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Dear Abby: My parents are in their 70s. They live in a retirement community. As they have gotten older, they have become more private. They no longer want their children or grandkids around. Recently, I received a call telling me that they would not be answering phone calls anymore. I have stopped by their house, but they do not answer the door. What little relationship I had with them no longer exists. Advice? — Wanting to Connect
Dear Wanting: You cannot force your parents into unwelcome contact. If you are concerned about their welfare, contact the police and ask them to do a wellness check because their behavior has changed.
However, if everything checks out, you will have to accept that this is what your parents want and abide by their choice, as difficult as that may be.
Dear Abby: I recently watched a video of the founder of Overeaters Anonymous, Rozanne S., telling the story of founding the program and her own struggles with food. In it, she mentioned that your mother had been instrumental in getting OA information out to the public and was responsible for its growth.
Abby, OA saved my life, and I’m grateful to Rozanne and to your mother. After 39 years in the program, I have released 120 pounds from my top weight. I’m now at a healthy weight and have been for most of 39 years. Beyond the weight loss, I have sanity, freedom and healthy relationships in my life. I came in only to lose weight, but the clarity I derived from working the 12 steps is the most important thing I have ever done in my life.
I’m glad I didn’t have to rely on a drug to help me lose weight, and I found that working on what’s inside helped to make the outside a normal weight. My only regret is that more people aren’t aware of the program and still believe the solution is to “just lose the weight.”
In the introduction to my first OA book, it said, “Thin will not make you well, but well will make you thin.” Today, I love myself as I am — something I never thought would be possible. — Joe A. in Houston, TX
Dear Joe: Thank you for your sweet letter. I remember my mother’s interest in Overeaters Anonymous and her respect for its founder. I once had the pleasure of meeting Rozanne, a lovely woman, as well. As I’m sure most of us know, people have been known to eat for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger.
The introduction of weight loss drugs has hit like a tidal wave and, for some, it has been like a miracle (so far). However, for those wanting a more conservative approach, or who cannot tolerate the side effects of these drugs or afford the cost, Overeaters Anonymous may provide a successful path to weight loss.
There are more than 6,500 OA meetings worldwide, in 77 countries. This includes 2,500 virtual meetings taking place almost any time of the day from other locations around the world. Readers, if you’re interested, you will find more information about Overeaters Anonymous at OA.org. Like any 12-step program, there’s no membership fee, but donations are welcome.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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A Boston nightclub where a woman collapsed on the dance floor and died last month will have its entertainment license reinstated after the Boston Licensing Board found no violations Thursday.
Anastaiya Colon, 27, was at ICON, a nightclub in Boston’s Theater District, in the early hours of Dec. 21 when she suffered a fatal medical episode. Following the incident, her loved ones insisted that the club’s staff did not respond professionally and failed to control crowds.
City regulators suspended ICON’s entertainment license pending an assessment of any potential violations. During a hearing Tuesday, they heard from attorneys representing the club and people who were with Colon the night she died.
As EMTs attempted to respond, crowds inside the club failed to comply with demands to give them space, prompting police to shut down the club, according to a police report of the incident. However, the club and its representatives were adamant that staff handled their response and crowd control efforts properly.
Kevin Montgomery, the club’s head of security, testified that the crowd did not impede police or EMTs and that he waited to evacuate the club because doing so would have created a bottleneck at the entrance. Additionally, a bouncer and a bartender both testified that they interacted with Colon, who ordered one drink before collapsing, and did not see any signs of intoxication.
Angelica Morales, Colon’s sister, submitted a video taken on her phone to the board for them to review. Morales testified Tuesday that the video disproves some of the board’s claims and shows that ICON did not immediately respond to the emergency.
“I ran to the DJ booth, literally bombarded everybody that was in my way to get to the DJ booth, told them to cut the music off,” Morales said. “On my way back, the music was cut off for a minute or two, maybe less, and they cut the music back on.”
Shanice Monteiro, a friend who was with Colon and Morales, said she went outside to flag down police officers. She testified that their response, along with the crowd’s, was inadequate.
“I struggled to get outside,” Monteiro said. “Once I got outside, everybody was still partying, there was no type of urgency. Nobody stopped.”
These factors, along with video evidence provided by ICON, did not substantiate any violations on the club’s part, prompting the licensing board to reinstate their entertainment license at a subsequent hearing Thursday.
“Based on the evidence presented at the hearing from the licensed premise and the spoken testimony and video evidence shared with us from Ms. Colon’s family, I’m not able to find a violation in this case,” Kathleen Joyce, the board’s chairwoman, said at the hearing.
