Dear Abby: My parents are in their 70s. They live in a retirement community. As they have gotten older, they have become more private. They no longer want their children or grandkids around. Recently, I received a call telling me that they would not be answering phone calls anymore. I have stopped by their house, but they do not answer the door. What little relationship I had with them no longer exists. Advice? — Wanting to Connect
Dear Wanting: You cannot force your parents into unwelcome contact. If you are concerned about their welfare, contact the police and ask them to do a wellness check because their behavior has changed.
However, if everything checks out, you will have to accept that this is what your parents want and abide by their choice, as difficult as that may be.
Dear Abby: I recently watched a video of the founder of Overeaters Anonymous, Rozanne S., telling the story of founding the program and her own struggles with food. In it, she mentioned that your mother had been instrumental in getting OA information out to the public and was responsible for its growth.
Abby, OA saved my life, and I’m grateful to Rozanne and to your mother. After 39 years in the program, I have released 120 pounds from my top weight. I’m now at a healthy weight and have been for most of 39 years. Beyond the weight loss, I have sanity, freedom and healthy relationships in my life. I came in only to lose weight, but the clarity I derived from working the 12 steps is the most important thing I have ever done in my life.
I’m glad I didn’t have to rely on a drug to help me lose weight, and I found that working on what’s inside helped to make the outside a normal weight. My only regret is that more people aren’t aware of the program and still believe the solution is to “just lose the weight.”
In the introduction to my first OA book, it said, “Thin will not make you well, but well will make you thin.” Today, I love myself as I am — something I never thought would be possible. — Joe A. in Houston, TX
Dear Joe: Thank you for your sweet letter. I remember my mother’s interest in Overeaters Anonymous and her respect for its founder. I once had the pleasure of meeting Rozanne, a lovely woman, as well. As I’m sure most of us know, people have been known to eat for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger.
The introduction of weight loss drugs has hit like a tidal wave and, for some, it has been like a miracle (so far). However, for those wanting a more conservative approach, or who cannot tolerate the side effects of these drugs or afford the cost, Overeaters Anonymous may provide a successful path to weight loss.
There are more than 6,500 OA meetings worldwide, in 77 countries. This includes 2,500 virtual meetings taking place almost any time of the day from other locations around the world. Readers, if you’re interested, you will find more information about Overeaters Anonymous at OA.org. Like any 12-step program, there’s no membership fee, but donations are welcome.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
