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Mom of 2: My husband supercommuted from Minneapolis to NYC for 10 years—how we made it work

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Mom of 2: My husband supercommuted from Minneapolis to NYC for 10 years—how we made it work


“Your husband does what?!” I heard this question so many times over the 10 years my husband, Ian, flew weekly from our home in Minneapolis to his job in New York City. 

It was 2010 when Ian was offered a dream job in NYC as the Head of Content at The Mill, a world-renowned visual effects company. The timing was terrible.

We’d just relocated from Los Angeles to Minneapolis and were settling into the house we’d bought there. Our kids were one and three. I was rebuilding my therapy private practice from scratch. 

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Not an ideal time to pick up and move to one of the most expensive cities in the country, especially with the economy in turmoil. We didn’t feel comfortable uprooting our lives.

When Ian asked to fly back and forth every week, his new employer agreed, and we joined the ranks of supercommuter couples around the world. 

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Here’s how we made it work.

We became pros at flights and rentals 

Because Ian chose to supercommute, we were responsible for flights and housing. 

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I became extremely savvy at finding the best deals on flights, using the right credit cards to book, maximizing airline status, and racking up and leveraging miles. Benefits included access to airport lounges — important when flight delays forced Ian to take meetings while he waited — and lots of free flights for our family vacations.

We decided it’d be more economical to rent small studios or rooms for Ian to stay in during the week instead of booking hotels. Over that 10-year span, he lived in seven different apartments in Brooklyn and Manhattan.

Ian posted photos and art on the walls of the New York City apartments he stayed in during the week when he supercommuted from Minneapolis.

Courtesy of Megan Bearce

I did the legwork to see how close they were to subway stops and whether there were late-night dining options for the days he worked until 9 pm. We balanced cost with safety and distance from work, and we were lucky to find places that were, as I remember it, about $1,500 per month or less. 

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Having more consistent spaces meant Ian didn’t have to live out of a suitcase and could decorate with memories of home. 

We prioritized communication and quality time 

When I interviewed people for my book “Super Commuter Couples: Staying Together When a Job Keeps You Apart,” many shared that others judged their relationships because they spend so much time apart.

But proximity is no guarantee of commitment. I learned from experience that time together is about quality rather than quantity — and time apart can work if you communicate openly and regularly.  

Ian and I prioritized date nights and a yearly weekend away. When we were apart, we’d check in at the start of a call: “How are you doing? Is this a good time to talk?” Because our days were hectic, we started sending each other quick texts to say hello rather than always trying to have in-depth phone calls. 

We leaned into little rituals and traditions with the kids

For a time, Ian would make himself a PB&J Sunday night for his Monday travels, and it became a tradition for the kids to help him, decorating the wrapping with stickers or notes.

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We’d often have Friday pizza and movie nights to celebrate being back together again for the weekend. 

“I learned from experience that time together is about quality rather than quantity,” says Megan, pictured here with Ian in 2012, just a couple of years into their time as a supercommuter couple.

Courtesy of Megan Bearce

When the kids were little, I’d print out calendars for them. I’d draw an airplane on days Ian flew home and mark other fun things we had going on while he was away, like a tree on a day we’d go to the park. The kids had a better concept of time when they crossed days off the calendar to count down to Ian’s return.

Ian also sent us postcards made from photos he took while he was away. The little things add up.

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We made sure to take family vacations

Given the cold and snow of Minnesota, our winter escape was often a family cruise. There was all kinds of entertainment, no cooking or meal planning to think about, and a kids’ playroom if Ian and I wanted to have dinner alone. 

Most importantly, onboard Wi-Fi was so expensive at the time that we didn’t buy it and Ian couldn’t work. These were real vacations for all of us — a chance to relax and have fun together.

The kids and I visited Ian in NYC once a year

We toured his office and met his co-workers, so that when he told us stories about them, we knew who these people were. Getting to see dad’s life during the week helped the kids understand where he was when he was away. 

Plus, because of the nature of his job, they got to see a working commercial set, which has inspired our daughter to pursue the creative arts in college. 

Visits to New York City helped the kids get a glimpse of Ian’s life during the week, Megan says.

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Courtesy of Megan Bearce

We admitted we needed help

We were fortunate that my sister lived with us for the first five years and my parents were only two hours away. The extra support they offered me was huge, as was the quality time we all had with them. 