However, Joyce further stated that she “was not able to resolve certain questions” about exactly when or why the club turned off the music or turned on the lights. As a result, the board will require ICON to submit an emergency management plan to prevent future incidents and put organized safety measures in place.
“This plan should outline detailed operational procedures in the event of a medical or any other emergency, including protocols for police and ambulance notification, crowd control and dispersal, and procedures regarding lighting and music during an emergency response,” Joyce said.
Though the club will reopen without facing any violations, Joyce noted that there were “lessons left to be learned” from the incident.
“This tragedy has shaken the public confidence in nightlife in this area, and restoring that confidence is a shared obligation,” she said. “People should feel safe going out at night. They should feel safe going to a club in this area, and they should feel safe getting home.”
Keeana Saxon, one of three commissioners on the licensing board, further emphasized the distinction Joyce made between entertainment-related matters and those that pertained to licensing. Essentially, the deciding factor in the board’s decision was the separation of the club’s response from any accountability they may have had by serving Colon liquor.
“I hope that the family does understand that there are separate procedures for both the entertainment and the licensing, just to make sure that on the licensing side, that we understand that she was only served one drink and that it was absolutely unforeseeable for that one drink to then lead to some kind of emergency such as this one,” Saxon said.
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In the middle of Michelle Wu’s orchestrated inaugural celebration, prosecutors described a senseless hospital horror that unfolded at Boston Medical Center – a rape of a partially paralyzed patient allegedly by a mentally ill man allowed to freely roam the hospital’s hallways.
It happened in September in what is supposed to be a safe haven but too often is a dangerous campus. Drug addicts with needles frequently openly camp in front of the hospital, and in early December a security guard suffered serious injuries in a stabbing on the BMC campus. The alleged assailant was finally subdued by other security guards after a struggle.
In the September incident, prosecutors described in court this week how the 55-year-old alleged rapist Barry Howze worked his way under the terrified victim’s bed in the BMC emergency room and sexually assaulted her.
“This assault was brutal and brazen, and occurred in a place where people go for help,” Suffolk County prosecutor Kate Fraiman said. “Due to her partial paralysis, she could not reach her phone, which was under her body at the time.”
Howze, who reportedly has a history of violent offenses and mental illness, was able to flee the scene but was arrested two days later at the hospital when he tried to obtain a visitor’s pass and was recognized by security. Howze’s attorney blamed hospital staff for allowing him the opportunity to commit the crime and some city councilors are demanding answers.
“This was a horrific and violent sexual assault on a defenseless patient,” Councilor Ed Flynn said. “The safety and security of patients and staff at the hospital can’t be ignored any longer. The hospital leadership must make immediate and major changes and upgrades to their security department.”
Flynn also sent a letter to BMC CEO Alastair Bell questioning how the assailant was allowed to commit the rape.
Where is Wu? She was too busy celebrating herself with a weeklong inaugural of her second term to deal with the rape at the medical center, which is near the center of drug-ravaged Mass and Cass.
If the rape had happened at a suburban hospital, people would be demanding investigations and accountability.
But in Boston, Wu takes credit for running the “safest major city in the country” while often ignoring crimes.
Wu should intervene and demand better security and safety for the staff and patients at BMC.
Although the hospital is no longer run by the city, it has a historic connection with City Hall. It is used by Boston residents, many of them poor and disabled or from marginalized communities. She should be out front like Flynn demanding accountability from the hospital.
Boston Medical Center, located in the city’s South End, is the largest “safety-net” hospital in New England. It is partially overseen by the Boston Public Health Commission, whose members are appointed by the mayor.
BMC was formed in 1996 by the Thomas Menino administration as a merger between the city-owned Boston City Hospital, which first opened in 1864, and Boston University Medical Center.
Menino called the merger “the most important thing I will do as mayor.”
When he was appointed CEO by the hospital board of trustees in 2023, Bell offered recycled Wu-speak to talk about how BMC was trying to “reshape” how the hospital delivers health care.
“The way we think about the health of our patients and members extends beyond traditional medicine to environmental sustainability and issues such as housing, food insecurity, and economic mobility, as we study the root causes of health inequities and empower all of our patients and communities to thrive,” Bell said.
But the hospital has been plagued by security issues in the last few years, and a contract dispute with the nurses’ union. The nurses at BMC’s Brighton campus authorized a three-day strike late last year over management demands to cut staffing and retirement benefits.
Kirsten Ransom, BMC Brighton RN and Massachusetts Nurses Association co-chair, said, “This vote sends a clear message that our members are united in our commitment to make a stand for our patients, our community and our professional integrity in the wake of this blatant effort to balance BMC’s budget on the backs of those who have the greatest impact on the safety of the patients and the future success of this facility.”
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