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L.A. is one of the best places on the planet to grow weed outdoors. Here's how

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L.A. is one of the best places on the planet to grow weed outdoors. Here's how

If you’ve ever considered growing your own pot plant at home in Southern California but found the whole tents-and-timers-in-a-closet thing impossibly confusing or prohibitively intimidating (or both), the good news is that it doesn’t have to be either. That’s the takeaway from a series of workshops that have taken place at nurseries and gardening centers across L.A.

Motivated by a desire to demystify and destigmatize growing hemp and cannabis at home (and funded in part by a USDA grant), Emily Gogol (head gardener of Oregon-based Grow It From Home) and Penny Barthel (author of “The Cannabis Gardener” and Bay Area co-founder of the educational website Wondering About Weed) have been helping aspiring ganja greenthumbs across the Southland get their grow on since earlier this year. Their basic premise? A cannabis plant is as easy to grow — in your backyard garden or on your patio — as a tomato plant.

Emily Gogol, left, and Penny Barthel talk to aspiring cannabis gardeners during a workshop at C&S Garden Center in Lawndale. They have held a dozen local workshops since earlier this year, with the aim of demystifying and destigmatizing growing cannabis plants at home.

That was one of the surprising things I walked away with after catching one of the duo’s hourlong free workshops at C&S Garden Center in Lawndale one late April Saturday afternoon. There, surrounded by bags of fertilizer, shelves full of planters and every kind of leafy green plant imaginable, Gogol and Barthel offered pointers and answered questions for a group of 30 hobby gardeners who had come seeking guidance before growing their first pot plant in the natural SoCal sunlight.

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Having experienced the whole lights-and-timers thing firsthand when I grew my first plant a few years back, I was intrigued by the garden-club feel of the duo’s approach as well as their efforts to move cannabis gardening from the exclusive, insular realm of basements and bro culture and put it in its rightful place: on the patio right next to the trellised tomatoes and cooking herbs. (As Gogol pointed out early in the workshop I attended, the whole reason most cannabis plants grown at home were traditionally indoors and out of sight was because of a half-century of pot prohibition.)

Even before I caught their late April workshop, I’d considered adding a plant to the greenery of my L.A. backyard. But something Gogol told the workshop attendees really sealed the deal for me: “You guys actually live in one of the best places on the planet to grow cannabis,” she said.

Once I heard that, I felt compelled (for journalistic purposes, if nothing else) to see just how easy it could be. Especially because, as I was soon to learn, I had not missed this season’s outdoor planting window. And as of this publication, neither have you, so if you’re a backyard gardener thinking about adding a pot plant to your plot or a weed head contemplating an adventure in hazy horticulture, here are five things that will help you successfully (and legally) get growing.

A woman wearing a red earring shaped like a marijuana leaf

Home-grow enthusiast Christina Wong, wearing an appropriately themed pair of earrings, listens to the April 27 workshop presentation.

Although it may be as easy to grow as tomatoes or zucchini, growing cannabis is different in one very important way: Under state law, you have to be age 21 (different regulations apply to medical marijuana patients), you’re limited to growing six plants per private residence and, most important, if you’re growing outdoors (that’s why you’re here, right?), the plants must be in a locked space that is not visible to the public. (In other words, the front yard is no-go; a fenced-in backyard or enclosed patio is a better bet.)

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What you’ll need to know beyond that to keep your home grow legal depends on where in California you live because cities and counties can further restrict (or outright ban) personal-use cultivation. The cities of Los Angeles and West Hollywood don’t have additional regulations, while L.A. County’s ordinance (which applies to unincorporated areas of the county) has all kinds of specifics to keep in mind. These include a minimum distance from rear and side property lines (10 feet), maximum plant height (6 feet) and type of fencing (masonry or wood is OK; chain link is not).

If your eyes are starting to glaze over — and not in a good way — check out the county’s very helpful handout on the topic. For L.A. County residents, a good starting point to find out local laws is the database of rules and regulations compiled by the Los Angeles chapter of NORML (the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws) at lanorml.org.

A person holds a packet of seeds with the words THC and "Afternoon Punch" on the front.

A workshop attendee holds packets of cannabis seeds that Emily Gogol says can legally be purchased at C&S and a handful of other local gardening centers and nurseries.

