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My husband’s needlessly excruciating final eight days – The Boston Globe

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My husband’s needlessly excruciating final eight days – The Boston Globe


Ultimately, though his thoughts was nonetheless (principally) sharp, he wanted assist with nearly the whole lot. He started to speak about selecting to die on his personal phrases earlier than his psychological capability deteriorated to the purpose the place he couldn’t make such a call. Not like in 10 states and the District of Columbia, in Massachusetts, the Legislature has constantly turned down proposals to permit doctor help in ending life when dying is anticipated inside six months, so Peter was not permitted to hunt medical assist to ease this course of.

Our kids and I persuaded him to take a month to make certain of his resolution. To our pals, he managed to placed on an excellent face. But it surely wasn’t straightforward for him, and it was heartbreaking and demanding for me.

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Throughout that point, our son Jeremy got here to city and acquired Peter a lunch of his favourite meals, together with bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon, and sinful pastries. Peter devoured all of it. He even wolfed down Jeremy’s share of the pastry earlier than our son might seize it.

Was this a person able to die?

On a Sunday night shortly thereafter, I made a “spectacular” (in keeping with Peter) new swordfish recipe. Both he hadn’t determined but or he simply hadn’t instructed me, however the subsequent morning he refused to take his 6 a.m. capsules. He instructed me that he was “accomplished.” No capsules, no meals, no water. He was able to to finish his life on his personal phrases.

That was the start of the worst eight days of my life. The previous couple of years had taken a toll on me, his major caretaker, in addition to on him. Pals inform me now that they might see that I, too, was struggling. However this was very completely different.

On the primary day of his not consuming, I lay subsequent to him on our mattress. I attempted to think about what he was pondering. He didn’t converse a lot, however he instructed me I had been “magnificent” and that he ought to have introduced me extra flowers.

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After we knowledgeable our Ugandan helper about Peter’s resolution later that morning, she give up on the spot, unable to assist him in a call that violated her sturdy perception that God decides when one dies.

However hospice got here to our rescue. They’d a hospital mattress delivered. They defined how and when morphine was acceptable and provided it and different requirements for end-of-life care. Hospice won’t assist folks die, however they’ll do the whole lot they will to alleviate the inevitable ache because the physique shuts down after somebody voluntarily decides to cease consuming and ingesting.

Our sons, Seth and Jeremy, got here dwelling. We performed Mozart CDs for Peter all day lengthy whereas we took turns studying to him even when he was not responsive, as a result of we knew that listening to is the final sense to go. A day or two into this dreadful journey, Peter begged me for his favourite lemon soda. I reminded him of his resolution and didn’t give it to him as a result of ingesting solely prolongs dying. As an alternative, I swabbed his lips with water, then left the room and wept. We simply needed it to be over.

And at last, it was.

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Peter Kugel at a waterfall within the Dominican Republic in an undated photograph.Judy Kugel

His struggling didn’t must occur. It wouldn’t have elsewhere on this nation. In Switzerland, not solely does it not must occur, however organizations like Dignitas, as fantastically depicted in Amy Bloom’s memoir “In Love,” exist solely to assist very sick people die with dignity.

When a health care provider in these states the place it’s authorized confirms that a person has lower than six months to reside, she or he might be eased into dying similar to my youngsters’s canine was. It’s nothing lower than merciless to forestall anybody from having some management of their most tough hours as life involves an finish.

After all, there have to be safeguards. Often, there are state residency necessities and a mandate that two docs affirm that the particular person is terminally unwell. The particular person might have to have the ability to self-administer the drug. And people situations are as they need to be. Typically folks change their thoughts. However for many who select to finish their struggling and for the households that assist their resolution, the dying with dignity choice needs to be out there.

For no less than the final 10 years, the Massachusetts Legislature has both refused to think about payments to permit physician-assisted dying or voted them down in session. The Finish of Life Choices Act is coming earlier than the Legislature once more this yr. Governor Maura Healey has indicated that she would signal such a invoice if handed.

Every week or so earlier than Peter started his horrible journey, I instructed that he write about his emotions at that second. He sat at his pc and produced a phenomenal essay that’s now framed on my bed room wall.

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Right here is Peter’s essay:

I’m planning to finish my life. I’ve entered hospice, and in just a few days, I’ll cease consuming and ingesting.