Beyond family, our neighbors knew our situation and they were willing to help out if needed. When the kids were little, we hired someone to mow and shovel snow. I found an amazing handyman and a reliable plumber I knew I could call for any issues that needed fixing during the week. 

I had a few babysitters I could reach out to if I wanted some time for myself — whether it was to take a Pilates class or go out to dinner with a friend during the week. Other times, I used the gym’s childcare center while I worked out.

We made sure solo parenting didn’t overwhelm me 

We decided not to have our kids participate in a lot of activities when they were younger. The logistics of multiple activities felt too overwhelming for me to handle with Ian away during the week. 

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Even so, I needed breaks from all that solo parenting and I took them — including for a yearly girls’ weekend. (Time for dad to be the solo parent!) 

The Bearce family on vacation in Cape Cod.

Courtesy of Megan Bearce

We appreciated the upsides

While we had a few challenges, we don’t regret our choice. Ian got to pursue a fulfilling career. I didn’t have to rebuild my therapy practice a third time or get licensed in a new state. We raised our family where there are good public schools, lots of green space and a reasonable cost of living. 

Our kids learned early on about the importance of self-care and quality time with loved ones. They realized that the best choice might not be the easiest one, but that you have to do what works for you.

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Megan Bearce is a licensed therapist, coach and author of the book “Super Commuter Couples: Staying Together When a Job Keeps You Apart.” She is a sought-after speaker and writer on workplace mental health, burnout, business travel wellness and perfectionism, and has been interviewed as an expert by SHRM, BBC, Forbes, MarketWatch, and CBS Evening News. She holds an MA in clinical psychology and is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT). Find her on her website as well as on LinkedIn and Facebook.

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Minneapolis, MN

Buss: Response to Minneapolis shooting a moral failure

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Buss: Response to Minneapolis shooting a moral failure


If another civil war were to break out in the United States, I imagine it would begin with an altercation similar to what took place in Minneapolis on Wednesday.

That’s what made the instantaneous and pejorative response to it by the Trump administration so jarring.

In an incident that recalls the National Guard shooting of student anti-war protesters at Kent State University in 1970, an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer shot Renee Good, a 37-year-old U.S. citizen and a mother of three. She had seemingly interjected herself into a major immigration enforcement operation that dispatched 2,000 federal agents to Minneapolis at the direction of Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem.

There is a dispute over whether the shooting was in self-defense, and the Trump administration has doubled down on defending the actions of the ICE officer, labeling Good a “domestic terrorist.” Vice President JD Vance alleged on Thursday that Good was part of a left-wing network.

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But it’s hard to see the incident as anything other than a complete breakdown in moral clarity about responsibility and the limits of force by the government — and how it is discussed publicly before information could even be known.

Video shared online of the incident, allegedly taken by the officer involved, indicates the confrontation was already off to a bad start. Is filming, easily interpreted as a form of intimidation by law enforcement, standard training for ICE officers?

The ICE removal officer has been identified as Jonathan Ross, a former Army National Guard machine gunner and ex‑Border Patrol agent with extensive experience. He had been dragged by a suspect during a 2025 arrest.

Perhaps he should not have returned to active duty so quickly. The impetus is on law enforcement, whether police officers or ICE officers, to preserve life and contain an unruly and even reckless situation to the best of their ability.

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Filming a potential suspect before a government-sanctioned interaction and then physically circling her vehicle to put oneself in danger calls his judgment into question.

Many questions remain about the confrontation, and no doubt instinctual psychology played a larger role in Good’s actions and in Ross’s than we will ever know.

But the immediate, callous response of Noem and Vance to this tragedy is part of a growing pattern of disregard for the collateral damage caused by implementing difficult, controversial policies. This cowboy culture that is causing serious division and violence on the nation’s streets needs to be called out and off.

Sometimes the government has to kill; it doesn’t appear that Good’s death was necessarily one of those instances. No death should ever be celebrated, or the victim castigated as a “deranged leftist,” as Vance called Good, an activist who was reportedly trained to aggressively confront ICE agents.

Despite the immediate escalation, it’s clear that while Good was driving in the opposite direction from Ross, the officer continued to shoot at her. Good lay in the driver’s seat, dying, while onlookers scream in horror. 