2. Get the right seeds

“One of the differences from tomato [plants] that makes cannabis so special and fun — but also confusing — is that cannabis plants can be male or female,” Gogol said during the C&S workshop I attended. “And basically, when you grow cannabis for flower, you want them to be the female plants, so we’d encourage you to purchase female seeds — they’re called ‘feminized’ seeds.”

Another seed term to be on the lookout for, especially if you want to make the most of the SoCal sunlight, is “photoperiod,” which means the resulting plant will start to flower (i.e., start producing those tasty buds) when the amount of light drops below 12 hours each day. (There are also autoflower seeds whose resulting plants begin to flower after a set period of time regardless of the amount of light they receive.) Beyond that, what kind of seeds you buy depends a lot on what end product you’re hoping to harvest as well as what you can find.

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This brings me to what might be the coolest thing (of many cool things) I took away literally and figuratively from the C&S workshop: an old-timey-looking seed packet no different from what you’d find at any garden center. Except, that is, for the bold letters THC in the upper left-hand corner of the front, an artfully drawn leafy green pot plant and the words “Afternoon Punch” (a cultivar described on the back with the words sweet, raspberry and hibiscus).

Inside the $45 packet were five feminized, photoperiod seeds from Gogol’s Oregon farm, and they can be purchased with no more hassle — or stigma — than anything else at C&S Garden Center. (Grow It From Home’s seeds also are available locally through Fig Earth Supply, Flora Grubb Gardens L.A. and International Garden Center as well as the C&S Nursery in the Baldwin Hills/Crenshaw neighborhood.)

While that may not seem like a big deal — especially in a place like Los Angeles, where seeds (and seedlings) have long been available in dispensaries (or surreptitiously via mail, arriving in unmarked packages) — Gogol and Barthel see being able to pick up cannabis seeds in the same place as any other gardening supplies as a game-changer when it comes to making patio pot growing more accessible to the kind of casual gardeners who would feel much more at ease in a nursery than a dispensary.

It’s also something that’s relatively new and uncharted territory, Gogol said, explaining that she is relying on a 2022 Drug Enforcement Administration letter (known as the Pennington letter) that clarified that cannabis seeds containing less than 0.03% THC (which they do) are legally classified as hemp and exempt from the Controlled Substances Act. “It’s legal,” Gogol said about making seeds available this way. “I’ve got a whole binder on [the topic].”

In an interview with The Times, Shane Pennington, the lawyer whose inquiry resulted in the DEA’s clarification, confirmed Gogol’s interpretation but added a note of caution. “Just because it’s not illegal under the federal Controlled Substances Act doesn’t mean that it’s legal for all purposes, under every other law in the United States or in every state or every jurisdiction in every state,” he said.

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Two people point to a bag of potting soil.

Emily Gogol, left, and Penny Barthel gesture toward a bag of Fox Farm’s Ocean Forest potting soil in response to a question about growing medium. “It’s what you would buy if you were going to grow a couple of tomatoes and maybe a miniature eggplant on a trellis on your patio,” she said.

3. Seek out the sun

Assuming you’re keeping legal requirements in mind, where’s the best outdoor place for your plant? “Where you get your sun is where you should grow your cannabis,” Barthel told attendees. “Even if it’s not in the ground.”

Gogol concurred, adding that “it’s better to grow in a container with full sun — eight to 12 hours a day — than in the ground in a shade situation.”

If you’re going the container route, Gogol suggested using one in the 10- to 15-gallon range (“terracotta, plastic, fabric — it doesn’t matter”) and to use a high-quality potting soil. “Something like [Fox Farm’s] Ocean Forest. It doesn’t say ‘cannabis’ on it. It doesn’t say ‘dank’ anything,” she said. “It’s what you would buy if you were going to grow a couple of tomatoes and maybe a miniature eggplant on a trellis on your patio.” (Another option, suggested in “The Cannabis Gardener,” Barthel’s book for beginners, is EB Stone’s Recipe 420 Potting Soil.)

Whether you’re growing in the ground or using a container, Barthel said, “You can’t go wrong by using compost.”

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A hand holds a small potted cannabis plant.

If it gets full sun and the right amount of water, this bit of legal-to-grow backyard greenery could be up to 5 feet tall by fall, according to workshop organizers.