Why?

I’m pleased with a lot of my life. I’ve an exquisite spouse, two achieved sons, and two lovable grandsons. Judy and I’ve been fortunately married for greater than half a century. We reside in a apartment that overlooks the Charles River. We are able to stroll to Harvard Yard the place I sat in on lessons (or extra lately Zoomed in).

However my advancing Parkinson’s illness and a stroke-impaired left leg are limiting my mobility. You must have misplaced your mobility to understand what meaning. After I gave up my driver’s license, I couldn’t go many locations alone. Now I have to name for assist to make use of the toilet.

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I’m not in ache, however being helpless hurts. I notice that dying could also be uncomfortable, but it surely received’t be as dangerous for me because it was for my moms’ mother and father who died in Auschwitz.

After I take into consideration the difficulty I’m having on the tail finish of my life, I fear that Judy might have hassle in her golden years with out my assist. That could be largely in my creativeness. Not having my assist could also be a bonus.

I’m sorry I’ll be lacking half of my youngsters’s lives and most of my grandchildren’s lives.

I believe I’m making the suitable alternative, but when I haven’t, I received’t must reside with it.

Deciding to finish one’s life due to a terminal sickness is essentially the most private resolution that one could make. Many individuals wouldn’t dream of doing such a factor, and if you’re certainly one of them, that’s tremendous. Simply don’t stand in the way in which of those that really feel otherwise.

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Judy Kugel blogs twice weekly at 80-something.com and is the creator of “70-something—Life, Love and Limits within the Bonus Years.”



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Boston, MA

Boston College Football Coach, Players Talk Impact of 1984 Team on 40th Anniversary of Hail Flutie

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Boston College Football Coach, Players Talk Impact of 1984 Team on 40th Anniversary of Hail Flutie


Saturday was an important day for the Boston College football program. 

Not only did the Eagles secure bowl eligibility with a 41-21 win over the UNC Tar Heels, but it also marked the 40th anniversary of the “Hail Flutie,” a Hail Mary touchdown pass that former quarterback Doug Flutie threw as time expired to give Boston College a 47-45 win over the reigning national champions the Miami Hurricanes. 

Members of the 1984 team were in attendance at Alumni Stadium and were honored as a way to mark the milestone. 

After the game, Eagles head coach Bill O’Brien as well as quarterback Grayson James and offensive lineman Drew Kendall spoke about the impact of that team and how them being at the game helped them come out with the victory. 

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“It’s sweet,” said James. “Just being able to know what he’s done, done for this program, just being able to see guys like that come back and support, it’s awesome. It makes us want to put on a show for them and put on a show for the whole BC community, so it definitely got us going knowing that team was there today.” 

Kendall emphasized that the season and that team made impacts on the program that are still felt today. 

“Obviously they kind of put Boston College on the map,” said Kendall. “They were, I believe, a top five team in the country, No. 2- I’m not 100-percent, but they really put Boston College on the map and what they did has kind of allowed Boston College as a program to thrive. Of course Doug Flutie is the only Heisman at Boston College so hopefully we can get another one day but their toughness and their determination has really rubbed off through the program throughout the years.” 

O’Brien shared that he showed film from the Hail Flutie game the day before the Eagles matchup against the Tar Heels as a part of preparation.

“I told them in this room on Friday, I showed them the last drive of the Miami game,” said O’Brien. “That that was a team, quite obviously, that played 60 minutes. They understood what playing 60 minutes was all about and on this screen right behind me, I showed that drive. And then, when you have the ‘84 team here, they were 10-2, ranked fifth in the country, Heisman Trophy winner in the house, you got to play well. It’s kind of in the same vein a little bit as the Red Bandanna Game, like you got to play well in these games. There’s a lot of tradition here at Boston College and for those guys to be here meant a lot to our program and it was important for us to go out there and win.” 

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Injury Updates: Boston College Football vs UNC

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Injury Updates: Boston College Football vs UNC


The Boston College Eagles (5-5, 2-4 ACC) football team looks to become bowl eligible as it returns to Alumni Stadium to take on the UNC Tar Heels (6-4, 3-3 ACC).

Both teams are currently dealing with injuries in the program.

Below is a look at the latest injury updates for both teams.

[This story will be updated throughout the game with the latest injury news].

