Lifestyle
Yes, introverts and extroverts can be good friends. Here’s how
Whenever I rendezvous with an extroverted friend, I feel a pang of anxiety as an introvert.
Will I have space to be my slow, quiet self? Will I have trouble keeping up with their chatter?
Usually the hang is glorious. But sometimes, the energy is off.
I’ve never confronted my extroverted friends about this. So it was validating to hear from Jennifer Kahnweiler, author of The Introverted Leader, that I wasn’t alone.
Kahnweiler says extroverts and introverts move through the world differently — and friendships can suffer when those differences clash.
The key, she says, is to speak up before the resentments pile up. “If we don’t talk about these disconnects, they don’t get better,” she says.
Kahnweiler, who trains leaders, teams and organizations on how to help introverts thrive in an extroverted world, shares tips on how both personalities can get along.
Don’t pigeonhole your friend
Introversion and extroversion are on “opposite ends of a continuum” and not a binary, says William Chopik, a social-personality psychologist at Michigan State University. “People mostly fall somewhere in between those two extremes.”
Introverts are quieter, more introspective, deliberate, really into alone time. Extroverts are more talkative, outgoing, energetic, and very into socializing.

Where you fall on the spectrum isn’t static. For example, people tend to get a little more introverted as they get older, says Chopik, because of shifts in motivation, energy and lifestyle.
Context matters too. Speaking for myself, if I’ve starved myself of enough social contact, sometimes I can be the life of the party.
For this reason, try not to pigeonhole your friend as “just an introvert” or “just an extrovert.” Instead, use these concepts as “pairs of glasses you could look through,” Kahnweiler says.
Don’t take behaviors personally
If your friend is exhibiting a behavior that’s bugging you, consider whether it might be due to a personality difference, Kahnweiler says. Then show a little grace.
Kahnweiler shares the story of an extroverted woman trying to be friendly with an introverted coworker. When she asked about her coworker’s daughter getting married, the coworker shut down.
Later, she learned that her coworker thought she was being rude. They didn’t know each other well enough for such private questions. The woman didn’t take it personally, and today they’re friends.
Say what you need. Your friends aren’t mind readers.
Kahnweiler has heard many complaints from both sides about the other.
Extroverts grumble that introverts move and talk slowly and pause a lot, don’t show a lot of facial expressions, and don’t give enough social cues.
Introverts gripe that extroverts can’t be alone, talk too much, hate silence, interrupt and are poor listeners.
If you have these issues with your friend, talk about it, Kahnweiler says. Introverts might say, “There are times when I want to talk, but I don’t always feel like there’s space for me to get my ideas out there. How about if you pause more? And on my part, I will be more forthcoming with sharing because I want to have more of an even interchange and because I love you dearly.”
Invent some hacks
Come up with a code phrase or gesture to remind you what you both need.
While hanging out with an introverted friend, Kahnweiler, who is an extrovert, sometimes holds her hands underneath the table. It’s her signal to “shut your mouth,” she says.
She also has a bracelet she wears to remind herself to listen and not just rush to fill the silence. “It’s my little anchor,” she says.
Appreciate what’s unique about your friend
Consider the introverts and extroverts in your social circle. How do they improve your life?

Thinking about her introverted friends, Kahnweiler got emotional. “You guys model how to be alone with yourself, and then I started becoming more comfortable with that,” she says.
As for me, if it weren’t for my extroverted sweeties, my cats would get sick of me.
So tell your friends what you love about their unique characteristics. “I wonder what it would be like if we told each other that more,” she says. “How good would that feel?”
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib, with art direction by Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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Lifestyle
Can you say no to a friend’s wedding? : It’s Been a Minute
Can you say no to a friend’s wedding?
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Are we spending too much on other people’s weddings?
Going to a friend’s weddings can be so fun and meaningful… but it can also really hurt your wallet. A survey by LendingTree found that 31% of people who had been to a wedding in the past five years had accrued debt to attend. So what’s driving up the cost of weddings for guests? And what makes it so hard to say no to these expenses?