4. Plant between 4/20 and Father’s Day

“When to start your seeds or get your [seedlings] is about controlling the size of the plant,” Gogol told workshop attendees. “So if you want a 5-foot-tall, human-size plant that’s going to yield bags and bags of flower — and be easy to harvest and take care of and manage and give you almost no trouble — we tell folks to start anytime after 4/20 and before Father’s Day. It’s really a window.”

Always the third Sunday in June, Father’s Day falls on June 16 this year, so this year’s window is only open for a few more weeks.

This was another one of the many things from the workshop that surprised me because I’d previously read — and taken as gospel — that seeds needed to be planted no later than Mother’s Day.

A well-manicured hand holds a plastic bag full of cannabis buds.

Examples of what could be grown “as easily as tomatoes” were passed around. According to the workshop organizers, getting photoperiod seeds planted in SoCal by Father’s Day has the potential to yield “bags and bags of flower.”

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5. Don’t overwater

Gogol and Barthel said the No. 1 mistake budding gardeners make is overwatering their plant babies. “You want to water [your plants] as deeply and as infrequently as possible,” Gogol said. “If you’re growing in a container, put your hand in the soil and dig around. If it feels bone dry all the way down to finger length, then give it water. And if you’re watering in a container, you’ll want to water fully so the water flushes out the bottom of the pot for a little bit. In [Southern California] where it doesn’t get that hot, you can honestly water deeply once a week or maybe twice a week if you’re having a hot dry spell. But you want to err on the side of under-watering. It does not want wet feet — it’s not a hydrangea. Again, think of it like a tomato.”

Is growing weed in your garden — or on your patio — any more complicated than that? Gogol and Barthel assured us it’s not. Even so, I’ve barely scratched the surface of what both pot professionals covered in that hour-long workshop, so if you’re feeling canna-curious and want to pepper a pro with questions before the get-’em-in-the-ground window closes, you’ve got a handful of options. One is a June 3 online workshop (prices start at $5) or a handful of in-person workshops in the L.A. area in the run-up to Father’s Day and one on the day itself (the latter will include giveaway Father’s Day bouquets that incorporate cannabis foliage).

Additional information and free tickets are available at growitfromhome.com. (There are also four workshops scheduled for the Bay Area before the planting window closes.) Otherwise, these five pointers should at least get you started down the ganja garden path legally and logistically.

And who knows, if it really is as easy as growing tomatoes, in the fall I (and perhaps some of you) may be signing up for another one of their workshops — the one where they teach how to properly harvest all that backyard bounty.

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Eating Healthy? No, They’re Eating Biblically.

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Eating Healthy? No, They’re Eating Biblically.

Kayla Bundy likes to start her day with a cup of bone broth.

She buys her milk raw, snacks on sardines, eats authentic sourdough bread — no commercial yeasts here — and generally cooks with locally-sourced ingredients. On TikTok, where she has over 500,000 followers, she claims that her diet “fixed” her skin, her hair and her depression, and she sells coaching sessions to help others with their diets.

Bundy, a 27-year-old Christian content creator, might sound like your run-of-the-mill clean-eating type, but she believes her diet to be part of a higher calling. For eight years, she has been a biblical eater, someone who consumes mostly foods mentioned in the Bible. She is part of a niche but dedicated online community trying to tie religious values to dietary needs.

In an era when the Make America Healthy Again movement has pushed for more access to unpasteurized dairy products, stricter boundaries around ultraprocessed foods and new definitions for what counts as healthy food, alternative diets focusing on simpler foods are finding popularity, even when their proponents don’t actively consider themselves part of the MAHA movement. Add to that the growing numbers of GLP-1 users struggling to eat enough protein, and biblical diets can offer an appealing repackaging of certain age-old diet tenets. (The new acting commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration, who assumed his role on Tuesday, is also a vocal champion for policies to remove chemicals from the food supply.)

“I had never really thought to look to the Bible for a recipe book,” Bundy, who grew up in Michigan and now lives in Bali, said, but after cutting out refined sugar made her feel good, she said, she started “studying scripture from that lens of noticing what they are eating.”

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She added: “Sin entered into the world through food, and Satan doesn’t stop there. Food, for me, is really like a weapon of how I can fight back.”