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Such a staunch and certain defense of the totality of his actions is indefensible. 

No one — U.S. citizen or otherwise — should be gunned down on America’s streets this casually by agents of the government.

It also points to why perhaps immigration operations at the scale Noem directed in Minneapolis shouldn’t be deployed so provocatively. Such a confrontation was bound to occur.

Public safety requires restraint as much as it requires the enforcement of law and order. 

When that restraint fails, it is the duty of the heads of government to call for patience, calm and the truth — and if necessary, take some responsibility.

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Americans on all sides should demand accountability for Good’s death and a renewed commitment by the Trump administration to policies and practices that were written to prevent exactly this kind of tragedy.

Kaitlyn Buss’ columns appear in The Detroit News. Reach her at kbuss@detroitnews.com and follow her on X @KaitlynBuss.



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F-bomb heard across the nation: Minneapolis’ mayor tries to break ICE

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F-bomb heard across the nation: Minneapolis’ mayor tries to break ICE


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For many Americans, the first introduction to Jacob Frey may have come this week in the form of press conference footage in which the Minneapolis mayor, visibly upset by Wednesday’s fatal shooting of 37-year-old Renee Nicole Good by a federal immigration agent, had the following words for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement: “Get the f—- out of Minneapolis.”

But the third-term mayor with the boyish smile is no stranger to high-profile situations, adept at navigating crises with resolve and authenticity while fiercely aligning himself with the Minnesota community he represents. Now at odds with the Trump administration as leader of the latest Democratic-led city to be targeted by the president’s stepped-up deportation efforts, he’s shown he’s unafraid to challenge the federal government.

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Frey’s emotional statement was in sharp contrast to the state’s “Minnesota Nice” stereotype.

“He just basically tells people the truth, whether they want to hear it or not,” said former longtime Minneapolis councilmember Lisa Goodman, who now serves in Frey’s administration as the city’s director of strategic initiatives. “He’s not passive-aggressive, which is alarming to some people, especially in Minnesota. He speaks his truth, and he doesn’t back down from that.”

The mayor’s statement “was very forceful in tone, sure, and in turn, probably represents the feelings of most Minneapolis residents,” said Andy Aoki, a professor of political science at the city’s Augsburg University.

“Otherwise, he doesn’t come across as the loud, abrasive, over-the-top politician ready with a soundbite. He comes across as more thoughtful, measured, and now more direct.”

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This week’s incident was the spark many feared amid a growing powder keg of heightened activity by immigration authorities in Minneapolis and nationwide. But it was just the latest adversity Frey, 44, has faced in his eight years as the city’s mayor.

In May 2020, George Floyd was murdered by a Minneapolis police officer less than a mile from the site of this week’s ICE incident; in August, two children were killed and 14 injured in a mass shooting at the city’s Annunciation Church; and more recently, President Donald Trump broadly attacked the state’s Somali community after reports of fraud involving Somali immigrants.

Then, on Jan. 7, a U.S. immigration agent shot and killed Renee Nicole Good in her vehicle, an encounter captured on video and subsequently dissected and hotly debated while initially appearing to contradict the administration’s characterization of what happened.

On Friday, Frey doubled down on his outrage over the Trump administration’s portrayal of Good’s shooting as an act of self-defense, penning a guest editorial in the New York Times headlined “I’m the Mayor of Minneapolis. Trump Is Lying to You.”

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“The chaos that ICE and the Trump administration have brought to Minneapolis made this tragedy sadly predictable,” he wrote.

Aoki said the resilience and resolve Frey has exhibited since Good’s death stems from “a political savvy, an everyman approach” that he has polished over the years. He thinks the mayor’s heated declaration to federal officials reflected the frustration that has built up over several weeks of ICE presence in the area.

“This is going to be a test of his patience, resilience, and all of his political savvy,” Aoki said. “He’s in the crosshairs of the federal government, and you just can’t just fight them tit-for-tat. He has to figure out the best path to succeed while getting pressure from all sides. This is going to test his political skillset in many ways.” 

Jim Scheibel, who served as Saint Paul mayor from 1990 to 1994 and now assists the associate provost at the city’s Hamline University, said he has received positive reviews from around the country about Frey’s handling of the situation.

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“He’s very visible, and speaking for myself, his controlled anger in this situation is important,” Scheibel said. “People are looking for someone to articulate what people in the Twin Cities are feeling.”