Brittany breaks it down with Allyson Rees, senior analyst at trend forecasting firm WGSN, and Annie Joy Williams, assistant editor at The Atlantic.
This episode was produced by Liam McBain, with additional support from Corey Antonio Rose. It was edited by Neena Pathak. Our Supervising Producer is Cher Vincent. Our Executive Producer is Barton Girdwood. Our VP of Programming is Yolanda Sangweni.
Lifestyle
Is it safe to eat from your garden after the Boyle Heights warehouse fire?
After the eight-day-long fire in a 500,000-square-foot Boyle Heights warehouse, eastern Los Angeles residents are contending with putrid smells, soot and potentially hazardous airborne chemicals after heavy plumes of smoke spread throughout the city. But those who grow food in nearby neighborhoods may also be wondering: How will the fires affect the plants and produce in my garden?
The Boyle Heights warehouse, owned by Lineage — a global temperature-controlled storage facility operator — housed 85 million pounds of frozen food and other products. In the days since the fire, local emergency visits for smoke inhalation and throat pain spiked while agencies still scramble to measure the amount of PM 2.5 — harmful fine particles — and heavy metals, like lead and arsenic, in the air.
According to researchers, any toxic airborne chemicals would likely stem from the charred foam insulation, metal exterior, burned solar panels and any lithium batteries that might have been present inside the warehouse.
After a fire, heavy metal particles can spread through ash and smoke over gardens and inhibit growth, said Olukayode Jegede, an agricultural toxicologist and assistant professor at UC Davis. Since the warehouse fire is so recent and cleanup has just begun, Jegede said the precise impact on gardens can’t be measured until comprehensive soil tests are conducted in the area.
While the L.A. city government hasn’t announced plans for soil testing, the Contaminant Level Evaluation and Analysis for Neighborhoods project at USC is offering free contaminant testing for Boyle Heights and East L.A. residents. Residents can collect soil samples and deliver them to Boyle Heights City Hall and other locations for an evaluation of lead, arsenic, chromium and mercury levels.
The good news is produce, plants and roots can still be preserved. According to Jegede, many of the soil tests conducted last year in the Altadena area after the Eaton fire showed that gardens and poultry were not as contaminated as one might expect.
“Quite a number of the soils we tested [in Altadena] were not really contaminated,” Jegede said. “We weren’t seeing many soils with concerning elevated levels of metal, so gardeners should not be too alarmed when these things happen.”
Nevertheless, there are several measures that gardeners can take to keep themselves, their children, plants and produce safe from potentially harmful contaminants stemming from the fire. Researchers, gardening experts and horticulturists offered some guidance on the handling, recultivation and cleanup that can keep you and your garden in good health.
How do I remove ash and contaminants from my garden?
Altadena horticulturist Leigh Adams said Boyle Heights plants and produce already live in a difficult environment, surrounded by industrial warehouses that spread contaminants daily.
“That area has been used industrially for 100 years, and the soil is impacted by many, many, many things,” Adams said. “Low-income neighborhoods and gardens usually don’t have a lot of resistance against dominant manufacturing.”
This means that the contamination of gardens in eastern L.A. won’t be as catastrophic as compared with those in Altadena, a more suburban environment, Adams said. But fallen ash still poses major health risks if ingested or inhaled.
An advisory from University of California Agricultural and Natural Resources last year recommended suiting up in an N95/KN95 mask, long sleeves, pants, close-toed shoes and gloves before attempting to deal with ash in the garden to limit exposure to potentially toxic contaminants. The advisory added that individuals should make sure all of this gear is cleaned thoroughly before bringing it back inside.
Once in the proper gear, Adams recommends removing the top two inches of topsoil from gardens, where the highest concentration of contaminants will settle after a fire. Using a plastic bag to collect the soil and disposing of it in the garbage — not green yard waste bins — will help to reduce the spread of airborne chemicals.
Gardeners with raised beds are advised to remove approximately six inches of soil, because excess ash can raise the pH level and prevent nutrients from soaking into the soil bed.