Bundy is open about not having nutrition credentials, but she sells a $28 digital guide to biblical superfoods, as well as coaching sessions that start around $700 for a month, she said.

She’s not the only one. Like other health food influencers, the biblical eating proponents with popular accounts often sell products.

Annalies Xaviera, a stay-at-home mom who lives in Gainesville, Ga., and posts biblical eating tips, said her Facebook following had jumped from scant thousands to over 300,000 in just a few weeks this spring. She sells a digital cookbook.

“The Bible says that God appreciates and celebrates small steps of obedience,” said Xaviera, 32, who added that she did not consider herself part of the MAHA movement, but that some of its goals, like removing artificial dyes from foods, aligned with her own preferences.

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She said her approach boiled down to eating whole foods and cooking meals at home. She still buys some processed foods, like pasta.

Eating biblically — which can mean strictly sticking to the good book’s ingredients, cooking from scratch or anything in between — is not new. “The Eden Diet,” a 2008 book, offered weight loss and nutrition tips rooted in biblical teachings. The author Jordan Rubin’s 2004 book “The Maker’s Diet” was a best seller (as was his recent book “The Biblio Diet,” coauthored with Josh Axe, a supporter of the MAHA movement, and published last year).

For years, some Christians have also participated in “Daniel fasts,” 21-day fasts based on the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament, in which Daniel consumes only vegetables and water. (There’s also, of course, the long tradition of religious diets, such as keeping kosher or halal, or following a Levitical diet. Jesus, himself, presumably kept kosher.)

On social media, however, biblical eating has appeared to have a resurgence in recent months.

A few years ago, the actor Chris Pratt talked about completing a Daniel fast when he was on “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.” In January, as part of his partnership with the prayer app Hallow, he posted a video encouraging his followers to use the app to participate in a fast and prayer challenge. The bean-heavy fast had made him quite gassy, he said with a laugh. Other celebrities, including Mark Wahlberg and Patricia Heaton, have been part of similar efforts with the app.

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Casper Schimmer, a college student in Amsterdam, said he sold coaching sessions for young, Christian men looking to align their diet and exercise with their faith.

“It’s not like eating healthy only is what makes a godly person,” Schimmer, 20, said. He said he also focused on physical and mental fitness as part of a larger system of “godly habits.” (For example, sabbath as the “original biohack.”)

Jennifer R. Ayres, a religious education professor at Emory University, said the biblical food movement online seemed to show “a focus on personal decision making.” She added that “the more collective and environmental analysis of what’s happening in our food system” is missing from some of the social media dialogue.

Abbie Stasior, a Christian dietitian who lives in Nashville, said much of her work looked, at first, like standard nutrition guidance. She often starts with clients by talking about the importance of breakfast. But then she’ll reference Bible verses, pointing, for example, to a scene in the Book of John in which Jesus eats a balanced breakfast of bread and fish with his disciples. “He’s got carbs and protein,” Stasior, 31, said.

Tying dietary counsel to scripture offers “an extra incentive,” Stasior said.

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When it comes to meeting nutrition needs, Dr. Marion Nestle, one of the country’s foremost nutrition policy experts, said that if people on the biblical diet consume ample calories and eat “a wide variety of relatively unprocessed foods,” they are “probably doing just fine.”

She also described how wellness culture had been colliding with policy.

“The thing about wellness is that it’s based on personal experience rather than science — it’s what makes you feel good,” Nestle said, adding: “Diet is about belief. We don’t have a lot of belief systems left in this country. People are desperate for meaning in their lives.”

Xaviera, the stay-at-home mother in Georgia, said she encouraged her followers to pause before eating, describing a person who might be deciding whether to eat a cookie.

“When you’re in a craving,” she said, “have you ever thought to stop and pray?”

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L.A. Affairs: He wanted to get kinky. But was his Madonna-whore complex a deal-breaker?

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L.A. Affairs: He wanted to get kinky. But was his Madonna-whore complex a deal-breaker?

My horny, teenage, never-been-kissed self would be appalled by what I’m about to tell you, but it’s true: I’m sick of being a sex buddy.