Scheibel said Frey’s emotions strike him as genuine, not theatrics.

“It’s really from his heart and his head that he’s speaking,” he said. “Hubert Humphrey would be very proud of the kind of leadership that Mayor Frey is showing right now.”

Frey’s path to mayor

Frey, a native of Northern Virginia and the son of professional modern ballet dancers, attended the College of William & Mary in Williamsburg on a track scholarship, earning a government degree and a shoe company contract that allowed him to run professionally. He ran as many as 120 miles a week while attending Villanova Law School in Philadelphia, where he graduated cum laude.

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According to his biography, Frey developed an affection for Minneapolis while running the Twin Cities Marathon and moved there to work as an employment and civil rights lawyer. He fell into community organizing work, chosen as the city’s first annual recipient of its Martin Luther King Jr. Award for his efforts on behalf of marriage equality, housing, and worker non-discrimination rights.

In 2013, he successfully ran for the Minneapolis City Council, representing the city’s Third Ward. Five years later, he became the city’s second-ever Jewish mayor and its second youngest ever, winning on a platform that included mending police-community relations with local frustrations still simmering after two police-involved killings.

Two years later, the police-community relations issue would explode with global reverberations when George Floyd was murdered by Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, who had kneeled on Floyd’s neck for more than nine minutes. Captured on video, the incident would bring national tensions over police brutality to a head, igniting months of demonstrations around the country.

Frey’s handling of the crisis, including his call to fire and charge the offices involved, drew both acclaim and disapproval; as Minneapolis structures were set ablaze amid protests that immediately following Floyd’s killing, On social media, President Donald Trump – then finishing his first term – decried Frey’s “total lack of leadership” and threatened to deploy the National Guard.

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When a reporter related Trump’s remarks to Frey, the mayor responded by saying Trump knew nothing of the city’s toughness.

“Weakness is refusing to take responsibility for your actions,” he said. “Weakness is pointing your finger at somebody else during a time of crisis…. Is this a difficult time period? Yes. But you better be damn sure that we’re gonna get through this.”

In December, after Trump maligned Somali immigrants as “garbage” while federal immigration agents ramped up activity in the Twin Cities area, Frey came to the community’s defense, saying Minneapolis was “proud” to host the country’s largest Somali community.

“They are our neighbors, our friends, and our family – and they are welcome in our city,” he said. “Nothing Donald Trump does will ever change that.”

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Latest crisis could test city’s accord

Good’s fatal shooting occurred as the community and police were showing signs of rebuilding trust post-George Floyd, said Muhammad Abdul-Ahad, executive director of T.O.U.C.H Outreach, a Minneapolis violence prevention nonprofit.

Abdul-Ahad hopes ICE’s presence won’t derail progress made thus far, though he said some residents have questioned why Minneapolis police haven’t taken a more forceful stance against the agency. He hopes the mayor and police chief have a strategy in place with larger protests scheduled for this weekend.

“We don’t want to see an ‘Us versus Them,’” he said. “We’ve worked too hard since Floyd. It’s going to take all of us to show up together for our communities in times like this, versus blank stares and disbelief.”

The mayor, Abdul-Ahad, said, “is going to have to do more than talk about that he’s with the people; he’s going to have to show it.”

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Aoki, of Augsburg University, said while Frey has his detractors, his willingness to take on the Trump administration on the community’s behalf in the wake of Good’s fatal shooting has earned him broad support.

“He has come to grips with the divisions on the council and in the city and he decidedly knows where he stands,” Aoki said. “Early in his first term, he was trying to appeal to everybody, and that didn’t work. Now he knows how to appeal to the moderates and try to peel off a couple of left-leaning council members to get what he needs done.”

Former councilmember Goodman said that while Frey also has learned to negotiate with a “fairly purple” state legislature, his longevity in office illustrates that city voters believe in his authenticity. Goodman said while Frey would be considered extremely progressive in almost any other city, “clearly some of his detractors see him as not progressive enough.” 

“A strong leader is out there emotionally, intellectually, in partnership with others. You can’t do it alone,” Goodman said. “You have to be working with others…And Jacob is very good at that.”

She believes the mayor still considers the city’s police reform strategy a crucially important component of unfinished business.