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LB Caleb LaVallee | Questionable: Tar Heels linebacker Caleb LaVallee’s status for today’s game has yet to be determined. He has not played since UNC’s Nov. 2 game against FSU. He is dealing with a lower body injury and has been reportedly “monitored” this week.

RB Darwin Barlow | Questionable: Tar Heels running back Darwin Barlow’s status has yet to be revealed. Barlow’s appeared in three games this season, most recently in the team’s Nov. 2 game against FSU. 

TE Bryson Nesbit | Out: Tar Heels tight end Bryson Nesbit will miss the game against the Eagles with an injury. 

DB Max Tucker | Out: Eagles defensive back Max Tucker will miss the Eagles game against UNC. Tucker exited Boston College’s matchup against No. 13 SMU early in the game and did not return. Eagles head coach Bill O’Brien considered him “day-to-day.” 

DB Bryquice Brown | Out: Eagles defensive back Bryquice Brown will miss the Eagles game against UNC. Brown exited Boston College’s matchup against No. 13 SMU and did not return. Eagles head coach Bill O’Brien considered him “day-to-day.” 

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LB Kam Arnold | Questionable: Eagles linebacker Kam Arnold’s status for today’s game has yet to be revealed. Arnold has missed Boston College’s last three games with an upper body injury. 

RB Turbo Richard | Questionable: Eagles running back Turbo Richard’s status for the game has also not been revealed. Like Arnold, Richard has also missed the Eagles last three games as he’s dealing with an ankle injury. 

Players Out For Season: LB Owen McGowan, CB Amari Jackson, RB Alex Broome, LB Jaylen Blackwell. 



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Ex-Celtics Guard Offers Blunt Confession About Boston Departure

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Ex-Celtics Guard Offers Blunt Confession About Boston Departure


Malcolm Brogdon departed the Boston Celtics two offseasons ago, in surprise fashion, sparking some speculated bad blood between both sides.

During Friday night’s NBA Cup battle, Brogdon, now a member of the Washington Wizards, got his first chance to compete against his old team. Brogdon missed both opportunities last season with the Portland Trail Blazers, the team Boston initially traded the 2023 Sixth Man of the Year to in order to land Jrue Holiday.

“Guys get traded every year,” Brogdon told reporters, per CLNS Media. “I think for teams, a lot of the time it’s not personal, it’s a business decision. For players, it is personal. You’re uprooting your family at the end of the day. You’re moving to a new city, you’re having to adjust to a new situation. But honestly, it was a good trade for them. We’ll both be good in the long run.”

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Brogdon made the start against the Celtics, sharing the floor with Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, Derrick White, Payton Pritchard and Sam Hauser, for the first time since Brogdon was teammates with the crew. The 31-year-old met the challenge posed by the reigning champions and performed well, scoring 18 points on 7-of-13 shooting from the field with 10 rebounds to notch his fourth double-double in his first season with the Wizards.

As frustrating as parting ways with the Celtics in the middle of their championship hunt might’ve been for Brogdon, the nine-year veteran doesn’t plan on letting the past haunt him moving forward. Brogdon’s inherited a leadership role for a Washington team that’s gone 2-12 so far, is 1-6 at home and isn’t expected to compete in the playoffs. And for Brogdon, that’s perfectly fine.

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“Honestly, I’m not even in a position anymore where I even talk about it, man,” Brogdon said of the trade. “I’ve made peace with the situation and moved on. I’m in a good place now.”

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Brogdon even gave his former team its flowers and made it known that even though he’s in Washington now, he’s been keeping tabs on Boston.

“They’re a very well-rounded team,” Brogdon said. “The way they’re constructed. And I think the Jay’s together — people have always criticized them over the years: ‘They can’t play together. Their games are too similar.’ I mean, they’ve heard it all and I think they’ve really come together and figured out how to play well and mesh on the court, on both ends. They’ve embraced the defensive side and they’ve then learned how to play together and embrace each other on offense.”

The Wizards — and Brogdon — were Boston’s latest stepping stone as the team continues to embark on its journey toward punching a ticket to Las Vegas in the NBA Cup. The Celtics improved to 13-3 overall and 2-1 in tournament play, securing a plus-14 point differential to put them second to the Atlanta Hawks in the Group C standings.

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