I am a sexually adventurous woman who has dabbled in BDSM and enjoys a good sex party here or there, but I also want a partner I can share a deeper emotional connection with as well. Unfortunately, I have constantly found myself stuck in relationships with emotionally unavailable men.

Which is why I got so excited when I saw Jon’s profile. It was on Feeld, the alternative app for kinky, polyamorous or sexually curious people — people like me. What I love about it is that people are explicit about their physical and emotional interests.

So, Jon wrote that he was interested in exploring his kinky side and that he ultimately wanted to find his forever person. I mean … samesies!

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Jon was super cute. A very sexy, boy-next-door, Glen Powell type. But as I studied his photos, I realized I knew him. I racked my brain trying to figure it out, and then I remembered that we had sex 10 years ago.

We met on Tinder and got together a couple times for sex. This wasn’t rare for me back then, but the reason I remembered him so well was because he had this weird mystery hip problem, which made it difficult for him to walk and move his hips in certain ways.

When we had sex, our positions were limited, and I constantly worried that I was going to hurt him. I know people say they’re going to “blow your back out” during sex, but I didn’t want to literally break Jon’s body.

It was a bit of a buzzkill, so I just gave up on him — and ghosted him. Ten years later, there he was again, and I couldn’t help but feel like this was a sign. That the universe knew we weren’t ready for each other back then, but we were ready for each other now. We were getting a second chance to start fresh and go for it.

So I swiped him right, and we instantly matched. I messaged him saying, “Hey, so not to sound stalkery, but I think we’ve done this before. Like forever ago.” He wrote back saying, “If by forever ago you mean 2016, then yeah, I think so too.”

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I thought, “Ohmigod, he remembered me too! How cute are we?!”

We caught each other up on the last 10 years of our lives. He said he had become a therapist and that he had his hips replaced. Nothing was gonna stop us this time!

We exchanged numbers, and he texted me. “Jon (Tinder)” showed up on my phone. I still had his number saved after all these years. I was even more convinced this was destiny. It’s like my past self knew this thing with Jon wasn’t over.

We made plans to hang out that week, and I was super anxious about it. I mean, my expectations were dangerously high, but as soon as we saw each other, there was this level of comfort and familiarity that made it all so easy.

We spent that entire day together reconnecting, and then the enthusiastic vibe continued. He texted me all the time and wanted to hang out — and not just to have sex! He wanted to hike in Griffith Park, hit up Thai Town for dinner and cozy up with some Nintendo “Mario Party.” I was getting more excited and hopeful about where this could go.

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Then one night, we were talking about our kinks and other sex stuff. I didn’t say much other than I was generally down to try new things, but it wasn’t a priority for me. He, however, emphasized that he really wanted to “explore his kinky side now before he settled down in a relationship.”

I paused wondering, “Does he think those two things are mutually exclusive? Does he not think you can have an exciting sex life and a committed relationship at the same time? With the same person? Were we still doing Madonna-whore complexes? I thought those died out with low-rise jeans. Guess not!”

I wanted to talk to him more to get clarity about what he meant, but I never got the chance. A few hours before our next date, he texted me to say that he had hung out with his ex and they were going give it another go. He couldn’t see me anymore.

I was totally blindsided. I knew he had been with his ex for five years, but I didn’t know they were still talking or on the verge of getting back together. There was nothing I could do except say the calm, mature things you’re supposed to say and wish him luck.

Three days later, he came back. It didn’t work out with the ex. And you know, there are fewer things in life more vindicating than a guy dumping you and then crawling right back.

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I had a million questions, so we had a long conversation about what happened, and the two most important things I learned were: 1. This ex wasn’t the five-year ex. This one was a new, more casual ex he briefly dated earlier in the year. 2. She was virgin. The Madonna-whore complex got literal really fast.

He kept apologizing and asked if we could start over again. Again, I was tempted. The fateful way this guy kept coming back into my life was compelling, but it became so clear that he only valued one side of me. I couldn’t wait for him to care about the other side. A partnership isn’t an “either/or.” It’s a “both/and.”

The sign from the universe, I realized, wasn’t to keep holding onto him. It was to let go. Of him and every guy who only saw me as a fraction of a partner.