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“The city is making progress, and he is very committed to that,” Goodman said. “He is committed to making policing community-based, with many alternative responses – and not the way it was, which facilitated the murder of George Floyd.”

That Frey survived the aftermath of that issue to be re-elected twice “should count for something, Aoki said.

“I think because of (Floyd), he’s more adept at handling crises this time around,” he said. “It doesn’t make it any easier, but how can you not lean into that experience, for better or worse?” 

Abdul-Ahad thinks a resilient Frey would like to be recognized for guiding Minneapolis through a historically tumultuous time, but says that will have to be earned through action, not just words.

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“He’s been through so much, we all have,” Abdul-Ahad said. “But as mayor, it’s his job to stand up and take accountability for the city. He’s been ridiculed so many times over the last five years, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to go through that again…. He’s been humiliated. But he keeps coming back.”



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Prosecutors in DOJ’s Civil Rights Division will not investigate Minneapolis ICE shooting, sources say

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Prosecutors in DOJ’s Civil Rights Division will not investigate Minneapolis ICE shooting, sources say


Prosecutors in the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division were told they will not play a role in the ongoing investigation into a fatal shooting of a woman in Minneapolis by a federal immigration officer, according to two sources familiar with the matter.

Leadership in the Civil Rights Division, overseen by Harmeet Dhillon, informed staff in the division’s criminal section that there would not be an investigation, two sources said. Normally, after a high-profile incident involving a fatal shooting by an officer, attorneys from the criminal section fly out to the scene. Multiple career prosecutors offered to do so in this case, but they were told not to do so, one of the sources added. 

While investigations into the excessive use of force can be pursued solely by a U.S. Attorney’s office without direct involvement from the Civil Rights Division, it is customary for the division’s federal prosecutors to take the lead on high-profile investigations like the one in Minnesota.

The decision also raises questions about how far the FBI’s investigation into the shooting will go. 

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A Justice Department spokesperson declined to comment. 

On Thursday, the Justice Department announced that the FBI was leading the investigation into the fatal shooting of 37-year-old Renee Nicole Good by an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer.

Video footage shows the officer, identified in court records from a prior incident as Jonathan Ross, fired three rounds at the car as Good started to drive away.

The video also appeared to depict the officers did not take immediate steps to ensure that Good received emergency medical care after the shooting took place. A separate video from the scene showed officers stopping a man who claimed to be a doctor from moving toward Good. 

The killing has sparked protests nationwide, including in New York, Miami, Los Angeles and Detroit.

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Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has argued that Ross was acting in self-defense, and claimed that Good was trying to use her car as a weapon in an act of “domestic terrorism.”

That description sparked immediate backlash from state and city officials, with the mayor of Minneapolis labeling the self-defense claims as “bulls***.”

On Friday, Trump administration officials shared another cellphone video of the incident that sources say was recorded by the ICE officer. The White House argues this video shows Ross was hit by Good’s car.

The Justice Department has stopped short of claiming Ross was acting in self-defense. 

But in a statement to CBS News this week, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche said that the use of deadly force by law enforcement officials can sometimes be justified.

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“Federal agents risk their lives each day to safeguard our communities. They must make decisions, under dynamic and chaotic circumstances, in less time than it took to read this sentence,” Blanche said.

“The law does not require police to gamble with their lives in the face of a serious threat of harm. Rather, they may use deadly force when they face an immediate threat of significant physical harm,” he added.

The criminal section of the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division specializes in investigating and prosecuting constitutional violations by law enforcement officers. 

Some of the most common investigations involve excessive use of force, but can also include other things such as sexual misconduct, false arrests or deliberate indifference to serious medical needs.

One of the most famous civil rights prosecutions by the section in recent years took place in Minneapolis, after former Minneapolis Police Officer Derek Chauvin murdered George Floyd in May 2020.

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Chauvin pleaded guilty to willfully depriving, while acting under color of law, Floyd’s constitutional rights, as well as the rights of a 14-year-old boy.

Since President Trump took office last year, the Civil Rights Division has scaled back its work on excessive force prosecutions, according to legal experts. 

Last year, it sought to downplay the conviction of a former Louisville police officer who was convicted of violating Breonna Taylor’s civil rights and asked a federal judge to sentence him to serve just one day in prison.

The judge ultimately sentenced him to serve 33 months.

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