After this, watering the garden gently but plentifully will help to promote soil health and get rid of most of the ash present on plant leaves and stems. Adams said replacing the top two inches of soil with store-bought mulch or straw will help to contain any remaining ash and prevent it from spreading any further.
Experts say to avoid using leaf blowers if ash is present in the garden because they can send particles airborne. Doing so will increase the likelihood of heavy metal particles, which can carry lung irritants and carcinogens, being spread and inhaled.
A Boyle Heights resident keep a watchful eye on the fire at the 5,000-square-foot commercial building, which stores 85 million pounds of frozen food.
(Genaro Molina / Los Angeles Times)
Is it safe for me to eat produce from my garden?
Several studies, including one from the UC Cooperative Extension of Sonoma County, have shown that consuming produce in a fire-affected area poses minimal health risks.
Jegede said most root vegetables like potatoes and carrots, along with any fruit that has an outer layer, can be washed to remove potential contaminants, even if they were covered in ash. Peeling the outer layer of your produce can also help to reduce potential risks, he said.
Lettuce and other leafy foods with multiple layers pose a higher risk of contamination, but with a vigorous wash and peeling the outer layers, even the greens can be saved. The County of Los Angeles Department of Public Health recommends soaking leafy produce and fuzzy fruits like peaches in a 10% white vinegar and 90% water mixture.
Jegede said if the leaves or fruit are too delicate to wash or ash is still visible, it would be best to dispose of the produce.
How can I tell if my soil is contaminated?
After ridding your garden of visible ash, you might wonder how to tell if your plants will still thrive in the soil.
At-home soil tests that measure for alkaline, fertility and pH levels are widely available and can be purchased for $15 to $100 (for more detailed results) online. But Jegede said these tests can’t tell the full story of soil health.
Comprehensive soil testing is “something you can’t do properly at home,” Jegede said. “In labs, we are testing for metals like lithium and zinc, stuff that an at-home test will not show … If it comes to the point that you’re worried about your soil, I would just send it out to a lab.”
Wallace Laboratories in El Segundo, Babcock Laboratories in Riverside, Waypoint Analytical in Anaheim and other labs offer more detailed soil tests that measure heavy metal particles in addition to other fertility factors. Prices at Wallace Laboratories can range from $115 to $295 for a complete compost test.
The soil below two inches should be unharmed, Adams said, so long as new compost is set and plants are watered plentifully, which will promote natural biological cycles.
“What you’re doing is capping the soil, so that moisture stays in there, and instead of being dirt, it’s a living system called soil,” Adams said. “The more carbon we can get into our soil, the better.”
What can I do to help my soil recover?
For the last 12 years, Adams has been working with Metabolic Studio, a Los Angeles-based art and research hub focused on environmentalism, on methods for bioremediation, the practice of using additional fungi, plants and compost to decontaminate ash and break down contaminants.
Adams said straw, mushrooms, corn, rye and sunflowers are great bioremediators that can help to repair damage to soils. She said certain samples she’s worked on with Metabolic Studio have gone from testing at high heavy metal levels to nearly contaminant-free.
But for a more immediate fix, wash your produce, water your plants and have a little patience during ash cleanups. Your garden should look better in no time, Adams and Jegede said.
Lifestyle
Why Gen Z is movie-maxxing : Pop Culture Happy Hour
Inde Navarrette and Michael Johnston in Obsession.
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Focus Features
Two big horror films, Obsession and Backrooms, just smashed all box office expectations. So much of their success has been driven by Gen Z, which is now the biggest moviegoing demographic. But what makes a movie a Gen Z movie? Today we’re bringing you an episode of NPR’s It’s Been a Minute. Host Brittany Luse talks about this trend with Sam Adams and Reanna Cruz.
If you want to hear more about these movies, check out these episodes:
In ‘Obsession,’ love hurts. It really, really, really hurts.
‘Backrooms’ brings YouTube horror to the big screen
Zendaya brings ‘The Drama,’ we bring the spoilers
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