The author is an actor, writer and public policy advocate based in Los Angeles. She shared a version of this essay at the L.A. Affairs Live storytelling event in April. She’s on Instagram: @ratigupta.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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A Kiss and a Proposal — All on Their First Date

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A Kiss and a Proposal — All on Their First Date

Dr. John Henry Cook III hadn’t meant to appear bare-chested on Sylvia Rosemarie Auton’s iPhone when he called her for a chat last July. It was 7:45 a.m., and Cook, who was home alone with his dog in Leesburg, Va., was having trouble facing the day.

“I was lying in the bed my wife had died in,” he said. “I was feeling busted by sorrow, and I just wanted to talk to Sylvia.” An accidental push of the FaceTime button sent more than his voice through the ether.

Auton, who was visiting her daughter at the time in Phoenix, Md., was taken aback.

“He said, ‘Good morning, Love,’” she recalled. “I was stunned.” She was equally stunned a day later when, hours after their first kiss, he proposed.

Auton, 85, and Cook, 90, first met in May 2011, when Auton and her late husband, Forrest Hanvey, became patients at Cook’s concierge medical practice in Leesburg. Hanvey, who died in 2024, had known Cook since the 1950s, when both were midshipmen at the U.S. Naval Academy. A friendly relationship between the former classmates soon extended to their wives, Auton and Agnes diZerega Cook, whom friends knew as Di.

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Both couples would routinely see each other at U.S.N.A. alumni events, and after Cook retired from medicine in 2017, they met up occasionally for group lunches with Navy friends.

“I got to know Di, who was a wonderful watercolor artist and wonderful person,” Auton said. When Di died in April 2025 of cardiac arrest, the friendship between the two surviving spouses deepened.

Auton is an author and educator. Before she moved to Fairfax, Va., in 1969 with her first husband, a nuclear physicist named David Auton, she lived in Chicago, where she grew up. Her bachelor’s degree in mathematics and master’s in mathematics education are from the University of Chicago. Her doctorate in mathematics education and statistics is from the University of Maryland.

Auton and David, who died of a cerebral hemorrhage in 2003, raised a daughter, Alyson Russo, now an anesthesiologist at the Johns Hopkins Hospital and the mother of Auton’s two grandsons, ages 6 and 2. The Autons also had a son, Timothy Lee, who died in 2014.

Auton taught in Chicago classrooms before she was promoted to her first position in educational leadership in the late 1970s. In 2005, she retired as director of staff development for Fairfax County Public Schools.

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Auton now teaches personal finance classes at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute, part of George Mason University. She also advises women on beginner stock market and investment strategies.

Her advice extends to navigating romance and relationships, too. “The Last Embrace: Caregiving for a Beloved Spouse,” a self-published 2025 book, was written after she spent a protracted period caring for Hanvey, who died after a fall at home in Fairfax Station. “The Wondrous Embrace: Finding Love in the Sunset Years,” also self-published in 2025, is meant to inspire hope among older people who may be souring on the chances of finding love.

Auton met Hanvey when she was well into her 60s and he was 70 in January 2005. They married the same year, in September. “One thing I do not want is for anyone to feel discouraged,” when it comes to love or otherwise, she said.

Before Cook earned his medical degree from Yale, he was a Polaris submarine commander in the U.S. Navy. During the Cold War, he served in nuclear submarines. He married Di in 1957, the day after he graduated from the Naval Academy.

Military service had been a Cook family legacy. His father was a Marine first lieutenant; he was born at Marine Corps Base Quantico in Virginia. With Di, he had a daughter, Elizabeth, and two sons, John and Harrison. His five grandchildren range in age from 24 to 30.

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When Hanvey was declining in 2024, Auton wasn’t always certain she understood his needs. In those moments, she would ask Hanvey if he wanted to talk with someone else. “Invariably, it would be, ‘I want to talk with Jack,’” she said. Cook picked up the phone every time.

On May 17, 2025, Cook held a memorial for Di at St. James’ Episcopal Church in Leesburg, where they had married almost 70 years earlier. Soon after she died, Auton sent the family a condolence card and tucked a printout of the 1934 poem “Immortality,” by Clare Harner, inside. “I thought it might comfort Jack,” she said.

At the memorial, he told her how much he liked it. But Auton knew his grief was of a depth poetry could do little to assuage. “I saw the pain he was in,” she said.

