their financial need, but really what’s most important is their character,” said Brian Wilkinson, the Western Golf Association Director at Denver Country Club. “Vanessa expresses the great character and leadership that we’re looking for in young women and men.”
At CU Boulder, Olivar plans to major in public health with a minor in business before pursuing dental school.
She said the opportunity has changed the trajectory of her future.
“I knew I wanted to go to college, and I wanted to have a further education,” Olivar said. “I just didn’t know how I was going to do that. I didn’t know caddying was eventually going to change that for me. It’s a scholarship that has changed my life forever.
Denver7
Denver7 | Your Voice: Get in touch with Bradey King
Denver7’s Bradey King reports on the entire sports landscape in Colorado, including Denver’s pro teams, but is always looking for stories off the field and in the non-professional ranks. If you’d like to get in touch with Bradey, fill out the form below to send her an email.
Denver, CO
Denver area events for July 13
Denver, CO
Nuggets sign former Denver West basketball player Alpha Diallo out of EuroLeague
The Nuggets have made a habit of signing bench players with Colorado ties.
The latest homecoming they’ve arranged is for Alpha Diallo, who played a season of high school basketball at Denver West and is now signing a one-year, $1.4 million minimum contract with Denver in NBA free agency, a league source told The Denver Post on Sunday.
Diallo, 29, was named Defensive Player of the Year in the EuroLeague last season. This will be his first foray into the NBA after a five-year stint with AS Monaco. He recently committed to join Dubai Basketball on a multiyear deal, according to a report by the European media outlet BasketNews, but his contract included a clause granting his release if he left for the NBA by July 15.
The Nuggets have signed Diallo, Reggie Jackson (Palmer High School), David Roddy (Colorado State) and KJ Simpson (CU) to various deals in the last three years.
Born in New York, Diallo helped lead Denver West to the Colorado Class 4A Sweet 16 as a sophomore. He transferred to Lincoln High before his junior season, but he was ruled ineligible to compete for the entire school year due to what CHSAA deemed an implicit recruiting violation; Lincoln’s coach at the time had just coached Diallo in a summer tournament.
The eligibility fight with CHSAA eventually led Diallo to leave the state. He returned to the East Coast and played four years of college basketball at Providence, where he earned Second Team All-Big East honors twice.
Signing Diallo is the latest example of Denver’s attempt to prioritize defense and athleticism around Nikola Jokic. Last month, the Nuggets drafted Trevon Brazile and Bryce Hopkins in the second round, betting on defensive upside in both cases. They’ve also replaced backup center Jonas Valanciunas with the younger, bouncier Marvin Bagley III on a veteran minimum contract.
Denver tentatively has 12 players under contract on its 15-man roster for the 2026-27 season now: Nikola Jokic, Jamal Murray, Aaron Gordon, Cam Johnson, Christian Braun, Zeke Nnaji, Julian Strawther, DaRon Holmes II, Tyus Jones, Bagley, Brazile and Diallo. Restricted free agency negotiations have not yet been resolved with Peyton Watson and Spencer Jones.
Diallo will count for $2.45 million toward the luxury tax despite his $1.4 million salary, the minimum for NBA rookies. The accounting quirk exists so that owners aren’t incentivized to overlook more experienced free agents for tax purposes; the tax ramifications are equal for all minimum signings, regardless of NBA service time.
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