Less than two weeks later, she was surprised when he texted her a handwritten poem. “He had taken the original poem I sent him and created a poem as if Di were reading it to him,” she said. “I was so taken with that I sent a poem back to him as though Forrest were writing to me.” Both poems touched on how they shouldn’t feel alone, how their spouses’ spirits wouldn’t leave them.

Auton was planning a June 2025 celebration of life for Hanvey at the time. “Jack had done such a wonderful job with Di’s, I asked him if he would come over and look at my ideas,” she said. Over lunch, the effects of his loss were as apparent as they had been at the memorial for Di.

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“He was still zombielike with grief,” she said. Compassion and a sense of hopefulness about helping him through his pain led to a shift toward tender new feelings.

On June 29, as Cook was leaving the celebration of life for Hanvey, he bent down to hug her and whispered “I love you” in her ear. “What was astonishing is that, without a moment of hesitation, I responded ‘I love you, too,’” she said.

The next morning, he sent her a text message: “Bravo Zulu,” a Navy term for “well done.” She asked herself if his declaration of love at the service meant little more than appreciation for the celebration honoring his friend.

They didn’t speak again until July 11, when Auton was preparing to get in the shower at her daughter’s house and Cook was shirtless and in bed. Auton checked that only her face was visible when she answered the early morning call. They hung up with a plan to meet for lunch the next day, at Auton’s house in Fairfax Station.

“At 1 o’clock, there he was, holding a mini orchid plant” as a gift, she said. “He stepped into the foyer, stepped into my arms and gave me a long, deep kiss.” Two hours later, on a deck overlooking a lake on the property, he proposed.

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At the memorial for Hanvey, Cook’s feelings for Auton had taken him by surprise. “When you’ve been in a long-term, loving marriage, you always have your feelers out” for your spouse, he said. When the spouse dies, “those feelers that had been intertwined wither away.” For Cook, maintaining hope that they would one day regenerate and intertwine with someone else had been a challenge.

But “the moment I kissed her, it’s almost like I put the key in the lock,” he said. “My life started again.”

On May 9, Cook and Auton married at St. James’ Episcopal Church. Rev. Chad Martin officiated a traditional Christian ceremony for 90 guests.

Auton wore a dusty rose ankle-length dress from her closet — the same dress she had worn to marry Hanvey. “It brought back loving memories,” she said. Cook wore a dark gray suit with a multicolored tie and his trademark red socks. Both had entered the church from a side door, then sat in chairs arranged in front of the altar, standing only to say their vows.

“At our age, stability is an issue,” Auton said. “I wobble well, but I didn’t want to wobble up a long aisle.”

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After a kiss to mark the start of their married life and a careful recess to the church parish for a buffet lunch, they reflected on the resilience of the heart.

“Even if the days ahead are few, both of us would like others to have hope for the future,” Auton said. Since he and Auton fell in love, Cook said, “life has been delightful.”

“Beauty and music surround us all,” he added. “If you listen for it, you’ll hear it. If you don’t, you’ll miss it.”


When May 9, 2026

Where St. James’ Episcopal Church, Leesburg, Va.

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Church Finest The reception in the church parish was catered by Tuscarora Mill, a local restaurant whose owner Cook has known for years. On the menu were prime rib and roast chicken. The lively spring décor, including bright florals, pink napkins and white tablecloths, had been set up by the church sexton and came as a surprise to Auton. “People came up to us to say they had never seen the church look so lovely,” she said.

A Past Worth Preserving Cook will move into Auton’s home in Fairfax Station. He recently sold the 16-acre Leesburg farm he and Di lived on for over 40 years, known as Historic Rock Spring, to the City of Leesburg, to be used as a park. “It was important to Di that the land be preserved,” he said.

Accidental Vintage Auton’s wedding dress was at least 21 years old, she estimated, and Cook’s suit was more than 30. “We were not in today’s fashions by any means,” she said, unapologetically.

Gratitude The day after the wedding, Auton and Cook sent thank-you emails and texts to each of their guests. “At 85 and 90, we wake up each day with a sense of profound thanks-giving: for you, for our health and for the joy of hoping to continue to be of value in this world,” they wrote. They signed their first correspondence as husband and wife with, “Many thanks from two wrinkly, creaky, wobbly but very grateful people.”

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